Still I Rise.

Eating disorder stuff is going really well. My ed thoughts have been significantly quieter. What is so much more of a struggle is my gastroparesis. I had to come off of my medication that was specifically helping with it because of the side effects. Since then I’ve barely been able to stomach anything. Dinners at IOP are torture because they’re so large. I am always nauseous, always in severe pain, burping all day, unbelievably bloated. It’s so upsetting.

I did finally see my GI doctor and he prescribed me something new but the pharmacy had to special order it, and it still hasn’t arrived.

I’ve been awake all night because of how I feel physically. I don’t want to restrict. But eating is so physically hard right now.

It’s so strange how this feels so different than being deep in the eating disorder and fearing calories and weight gain. I’m doing everything I can to get nutrition in. I’m pretty much keeping Ensure in business. But this is absolute torture.