best at farts (not sexual, you perverts)

the idea that hollander "tamed" rozanov is really funny to shane because like. ilya finds it hot and is always going along with it, yes of course my husband is so sexy why do you think i moved to this boring fucking city. for dick. meanwhile shane knows the truth which is that ilya tamed himself. he herded shane like a sheepdog until he was exactly in the right position for ilya to flop down at his feet and say i love you, i am a one man guy, sleep with other people if you want but you are it for me, so shane is always there like ??? ilya. what are you talking about. i was literally prepared to be a secret slot on your roster for the rest of time without even admitting that i was gay until you decided to have me over make me lunch and say my name while you come like a love confession and ilya goes lyubmiyy. shut up. i was untamable you tamed the untamable and so shane has to be like yes, baby, i worked so hard, i used all my tricks but he's rolling his eyes because ilya wants to be a wolf shane coaxed inside to sleep on the hearth but instead he's a cat who snuck through the window and fell in love with his prey. self domesticated. and this is just one of the many perfect games they play

they should invent a grief that doesn’t define you in new and strange ways for the rest of your life

I'm so excited to see how Beth's arc plays out

a game's about to start and shane's like "you know how we get three days off for Christmas? what if I was naked running through the woods and then you chased me and caught me and fucked me" and then Ilya has to give a little pre-game captain speech and act like he's not about to ask Shane a million questions

the team picks up strange energy between them during practice one day even though they played fine and think they're having a fight or something, but the truth is that shane had an early meeting about a sponsorship and left typed, annotated notes about his research on consensual non-consent next to the coffee maker for ilya's convenience with a sticky note going "sound interesting? Y/N?" and now ilya just has to Act Normal About It

need someone who cares about hockey more than i do to write a fic where shane is forced to retire before he feels ready and svetlana has gotten frustrated with her MHL job because team management never listens to her (due to the misogyny) so she quits and talks shane into starting a hockey analysis podcast together and it's called something like "hockey with hot people" or "puckbunnies" or "soft hands" (shane does not like this but svetlana understands the importance of branding) and it's 98% Serious Hockey Talk BUT they do have a dedicated segment called "why does ilya rozanov owe me money" wherein guests tell their worst ilya stories and after hearing them out shane and svetlana decide how much money ilya owes the guest. ilya is never invited onto the podcast.

SOMEONE, PLEASE, I BEG.