Bertie Boorish

So, the story: my comic updates were getting 30-40k views and ~1k likes on twitter on average, that is until last month, when posting (always the same) links in the replies killed the main post off. Like, completely. I could've as well deleted them. Nobody saw two episodes in a row, with my biweekly schedule that means I had to endure a month of getting bullied by twitter. In other words, I've lost a month of my hard work, no one sees my stuff = no one gives me money.

I came up with this solution and bam, it worked. The latest episode got ~50k views and 1k+ likes.

No. No, listen. Listen to me. Shut up about 'fireball'. If you're really that interested in arson, download the anarchists cookbook, coward. And shut up about teleportation, none of us asocial inside kids is prepared to deal with the consequences of a mishap, which will DEF happen if you use it frequently.

You know what has no chance of mishap and all chances of convenience? Prestidigi-fucking-tation.

Do you hate doing dishes? Poof. Every dish in a 5 foot cube is now clean. Even if you hardlined the rules as only applying to individual objects, less than 6 seconds to clean your curry tupper ware without getting those weird stains on it is worth it. never have to run a dish washer, never be without your favourite mug. And that's just dishes.

Hate laundry? Boom. You can just clean your clothes immediately after taking them off at night. Hate putting on your fitted sheet? Boom. Don't even take it off the bed. Your sink? Bathtub? Toilet? all of these things can be cleaned instantly and without needing any electricity and water guzzling machines. You can even do it on the go- stained your shirt? No you didn't. Sweat through your shirt? No the fuck you didn't. When you have prestidigitation, you are perpetually impeccable.

But wait, there's more! Prestidigitation doesn't just clean! Did your tea go cold? Boom, heat it up. Forget to put your wine in the fridge? Boom, now it's cold. Do you hate how water tastes? Boom- now it tastes like whatever you like. You will never again be forced to suffer a taste you don't enjoy with this one neat trick, because prestidigitation is technically like 5 tricks rolled into one convenient spell that is both practical and flashy.

Light candles with a snap of your fingers for dramatic effect! Conjure scissors from thin air! Create ominous whispers to follow you as you walk past your enemies! Leave a message on the wall that looks like dripping blood to remind your spouse to give the dog it's pills! Make an illusion of what haircut you want at the salon! and do all of that as many times as you want because we are cooking with cantrips baybe! You can even have multiple effects running simultaneously! The possibilities are as endless as the time, money, and frustration it will save you!

No other spell will give you more bang for your buck than prestidigitation. It is The spell, and every day it continues to be not real is a day I weep. I want this. YOU want this.

Presti

digi

“Can you pull in Leviathan with a fishhook or tie down its tongue with a rope? Can you put a cord through its nose or pierce its jaw with a hook?

Will it keep begging you for mercy? Will it speak to you with gentle words?

Will it make an agreement with you for you to take it as your slave for life?” - Job XLI

Click here to learn more about Last Sprout 🌱

“Can you pull in Leviathan with a fishhook or tie down its tongue with a rope? Can you put a cord through its nose or pierce its jaw with a hook?

Will it keep begging you for mercy? Will it speak to you with gentle words?

Will it make an agreement with you for you to take it as your slave for life?” - Job XLI

Click here to learn more about Last Sprout 🌱

?????? NATIONAL HERO???

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

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