in my tom hayward era

At last, his eyes landed on the familiar knotted bun of light brown hair that he knew so well. It was decorated this evening with a sprig of mistletoe, a sight that sent his pulse sizzling through his body. Mary turned, and Tom was momentarily distracted by the way the Christmas lights were reflected in her glasses, a hazy sheen of muddled vibrancy, before he noticed the dazzling smile she was directing at him.

“Tom! You’re here!” She exclaimed, grabbing his arm and pulling him into her small group. Tom cast his eye around the intimate circle warily, smiling nervously as several sets of eyes looked him up and down. One woman couldn’t seem to stop from grinning at him, not unlike the Cheshire cat, as she clutched her mulled wine close to her chest. Another, more spindly woman, had opted to stare at him disdainfully, before she scoffed and wandered off.

“You’ll have to excuse her,” Mary chuckled, “That’s Caro, she hates everything and everyone that isn’t two degrees of separation from the Royals,” Mary added with an eye roll.

The woman who was still beaming at Tom, rather unnervingly, elbowed Mary’s ribs.

“Ow! Lizzy,” Mary hissed, “What was that for?”

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

Mary’s chest tightened. Of course. She’d known this was going to be part of the evening’s affair when Lizzy had shown up at the Gardiners’ door mere hours earlier. They were in town for her husband to attend the annual partners’ Christmas do.

Mary had queried why Lizzy wasn’t attending alongside her husband, to which Lizzy had scoffed, “Eugh, Mary. They’re such dry affairs. All pissing contests, an exorbitant amount of alcohol, and ‘delivering shareholder value’ ramblings. I’d much rather spend my time here with you.”

Mary had tried to object, suggesting that Lizzy might have been happier spending time with the other partners’ spouses but she’d rolled her eyes, “Fitz is quite happy for me to skip it, he is only going out of sheer obligation. He knows Cathy will have his head on a platter if he misses another year.”

And so it had been decided. Lizzy would attend the Gardiners’ Christmas gathering, and inevitably meet Tom. And now it was happening. Kate and Ed had been absolutely no help at all, instead having the audacity to be excited at the prospect of seeing another niece.

Mary could feel Tom and Lizzy staring at her, while Mary’s thoughts rapidly escalated out of her control. She knew that Lizzy was closer with their mother than she was, and the chance of Mrs Jane Bennet finding out about Tom Hayward was not zero. And Mary had been so eager to keep him to herself for just a little while longer.

Fucking Fitz. It’s not that Mary didn’t like her brother-in-law. He took some getting used to but they had struck up something of an amiable almost-friendship after all these years. But his and Lizzy’s frustrating insistence on leading separate lives together, which Mary usually admired, was causing her the utmost difficulty.

Mary shot her sister a look, “If you say anything to our sisters, or to our mother, you will be dead to me.”

Lizzy nodded, her face fixed in an exaggerated stony expression as she mimed crossing her heart.

“Tom, this is my sister, Lizzy Darcy. Lizzy, this is my… Tom,” Mary finished, lamely.

“Hello, Mary’s Tom,” Lizzy replied with a grin, as Mary groaned at her previous phrasing.

The concept of being Mary’s Tom sent a pleasant shiver up his spine. They hadn’t discussed labels or anything of the sort, and he didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but he supposed he would be quite content remaining Mary’s Tom for as long as she’d permit him to be.

Tom realised he had been so distracted by Lizzy’s comment that he hadn’t actually replied. He blinked sharply, his glasses shifting on the bridge of his nose from the force behind it.

“Right, yes. Hello, I’m Tom.”

Mary stared at him incredulously, while Lizzy smirked behind her wine glass.

“Tom. Are you alright?” Mary queried, her voice low with concern.

“Sorry, er. Yeah, bit of a long day at the office,” Tom replied, not wholly untruthfully, but hoping it would cover his temporary lapse in intelligence.

“What do you do for work?” Lizzy asked, shooting him a kind smile.

“I’m a barrister, junior, in Ed’s firm,” Tom replied, fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Oh! I see. You’re quite young for that, aren’t you?”

Tom flushed, “Well… I, I don’t know about that, I…”

“Tom’s being modest,” Mary interjected, “he works bloody hard and has achieved a lot to get to where he is.”

Tom gazed at Mary, dumbstruck.

“He was full scholarship to Kings College, Lizzy.”

Lizzy’s brow jumped, “Oh wow, Tom, that’s impressive.”

Tom’s cheeks grew redder, “I didn’t know you remembered that, Mare,” he muttered.

“Of course I remembered, how could I forget?”

Tom bumped his shoulder against Mary’s, smiling bashfully.

“Well you two are absolutely sickening,” Lizzy laughed, “I can see why Kate and Ed set the pair of you up. You’re a perfect match.”

Mary rolled her eyes affectionately, “Don’t tell Kate that, please. It’ll only go to her head and she’ll start scheming about our… our wedding! Or something of the sort,” Mary laughed, a light sound that died as she registered the glee on Lizzy’s face, and the sharp intake of breath from Tom, accompanied by a rather shocked expression.

“Oh no I didn’t mean… oh my god,” Mary mumbled, her hands flying to her mouth, “I have to go.”

Mary turned on her heel and dashed out of the room, pushing through the throng.

“I’ll go see if she’s okay,” Lizzy murmured, looking to set her glass down.

“Please, let me,” Tom replied, already shedding his coat which would only restrict his movement through the crowd.

“I can see why she likes you so much,” Lizzy smiled, “and you take care of her. Thank you.”

Tom nodded, “Of course. She’s incredibly important to me. We haven’t known each other long but I can’t imagine ever not knowing her, if that makes sense?”

Lizzy nodded, a gentle smirk creeping across her face, “Oh I know exactly what you mean. And tell her to call me if she needs me.”

Tom nodded once more, steeling himself with a deep breath, before setting out after Mary. He could only assume she’d headed upstairs to her room, after he reached the entryway and she was nowhere to be seen.

He took the stairs two at a time, his shoulders heaving with the efforts of his lungs by the time he reached her bedroom door. Tom’s knuckles barely kissed the door before he creaked it open slowly, “Mare?”

Again, there was no trace of her. Tom rolled his shoulders and pushed his glasses back to the bridge of his nose, before setting off back downstairs.

Tom’s footsteps thudding back down the stairs, even more quickly than he’d set off, drew Lizzy’s attention and she met him as he came bounding to a stop.

“No sign of her,” Tom puffed, his hands flying to his hips as he looked up towards the ceiling.

Lizzy scrunched her face up, and for a moment, Tom could spot the resemblance of his Mary.

“Wait, I’ve got an idea,” Tom breathed, and Lizzy watched helplessly as he vanished back into the crowd of people. The soft snick of the front door opening and a gentle thunk told her all she needed to know.

Tom had pulled the front door shut as quietly as he could, but it still frightened Mary who was sat shivering on the doorstep.

“Mare,” Tom breathed, his heart lurching, “what’s the matter? You rushed off so quickly. Did I do something? Did I say something? Please, forgive me,” Tom knew he was rambling like a madman but his brain was frantically taking in the scene in front of him, simultaneously recalling their earlier conversation before Mary had run off.

“No, you didn’t say anything,” Mary sniffled, fighting to keep her breathing steady, “I said the stupid thing, I just… I was trying to be funny and then I freaked everyone out.”

“What on earth do you mean, Mare?” Tom asked, fighting to keep the incredulity out of his voice.

“Please don’t make me say it again,” Mary sighed, balancing her glasses on her stocking-clad knee while she rubbed her eyes.

Tom perched next to her, picking her glasses up and cradling them in his palms.

“Mare, I don’t think I’ve seen you this upset since that day in town. Please, can I help?”

A hollow laugh escaped Mary’s lips, “You could not be scared away by me and my… whims, I suppose.”

Tom was wracking his brain now, coming up empty on what had caused Mary to be so upset.

“Is it because I was impressed you remembered something about me? I didn’t mean anything by it… I’m not used to people caring to remember such specific details of my life,” Tom admitted, bouncing his feet to keep them warm in the bitter cold.

“No. Oh god, I’m freaking out and you don’t remember?”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not important, Mare. If you’re upset, you’re upset. You’re allowed to be. Don’t have to justify it,” Tom replied with a self-satisfied nod, “feelings are there to be felt.”

Mary sighed, “I. Oh god. It sounds so dumb now. You just looked so… appalled, when I made that joke about Kate planning our wedding. I was terrified I’d scare you off.”

Tom’s blood ran cold, and he knew the December air wasn’t to blame.

“Oh god, Mary. I’m an idiot, I’m sorry.”

Mary side-eyed him, “Why are you the idiot?”

“I just didn’t even register that that was something unrealistic. I think I was shocked that you’d said it before me,” Tom confessed, “I’ve often wondered if she’s bored now that we’re seeing each other,” he added.

Mary giggled and Tom’s heart soared at the sound. Determined to hear it again, he continued, “I’m sure she’s got Marianne, Rebecca and poor George running drills, you know? We’ve been seeing each other six weeks, she’s probably already got florists on speed-dial…”

Tom grinned as Mary laughed properly, leaning into his side.

“It’ll take a lot to freak me out, Mare. I promise.”

Mary nodded, still slightly sniffly but content against Tom’s shoulder now.

“Is it bad that I really can’t face going back inside?” Mary muttered, pulling her phone out to check the time.

“Not at all, we can stay out here as long as you want, love,” Tom murmured, wrapping his arm around her. He paused, and Mary frowned as he withdrew his shoulder, before pulling his jumper over his head.

“Here, pop this on, you’re frozen,” Tom told her as he placed his green knitted jumper on Mary’s lap.

“But you’ll freeze,” Mary sighed, despite pulling the jumper over her own head. She smiled faintly at the warmth it still held, and the prominent perfume of Tom’s cologne.

“I’ll just have to huddle close, then,” Tom smiled as he scootched across the step until their sides were pressed against each other.

“It’s still fucking cold, isn’t it,” Mary scowled, her face scrunching the same way that Lizzy’s had earlier.

“What on earth are you two doing out here?” The familiar voice of Kate Gardiner carried down the street, as the echoes of hers and Ed’s steps bounced off the surrounding townhouses.

“We just… needed a break from inside,” Tom supplied, pulling Mary closer against him.

“It gets a bit overwhelming in there, doesn’t it,” Ed agreed, coming to a standstill next to his wife, “don’t feel like you have to hang about, Tom. You’ve had a big day.”

Tom nodded, “Well, I was thinking I’d see if Mare wanted to get a drink with me, somewhere quieter.”

Mary’s head lifted, and Tom paused, “But I understand if you want to stay and catch up with Lizzy,” he added.

Mary shook her head, “I feel rubbish, I’ll text her but I think I need a break from all the people,” she murmured, her hand reaching for Tom’s and lacing their fingers together.

Kate and Ed exchanged a sympathetic look, “Lizzy will understand sweetheart,” Kate reassured her, “She’s staying overnight, so you can always catch up in the morning.”

“I’ll fetch your coats, just give me a moment,” Ed stepped gingerly between the pair and slipped through the door. He reappeared moments later, clutching two thick coats, and breathing a large sigh of relief.

“It’s absolutely disgusting in there, I think I’ll come join you for that drink,” Ed quipped, passing Mary and Tom their respective jackets.

“That’s not funny, even as a joke, Edward,” Kate muttered, shooting him a look, “besides, you’re the one that organised this affair. The least you could do is go and swan around your adoring crowd.”

Ed rolled his eyes, “Off to swan,” he sighed, bidding farewell to the trio outside.

Kate reached forward to give Mary’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze, “It gets a bit much sometimes, doesn’t it? Go, enjoy your evening. There’s no reason for you to both be here feeling stuck all night.”

Tom pulled himself up slowly, gingerly shaking the cold from his bones. He reached down to grasp Mary’s hand before bringing her up alongside him.

Kate nodded with a smile, “Good. Now, go and warm up! It’s freezing, and I’d never forgive myself if you got hypothermia.”

Tom chuckled and stepped aside to allow Kate access to the front door.

“Let’s go, love,” Tom murmured, wrapping his arm around Mary’s shoulders.

Mary nodded, “Do we have to get a drink? I really just want to cosy up with a film or a book, if that’s alright?”

Tom nodded, “Oh absolutely. I actually had no intention of dragging you anywhere but to my place where I know it’ll be quiet.”

Mary beamed, “You really know me quite well now, don’t you?”

Tom couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face, “I like to think I’m getting there.”

Mary sighed contentedly, bumping her shoulder against Tom’s upper arm as they walked.

“I might just get us an uber to mine,” Tom mused, “I’m cold and I really just want to be rugged up under some blankets”

Mary hummed in agreement and they stepped to the side of the footpath while Tom requested their ride.

“Okay, all done,” he advised a few moments later, “Gary will pick us up in four minutes.”

“Thanks Gary,” Mary grinned, “Four minutes though. What are we going to do while we wait?” Mary leaned back against the wall, staring up at the night sky. The street lights were casting an orangey glow across the street, and the faint glow of Christmas lights twinkled through most windows. Most people were already home and inside from the cold, so it almost felt like her and Tom were the only people left on the planet.

“I can think of at least one thing,” Tom mused, walking over to join Mary against the wall.

“Oh?”

Tom nodded, cupping Mary’s jaw. Her eyes fluttered closed, “oh” she murmured, instinctively leaning into his touch.

Tom gently touched his lips to hers, smiling as she met his gentleness with her own firm pressure.

Tom peeked to make sure no one had crept up on them, before wrapping his arms around Mary’s waist to pull her closer, more difficult than usual given they were both wrapped in thick coats.

Mary laughed as she started to tip to one side, thrown off-balance by Tom’s embrace, and he joined her as they slowly careened towards the wall.

“Well, it was worth a shot,” Tom said sheepishly, pressing one last brief kiss against Mary’s flushed lips.

She nodded with a smile, “And I think that’s Gary now,” Mary pointed to where a silver Toyota had just pulled in.

He knew she was out of his league, and could only assume he was being catfished. Such beautiful women did not exist and were not single. At all. Ever. He took a shaky breath, shifting his shoulders up and down to wriggle out the tension that had settled between them.

“Come on Ryder,” he muttered to himself, “you’re the Rydog. The Ry-dawggg,” Will drew out the last part into a faux-American drawl, before chuckling at his own hilarity.

“...Rydawg?” A smooth, feminine, voice interjected.

Will glanced down, his cheeks pinked, “Oh,” he breathed, a wide grin spreading across his face, “well, looking that beautiful, you must be Ann.”

Ann rolled her eyes, “Oh William, you are about as predictable as they said,” she chucked, not unkindly.

Will stared after her, bemused, as Ann walked confidently into the dimly lit restaurant to escape the bitter December chill. The cogs of his mind whirred as Will mulled over who ‘they’ could possibly be.

***

“So, Ann, tell me about yourself,” Will practically purred, swirling his sauvignon blanc lazily in the crystalline glass.

“That’s a bit of a lazy starter,” Ann deadpanned, “Try again, Will.”

Will scoffed, “A lazy starter?”

Ann nodded, “Yes, you could think to ask me something specific. What I do for work, if you’re trying to figure out how much money I make. What I do for fun, if you’re trying to decide whether I’m fit or just slim. What I have planned for the weekend, if you want to know whether dating me will fit into your lifestyle. Or you could start basic and just ask me my favourite colour.”

Ann had had a shitty week, and Will was going to pay the price for his lazy questions.

Will paused, his eyes narrowed in confused thought, “The… last one?”

Ann rolled her eyes, crossing her arms as she stared at him from across the table.

“You really are a fuckboy, aren’t you? Are you just here to try and get in my pants?”

Will gaped, hollow laughter seeping from his lungs, “Well, you’re a fucking delight.”

Ann’s laughter turned into a wistful sigh, “I should have listened to Mary and Tom.”

Will’s mouth snapped shut, “Mary and Tom? Mary and Tom? Tom Hayward?”

Ann raised a thin brow as she nodded, “The very same, he said you wouldn’t murder me but that I might want to murder you by the end. Seems he was correct.”

Will guffawed, “Bloody Tommy Hayward knows every-fucking-body.”

“Now, do you want to prove them wrong and give me a half-decent first date, or do you want to get out of here and maintain the reputation that precedes you?”

Never had any of his online dates gone this way. Will felt a confounding combination of irritation, amusement and, strangely, arousal.

“Well?” Ann demanded, tapping her fingers impatiently against the tabletop.

“Well,” Will paused, deliberating, “Let’s at least try to make it through dinner without killing each other.”

Ann beamed, slightly sardonically, “Excellent. I’ll have the steak, thanks. You’re paying.”

***

Thirty minutes later, Ann had sequestered herself in the ladies and called Mary as quickly as her fingers would allow.

“Mary!” Ann hissed through her phone, eyeing the door that led back to the restaurant.

“Oh Ann, aren’t you on your date with Will Ryder tonight?” Mary replied, her voice laced with confusion.

“I am, and that’s the problem Mary. I should have listened to you. He’s sort of…”

“A fuck boy?”

“A fuckboy,” Ann agreed, smiling to herself at the way Mary still said the two words so distinctly separate.

“Is he being awful? You can leave, you know,” Mary reminded her. Ann didn’t have to stretch her imagination too far to know that Mary would be sat on her bed at the Gardiner’s, her brow furrowed with concern for her best friend’s wellbeing.

“Well that’s the thing. He’s really cocky one moment, and then will say something incredibly thoughtful the next. I can’t seem to get a good read on him. But I know you and Tom have… strong opinions on him,” Ann sighed, leaning back against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall.

Mary hummed in agreement, “We do. But neither of us dated Will, and I can only assume he projects a certain air to different people,” she began, pausing to gather her thoughts, “I don’t know the full story of what happened between Will and Tom, but they were closer friends once upon a time, and I can’t imagine Tom being friends with someone that’s truly horrible.”

Ann nodded, her head softly thunking against the wall, “I only wanted a quick and dirty rebound,” she sighed, her eyes downcast, “I didn’t expect to actually feel anything, I just thought he was fit and would be a good distraction from the shit going on with Oliver. But he actually seems interesting, and I find myself wanting to get to know him better, even after all of this evening’s weird conversations.”

Mary could hear the conflict in Ann’s voice and her heart sank to think of her friend battling these emotions on her own.

“It’s okay to feel things Ann, and it’s okay to not know how to place them,” Mary said softly, “you’ve been missing a lot for a long time, from what you’ve told me. It’s only natural that you’ll still be processing everything about the breakup while you’re dating.”

Ann sighed, “I should really be paying you for all this therapy, Mary.”

Mary laughed lightly, “Nonsense. You are my friend and I’m grateful to be able to share my thoughts with you. Will might have been a menace to Tom and I, but that doesn’t mean isn’t worth pursuing, if that’s what you want to do.”

Ann took a steadying breath, fighting the nerves that had been steadily crawling through her veins.

Jut as Ann had gone to continue, there was a sudden bang at Mary’s end, causing the latter to let out a small exclamation, “So sorry, Ann, I’m going to have to dash. The kids have done… something. And I’m the only adult left in the house.”

“Of course, you go. Good luck!”

“Same to you, Ann. And I’m here for you always.”

A soft beep ended the call and Ann rocked back on the balls of her feet. It was time to get back to William Ryder.

***

“Ann, are you quite alright?” Will stood at Ann’s return, his eyes combing over her in an effort to determine if something was the matter.

“Fine, thanks,” Ann flashed him a scant smile, slipping back into her seat and draping her napkin back across her lap.

“You were gone for a while, I-”

“I said I’m fine, Will. Jesus, this is a first date, why do you suddenly care?”

Will flinched slightly at Ann’s outburst, which he was grateful appeared to go unnoticed.

Ann took a moment to settle herself, “Sorry, Will. I just. I can’t seem to understand you.”

Will’s eyes widened, the toothy grin that had crept onto his face disappearing once more.

“What do you mean?”

“One minute you’re acting like a total fuckboy,” Ann paused, shooting Will a sheepish look, “sorry, but you are. And then the next you say something really kind about my achievements at work?”

Will laughed quietly, “Yeah I suppose I’ve been trying to figure out how to act. I honestly haven’t been on the dating apps for very long…”

Ann’s jaw dropped, “You haven’t been on them very long? I’m sorry but you seem like the type who pays to use the optimized features.”

Will laughed, rolling his eyes up towards where his soft curls framed his forehead, “I do, don’t I?”

Ann giggled before she could stop herself, nodding emphatically, “Mmhmm, and Rydog?? What were you thinking?”

Will guffawed, “HA! I just so happen to think that was particularly inspired, it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

Ann pursed her lips, her eyes bright with mirth, “I can’t imagine it helps you much with your conquests, Will,” she admitted.

Will shook his head, laughing again despite himself, “Yeah, you’re not wrong.”

***

Tom slammed the door shut behind him, locking the frigid cold outside as he stepped into the warmth of the Gardiner’s townhouse. He’d been granted entry-without-knocking privileges a couple of weeks earlier, ever since Mary had been bedridden.

“Oh Tom! Welcome!” Ed beamed at his young colleague, who was bent slightly to slip off his boots.

“Hi, Ed,” Tom replied, brushing his hands through his curls to dust off the light sprinkling of snow that had settled amongst them.

“Mary’s up in her room, we’ll get started on dinner in about ten minutes or so,” Ed advised, already heading back down the hallway towards the kitchen. Tom nodded at his retreating form before making his way up the stairs to Mary’s room.

Tom found himself slightly out of breath once he reached the landing, cursing himself for the rapid pace at which he’d taken the stairs. He padded across softly to the door to Mary’s room and knocked gently.

“Mare?”

“Tom! Come in,” Mary called, “it’s unlocked.”

Tom cracked the door, peering through for a subtle peek of Mary before she’d seen him see her. Tom had come to appreciate the quiet intimacies of such moments with Mary. Mary who was always her authentic self, but somehow even more mesmerisingly so, when she thought nobody was looking. As he gazed through the miniscule sliver, his heart hitched with the way that she was lying on her stomach, deep in thought over a book she clutched awkwardly in front of her.

He took it all in within half a second, but it felt like a small lifetime.

Tom’s lips twisted in a small smile, before he opened the door fully.

Mary’s face lit up and she placed her book carefully to the side. Now that he was closer, Tom realised with a jolt that it was the book of Wordsworth he’d bought her.

“How’s that going?” Tom asked, nodding towards where the book now lay.

“I think I prefer it when you’re reading them to me,” Mary admitted bashfully, her face scrunching as she tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear.

Tom couldn’t help the grin that engulfed his face, crinkling his eyes and searing his cheeks bright pink.

“I can probably read to you for a little bit before we have to head downstairs,” Tom mused, “Ed said dinner would still be a little while away.”

Mary tilted her head slightly as she considered this option.

“To be honest, as much as I’d enjoy that, I also haven’t kissed you since last weekend,” Mary said simply, winding her arms around Tom’s waist.

“Oh, yes, last weekend,” Tom smiled, “Yes that was… a lovely time.”

Mary laughed against Tom’s chest, the reverberations accelerating the persistent butterflies that had shown no intention of budging over the past weeks.

“I found I quite enjoyed it,” Mary admitted, her cheeks flushing faintly crimson at the memory.

Tom tilted his head down, nudging the top of Mary’s head. She pulled back, as predicted, and he angled himself further to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

Mary closed her eyes, a happy smile creeping across her face. Tom nuzzled the side of her face before his lips pressed against hers, and he pulled her closer to his chest.

“I’ve missed you,” Tom murmured, “this week felt excruciatingly long, and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get away from work to spend time with you, as much as I would have loved to.”

Mary shook her head, “It’s not your fault. You work too hard, and while I love spending time with you, I’d always rather you were well. And I believe that starts with not stretching yourself too thin.”

Tom sighed wearily. He didn’t disagree, but he hated that his time with Mary was the first thing he lost whenever work ramped up. He hadn’t realised how frantic his life would become when he first committed to the contract to his firm. Tom wasn’t so foolish to let his time with Mary influence his career this early in, but he definitely missed feeling more carefree with his time.

“Regardless, we are both here now. And although I wouldn’t think of starting anything while your family is downstairs,” Tom paused to shoot Mary a sly smile, “I can certainly enjoy the memories.”

“Ann and Will are on their date tonight,” Mary blurted out suddenly, shattering the intimate quiet that had settled in her room.

“Oh?”

Mary nodded, “Ann called me earlier, she said that Will was being very confusing. Acting cocky one moment and then genuine the next. She sounded a bit conflicted, and as though she might fancy him a bit, even on the first date.”

Tom raised his eyebrows, a small huff of laughter escaping him, “Well. Who knew that he could have that effect on such a discerning woman?”

“Do you think it would be a mistake for her to keep seeing him?” Mary queried, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

“Oh Mare,” Tom breathed, “Look, I’ve never dated him myself, obviously,” he broke off with a laugh, “but I’d say she should trust her gut. From what I know of the women in my life, their gut is almost never wrong.”

“But if it was someone in your family that was dating him?” Mary pressed, and Tom couldn’t deny the intensity of her gaze.

“I’d maybe tell her to exercise some caution,” Tom conceded, and Mary noticed a small flicker of something across his face.

“Thomas,” Mary chided, “what aren’t you telling me?”

Tom sank slowly into Mary’s bed, face pale as his hands resting on either side of his thighs.

Mary frowned at the sudden change to Tom’s demeanour and padded across to meet him. Thinking better of it, she climbed up onto her bed, and pulled herself up against the headboard. She patted next to her.

“Come on, sit with me.”

Tom shot her a small smile, his eyes a faint shadow of their usual crinkled creasing.

He sighed, nerves flitting throughout his body. He didn’t want Mary looking at him the way his family had. The way the Gardiners had when he’d video called them from Yorkshire, when he’d returned from his placement in London.

“Will and I went to school together, as you know,” Tom began, his voice quieter than usual.

“Well, end of fifth form, I started going out with this girl, Emma, from our sister school. We’d been seeing each other for a few months into sixth form, maybe seven months or so? It was school though, definitely not serious,” Tom started rambling, glancing at Mary nervously.

“Tom, it was school. I understand. I don’t feel threatened.”

Tom nodded slowly, his lips pursed.

“I found out about the placement, and was off to London around the eight-month mark. Emma was pissed that I was going to be away for so long – my family couldn’t really afford for me to travel loads between London and Yorkshire, and I was barely going to have time with all of the commitments expected over that time period.”

Mary hummed in agreement.

“There was a school formal type event, y’know, a dance, some nice dresses and suits…” Tom paused, the familiar twinge in his chest still hitting him despite the years that had passed.

“I had managed to scrounge the train fare to surprise her, and got the time off approved,” he continued, “I got to Yorkshire and legged it for the hall, to find her pressed up against fucking Ryder in the corner, her tongue down his throat.”

Mary gasped quietly, “oh Tom.”

“Emma said he’d come onto her, and he said she’d come onto him, and I never really knew who to believe so I stopped talking to both of them.”

Tom shrugged sadly, “So, if Ryder was telling the truth, then I’m sure she’ll be fine. But if he wasn’t, he snogged my girlfriend in front of everyone who knew we were together, and he apparently didn’t care enough to try and make me understand his perspective.”

“Oh love,” Mary scooted closer to Tom and leant her head on his shoulder, wordlessly linking their fingers together, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“It was a long time ago,” Tom responded numbly.

“It might have been, but that doesn’t make what you experienced any less horrible.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a clearer answer for Ann,” Tom sighed, running an aggressive hand through his curls.

“Oh! No, I’m sorry for putting you in that situation, given the history, I didn’t know and I-”

“It’s okay,” Tom shot her a tentative smile, his eyes glistening in the light, “that’s precisely it, you didn’t know, because I didn’t tell you. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Mary’s eyes widened, furrowing her brow as Tom sat forward before turning himself to face her front-on.

“I think I spent so long trying to pretend it didn’t happen, and refusing to think about it, that it’s been festering this whole time. Will’s carried on as though nothing happened, and I never heard from Emma again. So maybe he was telling me the truth. But I haven’t attempted to talk to Will about it, and now it feels like too much time has passed.”

“If it’s bothering you after all this time, I don’t think it’s too late to discuss it with him, Tom.”

Tom flashed Mary a watery smile, “y’know, you’re pretty good at this stuff, Mare.”

She smiled, “Therapy has done me a world of good, Thomas.”

Tom chuckled, “Maybe I should look into that for myself, god knows there’s a lot to unpack.”

Mary leaned forward to press a soft peck against his cheek, “I’ve certainly found it useful. I think most people should be seeing a therapist.”

Ed’s voice boomed up the stairs, calling them for dinner.

Tom reached for Mary’s hand and she immediately gave his a reassuring squeeze.

***

“… and then Mr Lambert said that alligators are real, and they’re not just crocodiles that got lost!” Rebecca exclaimed over her mashed potato, while Marianne eyed her warily.

“Rebecca, what have we said about talking while eating?” Kate asked, delicately slicing through her chicken roulade.

“Not to do it,” Rebecca sighed, “Sorry, Mama.”

“Not to do it,” Ed echoed, angling his knife towards where the three youngest sat at one end of the table.

“Bit late there, Ed, babe,” Kate sighed, and the three children erupted into fits of giggles.

“Yeah, Dad, bit late innit,” George smirked, wincing when Kate’s shrewd glare locked onto his glinting eyes.

“After dinner, can we please play a game?” Marianne queried, mopping up the last of her potato and sauce with a final slice of chicken.

“What were you thinking?” Ed asked, trying to cover the fact that he had a mouthful of potato and chicken. Kate rolled her eyes, muttering his name under her breath.

“Pictionary!” Rebecca and George cried, looking at each other before erupting into fits of laughter.

Tom groaned dramatically, throwing his head back and raising his arms like a man drowning.

“What’s wrong with Pictionary?” Mary asked, her head swiveling to each individual sat at the table.

“Let’s just say that book smarts don’t always translate to good arts,” Kate said knowingly, her eyes firmly planted on Tom’s, still helpless, form.

“I’m a shit drawer, Mare,” Tom sighed, mouthing an apology to Kate and Ed as the three children gasped.

“Language!” Rebecca hooted, “Tom said a bad word.”

“I did, I did, forgive me,” Tom sighed, “I just… there’s no other word to describe it, really.”

“Looks like we’re playing Pictionary,” Mary announced happily.

***

“Ooh! It’s a banana split!” Kate exclaimed, and Ed grinned, “That’s my wife! She knows me!”

Kate rolled her eyes, “Yes, I do, after all of these agonising years. Alright, Mary and Tom, you’re up next.”

Mary slowly passed the pencil and paper to Tom, equal parts curious and dreading what this next 60 seconds would look like. Tom stuck his hand in the bowl, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper which he glanced at, before pocketing.

The room was eerily silent with the children having been banished to bed ten minutes earlier. All eyes fell to Tom.

Kate turned the mini hourglass over and Tom’s pencil slowly started its journey around the page.

“A moon!” Mary cried almost instantly, eyeing the curved shape he was in the middle of drawing.

“A… shoe?” She guessed, more hesitantly this time. Tom had closed the shape, and had added a small triangle to what Mary supposed could have been the back of the shoe, like a small tag.

He then moved to what Mary had thought was the sole of the shoes and added three relatively even-spaced lines, with smaller lines at the end.

“Are those… tassles?”

Tom shook his head, still deep in concentration. Agonisingly slowly, he drew two ovals near the triangle, with smaller circles inside.

“Oh god, I really don’t know anymore,” Mary sighed, “I understand where you were coming from now, Tom.”

Finally, he added what Mary thought looked like a sausage, under the combined ovalcircles.

Triumphantly, he turned to look at Mary, eyes alight and expectant.

“What on earth is that?” Mary breathed, gazing down at the paper.

“Time!” Kate cried, smothering her mouth to hide the fits of laughter that she had been containing so well, up til that point.

“That… that is a duck, Mary,” Tom said patiently, turning it slightly to face her.

“Tom. It’s got too many legs.”

Ed and Kate couldn’t stop themselves, and they fell about laughing, with tears now streaming from Kate’s eyes.

“Well, could we say that it’s stepping on a plant?” Tom asked, hopelessly.

“No, er. No, I don’t think we could,” Mary murmured, placing a hand softly on Tom’s forearm, “Bless, but you tried.”

Kate wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to get her hysterical breathing back under control, “Ooh, okay. So that final rounds sees the scores as Kate and Ed at seven, and Mary and Tom at four.”

“See, I got one,” Tom muttered under his breath, bumping Mary’s shoulder with his own.

She shot him an affectionate smile, “Yes, you got a point for accurately drawing a crucifix, Tom.”

Mary’s candour set Kate into fits of giggles again, and Ed rolled his eyes with the affection of a man who’d seen this exact scenario play out many times before. He set about packing away the various scraps of paper strewn across the table, and pulling the most recent pictures off the pads of paper before he slipped it all into the family games box.

Mary surreptitiously reached out and slipped Tom’s awful duck drawing into her lap.

She wouldn’t be letting that go out with the rubbish.     

“Well, I should probably head home,” Tom announced, standing up and straightening his jumper and trousers.

“What are your Christmas plans, Tom?” Kate queried, “it’s only a few weeks away now. Are you going to see your family?”

Tom shook his head, “Nah, Mum’s taking the girls to visit their paternal grandparents, so I was just going to have a quiet one in. Maybe listen to some records.”

Kate gasped, “Well you must come and spend it with us! You can listen to records any day, but we’d so love to have you here with us, isn’t that right, Ed?”

Ed smiled, “Of course, Tom. You’re always welcome here, especially at Christmas. But don’t let my wife pressure you into doing something you don’t want to.”

“No, actually, that would be really nice. As long as it’s not weird for you, Mare.”

Kate met Ed’s eye, mouthing Mare. Ed rolled his eyes as he nodded his head, yes, they are very cute.

“Oh, er. Well, I expect I’ll be spending it with Ann and her family,” Mary grimaced apologetically, “It became a tradition during uni, and after the year she’s had I…”

Tom smiled, “Of course, well, I will be here for Christmas, as long you’ll have me.”

Kate beamed, “Excellent!”

Mary’s aunt set about tidying up the living room, while Ed held the stack of decorative cushions.

Mary sidled over to Tom, wrapping an arm around his bicep, “I’m free for New Years, though,” she murmured, resting her temple on the edge of his shoulder, “we could watch the fireworks.”