baby bella mushrooms

“i’ll just get gas in the morning” no. that is the devil talking

every single fucking thing on earth exists solely to put a dent in your newly applied nail polish

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes only to turn around and to your horror: the pot.

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

i know what this situation needs…explicit fanfiction

I love going viral on tumblr.com. It’s like if you stood in a field and said some of the stupidest shit a human being is capable of and then like fifty thousand crows attacked you

Don’t do this to me

my brother in christ you made the post

absolutely the worst thing that can happen to a person is to think "where should I put this object? oh I know, I'll put it somewhere intuitive and reasonable. I'll put it somewhere really convenient where it will make sense to look for it later"

trying to retrace my footsteps thinking where did I put this... all I remember is that I put it somewhere that Made Sense (derogatory)

"Dont drink coffee after 2 PM" is such a neurotypical issue that sounds made up. Such a thing couldnt happen to me, ADHD Georg, who has coffee past 9:30 PM and can still fall asleep freely because I have a natural toxicity resistance to caffeine.

"OooOooOoOh I cant haev cofee so late otherwise I'll be up all night" sounds like a skill issue

calling all dumb bitches take this quiz to find out which absolute moron from classic literature are you?

normalize shipping two characters just because you like them both. “they never interacted” they interact in my brain when I think about them constantly. get fucked. they’re making out rn.

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.