Be Gay Do Crim

Jesus. Okay, so: write everything down. Any time something happens, write down the date, time, location, what was said, what happened, who was there, whatever you can. Hide it in a book, email it to yourself or someone you trust, whatever. Keep a paper trail going, just in case you need it down the road.

Next: do whatever you need to do to become independent and move out. This sounds scarier and harder than it is- I recommend finding a roommate, getting an online bank account, and taking courses like WHMIS, Foodsafe, etc. Online whenever possible. If you're in school, take a practical class if you can- higher education is great for highbrow work, but jobs will always have openings for manual labour. If you have something like welding or foodsafe under your belt, in addition to a driver's licence, you're pretty much good to go.

Do not underestimate the value of your local library. Public libraries are where you can go for study, computer work, printing and filling resumes, and getting assistance for whatever you can't do yourself.

I personally have a hard time clearly remembering day to day life from when I lived at home, but I do recall... Shit. Like.... Feeling empty? Empty and sharp and angry and scared? Indignant, too. Vindictive. But I also started developing a dependence on conflict to manage my stress, and that took a long time to get out of.

Also, a heads up: once you get out, things will probably seem great for a while, but don't be surprised if after a few months of safety and relative stability your mental health takes a sudden dive. Whatever wasn't safe to possess during your time at home often resurfaces once your brain feels secure to do so- 

read up on signs and symptoms of anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress, hypervigilance, anxiety and panic attacks, projection, and dissociation. 

Be prepared to speak to a doctor about it- keep a record of your mental and physical health when that happens. If the first doctor you see says anything about medication being "chemical crutches" or "hysteria blowing things out of proportion", go a different doctor. Find one that listens to what you say and is respectful when giving advice and opinions. If they disagree with your thinking, they should do so politely, and without making you feel irrational or dramatic.

Next.... What really changed my life for the better was time, cognitive processing exercises, and enrolling in a self-defense class.

Learning to recognize my own irrational thought patterns resulting from my abuse was fundamental to avoid spiralling into self-destruction, and self-defense gave me back the sense of autonomy and confidence I didn't realize had atrophied.

I won't lie- I'm not strong or fast or skilled enough to actually win a fight if someone intends to do me harm, but almost as valuable is the awareness that I am now *allowed* to defend myself. Encouraged, even! When someone touches me without my permission, I don't have to grit my teeth and wait it out. I now have the knowledge that I am able to react in self-defense, which seems obvious, but there is a very great difference between *knowing* and *comprehending*, after all. Working through that with other people certainly made that click.

Most importantly: the future probably feels very murky and abstract and far away, right now. But no matter what happens, your future will become your present, and you have in you the power to be whoever you want to be.

Life will bring you wonders you aren't yet equipped to comprehend, and that is a very encouraging truth.

I promise that you haven't yet imagined the good things waiting for you on the other side of the wall.

seed bombing anywhere that is maintained and manicured does more harm than good because (among many other reasons) the property owner isn’t going to simply shrug and give up and let it rewild—they’re just going to dump a bunch of extra herbicides on it

seed bombing unmaintained or abandoned places that allow just anything to grow is potentially helpful so long as you’re educated and involved in local native plant/restoration organizations that will help you source appropriate seeds. even then, better to start with native gardens on your own property (if applicable) and doing outreach and advocacy in your community.

seed bombs have “direct action” sex appeal but in reality they’re usually just a waste of time and seeds, and far less helpful than harnessing Karen Power... I know, I know, it doesn’t feel very #radical to channel “I want to speak to your manager” energy into a force for good by pressuring businesses and organizations into adopting more ecologically sound business practices, but you don’t have to get the haircut.

trans women should be allowed to talk about how toxic masculinity hurts them without being labeled as men

trans men should be allowed to talk about how toxic masculinity hurts them without being told its their fault for being men

trans women should be allowed to talk about how misogyny hurts them without being pushed out of the discussion

BLUE BEE BLUE BEE

YOU CANT JUST CASUALLY LEAVE THIS IN THE REPLIES AS IF THIS ISNT A CRUCIAL ELEMENT OF THIS HARROWING STORY