BEEZ

They work with a man who dresses like a Bat who's name is Batman. Maybe creativity just isn't Gotham strong suit, who are they to judge.

Dick works fine with the League, they get away with not having to use his name that frequently, and Superman is the only one who really talks to him, so its fine that he calls him chum- the man practically raised him- until one day he's on a mission with the Lanterns and Hal screams "CHUM" at the top of his lungs and Dick just bluescreens for a second because- what?

Jason is heading out with a couple of the outlaws and passes Green Arrow who just smiles, pats him on the shoulder and goes "Have fun Firecracker. Don't hurt 'em too badly!" And Jason is like ??? Thanks??? I guess???

Tim just thinks the League is slightly condescending but also kinda soaks up all the affection because they keep calling him "sweetheart" for some reason???

Steph gets called "Treasure" a total of one time before she shuts that down real fast

Cass gets called "Princess" and is like "??? ok" and when Dick heard about it he zoomed to the WatchTower to rectify that problem immediately- she might be Bruce's Princess but she is the League's Queen, thank you very much

Damian just accepts that he is Princeling, he kinda assumes every Robin gets called that because... Batman is King??? It also leads the League to believe he and Cass are siblings- the only connection they tie from all of the Gotham vigilants

Barbara never visits anymore, but one time Bruce accidentally left her on call instead of hanging up, and suddenly seven leaguers were shouting "hey Doll!" As a greeting. She thought it was hilarious and sent it to the groupchat.

the thing is, Jason never questioned what exactly woke him up back in that coffin. he was slightly distracted by dealing with the wood and dirt attempting to suffocate him back beyond the grave, and once he’d gotten free and was wandering around Gotham, he didn’t have the presence of mind to do much but zombie-walk around until the league found him. after that? well he was too busy with training, annoying Ra’s, helping raise Damian, and just overall getting used to life without being Robin to think about the fact that he’d come back to life at one point.

Damian, on the other hand, clocked that Jason was immortal as a toddler when he watched his new older brother accidentally fall off a cliff during a ‘nature hike’ that was actually endurance training that Damian had been allowed to attend from a chest harness that, luckily, he hadn’t been inside of during the fall. he peered off the edge of the stomach clenching drop, sharp spikes littering the bottom, to see Jason un-skewer his shoulder from a rock and stand up to crack his neck, before casually calling up that he was fine and it was ‘just a little fall’. little Damian called bullshit.

things continued like that the entire time Jason spent at the league, and it pissed Damian off to no end that Jason kept just walking off fatal injuries and absolutely REFUSE to believe that they were fatal. ‘i just have a high pain tolerance.’ ‘you got shot in the neck, ahki.’ ‘it skimmed me.’ ‘YOU DIED.’ ‘stop making up stories, demon brat.’ it’s driving the kid insane. the worst thing is he can’t even tell anyone else for fear that Ra’s gets a hold of the realisation and decides to use Jason in his research for finding better ways to prolong his lifespan.

Jason, bursting into Damian’s room in the early morning, spurting blood from an arrow wound to the chest: Dami- Dami- u- argk-

Damian, half asleep, watching blankly from bed as his brother bleeds out on his floor:

Damian:

Damian: *deep sigh*

-twenty minutes later, Jason wakes up on Damian’s floor completely healed-

Jason: …

Damian:

Jason: wow, sorry Dames, guess i drank too much last night and blacked out. didn’t mean to crash here.

Damian, unimpressed and holding a bloody arrow: grandfather says you stopped an assasination attempt on my mother.

Jason: haha yeah, craaaazy night

Damian: get out.

Jason: -getting out.

eventually Damian heads to Gotham and, of course, his overprotective immortal brother follows soon after with the mission of building a crime empire, killing a clown, pissing of the fourth Robin at any opportunity, and infuriating the fuck out of Bruce Wayne. after a while the Red Hood gets his identity reveal, and gradual tentative truce, and Damian gets both of his families to be more or less on ok terms for once.

the issue is Jason is still really bad at staying alive. and the rest of the family is kind of sensitive to that specific thing. and Damian’s apathy is not appreciated. it takes them a while to figure everything out.

~

*all four batboys are captured by a rogue, Bruce on his way but they need to stall*

Rogue: and now, you will have to pick amongst yourselves who will DIE!

Jason and Dick, instantly: ME!

Damian, dryly: Red Hood.

Dick: ITS GOTTA BE M- Robin what the fuck

Damian: *shrugs*

Jason, so used to Damian being weirdly ok with his more dangerous activities he’s not even offended: YEAH SHOOT ME. I CAN TAKE IT!

Tim: no he can’t, don’t shoot him!

Damian: no, shoot him.

Tim and Dick: ROBIN!

Jason: bite me non-believers, i’m getting shot today-!

Damian: please do it quickly so he shuts up.

Rogue:

Rogue:

Rogue: the others told me the new Robin was fucked up but like i didn’t realise exactly how much-

~

Tim: me and Damian didn’t really get off on the right foot, on account of he kept trying to kill me.

Jason: ? so? that’s just what he does when you piss him off. he tries to kill me all the time.

Tim: ?

Jason: i called him a wanker last week so he shoved me off a building with no grapple. luckily the garbage can broke my fall and saved me haha!

Tim: ???

Damian, fully never wanted Tim dead and was instead so used to never having to worry about hurting Jason that he forgot that murder was actually fatal to his other brothers: yeah that’s my bad, Drake. it was instinct.

~

*Bruce walks into the batcave to see Jason, gunshot in his forehead, laying obviously deceased on the ground with Damian stood over him, nudging him with his foot and holding a gun.*

Bruce: oh my- oh my god, Jaylad no please-!

Damian: in my defence he told me the safety was on.

Bruce, crying: JASON PLEASE NOT AGAIN-

Damian: just give him like ten minutes

Bruce: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT- OH MY GOD HIS BRAIN’S ON THE BATCOMPUTER

Damian: again, not my fault.

Dick walking in: hey whats all the noi- LITTLEWING?!?!!

-

*ten minutes later, the family is sobbing and Damian is tapping his foot impatiently*

Jason: wooaaaaah, headache. …is everything ok?

Everyone else, devastatingly shocked:

Damian: i shot you in the head and you died again. they panicked.

Jason: ha-ha, funny as always brat. what’d you do, hit me with the butt of the gun or something?

---

Robin Dick: So we didn’t kill the man that killed our parents?

Nightwing Dick: Ah, Damian was cosmic justice for what I put B through, got it. That makes so much sense.

---

Robin Jason, craning his head back and looking up at his older self: Oh, I became an asshole

Red Hood Jason, mentally: he's so small, how was I ever this small? When did I ever smile like that?

Red Hood Jason, verbally: Watch it twerp

---

Robin Tim: We are as bad as B was, and why are we still even in the cape business??

Red Robin Tim: first off, rude.

---

Robin Steph: So we finally wore B down completely?

Batgirl/Spoiler Steph, with a bat symbol on her chest: Didn't even have to get adopted like the other idiots

---

Robin Damian, disappointed, with sword drawn: We are the blood son of the bat, and heir to the al Ghuls! We shed blood for others, not heal it.

Doctor Damian, equally disappointed: Was I really the angry and tiny? No wonder Timothy didn’t take my murder attempts seriously.

---

Bonus, Duke:

We Are Robin Duke: We really get to work with the Batman? With the Robins? Wear the symbol?

with that in mind. Tim showing Damian the ropes of being Robin.

Tim: so after patrol you’re supposed to do a nightly report of any incidents at the batcomputer, i’ll show you the login and how the system works…

Bruce: *nods in satisfaction and walks away*

Tim, the second they’re alone: ok so to be honest you’re supposed to do it at the batcomputer so it’s thorough but none of us can be fucked with that so what we usually do is just keep a note on our phones of any major incidents and then on the way back to the cave we send a screenshot of it to Oracle and she inputs it remotely, it saves you like half an hour every night.

Damian: i see.

-

Tim: this is the weapon storage centre; at the end of the night every bat tool has to be accounted for and scanned into the system.

Damian: everything is to be returned to here?

Tim: yeah, Bruce’s orders. but what we haven’t told B is that Dick broke the scanning system years ago so if you want to nick a cool knife or grapple gun for everyday use then you can literally scan, like, an apple or something, and input the code as the item you’re stealing and Bruce never notices.

Damian: *intrigued*

Tim: i scanned a sharpie instead of a flamethrower i was supposed to return one night. Bruce still doesn’t know it’s in my school backpack.

-

Tim: this is the usual patrol route; that’s where we usually get to rest for fifteen minutes, by that 7-11 down there, and over in that alley there’s a really secluded abandoned balcony that no civilians can see.

Tim: that’s where we go during rough nights when we want to cry or stare into space for a few minutes.

Damian: good to know.

-

Tim: if you hurt a rogue too badly you’re supposed to log the injuries inflicted on them to Bruce’s online files so he gets flagged by any major incidents, but Jason figured out that if you tag the injury as ‘light skin trauma’ it will register in the system as a scratch and automatically get put in the ‘unimportant’ file which Bruce isn’t notified by. So even if you stab Scarecrow in the neck, as long as you tag it as ‘light skin trauma with metal implement’ Bruce won’t see it.

Tim: the same applies to our own injury reports, so like, if you ever can’t be fucked with having to sit still and be examined in the medbay after a busy patrol, that’s how you get around him knowing you’re hurt.

-

Tim: there’s supposed to be a limit on the amount of training you can do per day to stop us from ‘over doing it’ but if you time your workout to the evenings where Bruce works on the batmobile, then he never remembers to keep an eye on the timer and we get like an extra hour.

-

Tim: this is the only chandelier in the manor that Alfred can’t get to to clean it, so he relies on us to swing up and polish it every now and then. So if you smoke, up there is where Jason hides his stash.

Damian: …i am eleven.

Tim: Jason started when he was ten, i dont know.

-

Tim: you’re supposed to take water with you on patrol so we all have our own bottles that attach to the belt. Bruce checks that we have it but not what’s inside it, so you can fill it up with whatever. i usually go for coffee. one time Jason and Dick split a pint of margaritas in theirs and tried to see who could drink and swing the best. Dick hit a lamppost.

Damian:

Damian: …well yes. the pit enhanced Todd’s metabolism, so alcohol rarely will effect him.

Tim:

Tim: that sneaky motherfucker