Bert's blog @beeeerrrrts - Tumblr Blog

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person

wow

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gayvian

waspinfested

why are you calling him green shrek?? shrek is already green??

indoraptorz

sulferandwater-deactivated20211

No one is regular, everyone is extraordinary

inthefallofasparrow

Fixed

inthefallofasparrow

double--cross-d

This post is a train wreck.

inthefallofasparrow

gaymoods

Why do you need to put ordinary? Shouldn’t it just be the words without the adjective?

inthefallofasparrow

hoehazza

i remember july like it was yesterday

frightfullytreeish

i know i must have reblogged this one million times before but i cannot fucking find it so here it is again

batmanisagatewaydrug

always some new bullshit in the ocean

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fluffysheeple

christian bad driver: my guardian angel watches over me, I don't need to look before I merge

atheist bad driver: I will rely on my own skill to see myself safely home after a mere 8 drinks

agnostic bad driver: no one knows where all these dents and scratches came from

jbt7493

its really cool that we discovered glass which is the material that doesnt have any chemical reactions with anything in the universe very useful for doing chemistry due to being able to put things in it to contain chemical reactions and never having it react with the things that are in it due to it being completely and entirely unreactive to every chemical

aorish-deactivated20251222

Posts from a 17th century chymist who's about to have their bones dissolved by hydrofluoric acid.

e-102

HYDROFLUORIC ACID MENTION‼️

💀🧪

moncoeursaignant

DICKS OUT FOR HYDROFLUORIC ACID!!!

e-102

NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!

allwhiterain-deactivated2025061

Matthew Lillard and Angelina Jolie as “Cereal Killer” and “Acid Burn” in Hackers (1995)

zagreus

previously unseen genders in human history

dittography-direwolf

Totally normal for a legitimate for-profit company to refuse to reclaim or stop running their products even after they're no longer being paid to do so. I'm sure it's very normal to just keep running your service for free when your contract's been terminated. Spending money to continue running cameras that supposedly no one is looking at is definitely not an indicator they are just run by the federal government to spy on everyone and only a wacko conspiracy theorist would think so.

dubiousculturalartifact

The new Odyssey adaptation has inevitably gotten people talking about a Muppet version of it, and they’re frequently suggesting Kermit as Odysseus, Miss Piggy as Penelope.

I’m sorry but that’s thinking way too small, hear me out:

We need to have Miss Piggy as Odysseus, and Kermit as Penelope.

Think about it… who’s the more fickle, prideful, warlike one in that relationship? Who is absolutely ready to go ham, at a moment’s notice?

It ain’t Kermit

anyroads

Miss Piggy tied to the mast while Statler and Waldorf heckle her from the sea

merlinmumbles

Okay but who's the one human actor playing?

literary-potato

I vote Nobody, but I could see arguments for Helen of Troy or Circe as well.

Also important:

How does the Circe turning men into pigs thing get handled given that Miss Piggy is a pig-Muppet and there are multiple other muppets who are already canonically pig-Muppets?

They get turned into real live action pigs, nobody remarks on it

They get turned into real live action pigs & Piggy looks directly at the camera

They get turned into chickens

They get turned into live action humans

Nothing happens at first to the guy Muppet-pig, so Circe has to get creative

Other/I’m bald/vanilla extract

Voting ended onJul 30

Just to clarify my vision on a couple of these:

* by chickens I mean Muppet-chickens à la Camilla (Gonzo naturally would have some reaction to this)

* in the “nothing happens at first to muppet pig”, what I’m visualizing is that Cpt James Pork (or whatever his name is - the pigs in space one) is in the crew, everyone else in the crew gets transformed into either live action pigs or non-sentient Muppet-pigs (walking on 4 legs, etc), and he is completely unchanged… until Circe sighs and snaps her fingers again, and he turns into some other animal (maybe a chicken? or possibly a live action human, in which case it’s obviously either an INSANE celebrity cameo pull with someone who’s normally top billing, or literally William Shatner)

literary-potato

Can I just say I really appreciate that our collective commitment to the Muppets is so strong that at 120-something votes, not one person has chosen other/vanilla extract?

gardengarlic

Every time this crosses my dash there's a different string of comments and they are all gold so I'm consolidating.

amuseoffyre

Circe - only human in the film, played by Anne Hathaway! - turning the pig muppet crew into humans and Miss Piggy gasping "You monster!"

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tiktoks-i-enjoyed

crabussy

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

scarecrowbutch

in times like these at least i have the character

hiveswap

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

innerchildabortionclinic

interesting kink assortment on the dash

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Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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fundaki-babbles

damn son why are all the funniest and best posts on here always made by deactivated people? who killed them and wh

kagurasbayangs

freshfreshsalad

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