beeboobop

forgot to leave a note for my doordasher to bring a blunt weapon to get past the catacomb skeletons so congrats to whichever necromancer is about to get my banh mi i guess

"is sabrina destroying feminism or is she empowering women" i think shes having sex

sometimes women just do things

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M

He said “Son (M7) when you grow up (F33) would you be — wait what”

Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.

THERES A DOG I CAN GET A DOG IM GETTING THE DOG FUCK THE QUEST SCRATCH WILL SAVE US

Just realized I could make my father in Skyrim and then kill him a bunch

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes only to turn around and to your horror: the pot.

a printer error is an attempt from god to get you to kill yourself but you must be stronger and you must must must beat the printer to death with a large object like object

asking "hey is it fine if I smoke in here" and before you're able to answer I've already set up a full rack of salmon over a fire in your living room