Burnt Nurse

I can’t believe it’s been 4 years G, your loss still feels sharp and nagging. Every time I walk into room 23, I remember your smiling face and how you were annoyed your son brought you to the ER for dizziness.

While I was examining you, you answered your ringing cell phone to give admitting orders to a nurse at the ‘other place’. I scolded you to let me finish my neuro assessment and was worried that your balance was off and that your left arm was moderately weak. Your stroke score was low and your CT scan was negative for a bleed. You wanted to go home AMA, but when we tried to stand you up, you fell over several times and your son and I begged you to stay. You agreed and we got you the best room the place had to offer and shipped you upstairs. I heard you fell asleep after the nurses finished their admission and your son sat by your bedside all night. When they woke you at 3 am for vitals, you were not yourself anymore. You went on an had a massive stroke in your sleep, right under our very noses. Neuro offered you TPA, but you said no. Your left side was useless and your smile was crooked.

I would like to believe that we couldn’t have done anything any differently, but dammit G, why didn’t you let them give you the TPA? So stubborn. Age is just a number, yes - you were old as fuck and your risk of bleeding was high, but I think it would have been worth taking that shit. Maybe the residual effects of your stroke could have been less severe.

This stroke robbed you of so much, but mostly your sprit. I visited you every week in rehab until you went home. You hated my visits because you didn’t want me to see you struggling. I cried every time I left you on my way home. To this day, I still have a gnawing feeling that we didn’t do enough for you.

6 months later, you were gone. Your loss of spirit and love of life left the door open for pneumonia and chronic illness. I was mad that maybe you just gave up, but I wouldn’t have blame you one bit. Life for you and your family was never the same after you left the hospital.

Your funeral was amazing. A thousand people mingling and sharing memories of you and your work. We were a mixture of nurses, doctors, patients and your amazing family. I remember being laughing, being a wreck on the way to the cemetery - following so closely behind Dr B and being very tailgated by Dr C. You know I am a good driver, but who wants to rear end a damn Bentley in front of all your peers! Lol

I know, I said ewe when I saw this on the shelf too...

The Reg’s

So... I won the summer photo contest at work!

After 20 years in the Cath Lab...I hung my lead up for the very last time. The next time I’m in the lab will probably be when one of you guys are shaving and pepping my groin when I am having a STEMI! 😂

This past May, I graduated with my masters degree as a nurse practitioner. I passed my boards in the beginning of July and I will be moving forward into a position in a primary care practice. The decision to leave the lab has been hard because I love so much what we do.

The endless late nights, interrupted dinners, blood, sweat, tears, back pain, falls, pranks, stress, binge eating, heartburn, eye rolling... and most of all what it means to be part of a team have made it all worth it.