pre covid you could make a room of freshmen laugh with a video of griffin mcelroy sayin todd howard repeatedly. now you gotta kill someone. You have to kill someone.

hey. don't cry. I went to Mad At You island and none of your friends were there :)

sorry yeah, you're actually not allowed in the grocery store anymore. yeah, everyone thought it was super weird when you were rummaging in your wallet for your debit card and it was making everyone super uncomfortable and taking a long time. sorry

my bf picked up a the habit of shouting "GET SCARED" from another friend of ours as either a punchline or interjection. it's really funny most of the time, until that time i was so baked i couldn't speak and he told me to GET SCARED and i started screaming

austin powers receiving cbt: smashing baby

bugs are so important to this world I will never diminish the worth of a bug but the truthis they scare me and I don’t want them in my home please