🧨 ARSON 🔥

Umm I think I made this in 2014? Ceramics class.

I mean eh.. few others in this complicated vessel like it. I hate that I cringe at it now. Why? I don’t know probably because its like watching how you were once. Naive, aloof , you know? A follower. But hey, at least I had some fun. Its hard to try and obtain that sense of freedom again. Nothing seems fun anymore. Dormant for too long, friends are different now. Or in pairs, I don’t have that anymore. Being a duo? So I’m confused or either more psychotic. I hate that. I hate how my mind hallucinates so much I spiral or space out too long. Crazy. ‘Fictive’ I don’t know a correct label, do I need one?

Wish I can reach out to people. I can’t.

I miss laughing at stupid stuff again, but it’s not easy. Anymore. When I do, I feel bad after or get bothered at myself for regressing. Brains are complicated, mine needs to be so fried that I stop feeling these feelings and getting progressively frantic.

But I journal here, so I don’t embarrass anyone’close’ to me, because in the end it’s just

‘ you’re being stupid Beavis’ probably, although the name Arson I do prefer, but I can’t escape that name I had since 2012 or something, I don’t remember.

This shit keeps flopping on instashat.