The other day I went to McDonaldās with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like āHAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOUā and I was like wow I canāt let this guy outmatch me so I yelled āIāLL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IF I MAYā you know, like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like āCERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEAL INSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIESā and I was so sleep deprived I essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said āHECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIRā and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store āWOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER-MANā and since purple is the more superior color thatās how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that Iām now the poster child for being social and Iāve only been asked once why Iām not in a relationship yet but I know itās gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents itās because whenever I eat in the dining hall I spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where Iām supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and Iāve essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year
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