- ̗̀beamsie ̖́-

you will be great. keep going.

sometimes i look at you and i don’t see the person i love. i don’t feel like you’re the person i love. sometimes you completely change in my vision and you are not who i know you as. and it kills me. why, i can be looking right at you, and i can’t feel your warmth? it feels so cold. it feels so lonely. and i hate myself for feeling nothing. i don’t know why i do. and in the moment that i don’t feel you, i feel nothing for you but anger. jealousy. i feel vicious. unloved. like everything you have ever said to me was a lie in an instant. everything you’ve ever done. why? why? it hurts me so much, when i come to. i know who you are. please don’t leave me when i feel like i lose you. it’s everything to do with me and not you. i am so sorry now, but then i am not. tell me you love me when i feel like you don’t. remind me that my mind is wrong. it’s been so hard to ground myself. i want to feel warm again. i want to feel you.