BETTINA CECILIA | Blog

I’m baaaaaack! 

For the last two and a half years, I’ve been quietly working in an office, living a semi-comfortable -- average -- millenial American life (sans avocado toast ‘cuz I’m low-carbing it).

Quietly on the outside. Inside, my mind is screamin and my heart is in a continual state of panic. 

In the midst of my pleasantville life, I broke. I overworked myself, distanced myself from friends and family, and worked and worked and worked. Until I couldn’t work anymore, and I just broke.

It was a terrible breaking, with my mental health reaching one of the lowest points I had ever experienced. Nothing traumatic happened per se, and I can’t necessarily explain why or how I broke. The closest explanation I can get to is that my tolerance for less-than-ideal situations is much lower than it used to be. At 25 years old, I have the “wisdom” (ha!) that my younger self didn’t that life can be whatever I want it to be. Or rather, whatever I let it be.

But, the thing about me is that my low moments are exactly the moments that give way to me at my best. In those moments, Rudyard Kipling’s words ring constantly in my head - “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster/ And treat those two imposters just the same.” So, with some soul searching and the beginnings of self-healing, I decided to do something different with my life.

I decided to start a YouTube vlog.

“What’s your vlog about?” you might ask. Uhhhh, I don’t have a clear answer. Right now, it’s just an attempt to take my life in a different direction and incorporate something that I love to do, something that I’m good at -- something that is me.

I’m out of practice and I don’t know where this new direction is going to lead. I don’t know if I’m going to find success in this. At this point, I’ve done a few videos already, and honestly, I don’t get that many views. But, this is me prioritizing myself. Some people go for a run for self-care, some people treat themselves -- I make videos (for now).

There’s a lot more I should be doing to maintain my mental health, but I count this as a start.

"It doesn't end once you're accepted into college."

I came back from studying abroad about three weeks ago, and the reason from my lack of updates has been me trying to come to terms with what I have experienced.

After landing back in Washington, D.C., it almost seemed as though I was waking up from a dream and I was back to reality. Everything seemed to be just as I had left it -- it was almost as if I had never left. Less than a week ago, I came back to Trinity to begin working on my senior theses. Walking around campus, it felt like I was only gone for a week or so for vacation. Now, I am back to the same daily (and very monotonous routine). 

I can’t say yet that I miss Trinidad, but I certainly miss the feeling of being...worldly. Studying abroad, every day seems different - back here, every day seems the same.  The dates just change.

In any case, the first 5 months of this year have held some of the most precious and unforgettable experiences of my life - from taking part of one of the world's greatest Carnival celebrations, to seeing Giant Leather-back Turtles, visiting Costa Rica, interning with the wonderfully awesome people at Gayelle TV, vacationing in some jaw-droppingly gorgeous beaches, and so much more. I have learned so much, not only about Trinidad & Tobago, but the entire Caribbean, its culture, its struggles, and its people. The world has been opened up to me in ways that I never even imagined could happen beforehand. And, for the first time in my adult life, I found out what it feels like to be "free".

Of course, it wasn't all perfect. While there were some tough times, at the very least, I can say that I have learned to appreciate the small luxuries in life that I rarely took notice of before.

Best of all, I got to spend these unforgettable experiences with some truly amazing people, including some of my closest friends and my best friend, all of whom I now have the pleasure to call my Trini family. 

Friday, 24 April 2015 - Touristing Location: Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

Unlike most of the places we visited before, much of Puerto Viejo was very touristy. We unfortunately only had one night to explore, but from what we saw it resembled a very stereotypical Jamaican tourist destination. Which is incredibly ironic since the majority of “white” Costa Rica is racist against people with Jamaican-ancestry. (I suppose that analysis is better reserved for another blog post...)

In any case, it was nice playing tourist for a little bit. We went out to dinner the night before, did some last minute souvenir shopping, and stayed at the Blue Conga Hotel - which I have to say is the swankiest exotic hotel I’ve stayed at (despite the mosquitoes again...)

Later that afternoon... After a very very long almost 8 or 9 hour drive from Puerto Viejo, we finally got back to the Central Valley, and made our way up the mountains to Colinas del Poas in Alajuela. The difference in landscape between the Caribbean side and the mountains is so stark, it almost felt like we were in a completely different country! Whereas Puerto Viejo looked like Jamaica, up north was almost like Tuscany. (Or at least what I imagine Jamaica and Tuscany look like). Like our experience in Manzanillo,  Alajuela too was an unbelievable sight. The mountains, like the sea, looked so ethereal and perfect --- never in my life had I seen so much beauty.

While at Colinas del Poas, our program took us on a canopy tour...which is another way of saying zip-lining. Now, I am incredibly afraid of heights, and I also lost my old pair of glasses just a week prior, if you remember. I was absolutely not prepared for this.

I suppose I could have opted out, but that would’ve been ridiculous. Who passes up a chance to go zip-lining for free? The first couple lines weren’t too bad - they were relatively short and not that high up. But as we continued, things got scarier, and longer, and higher, and there was no way back. When we got to the last line, I almost had a heart attack. It was half a mile or more long!! As I zipped to the finish line, I screamed at the top of my longs, lost my breath, and screamed some more. 

I can’t say it helped me get over my fear of heights, but I certainly had quite a memorable experience. I couldn’t think of a better way to end our trip to Costa Rica :) Fue un placer!

Thursday, 23 April 2015 - Paraiso Location: Kekoldi Indigenous Reserve, Puerto Viejo , Costa Rica

A few hours after we left Puerto Limon, we made a quick stop to the Kekoldi Indigenous Reserve in Puerto Veijo where we learned about the Bribri community in Costa Rica. Like afrodescendientes in Costa Rica, many indigenous peoples are also marginalized. It is a disheartening fact in many societies around the world, but it was amazes me how resilient these people are. 

As part of reserving their culture, the Bribri community at Kekoldi also run an iguana farm to maintain the flora and fauna that should be existing in Costa Rica. So, needless to say, we got to see a lot of iguanas during our visit.

Later that day...After our visit to Kekoldi, we made our way to Manzanillo for a short beach hike. Or rather, a pretty long beach hike. I can’t remember how long we ended up walking, but along the trail we threaded through hot black sand, saw a bunch of sloths chillaxing on palm trees, and got bit by a lot of mosquitoes. And I do mean, a lot of mosquitoes. 

Eventually, the trail ended at a fenced cliff with the most exquisite view of the Caribbean sea. Never had I seen the water so blue and crisp in my life. It certainly made all the mosquito bites I endured worthwhile.

And honestly, after seeing that view, I thought I would never be impressed by instagram anymore. 

I completely forgot about these posts...they’ve been stuck in limbo in the drafts folder for a few weeks now.

Wednesday Morning, 22 April 2015 - “Limon is the land of freedom” Location: Puerto Limon, Costa Rica

Meeting with Claudio Taylor, an activist and community leader in Puerto Limon.

A bit later...A few very adorable kids at an English school in Limon teach us about square dancing.

That evening...Back at the UNIA headquarters, we had some more dance lessons in Hip Hop this time. From what I remember, this was one of the most physically challenging experiences I had during our entire trip to Costa Rica. The hall was so incredibly hot and humid that after 15 minutes of dancing, everyone was reduced to a walking puddle of sweat.

I personally couldn’t have done anymore than 15 minutes, but just after our group finished the Hip Hop class, we were introduced to a group of local youth Hip Hop dancers who performed an entire routine (or two) for us. That little feat itself blew my mind! Even still, we also got to learn how Hip Hop has become an influential and positive subculture for disenfranchised youth in Limon.

Thursday Morning, 23 April 2015 - Adios! Location: Parque Vargas, Puerto Limon, Costa Rica

Waking up a few hours early to visit some of the sites for a few minutes before our departure for Puerto Viejo!

Just a short walk away from our hotel, a friend and I visited Parque Vargas, where we actually ran into the current president of UNIA in Puerto Limon, Winston Norman. He greeted us very warmly, giving us both a kiss on the check. We met him by one of the statues in the park, a commemoration of the diverse group of laborers who came to Limon to work in the railroad, as he explained.

Limon is a small city, and in some ways it reminded me of my own campus at Trinity. Just walk outside and you are bound to see someone you know (even if you only met them recently). Yet at the same time, Limon is so different from our cold New England campus. For one, people actually acknowledge you. And, as I realized when we ran into Pres. Norman, the people of Limon are very open and welcoming unlike my peers back at Trinity. It was nice for a change to feel a sense of belonging, even if my friend and I did look and sound a little different from the rest of the population. 

I can certainly see myself returning.

Last week we took a study trip to Costa Rica, exploring the Central Valley and Limon, learning about the West Indian Caribbean heritage in the country. Here are more interesting adventures from the first half(ish) of the week: 

Monday, 20 April 2015 - Pura Vida Costa Rica Location: Heredia, Costa Rica

Meeting Costa Rican singer/songwriter and calypsonioan Manuel Monestel, and having our first of many rice and beans dish.

Tuesday, 21 April 2015 - El patrimonio afro-costariccense Location: Limon, Costa Rica

We visited the historical Limon Liberty Hall, Costa Rica’s headquarters for the Universal Negro Improvement Association.

Later that day... After celebrating Carnival in Trinidad, of course we had to meet Limon’s Carnival organizers, Los Hermanos Sterling. We learned to dance some salsa and meringue; unfortunately (or really fortunately), we didn’t get a video of us dancing.

Later that evening... had dinner at Bambi’s Place and enjoyed the musical performance of Shanty y Su Calypso. In all honesty, this was perhaps one of the best dinners we had in our entire semester.

Friday, 10 April 2015 - Giant Leatherback Turtles Location: Grande Riviere, Trinidad

It took 3 hours to drive all the way from St. Augustine in the west to Grande Riviere  in the far east of the islands to watch the Giant Leatherback Turtles nest. With all the twists and turns along mountain paths, shorelines, and small villages, it felt like we were going to Wonderland or some magical place that we needed to be lost to be able to find.

Actually, it was magical.

I could not capture it properly on camera because it had been so late and so dark. You can only use a red light to go turtle watching - the turtles are led by the moonlight - so there were barely any lights along the beach. It was pitch dark and the waves crashing onto the shore made the experience almost frightening.

Then, I looked up to the night sky, and my breath was absolutely taken away. In my 21+ years, I had never seen so many stars in one spot. The entire sky was covered in tiny twinkling (and yes, they were really twinkling!) spots of light. We could see the moon bright and full, the North Star, Big Dipper, Little Dipper, and even shooting stars! 

We saw the universe blanketing us, and suddenly I felt so small. At the same time though, I felt honored. How many people in the world get to see this? If I stayed back on-campus, sure I would have the luxuries attached to going to a privileged liberal arts college, but none of the luxuries can compare to experiencing the beauty of the natural world in all it’s glory. Not polluted or hidden behind the artificial.

The turtles themselves were a marvel. Giant Leatherback Turtles have been around since the time of the dinosaurs, and we were told that they live to be very old and typically travel across many seas and oceans. Yet, when it is time to nest, a female Leatherback will always return to the place she was born in.

A Leatherback Turtle egg. Unfortunately, this little guy/girl isn’t going to make it.

These turtles are absolutely humongous, and dozens of them crawl out of the water onto the beach at Grande Riviere (and other nesting areas), dig their nests in the sand, and lay hundreds of eggs. It was fascinating to see the process, but again, almost frightening. In the darkness, it was easy to run into these giant turtles without noticing them until you’ve made impact. We had to be careful maneuvering around so as not to scare them back into the water. But once a female Leatherback starts laying her eggs, she falls into a trance. So we also did get an opportunity to pet one! 

I named her Dory.  

A female Giant Leatherback Turtle nesting. She was about 4-5 feet in length.

Since these turtles are “leatherback”, they do not have hard shells. Touching her head and her shell, she almost did not feel real. I know what leather feels like (as most people probably), so it wasn’t a foreign feeling when I touched her. Watching her lay there, heaving in a breath every now and again, I almost felt like she wasn’t really alive. She looked almost animatronic.

But I thought to myself: this is perhaps the realest thing in the world that I could experience. The stars in the sky, mothers trying to give birth to their young - why did the “real” feel so “surreal”? 

I finally got my glasses! And now I have a lot of updates to make...fortunately, not a lot has happened since Easter. Mostly, my friends and I have just been exploring in between [procrastinating on] doing homework.

Sunday, 05 April 2015 - Liming on Easter Location: Emperor Valley Zoo & Queen’s Park Savannah, Port of Spain, Trinidad

I still did not have glasses on this day, but even with terrible vision, I still managed to take some decent pictures. I even flew a kite after 12 years.

Saturday, 11 April 2015 - Down the Islands Location: Caribbean Sea

We took a nice little short cruise “down the islands” of Trinidad. But, it seemed like we, a group of early twentysomething college students, were accidentally put on a boat with senior couples...