Baekhyun Fanfic Archive

The sun sat high in the sky, showering the world with golden rays. Light filtered through the half-opened curtain, casting a warm spotlight on the woman setting the dining table not far behind the couch. Despite her tired hands, she swiftly poured the coffee down two cups to the right amount; no spills, no pausing, no second guessing if the temperature is enough. Like a well-practiced dancer, she moved around the kitchen with memorized movements. Once the stove was off and the pancakes were stacked on two plates, her stomach grumbled on cue.

"Honey, table's set!" she called, monetarily turning around to remove her apron. The absence of a response from her husband made her click her tongue. "The food's getting cold! I don't have the energy to shout again so the next call will be a spatula flying at you!"

A deep-toned laugh followed her threat without missing a beat. These banters had become a staple in their relationship. If their neighbors would be asked to say something about them, the playful exchange would be one of the first things they'll remember. Whether they are in front of their door struggling to go inside their own home, walking down the street struggling with goods because the other insisted on walking, or just on their porch spending the afternoon, they always manage to pull laughter from each other. It was their signature—a youthful energy that refused to wane.

"Alright, alright. I'm not as fast as I used to be" he said as he shuffle inside the dining hall "And if I remember correctly, you're pretty much a screamer." he said as he sat down on his chair, a spot that unconsciously became his through repeated mindless preference for that space. Sat there once, then twice, ten times, thirty times until it became natural for them to say 'oh that's Baekhyun's chair.'

Her face scrunched in mock disgust which made her husband laugh again before taking a sip of his freshly made coffee. A comfortable silence settled between them as they both savored the first few bites of their pancake. It was nothing new or special, in fact it was a typical pancake with the most basic maple syrup and butter anyone can grab from any grocery shelf. However, this pancake recipe has been intertwined with the numerous mornings they had together. Memories and experiences that seemingly became sugary bits that made every bite sweeter than the last.

First bite, the first morning they had when she decided to have a sleepover at his place.

Second bite, the morning she was too tired to make breakfast so he tried his best to copy her recipe. Tried.

Third bite, the morning he spent crying because he felt distant with her despite being inside the same house.

Fourth bite, the morning he realized it was time to give her the ring that's been sitting at the back of his office safe for about a year.

Baekhyun cleared his throat and then took another sip of his coffee before speaking.

"Oh, I almost forgot, we need to buy new feed for the squirrels." Her laughter bubbled up, knowing immediately what had delayed him earlier. She knew that her husband has a soft heart and is naturally kind to all living creatures. She set her fork down and took a tissue nearby to wipe the sticky syrup in the corner of her lips.

"They're getting fat because you keep feeding them. They're going to get used to it—" before she could finish her sentence, he waved his finger at her with a proud smile on his face.

"They already are,” he interrupted proudly, wiggling a finger. “And guess what? They already know their names. I called Bob and he came running." He took a big bite of his pancake with a satisfied smile. But not only because he successfully befriended a squirrel but because despite all the years, he can still make her laugh loudly.

Eyes in crescent shape and cheeks pushed up as her lips open to grace his ears the most healing sound he've ever heard. From the moment they met, he already thought that she had the brightest smile and most joyful laugh. They may have been together for a long while now but even now, her laugh still automatically calms his heart and silences his brain from all his worries; just like it always has.

'As long as she's happy, it'll be ok — life will be ok.'

He gives himself an imaginary pat on the back as he thinks 'I still got it.' These days, his biggest achievement mainly revolves around making sure she's well and happy.

"Bob? Of all the names, why would you name a squirrel Bob? You don't have mercy on these squirrels." She asked as she wiped the dampness on the corner of her eyes while trying to balance the pace of her breathing.

"SpongeBob. I don't remember the name of his squirrel friend so… just… Bob." he shrugged before adding "I'm old, let me be." Their laughter mingled, adding warmth to the sunlight illuminating the room. Just like that their conversation flowed, plates were made almost crumb-less, and cups were emptied; ending their morning routine with a bliss.

Baekhyun stood up with the plates in his hands, doing his best to hold onto them so that none would break. He gripped them with all his might until he could carefully put them on the sink. His wife helped by cleaning the table and handing him their cups. Another comfortable silence enveloped them as they moved around the kitchen in a fluid manner. They already know what they need to do; the chores have already been long designated.

She walked towards the living room but stopped in front of the shelves filled with picture frames. One holds a memory from a year ago, the other holds a frozen moment from 10 years ago. Despite the photos not doing those precious moments justice, she's becoming more and more thankful that they have at least seconds of those occasions still physically with them.

Her fingers brushed against a frame.

As bitter as it is, they both long accepted that these memories are slowly blurring with time; turning into a hazy screen that barely holds any discernible figures and yet the feeling it brought remains. Thanks to the photos, even for a little bit, their tired minds and longing hearts can briefly remember that she wore a red dress to a date while he wore a blue hoodie and a black sweatpants because she thought 'dress comfortably' means casual not dress how you would dress at home. Or how he had his dark soft hair pushed back, wore a tattered shirt, and had paint splattered all over his face when they remodeled their house after the wedding.

Oh his hair and her love for it when it becomes a bird's nest in the morning, a fried noodle from all the styling, and a fluffy mess when she runs her fingers through it. One day, some time ago, he laid his head on her lap and took her wrist to gently pat his own head with her hand. His fluffy hair felt like a soft puppy's fur which made her unable to resist that urge to comb her fingers through it. Since then, it became part of their quiet days.

His back won't let him lay down on her lap anymore and his once dark and fluffy hair has turned into a white, fine crown that no longer needs that much combing; nevertheless, she still loves running her fingers through his head whenever she can. The hair she used to love may not be there anymore but just like the insignificant pancake recipe, the meaningless head-pats have transformed into a source of comfort for the both of them.

A gentle touch that materializes their promise, just like it always has.

'I'm still here. We're still here. Come what may, I'll always be by your side.'

Lost in thought, she didn't realize that he was already beside her. A cold hand slipped through hers and a weak squish was felt.

"My hands have gotten all wrinkly." She lifted their joined hands to look at it before looking at him. Baekhyun was looking at the photos like she was doing a while ago, specifically, he was looking at the picture where they're both showing their engagement rings. He's right, the hands she's holding now are no longer the smooth yet firm hands he used to have. Whether he does the dishes or not, the tip of his fingers are now permanently wrinkled, his palms are now dry despite all the lotion, and the loose skin on the back is now sprinkled with sun spots and fine lines. Yet, it remained as beautiful as ever. Baekhyun felt a soft peck on his wedding ring, stealing his attention away from the pictures.

“They’re beautiful.” she said, her voice soft. She smiled at him with undimmed love in her eyes despite the years etched on her face. And just like that, he felt the unexplainable feeling again. With the sun casting a halo around her, the bird chirping outside, the clock ticking, and the silence of everything else inside the house, Baekhyun didn't feel like an old man running out of time or a young man that just realized he was in love. In moments like this, he was just a soul that found refuge in another soul. He found his calm.

One tender smile from her and he is at peace, just like how it's always been.

He grabbed his phone from his pocket and opened his music app to play their wedding song. He placed it on the shelf, unintentionally setting it in front of the picture taken during their 18th wedding anniversary.

"Dance with me" he spoke, barely above a whisper. In a second, her cheek is pressed to his chest, and their hands settled in each other's back and shoulder. His raspier voice but still as magnetic as ever pulled her eyes down as she focused on his humming and heartbeat. For the third time that morning, nothing needs to be said. Their beating hearts and gentle breathing did all the talking in a language that may not be understandable by the ear but a vernacular mastered by their hearts.

With tiny steps and careful swaying, Baekhyun looked at the shelves and scanned all the framed pictures, all which are witnesses to their ups and downs. His eyes lingered on the brown frame with a chipped upper left corner - a remaining evidence of how one fight got too far. A frame they've been meaning to change but for some reason never did. Maybe they would never admit that the reason is because it somehow reminds them how some of their arguments pushed them to the brink of going their separate ways and how it failed to break them apart.

His eyes travelled one frame to the next until it landed on the photo behind his phone. He would never tell her how he cried that night because it was the first time he finally saw the changes in their body. Her eyelids have become droppier, her forehead has more fine lines, and her cheeks have hollowed. Not that it made her any less beautiful, in fact, it was in that moment when it dawned on him that he's growing old with the woman of his dreams; that this lady in front of him is no longer a young adult but a wise and incredibly strong person that stuck with him through thick and thin. And as his love multiplied, his fear also grew.

He took in her features again as she slept beside him that night. His heart clenched and his eyes blurred as dread menacingly clawed his drying throat. Baekhyun was mortified with the thought that perhaps, life is catching up on them.

'Oh please, let me have a few more decades. I still want to do so much with her. Please don't take her away just yet.'

Looking back, he couldn't help but chuckle. Younger him was a little bit dramatic, wasn't he? What was he scared of? He should have known they would reach their golden age together. With how stubborn his wife is, he should have known this fearless lady will even tell death 'not today' unless she's ready.

"What's funny?" she asked with curiosity evident in her voice.

"Nothing. My knees hurt," he replied with a chuckle. As the music comes to an end, he guides her to her sofa across the window that's been their spotlight since she opened it before making their breakfast. He handed her the quilt that was hanging by the sofa's armrest.

"Oh wait, I'm thirsty." with a soft groan, she was pushing herself off of the sofa but Baekhyun clicked his tongue while waving his hand in front of her.

"I'll get it. Stay put." He walked back to the kitchen to get her a cup of water and she leaned her back on the sofa. Her eyes closed as she waited for him to come back. It takes longer for them now to go from one place to another. With slowed down movement, going from the living room to the kitchen and back gives her ample time to rest her easily dried eyes. It's taking a while just for a glass of water but it doesn't matter; she'll wait for him no matter how long because he'll find his way back to her. Just like how he always does.

Baekhyun gently reached out to tuck a loose strand behind her ear and her eyes opened to meet him. He was looking down at her with an outstretched trembling hand as he gave her the glass of water.

His face may have shown the years that passed but he still has that perfect blend of boyish charms and manly aura. Broad shoulders arched more forward, belly softer compared to his used to be toned abs, and eyes that may have lost its youthful glimmer but still holds the same adoration it always had reserved for her.

'There he is. My sweet love.'

Despite feeling playful annoyance for her husband more often, there are pockets of moments when her heart overflows with love like a teenager gushing over her first crush. This moment is one of those so to hide her embarrassment, she took a sip of her water. He sat down on the coffee table in front of him.

Before his knees hurt everytime he bends down or kneels, he used to crouch down in front of her whenever she sits on her couch. An intimate act that became second nature to him and he won't let old age stop him from doing so. Hence, the once high-end table was exchanged for a personalized wooden table design for him to still have a spot in front of her. Sitting or crouching, it doesn't matter as long as he can continue leaning his forehead into hers or look at her eyes as he professes his love through i love yous, stupid jokes, or silly comments.

It’s not just the coffee table. The characteristics of the house slowly shifted depending on which chapter they are in their love story. Years into marriage, the once chic and minimalist design of their home changed into a more comfortable and fall-risk-free interior, one furniture after another.

He took the glass from her hand and placed it beside him then he held her hands again. Running his thumb across her knuckles, he finally voiced out the question he's been meaning to ask her all morning.

"We did well, didn't we, love?" he asked while watching his thumb move, that is until she removed her hands from his hold to cup his face.

"We made the most out of life. I think we did great." He turned his head to place a soft kiss on her palm before nuzzling his cheek back to her palm.

"We're fortunate but everything's slowing down now, isn't it?" He whispered in an almost apologetic way; an indirect, whispery inquisition if she has any regret with the life they’ve built together. Things undone, thoughts unsaid, or grievances bottled up - he wanted to know if there’s any so that he could spend the rest of his life correcting them with every bit of strength he has left.

His vision blurs from unshed tears. Music was still playing softly in the background as his mind did a quick slideshow of all the highlights that happened in their life. In such a way everything seems to sense the rawness of their conversation. The birds quiet down and the sunlight dims, giving them a soft yellowish glow like two crystals sitting inside a geode. Even the ticking clock hushed down to make way for the bittersweet fragility of their beating heart.

"We had a good run, honey,” with tears welled in her eyes, she whispered with utmost sincerity as she wiped the tear that escaped his fluttering eyelids with her thumb. “I don't mind slowing down with you now."

Baekhyun closed his eyes and allowed a few more tears to be caught by her thumb. Perhaps it is indeed time to accept that they’re not just physically limited now. As terrifying as it may be, maybe knowing that she has no regrets in life may help his heart learn how to slowly let go.

"Happy anniversary my best friend, my lover, and my best life partner" He said with the same fondness he had when he first said 'I love you'.

"Happy anniversary - what do the kids say nowadays?... oh! bestie. Happy anniversary, bestie" she joked and their laughter was mixed with the tears on their eyes as a clear manifestation of their overflowing joy. She looked at the wall clock and released a loud heave before clearing her throat.

"Speaking of kids, we should get dressed before we miss the party the kids prepared for us. What was the dress code again? Really, those kids, goodness. We’re too old to be part of their games.” he was rumbling as he reached out for the glass beside him. As it may be obvious by now, Baekhyun is the more worrywart in their relationship. Due to his constant desire to do, to be, or to have ‘the best’ option, his mind gets easily lost in his train of thoughts. He stood up and took one step while still rambling on how he forgot the details of their anniversary party and that they might miss the party because he forgot to check today’s traffic prediction. His mouth only stopped when he felt her gently grab him while standing in front him.

“Hey, what’s the rush? We still have the rest of our lives.” she told him as she pulled him down with her so that they could sit on their coffee table. With feeble arms, she wrapped her quilt around them and leaned her head on his shoulder; just like she always has.

“Yeah, we do.” He replied before placing a soft kiss on her hair. His head leaned on her head as he wrapped his arms around her.

If by some miracle he could wish to be transported back in time, he’ll gladly do it all over again. The good times and even the bad times, he’ll spend them all with her because he knew the moment he loved her his heart was hers. Be it in this lifespan, in another timeline, or the next lifetime, he knows his soul will find hers and find devotion on her.

Just like it always has.

Just like it always will.

A/N: Tadaaa~ finally did it! It's been years since I last wrote anything that's not corporate or academic related. How was it? I hope you liked it. I'm kind of rusty but I tried my best to give you a good early Christmas gift. Let me know what you this, pleaseee (๑>◡<๑)

Inspo: https://www.tiktok.com/@hyper_piper_/video/7368676545235275051 (this video made me physically go 'awww' in public, it was embarassing!)

Your movements were more frantic than he knew you for. With one a bit too sudden of a motion, the blade cut through the skin of your finger, and you let out a low murmur to cover up the hiss of pain, putting the finger to your lip in mild annoyance. It was more than clear that the cut was not the only reason behind your frustration.

Baekhyun didn’t move.

In any other situation, he would react – mock you a bit for being clumsy while being the first one to bring the first aid kid, maybe pretend to be a vampire struck by the scent of your blood, maybe even panic a little in this cute, puppy-like way if he felt that the amount of blood is greater than acceptable.

But now he didn’t, and it sparked a bit of hurt in you as well, but also brought your attention to the fact that maybe dismissing things and try to make them gentle only worsened the pain that would eventually come. The anxiety of the future that you exposed him to was not like the boil-the-frog that you planned to perform. You wanted to avoid confrontation for as long as necessary, until things dropped naturally. You didn’t expect him to hold onto it.

“Can you be honest with me? Are you able to?” His tone started to show that he, too, was growing frustrated. “Tell me what’s going on. Did something happen? I’m sorry if I can’t catch the clues, but if you made it obvious, then I’m just plain stupid.”

“Nothing… happened. And I’m sorry, I didn’t make it obvious. I didn’t know, how.”

He frowned ever so slightly, taking a step towards you. You backed against the kitchen counter, placing your hands on each side – your finger stung a little, but it was merely a scratch. The real wound was growing in your soul.

“If nothing happened, then why? Did you grow bored of me?”

“Of you?”

“Yeah. Please be honest with me. Just no more sweeting things up, alright?”

His tone was calm, but it lacked softness, it was almost business-like.

“I don’t know how anyone would get bored of you, Baekhyun” you admitted in a breathless whisper. You were starting to feel foolish, really. “And especially myself. That’s why I don’t think I can take it. I don’t think it’s fair to you. But I’m also not fair to myself. You just mean… too much to me.”

 “Too much?” The frown of the man’s face only deepened. “Why is something telling me I should not feel flattered?” A bit of frustration was slipping into his own tone as well.

You let out a deep sigh.

“I started off as your fan, Baekhyun. I thought that with time, it’ll be more… normal. That you’ll feel like a normal person. But somehow it’s not like that. Somehow… it feels like my life is even more about you than it was before. I feel like a creep. Like I’m using you to fulfill a fantasy.”

“Are you?”

“No!” You denied right away, but your voice faltered. “I… don’t know.” You crossed your arms on your chest, fixating your gaze somewhere down below.

To your surprise, Baekhyun let out a breathy laugh. The laughter didn’t feel light and cheerful, like his usual ones – it was heavied with worry, with some sort of underlying agony.

“Okay, let’s talk about this. We need to talk about this.”

His hand reached towards you and he pulled you by your arm, almost throwing you off balance when he pulled you towards the living room, snatching a paper towel on his way and putting it into your still bleeding hand. “You’re right. Do you think I didn’t consider it? That this wouldn’t work out? That it would feel fake? Heck, I talked to so many friends about it, and most of them said it’s not a good idea. But you know what?” He pushed you onto the couch and sat himself on the stool, bringing it close so that your knees almost touched – if only you let yourself relax, they would rest against each other naturally, but you were stiff and trying to almost shrink within yourself. “You know what? I’ve known you for a year. And I could always trust you. You’ve had so many chances to take advantage of me, and you didn’t. So I don’t want to think about how you could – potentially – hurt me. But we need to talk about the other part.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t it obvious that…”

“No, no. You’re thinking about what it’s like, for me, to date a fan.” He didn’t even let you finish, but it was as if he could read your mind, already knowing your thought process. “I want you to be honest and tell me what it’s like to date an idol. Because you’re right, you could be using me. But you also said it’s not good for you. And you’re right, because I could be using you, too. So be honest with me and tell me if I ever hurt you.”

So many memories came flooding at once – not of pain, not at all, but of all things that could have led to one tragedy or another. Your whole relationship, like a videotape.

Sure, your relationship was not always perfect. Barely a year has passed. Not long enough to develop a deep understanding of each other, but long enough for many things to happen, to get to know each other at least.

Not all of it was beautiful. There were arguments, some of which almost ended in a breakup. But they made you stronger, that much was undeniable – with each and every single time you almost fell apart, it felt like you knew each other a bit better, knew what things not to do and not to say, but which helped to soothe the atmosphere and help you get back along.

You had one, most important rule in your relationship.

That no matter what happened between the two of you, you would play fair.

That one time he lied to you about being at work while he was not – that one hurt. When you found out he’s not at the office in the first place, you even thought he was cheating. Wouldn’t that be understandable to assume in such a situation? You had every chance to cause a scandal on spot. But you didn’t. You knew that pulling his whole career down because of your relationship wouldn’t be fair. No matter how much it hurt, it was completely out of the equation.

It turned out he was with his friends – he really wanted to go out, but felt bad for not giving you much attention these days. You felt almost pitiful, seeing him crumble in front of you, all worried that you will feel like he doesn’t want you, when he genuinely didn’t have that much time, and it was just one evening with friends. You smacked him in the head for feeling bad about spending time with friends. And he learned that he can be honest with you.

Another time, you were all excited upon his album release. Seeing him on the stage later on made you feel all kinds of things, the way he moved, all the effects, clothing, makeup – all putting emphasis on his heavenly physique, as if you were watching an angel dance. He came back home disheveled, with remains of makeup on his face, but as excited as you were. You would give all of you to him at that exact moment, more than he would ask for, more than you would feel confident to give any other time.

But it was still early in the relationship, and Baekhyun knew that you weren’t ready. That, drunk on him as you were, you could regret it later, even feel disgusted with giving yourself in this easily, that your gentle mind wouldn’t be able to trust yourself with your own body. So he indulged you with kisses here and there, and then gently tucked you into bed, making sure that it all went smoothly, that it didn’t feel anything like a rejection, but a gesture of utmost care.

It took a few more months before you opened yourself to him fully, and he never rushed or reminded you of how eager you were back then. He could have had it all back then, but he decided to wait. That’s how you learned he’s more selfless than you ever even aspired to be.

“You didn’t” you spoke after what felt like ages, to the point you wondered if you even responded to the correct question. “You didn’t… hurt me. Did I ever hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t. You’re just hurting yourself all the time” he mentioned, jokingly motioning towards your hand, which you wiped hastily with the paper towel. “So if nothing bad happened, why the ifs? You realize it’s not going to stop if we just break up?” It was a rhetorical question, and you glanced up at him with a pout, feeling almost schooled by the way he talked. “You believe it’s a matter of just us, but, as much as it sounds ridiculous to say it, it’s all in your head. No matter who you’re with, you’re going to assume the worst. Won’t it be like that? Be honest with yourself.”

You crossed your arms again, feeling defiant for a moment, because his words were almost too much for your ego to take.

But there was some small part of you, somewhere at the edge of your consciousness, that not only knew that he’s correct, but also wanted it to be correct – because if it was just you, then you could learn to maybe keep those pessimistic parasites at bay, and… you wouldn’t have to suffer the loss that, despite weeks of preparation, didn’t feel like any less of a torment and regret that would come, were you to finish things as you originally intended.

All the beliefs, all the dogmas, that you carefully built over the past weeks, were falling apart in front of your eyes, confronted with very simple logic on Baekhyun’s end. You almost felt stupid for letting things get this far without confronting him earlier. Weren’t you the one who demanded honesty? Wasn’t he the one who proved you can trust him with your vulnerability?

“I’m… sorry.”

You felt yourself fall apart as well. Your body slumped down, relaxed knees rested against Baekhyun’s, and he put his hands on top of your thighs, as if in this exact moment, while knowing that he has you with him, he didn’t want to risk losing you again.

“Don’t be for feeling like that, things are never easy, now are they?” Here it was – the signature smile, the warm one that tore through the clouds of the darkest of your days, warm and welcoming. “But I am upset that you held it from me for so long” he whined. With the whine, he finally moved from the stool and onto the couch next to you. His arms shamelessly snuck around you, engulfing you in the close embrace that you knew so well, felt so good within. Partially pulling you into him, and partially leaning into the back of your shoulder, Baekhyun released a long sigh against the skin of your back, warm air slipping underneath your blouse – you missed it. You almost didn’t realize how distant the two of you became, and how long has it been since you felt his body against yours. But now, despite all of that, it felt good, it felt right. As if your souls have never detached from each other.

Maybe there was some form of destiny between the two of you; maybe it was not just a parasocial relationship that evolved into something that could turn dysfunctional so, so easily – maybe it was written in the stars that one way or another, the two of you would find each other, and it just so happened that you spotted him first, from afar, slowly making your way.

How else would the two of you find each other, after all?

Maybe you learned something this time, too. Maybe it wasn’t much, just the beginning of a stronger, even more intimate bond that would last years and years, and light years, and through all your reincarnations, with some of them as pitiful as they could be. Maybe it was just an accident that this time you were in such a position – in another life, would you be a princess, and he be a peasant?

But these were only some other ifs, fun to think about, but not worth spilling your heart over.

In this life, in this universe, you were his, and he was yours. And everything else was just more or less accidental circumstances that brought you closer together.

Only at the back of your head, you wondered if one day, the tale of hopes and stars would fall, and that dream would turn into a nightmare, fueled by your lives’ imbalance and selfishness that neither of you knew in each other.

“girl, i’m your candy,” sunny sings quietly. you don’t cut your eyes at her immediately, but the panic bubbles in your chest. nobody mentions her singing, or sings along, but sunny and mingwa share a quick look that freaks you out, makes you paranoid that in a few hours when the video recording of this session is posted, speculations will start.

you glance at sunny, hoping to catch her eye, but she’s engrossed in what the host is talking about. you can barely hear above your heartbeat in your ears, the blood rushing through so quickly it’s starting to give you a headache. you try to discreetly regulate your breathing, trying to remember those videos talking about square breathing that you found online. nobody seems to notice, except mingwa who taps your forearm and looks at you with concern that you brush off.

you manage to make it through the rest of the interview as normal as possible. you start talking a lot less, letting your members share more about themselves and the group, and nobody except for mingwa clocks that you were mentally somewhere else.

saying your goodbyes, the four of you get up and shuffle out of the radio station and into the outside world where dozens of cameras await. the shutters fly at rapid pace, and the flash on some of them are nearly blinding, but you and your group smile and pose, despite the chaos happening.

shuffling into the car, you let the three others get inside first. you take the last seat in the sprinter van and buckle yourself in, resting your head against the headrest. “y/n, are you alright?” mingwa asks, concern clear and evident in her voice. you let out a breath and sit up, turning around to look at sunny.

“why did you start singing ‘candy’, soojin?” you ask, using her full name. she looks at you with wide eyes at her government being called and holds her hands up in surrender. “do you know what people are going to say?”

“sorry, mom,” she shoots back, giving you an incredulous look. “all they’re going to say is that i’m acting exactly like how the youngest person is supposed to be acting—interrupting you and singing over everybody. nobody is going to say anything about you and baekhyun.” you press your lips together, stumped because she’s most likely right, even though you have an inkling in the back of your brain that somebody is going to take notice, and make something out if it.

“well, you don’t really want people thinking you go around interrupting everybody,” you chastise. sunny rolls her eyes at you and sighs dramatically.

“we are quite literally the perfect group—i don’t know why you are so worried about our image all the time,” she says. you decide that the conversation is over, and sit facing forward again. sunny doesn’t understand that everything, at the end of the day, falls on you. people look at you like you birthed these girls and raised them up yourself. if one of them screw up, it falls on the entire group but rests on your shoulders to clean up. your image is so important to uphold, because there has only ever been one scandal to your groups name at the beginning of your careers that you did everything possible to stop the public from shaming you and the girls. it’s not easy to do that.

the ride is silent, save for their nails tapping against their phone screens. you sit with your eyes closed and your head leaned back, ready to dive into bed and maybe call baekhyun. maybe.

“would it really be that bad if everybody knew about you and baekhyun?” sunny asks, cutting into the silence. you open your eyes, but don’t turn around. the hair on your arms stands up at his name being mentioned so loudly, somewhere that isn’t the safety of your dorms.

“yes,” you reply. you think about the uproar it would cause, and what it would do to your career. his would be fine, of course, because the dismissal is never the same for men as it is for women. your group would probably have to disband, or you’d have to leave. it would look terrible, especially since you are the leader, if this was public news. “it would be awful, sunny. i cant lose my career over a man.” and while a nasty pang of guilt rips through your chest, it’s the truth.

“but… you told me you think that you love him. that’s not enough?” when she says these words, it’s like she’s 16 again, asking you why the world was mad at your group for a rumor about heejin. her voice is small, naive almost, and it reminds you how far apart you two really are.

you can’t help that your eyes start to water. “soojin, can we talk about this later?” you ask, blinking back the tears. you swallow thickly and pull your headphones out of your pocket, turning up your music loudly to block out any thoughts of you and baekhyun, and the public finding out.

getting back to the dorms, you head straight for your room. you close the door behind you and pull out your headphones and sigh, your head pounding. flopping onto the bed, you bury your face in the pillows and close your eyes.

you’re disrupted by a knock only moments later, and you let out a breath before telling whoever it is to come in. “y/n?” sunny’s voice calls from the doorway.

“yeah?” you roll over and sit up on your elbows to look at her. she gives you a sheepish smile and comes over to your bed, crawling in bed next to you like she used when you guys were trainees and she kissed her family.

scooting over, you make space for her to rest her head on your shoulder, your arm wrapping around her. “sorry for earlier. i guess i’m just trying to see the positive side to it,” sunny says.

“it’s fine,” you sigh. “i’m just super paranoid.”

“is baekhyun?” she asks.

you shake your head above her. it’s amazing to you that he seems to have no qualms or fears about your relationship becoming public. he’s fine with it being a secret or being news, and it makes you feel like shit, like it looks like you’re afraid of being seen with him. though it’s far from that. “no, and i guess that’s what makes me more stressed out. because he’s too chill about it, and doesn’t seem to be worried.”

“he’s old,” sunny snorts and you chuckle. there’s only four years between you and him, so she’s technically calling you old too, but you don’t say anything. “are you gonna tell him you love him?” she asks after a beat of silence. you still against her and she lifts her head to look at you.

it’s a sensitive subject—you and baekhyun haven’t said it yet. you won’t say it, because you’re afraid it’ll open a dam of bad things starting to happen. like once it’s out in the open, the worst possible thing could happen to your relationship. “maybe. i don’t know. probably not,” you ramble.

sunny gives you a sad look and squeezes you into a hug. she doesn’t say anything, and neither do you, but enough passes between the two of you. i’m here for you, she says. i know, you say back.

baekhyuns hands are on your ribs, holding you firmly and pressing you flush against the side of his car as he takes you into a nice, soft kiss. your arms snake around his neck, your fingers playing with the ends of his hair at his neck.

his lips move slowly against yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth with ease. your chest burns with adoration and want, and him tugging you closer to him only makes you throb. pulling away, his mouth chases yours and you let him kiss you again, this time letting him tilt your head back so you’re practically lying against the car.

it’s risky to be out in the open like this, but the parking garage is secluded and for residents of his apartment only. you would see and hear anybody coming through, but so far you haven’t in the last seven minutes.

you pull away from him again, and stop his advances by gently pressing your fingers to his lips. “baekhyun,” you say softly. he kisses your fingertips and then your cheek.

“yes?” he says, looking into your eyes with an intensity that makes your knees weak, so much so that you rest your weight against the car.

“can we go inside?” you ask, your fingers dancing on his cheek. he nods and kisses your palm before grabbing it and taking you to the elevators. baekhyun wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side, kissing your temple for a long time, all the way until the doors open, and then pulling you down the hallway to his apartment.

he helps you out of your coat and hangs it up. “what do you want to eat?” he asks as you step out of your shoes.

“bold of you to assume i’m hungry,” you tease, but you’re always hungry around him, and you are hungry right now. baekhyun rolls his eyes at you and repeats his question. “i don’t know. chicken? ramen? rice? whatever you want.” you say, kissing his lips. he holds you close for a beat before letting you go so he can get something started for the two of you.

you bound to the living room and sprawl out on his large couch, turning the tv onto one of the many shows you two have started watching together. you get comfortable and pull a blanket over you, snuggling into the cushions while he busies himself with the task of making dinner.

baekhyun comes into the living room with two bowls of food a few minutes later. you sit up and thank him as you accept the dish, crossing your legs and resting the bowl in your lap. “what did i miss?” he asks, and you catch him up on the show in between bites.

you two eat in a close and comfortable silence. he’d probably have his arm around you if it wasn’t uncomfortable while you two were eating. the close proximity is enough though, your knees touching and his right arm lightly bumping into your left.

you set your bowl on the table, ready to get up to get a drink but baekhyun gets up quicker than you, already knowing what you want. he goes into the kitchen and comes back with two glasses of water. it feels like the world is slipping beneath your feet, and you could cry because of him.

this is the taking care of that heejin said you needed. you finally have it—he’s always like this with you, feeding you, making sure you’re well rested and fed and just okay. he takes whatever worries you have and throws them on his back and just lets you be.

after dinner, you and baekhyun retreat to his bedroom. you lie on his bare chest, a hand resting on his stomach and your ear against his heart. baekhyun mindlessy plays with your hair, his fingers digging into your scalp soothingly. your eyes can’t help but flutter close—there’s no point in trying to fight sleep. you’ll wake up with him tomorrow.

the speculations didn’t start the next day. no, everybody thought it was so cute and funny that sunny blurts out random things while her older members are talking. there were compilations made from your groups content; interviews, your group vlogs, and more. it was funny, honestly, that they adored her disruptiveness.

the speculations started four days later. and when the news broke, the internet nearly stopped working because there were pictures and videos. so many pictures and videos, that it felt like somebody may have been stalking you. there were pictures of you and baekhyun kissing against his car, of you two in his car, of you two getting out of his car, of you two going for a late night walk near the han river.

and then there were videos—albeit, mostly can made—that served as proof that you two really are dating. there’s the longing looks shared at award shows, zoomed in videos of you two standing next to each other on stages, hands brushing. the other videos are just more reasons to believe that you two are dating; heejin saying you need to be taken care of, and then clips of baekhyun taking care of his own members. videos of you talking about your ideal type, and clips proving that you must have been referring to baekhyun, or jaír got really lucky that you found him.

it’s overwhelming.

when the pictures surfaced, you and mingwa were in the practice room dancing to your debut songs. the alert popped up on your phones at the same time, but mingwa grabbed hers first. you heard her gasp and ran over, thinking she might’ve twisted her ankle, but instead were met with her guilty eyes and her perfectly fine ankle.

you didn’t know what to do when you saw the photos. your heart stopped and your felt sick. your head started pounding, and it felt like a rug was being pulled from underneath your feet. you didn’t know what to do, so you started crying, falling to the floor in a heap. you weren’t sobbing, but your were audibly crying, and mingwa wasn’t sure what to do. you managed to get yourself together, and excused yourself to your room, avoiding any staff members on your way.

and now you’re on the phone with baekhyun, trying not to burst into tears as he keeps telling you everything will be ok. “baekhyun, this was such a bad idea!” you cry, pressing your forehead into your hand.

“what was? dating me?” he asks, slight offense in his voice.

“yes!” you shout, but you don’t even believe yourself. “w-we shouldn’t have gotten involved.” you’re adding fuel to the fire, hoping he’ll just break up with you so you can say those photos aren’t real, and that you’re not longer dating so everybody can leave you alone.

“you don’t mean that,” baekhyun says, his voice soft on the other line. it makes you feel like shit. “do you?”

you shake your head, though he can’t see you. “no,” you say meekly. “but we- y/n, you knew this could happen even before we started dating.” he interrupts, shutting you up. you press your mouth into a thin line. “don’t try to push me away now, y/n.” the overuse of your first name makes you feel like you’re being scolded by an elder.

“okay, i’m sorry,” you say, sighing. baekhyun parrots you and you press your body into your mattress. now would be the ideal time to tell him you love him, but it feels like it would be a poor bandaid to apologizing for saying that you should have never agreed to date him. “i don’t know what to do.” you mumble.

“let our companies handle it. you just get some sleep,” he says. you chew on your bottom lip, wishing that he was here with you.

“okay. goodnight, baekhyun,” you say. i love you, you want to add.

“goodnight, y/n.”

when you wake the next morning, your group, managers, and baekhyuns team are all in the dorm lounge. you freeze when you see him, ready to jump out of the nearest window because you know exactly what is about to happen. “we need to release a statement,” your manager says, beckoning you over to everybody.

gingerly, you walk over to your girls, sitting next to heejin at the end of the sofa, the furthest you can get away from your boyfriend. “so, i assume it’s true? the rumors about you dating? you can say no, but i’ve seen the pictures,” baekhyuns manager says, looking over at you. you nod, and when everyone keeps staring at you, you pipe up and say “yes”, your voice hoarse.

“great. how long has it been?”

“seven months,” baekhyun says, his eyes flicking to you. heejin gasps beside you, grabbing everybody’s attention.

“oh, sorry!” she says, waving everybody off. “liar!” she whispers. you told her that it’s only been four months.

both of your guys’ managers read from what looks like a checklist of things, asking you questions and scribbling down answers so they can formulate each of your statements.

“are you happy?” your manager asks, not looking up from the sheet. it’s an easy questions, and you both answer ‘yes’ with ease. “are you in love?” the question lodges your heart in your throat, and the room gets eerily silent, so silent that you could hear a pin drop in the next room.

you don’t know what to say. you don’t want to lie, and look terrible, but you don’t want to tell the truth and further complicate your relationship.

you glance over at bakehyun, and find him already looking at you. you know what you’re going to say the moment your eyes meet, and you feel your stomach flip on it’s side. your heart melts like goo in your chest as you say, “yes”, admitting after many long months the one thing that’s been clawing at you in the back of your mind.

your manager scribbles down your answer and turns to baekhyun. “baekhyun?” he asks. his eyes never leave yours, and it feels like you’re the only two people in the room, despite the fact that there’s about 10 feet of distance between you two.

“of course,” he says it so sincerely that you drop your gaze to your lap, your face turning red and a smile overtaking your lips. your group members giggle and elbow you in your side, equally as happy to hear the news.

you feel over the moon, and your past paranoia is put away and shoved into a box that you choose to ignore for a moment. both of your teams curate statements, and they’re sent out less than an hour later. you and baekhyun take the rest of the day for yourselves, driving out far to the beach and hanging there all day until it gets dark, and your teeth start clattering because of the weather. and when you get in the car, he kisses you and you quite literally feel the love has for you, and your brain goes fuzzy to the point where all you can remember is his name, everything else being put to shame.

the responses you get to your relationship are much more positive than you expect, and of course there are negative comments, but not nearly as many as there are of the positive comments. people cnat help but gush at how you found your person, and are finally getting to get taken care of.

but, of course, cameras are on you more heavily than in the past. and now, when you go on variety shows solo, they want to know about your personal life before knowing about the group. you learn to get used to it, giving way to basically nothing, and sometimes sharing more than people expect, when you want to.

like, when you go on a variety show alone with a bunch of other idols, the same show baekhyun had been on in the past, they bring up an interview moment where baekhyun says that you’re the better dresser of the two of you. you’re asked the same question, and you answer baekhyun, and follow up with admitting that you’re wearing his clothes at that very moment. that makes the internet go crazy, searching high and low for pictures of baekhyun wearing the same item, comparing how it’s massive on you but fits him snugly.

or, when you attend the end of the year award shows and exo performs, the camera is on your group more often than you’d like to admit. there are fancams dedicated to your reaction of his groups performances, everybody focused on how you react to baekhyun specifically. of course, the same thing happens to him with you, and he’s a lot more shameless about his support of you.

you group responds well to your now public relationship. you’re able to get all five of you together more often, and they look at him like a bigger brother. sunny often tags along on your dates and asks about baekhyun and genuinely treats him like her uncle. she makes a lot of jokes about the two of you, mainly on camera. like, when you’re filming content for you groups vlog, she asks how baekhyun asked you out, and then sings the bridge of ‘blooming days’ by CBX, and does the dance too. the internet eats that up, constantly sharing the clip because it truly was funny.

Instead, it caused him to roll his eyes and made him more defensive about the whole issue. You wouldn't talk yourself down, not on his watch.

"Yes, you are. And it doesn't even matter what you wear because I already know what you look like underneath your clothes." A good reminder.

Baekhyun looked at you with a dramatically lustful gaze while getting lost in the images inside of his head.

It took him a moment to realize he was staring at you open mouthed but then he quickly licked his lips and pressed them together as he swallowed. Not that he was embarrased but maybe he should tone it down just a little bit. He really didn't need to come off that desperate.

Somehow it was hard to tell how much of that was real and what was purposely done just to tease you.

You only sighed, shooting him a short look and continued with your task.

"You do know that you were the one who said we should go back to just being friends, right? You wanted to be free to go on big dates and get serious, settle down. Stupidly panicking about your age after your birthday", you reminded him unapologetically. "So, we're just friends. Don't think of me like that anymore."

"You can't forbid me to think about you." He laughed sincerely.

"Okay. Don't fantasize about me", you specified what you meant with your previous words.

"Ahh", he nodded slowly as he understood. But then he shrugged, grinning while he kept his eyes set on you. "I don't need your permission for that either. I have all those memories of sleeping with you saved in my head and I can just recall that and fantasize about you any time I want. I could even close my eyes and go at it right now. Actually, I don't even need to close my eyes to picture you naked. I could look at you just like this and what are you gonna do about it, hm? Oh yeah... That's some hot stuff."

You giggled at his teasing, failing to glare at him. He was being ridiculous. And that was kind of cute. You had always found it hard to be mad at him. Or to resist his playfulness. "Stop it."

"You can't make me."

You knew that was true and the both of you stayed in comfortable silence for a while, small grins on your faces.

"What did you mean when you said everything turns you on at this point?", you wondered slowly and halted in your move to look at him. "I thought you were dating that one chick from work. Is that not enough?"

"That's over. We only went out twice. She had a really weird sense of humor. A none existing one." His voice was dead serious and he looked displeased.

"Oh come on. It couldn't have been that bad." You should have known since he hadn't talked about her at all.

"Yes, it was! Too dull to even make me wanna have sex with her."

"A real accomplishment. How to be her", you joked. Baekhyun wasn't that kind of person. Maybe he was getting horny easily but he wasn't an asshole about it. A bit petty maybe, occasionally.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm not that desperate. Yet...", he decided and met your gaze. "Why do you ask so suddenly? Jealous?"

You couldn't help but chuckle. "No? I just thought we shouldn't talk like that if you're seeing someone."

"Pff", he huffed. "She was not the one. Plus, when did that ever bother us?"

"I don't know. Most of that was before we were sleeping with each other, so it was okay to flirt." You were done with your stuff and now turned around to him completely.

"What? What's with that look?" He chuckled nervously, a grin forming on his face.

But you only shook your head, trying to tell him it was nothing.

He raised a brow at you. "So I'm not allowed to reminisce about our good times together and can't flirt with you anymore either?"

"Exactly. None of that anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because it's different. Now it feels like, I can't be sure if it doesn't go into that direction again. And I don't know if that's a strange spark of hope... Or worry. So just, seriously don't do this to me, Baek."

You worried that you might read too much into it and overthink it but at the same time worried that you weren't taking the flirty avances serious enough. It could be either one that would turn out to be true eventually.

With a surprised expression he tried to grasp the turn this conversation was taking. "It really bothers you, huh? Sorry. I didn't realize."

You sighed deeply and ruffled your hair in a bit of frustration. "No, that's not what I... I just wish..." You paused to take a deep breath.

Baekhyun gave you an expectant look, waiting. Maybe he was a bit irritated where this was supposed to go but he was clearly ready to mock you for beating around the bush.

"Look, flirting doesn't bother me. It's fun. But it's like I have expectations that something's actually gonna happen when you say stuff like that. And of course, I know it won't 'cause we don't do that anymore. But there's this tiny voice inside my head going >maybe<, you know?"

You searched for his gaze. "To be honest, I think you could still easily get me tingly and all that. And I'm a little too aware, I shouldn't even feel that way and it's irritating. And! I can't tell if you're serious about any of it anymore. Because back then I thought it was nothing and it turned out to be... Fun. But now it's not turning into anything. You know?"

Your words were confusing. And then it hit him. "So, if we don't have sex you want to not be reminded of us at all? That's ridiculous. Us sleeping together won't go away just because I stop teasing you about it."

"I know that."

There was something about the way he kept phrasing it as >sleeping with you< instead of saying >fucking< or anything along the lines. It almost sounded loving. Even that affected you now that you had noticed. And he seemed interested in your thoughts, too, at least enough to be serious with his responses.

"Then why are you getting uncomfortable by me being open about still finding you attractive?" Baekhyun was a little proud of himself for putting it together like that.

"I wasn't." You looked at him and let out a soft giggle, visibly relaxing again. You probably should have addressed this a while ago already. Then again he hadn't been this bluntly talking about being turned on and imagining you naked before.

"I was just saying, it makes me wonder about us, thinking it will turn into something more again, when I probably shouldn't. So you know, you shouldn't flirt so much if you don't even wanna play. You said you're horny but you made the decision that's holding you back from having fun now."

"I see." He blinked at you and then slowly licked his lips. A mischivious smile formed on his face, his dark eyes sparkling. "Do you wanna be friends with benefits again?"

"I'll think about it", you replied with a shrug and walked past him, seemingly indifferent, only to tease him. You hadn't meant for all of this to become such a serious topic.

"Woah, hey. Not so fast", he complained, grinning widely as he went after you. "Is that why you really asked if I'm seeing someone? Because you wanted to know if I'd still have sex with you? I would."

Deep within there was a warm feeling spreading, a mixture of relief and satisfaction when you got the answer to a question you had wondered about but wouldn't have had the guts to ask him. But you didn't want to think about what that could mean and be vulnerable now, so you didn't let it show.

"Good for you. Then maybe I should just leave you to your imagination. I heard you still fantasize about me anyway."

"Oh you don't mean that." With a light grip on your arm he pulled you closer and made you look at him. There were only a few centimeters of distance between you.

Your gaze found his, the grasp on you still firm but gentle. And so familiar, albeit from different circumstances. You shook those involuntary memories off.

"No. But I told myself so many times that I'd be over this... Just like you, that I wouldn't go for simple fun anymore. Friends with benefits never works for long." You spoke quietly, although there was no one else around who could have heard your conversation anyway. "And it's you and me... this is not new for us. More like... getting back together. Without the strings attached."

"We had a reason why we ended that. Or at least I thought I had a reason...", Baekhyun said with a shrug. "And we're not a couple. So, where's the harm? It's not like we're going back just because it's familiar."

You couldn't even believe you were talking about this, seriously considering to have sex with your friend again. "There's no sense in doing that again. The outcome is gonna be the same, isn't it? And we're too old to repeat that, to have some fun and pretend we wouldn't rather be in real relationships. It's a great thought, fooling around again. But being friends with benefits has no future and we shouldn't hook up with anybody if we have to lie to ourselves about it."

"It worked out before and our friendship wasn't ruined. Even if we had sex again, it would be the same after. So what's your point?"

You bit your lip. You should simply say it.

"I don't think I see you the same way I used to before we ever... You know? Like, I know that's probably normal, but I just don't think I can go back to >just fun< when it's you. We're friends and that was sort of pushing the boundaries... Like, we've done stuff and you know me very differently now. And yeah, sure, it wasn't awful to just be friends after, you're right. Not to confess my love or something but I care about you too much. Maybe more now. And in a weird way, Baek."

"Oh... okay?" He faltered for a moment. "Wait, I was the one breaking it off and now you're telling me you need commitment? Is that it?" He couldn't hide his surprise but from the look on your eyes he could tell you were sincere. His grip left you as he taxed you with raised eyebrows, trying to understand your mind. You said it wasn't a confession, yet it sounded like one. Not a good one. But a very confusing, you feel something against your own will, you aren't even sure about it, that kind of one.

"You're not making any sense. The entire concept of friends with benefits is just uncommitted fun, so if you're not up for it, simply say that." He bit his lip, his gaze falling  before adding in a mumble. "Shouldn't I at least be the one asking to date?"

You weren't sure what he was trying to say. And on top of it, you felt like you were the desperate one all of a sudden. As if you had switched with him. "Maybe I'm okay with commitment now. Maybe- I don't know. Do I look like I have my life together and seriously know what I want?"

He shrugged and made a face. "The only time you ever know what you want is when you're naked."

That took you off guard.

He might be on to something there, you thought.

Everything had gotten you stressed lately. Maybe you needed this more than him. Just to be able to think clearly again. Maybe you should try again and see if your feelings change. Maybe you were over thinking because you hadn't had sex for so long and you unnecessarily tried to complicate the situation due to your history.

"Good point. Actually", you pondered. Then you let out a small chuckle of disbelief. "Why would you even let me talk? I shouldn't be elaborating on this." But was he even still in the mood?

His brows rose up when he looked at you with a smug grin. Baekhyun understood the expression in your eyes very well. "So, are we doing this again?"

"Hell, yes", you voiced out and in the next second already pressed your mouth on his.

He could feel you smiling against his lips when he responded by deepening the kiss without hesitation.

Just two good friends who used to have sex, making out again. What could go wrong?

You had longed to be close to him again, without even knowing it. You needed this, to be held and to be kissed.

And had you seriously let it slip that maybe you wanted more than fun? That you were an idiot who had realized a stable relationship would be kind of good for you?

This didn't mean anything. You still kissed him as just your friend, right?

Your arms were slung around his body, locking him in so naturally while he kept kissing you, his tongue in your mouth. His hands were slowly roaming your familiar body, making their way beneath your clothes so casually. You knew each other and you knew what you wanted in this moment. There was no need to hesitate or be unsure.

But you broke free and interrupted the kisses. "Baekhyun?", you voiced, drawing further away to search for his gaze again. It was him. You dared to be vulnerable now. "What if I really want you to just be with me? And not date anybody else..." You breathed in deeply. Then you swallowed, holding your breath, waiting for his reaction as you tried not to lose the eye contact.

Baekhyun had been so focused on you, on the way you had felt against him. He had to blink a couple of times, processing the question you had interrupted with. "What do you mean? Are you saying you want us... Me to date you? You wanna try to be serious?"

The most careful shrug of your shoulders couldn't overshadow the expectant and hopeful look on your face. A wordless answer. It left you scared of his and a cold wave washed over you briefly.

His focus darted back and forth between your eyes for a few seconds. Then he nodded vehemently and it was as cute as the smile on his lips now. Playfulness was coming through in his expression but his words weren't any less serious. "Let's be a couple then." A sealed deal. "That means lots of kisses. And I can sleep with you and fantasize about you as much as I want."

"I figured you'd like that." You felt relief upon his teasing. The warmth was spreading within your body fast.

He wasn't the type to mindlessly agree to this only to get sex. You weren't just anybody. After all, you had been friends and stayed close even when you had decided to break off the benefits arrangement. You meant something to him. If he didn't think there was a real chance for this working out, he wouldn't risk to try.

Baekhyun pulled you into another kiss immediately. There was more now. More passion, mayne even more desperation. More to lose, so he held you close using a bit more force.

He was soft, though, nonetheless. At heart at least. Because otherwise, he was quite literally not. Especially with how turned on he was now, which he had no problem showing you as he pressed his body against yours, his mouth on your lips, too needy to let go off you.