chasing that feeling

Your tone amused Hanma nearly as much as seeing you reveal more of your body to him sparked his joy, in contrast to your almost unwilling words. He knew better than to believe that act of you following his wish like you simply had nothing better to do. No, it wasn't like you didn't have options, you simply wouldn't have them here. No one would stand between Hanma and whatever he wanted in that moment.

Not that you truly minded him coming for you either way, he was well aware of the attraction being mutual. It was only natural for him to tease you. "Please... You're damaged goods. A widow already..."

"You killed my husband of five years", you promptly reminded him.

Remembering filled him with bliss. "I know. It was great. And you're welcome." Hanma couldn't help it. That husband of yours had never treated you right and you were much better off without him. You had married way too young anyway. At least in his opinion.

Then again, Hanma hadn't been someone to seriously consider marriage for himself and hadn't seen the benefits of it in general. Like this, now, you got to be free. No, he didn't feel bad about it. But of course, he also got things out of this, so it wasn't exactly possible to classify his actions as not personal.

"You have no conscience at all, do you?" The next clothing item was carefully removed from your silhouette.

"What's the point of regret? What's done is done. Why should I torment myself when-"

"Tormenting others is so much more fun", you concluded, ending his sentence.

He let out a chuckle and stepped closer to you. "Exactly. I knew you would get me."

Seeing him finally move from the relative distance across the room made you halt for a moment to muster him. Hanma Shuji. This was really him in all his glory.

It was brief but not briefly enough for him not to notice the contemplation on your face before you stripped out off your last piece of clothing and let it fall to the floor, a soft hum the only audible reaction to his statement.

"Besides... conscience or not: To take you out, I had to take him out first. If I learnt anything from Kisaki it's that there's an order to things."

You had been loyal to your husband, no matter how awful that relationship had been. As a married woman, no way in hell you would have even let him chase you. And Hanma was all about the excitement of the game. Now as he scanned your body, there were no bruises of another man, nothing standing in the way anymore. Nobody an excuse to hold you back. Not that it would have held him back but, you see, he didn't only have himself in mind. It wasn't supposed to only be fun for him, this time. His ego needed much more out of it. His heart did, too. Even if he wouldn't speak about it so soon, it was the truth.

He wasn't known to be decent. And maybe making it possible to pursue you in the first place hadn't been the most good guy thing to do, not the way that he had done it, but it was an action a lot more thoughtful than most people would deem him capable of being if you looked at the big picture of your life and how it gave you a chance to turn it around.

Sure, it had been selfish. Still. Hanma knew what he wanted, that it was you from the moment he had first encountered you. He had a set goal. For months he had watched you without making a move. He couldn't bring himself to approach you and it had made him feel silly and powerless. The thought of you making him weak ever so often. On the other side, the thought of another man having you filled him with rage. Hanma would be so much better. You would be thrilled to be with him instead, right?

Hanma was dealing from a position of power in this world, he could probably have whoever he wanted. Why did it still feel like he had to convince himself that he wasn't pushing you to fear him? That he could actually have you to himself when you were standing right in front of him like this? So much to a conscience. After all, he wasn't doubting that you liked him but he needed to see it more. He had to make you give it away. With more than just taking your clothes off to please him.

"What now? Are you taking a mental picture first?", you asked quietly, noticing him being lost in his headspace for a second.

There was a bit of distance left between the both of you but he was so tall, he caught you searching for his gaze quickly and met your eyes with a slight grin.

The expression on your face was calm. To his satisfaction you didn't look very uncomfortable in his presence, not before and not even the demand to see you naked had been able to change that. You were less playful than him but he couldn't have held it against you, considering the overall situation he had put you in without ever saying a word about his plans to you beforehand. Not that it had ever occured to him to handle this any other way. Hanma had needed to get you to himself somehow. And now here you were. Sparking his interest even more.

"Are you suggesting to take actual pictures instead?"

"If that's what you want..?"

"If that's what I-" Hanma broke into laughter and shook his head at you without letting you out of his sight.

"Yeah." You were left to shrug and then crossed your arms in front of your chest, raising a brow at him as you shifted your weight to your other foot just staring up to him. "Would you let me oppose to it? Aren't you the kind of man who takes whatever he wants?"

"Well you heard right about that...", he mused now and lifted a hand to let his fingertips dance along your upper arm. The touch broke your resistance and made you untangle from the slightly defensive posture in an instant. "Maybe I should get my camera~" He paused as a larger smirk formed on his face, taking in your beauty once more. "Later." Other things first.

You couldn't hide that bit of surprise about him postponing to take evidence shots but you figured he might have something else in mind entirely. With him, would you ever know? The thought excited you an unknown amount, filled you with an urge, making you more bold in your desire. "Even if you don't believe in regret... you'll regret if if you don't kiss me soon."

Hanma needed to stop stalling and get out of his head. And out of his suit, too.

The wide smile still prominent, you rolled your eyes at his typical teasing. But you played along. "Miserable." The word was exclaimed dramatically and followed by a heavy sigh. "Thank the Lord, you're here. My knight in shining armor."

Beomgyu snorted, shaking his head a little. His eyes sparkled at you, though. "Then thank me instead. For showing up to save your ass. Or, should I say, my ass?" A satisfied smirk settled on his lips, the corners of his mouth twitching from amusement.

"Woah", you made with an impressed seeming look on your face. "Daring." Then you slowly nodded while thoroughly mustering your friend.

"I didn't forget you said you wanted to confess to me under the moon. And it's practically night."

"Coincidence?", you pressed and nudged him a little, relaxing again. "You probably shouldn't be too excited. You don't know what exactly I wanted to confess", you teased. Then instantly you sounded more hopeful. "But yeah. Have you seen the sky outside? Stars?"

"Yeah. Wanna go?" He looked at you with raised brows, ready to take your hand and drag you out of here,your  before he hesitated in the last moment. "Wait. Are you even allowed to leave yet?"

"Do you really care?", you retorted with a laugh.

Beomgyu only shrugged and pressed his lips together.

"See, I know you don't. Cause you're a little rebel. Besides, whatever happens tonight, we can blame on the full moon. Come on." You grabbed his hand with a smile and led the way to the backyard, dragging him along, soft sparkles dancing in your eyes. You really couldn't wait to get out of here. Although, technically, you weren't leaving. You would only be outside, away from this gathering of a stiff, dressed up society. And hopefully out of sight for their judgemental eyes.

You came to stand in the fresh evening air and took a deep breath, letting go of Beomgyu.

"Yep. This is better."

"True but now I'm not a knight in shining armor saving you from here. I thought you really wanted to leave." A small laugh escaped him while he mustered you from the side, his gaze attentive on your moonlit face. It was a beautiful, clear sky tonight.

"I do", you pressed and gave him a helpless smile. "I wish I could. But we both know I can't actually do that. I'm so glad you came to break the rules, though. Even when stealing us away for a bit is all we can get." A small laugh escaped you and you looked up at the stars, searching through constellations. This was a hundred times better than being stuck inside. And the company of a friend had a calming and reassuring effect as well.

Beomgyu only glanced at you a couple of times, letting some moments slip away quietly. It was nice, although he began feeling a little tense. He was next to you, so close, and once more felt uncertain after having arrived finally being so sure. But now you were here, away from all the others, and he still didn't know.

"So was this just a fever dream?", he eventually found the courage to ask, trying his best to sound as mischievous as usual and next thing you knew, he showed you the very real text you had sent a few hours ago. Just barely before the night had begun.

You didn't actually need to read it, you remembered just fine what you had typed out in that lightheaded moment, desperately trying to find some fun earlier.

"Fuck me under the stars."

It hadn't been that serious. But now you were met by a stare full of held back anticipation and curiousity.

How were you supposed to respond?

His man lowered the gun and Hatter sighed, seemingly pleased.

"Now, you can keep an eye on her and make sure she's happy until I come back", he spoke calmly as he turned away to leave.

"What if I kill him and find you personally?", you asked loudly in a provocative tone. "Will you change your morals then?"

A chuckle escaped Hatter as he swirled around slowly and faced you again.

"Feisty. Just how I like them."

He grinned amused and walked up to you, eyes entirely focused on yours.

"You can leave, I will take care of her myself", he adviced the other.

He came to stand in front of you and bend down, lowering himself to your height to meet your gaze, and placed is hands on your thighs.

"But boss, didn't you have to be somewhere else?", the man quietly reminded and bowed his head slightly, talking back for the second time.

Hatter shot him a meaningful look. "Well, I'll be busy here. They'll just have to wait for me. So, get out!"

Your previous guard quickly made his way to the exit of the room, leaving the two of you behind.

You felt your heart beating fast in your chest when Hatter stood so close to you, his face only centimeters away from yours.

His smug grin grew bigger as you swallowed under his piercing gaze.

Then suddenly he pushed himself up and walked around you. "You should accompany me to dinner. Be my guest."

Swiftly he removed the ties from your wrists before he took a step back, walking around you, holding out a hand in your direction.

You looked directly at his face, not making a move to get up, ignoring his gesture entirely.

"Your men walked into my business, threatened my employees, attempting to force me into giving you shares of our earnings if we want to keep living. I merely even defended myself and they took me here. And now you think you could ask me out to dinner? I don't know what you truly want but you're not getting anything from me. And especially not my business."

"Darling, this is not a negotiation. I was just being polite." He smiled and lowered his hand again.

"The way I see it, you can either take up on my offer or you'll have a lot of unpleasant business with those ridiculous street gangs coming in to your club. They already do, don't they?"

"If that's supposed to be a threat, it's a really poor one. What a sad little life must others lead if this is enough to make them cave. Does this normally work for you? You might want to consider changing your profession." You spoke almost lazily but your gaze was unwavering.

He smiled charmingly.

"You're barely more than a stripper and if you want to keep your little hostess club, we're gonna turn it into my establishment. It comes with a lot of benefits, I guarantee you that. You will thank me for it later." He paused, taking a deep breath for the dramatic effect. "Besides, I know it's not really your business."

You thought for a moment. It seemed, he had done his research.

In the end, you couldn't deny that having someone with a little bit of influence as back up for potential threats would be useful in your kind of profession. That wasn't your decision to be made, though.

And not that you were so weak but his assumption wasn't entirely wrong. You weren't to keen on having small groups harassing your girls. And yes, you saw them as your girls.

"Look down on me all you want. But you're the one playing king here in his little world and your men weren't exactly nice either. And if you know I'm not the actual owner than why are you talking to me in the first place? What do you need me for?"

He laughed quietly and looked at you, making an acknowledging expression.

"I see you're not dumb. Good. Then we both know you'll be the one convincing your mamasan to go into business with us."

"So you want me to tell her that this insanely attractive man approached me and being the tiny, little slave to my hormones that I am, I couldn't think straight and therefore got confused, letting him give me directions for my job?"

Your question was playful despite knowing it could have been risky to challenge someone like him to a game like this.

"If that's the case", he smirked slightly at your words, his eyes taxing you. That compliment didn't go unnoticed.

"Tell her whatever you must so she'll hold up her end of the deal. I'm sure she'll listen to you better and it would be less of a hazard for her to hear it from you, being the dear, partial owner that you are."

You nodded slowly. That must have been a thorough background check he had run on the business, or on you.

"As long as you can guarantee that no one touches the girls, I might actually consider it. And I will believe your words when I have a contract in hand."

"My men aren't me and actions speak louder than words. Still, if that's your only request, I ensure we'll get right on that paperwork."

"It's a pleasure making business with you." You mimed a smile, squinting your eyes at him briefly as you spoke half sarcastically.

"So how does that dinner invitation sound now that we sealed the deal? We should celebrate with some drinks."

He extended his hand towards you again and this time you took it.

Getting up from the chair elegantly, you came to stand in front of him.

You knew that whatever friendliness he offered, was solely to charm you until he had his share. He could also threaten you to death, that simply didn't seem to be his style.

But you also knew that everyone else would try the same thing.

Plus, Hatter was probably still rather well mannered and decent with his morals in comparison to others.

A lot of clubs were under control of the yakuza or organisations associated with them at least. When you started your work in this area you were aware this was likely to happen, so it shouldn't have surprised you.

His offer almost sounded too sweet, though. That's what made you sceptic.

The way he didn't care and let his men take you to him when you showed the tiniest bit of resistance wondered you.

A small business like yours couldn't be of that much significance to him to be worth the trouble.

Furthermore, he was neither very old, nor very young, giving off a rather fit and sly impression. You guessed him to be in his mid thirties maybe. Also his presence was strong and interesting.

There was a lot of confidence in that man but not the arrogant, youthful kind that so easily led to recklessness.

He knew exactly, what he was doing.

And who knew, maybe you could even end up liking to work with a guy like him. If he didn't try to screw you over too much.

And you had to admit that he, indeed, wasn't half as bad looking.

"Isn't it too early to announce that?", you asked with a cocky expression.

"It is sealed to me. If you can't get the agreement, you will be the one to sign and live with the consequences. I always get my way."

Even these words, he found a way to make them sound charming with that slight smirk on his face.

"Interesting, the same goes for me." You briefly licked over your lips. "I just want to know the business in good hands. I'm sure you understand that."

He smiled, endearingly almost, his view shortly directed at the ground between the both of you.

"Consider it to be in the best hands then."

"And whose hands are those exactly?", you wanted to know. He certainly was very sure of himself.

"Ah where are my manners? I must have forgotten to introduce myself at the sight of such a pretty lady", he spoke in amusement and tilted his head.

"Danma Takeru."

"Danma", you repeated slowly.

It didn't ring any bell. Definetely not one of the names mamasan had mentioned to you before.

Still, you wondered if they had some kind of history you didn't know of.

"Oh no, that's Takeru for you, sweetheart." His tone was flirtatious but charming.

"I hope you understand that I don't look down on you and in fact respect you very much."

He must really have a way with the ladies, you thought.

Asking you to call him by his first name, despite the difference in age and profession, not to mention you clearly weren't friends, was almost scandalous.

"If it's Takeru, you don't take me serious." That was merely an observation, more so a light accusation. In other words, you were calling a bluff.

"Quite the opposite, I take you very serious."

There was something in his eyes, the way he looked at you as he spoke, that you couldn't decipher.

"So serious that your word on the deal is enough for me."

He slowly walked backwards with an amused face, not letting you out of his sight.

"Serious to the point where I don't want you tied to a chair in a room with any of my men. And also serious in a way that makes me want your company for dinner", he continued sincerely.

"But maybe, if you're not ready for that, you'll walk out of here today and we'll reschedule. I sure know where to find you", Hatter suggested joyfully as he had turned his back to you again and wandered out of the room, letting the door stay wide open.

Undeniably, that man was an interesting character. And he got you tamed almost too easily.

_

Only a few days later you found yourself at a table for two in a private room of a rather fancy restaurant with Hatter.

The lights were dimmed and the interior a mix of red fabrics and dark wood.

You didn't take there was anything romantic about your dinner but the atmosphere in this place would not have stood in the way of that possibly changing either.

So far you had quite enjoyed eating in company like this.

At first Hatter had made some usual small talk, compliments about your dress in his typical charming way. He's been a true gentlemen.

Almost like it was an actual dinner invitation and not solely about taking an opportunity for making more money.

"You might wonder why I show any interest in your business at all. Well, my dear, I've always fancied the idea of being a host club owner but for now part of a hostess club might do as well. And you already have a permit for dancing and seemed to have impeccable taste in music for such a young lady."

You didn't like him calling you young lady. It didn't suit you all too well.

Also your association with it mainly was being scolded by a parent, so you scrunched your nose slightly at the term.

How exactly have had this man an eye on you before? And how long?

"Who doesn't love to get down to 80's rock songs?", you asked rhetorically and just probably a tad provocatively, and nipped at your glass.

"I sure do", he winked at you and then continued like nothing had happened.

"The interior design is not bad either. It isn't top class but it works for the size of the club. And you have just started out so we'll see about progress."

"The safety could use some improvement, as occurred to me through a recent incident."

He chuckled at your comment and reached for his drink.

Letting his lips linger on the glass for a bit after he had taken a sip, he tasted the alcohol with all it's different notes before he swallowed it down.

"Enough with the business talk. It seems I bore you with that. Let's get to some more enjoyable things."

He showed the hint of a smile as he looked at you calmly and placed the glass back on the table.

"You don't bore me with anything, Takeru. We can discuss everything you want", you answered like a true professional of your field suddenly.

With a bittersweet expression he lowered his gaze and let his fingers glide along his chin for a moment.

The silence didn't last long, though.

"I did not and will not pay you for your company tonight." His voice was quiet and with a serious look he met your eyes again.

"You don't have to cater to my needs."

There was something more to his words, a deeper meaning, unspoken.

"Then what happened to you always getting your way?" You made the question sound casual.

"Oh I will get my way. But you should know, this right here isn't like that. When I want someone, they come to me in free will, I can always be sure they want me the same. Even if it takes time."

You struggled briefly with the message he was giving you.

"And how can you be sure you want them?"

"I see them." A meaningful smirk spread on his face as he kept looking at you.

"The real question is: Are we both getting our way tonight?"

The mood in the room shifted noticeably, the tension unbearable.

How could he make you feel so aroused just by the look he gave you? Let alone his voice. The way he sat across from you in his dark suit. With that hint of danger in his grin.

How was his presence somehow threatening and yet so tempting?

It was your job to play men, you knew how to get them hot. But they should not so easily have that effect on you.

Usually, they didn't.

"You're gorgeous", Hatter remarked sensually as your cheeks were blushing.

His eyes were piercing and dark from lust now.

And in spite of your nipples already being visible through the thin fabric of your dress, he still waited for you to say something to confirm it was mutual.

"Not in here", you finally said, your throat feeling terribly dry, unlike other parts of you.

The corners of his mouth rose in, what one could call, pleasant surprise.

"The car is soundproof."

The amusement on your face was still visible for him, though and therefore he knew you were in a playful mood and he could test the waters some more.

"Alright, alright", he said in a defeated tone and held up his hands in a matching gesture of helplessly being caught.

Always striking a pose, this one.

"What do I have to do to get you to have sex with me?" The cunning expression returned when he lowered his hands again.

Letting out a sigh, your view fell to him and first you wanted to retort something but then you stayed silent and your gaze drifted away from him.

"Are you giving up? No fighting? Or just finally realising you got nothing of a good enough reason to not sleep with me?"

"Yeah, you wish", you mumbled.

He bit his lip, seeing you get quiet and apparently losing you to your thoughts now. "Fine, I'll stop", he resigned with a small disappointed sigh.

But then you immediately turned back around to him. "No, no. Actually..." You cleared your throat. "I'll get freaky with you if you manage to find a guy good enough for my friend to date."

"Freaky?" Ran laughed wholeheartedly. "Sure." Then he stopped, tilting his head as he squinted his eyes at you. "Although... That's a weird request."

You simply shrugged and flashed him a smile. "You want me. That's the way. Make my friend happy and I'll do everything in order to return the favor to you."

He raised a brow at you and clicked his tongue. "Okay. Sounds like we have a deal." He got up but before he left, he grinned at you one last time. "By the way, I knew you couldn't resist me forever."

Groaning, you shot him a look as he walked off, seemingly amused and satisfied with himself.

Then again, he wasn't wrong. Slowly but surely you had been falling for his charms. The dumb jokes and poses and the relentless flirting working their magic on you, apparently. And he looked good but you hadn't needed a second glance to figure that out. You were never repelled by him, it was rather caution holding you back.

If he was such a big flirt, where would this end?

You had been sleepy, you still were, but soon your lips trailed along his skin, leaving several kisses as you kept readjusting your position to be as pressed up against him as somehow possible.

It was never quite close enough, not even when you were clinging to him like this.

"You tryna get me to fuck you?"

"No. I just need to feel you", you mumbled, your eyes closed, following your intuition as you ignored the tingly feeling within.

The thought of him inside of you made you feel warmer immediately. That could work. Draken burying himself inside of you was just as close as you could get.

But you were stubborn. Sex had not been the intention of you cuddling. You had solely wanted to fulfill that need of being close, only it didn't seem to work. It wasn't enough. And yes, him fucking you would be the most plausible solution to this problem. But you didn't want to bother him with this.

"You always come over with sex in mind."

"But I don't." You pouted in the dark and then slowly continued to press your lips against his collarbone. Other than the soft sounds of your affection and the occasional ruffling from you beneath the sheets, the room was filled with silence.

"You don't want me to fuck your brains out?"

"I...", you contemplated. After all you couldn't deny it, you didn't want to lie. You took a deep breath, inhaling more of his familiar scent. "I do. But that wasn't my plan. You're being unfair. Of course now I do."

Draken didn't make a move, not attempting to gain space and not to fulfill your desire either. "Thought so." His response came low and unshaken as he continued to lie there with a calmly beating heart.

You weren't even sure where it was coming from but you needed him and you needed it rough if you wanted to feel any better.

Even if he showed no signs of interest, you only craved him more. His mere presence, the innocence of this casual yet so intimate moment, the close proximity were playing with your mind. You were just so tempted to feel him. And cuddling and your hands roaming his body, feeling the heat and his bare skin under your fingertips simply wasn't enough.

You knew you came off as desperate but you wanted to give in to it so badly.

"Really... I need you to please just fuck me stupid, Draken."

"Baby..."

"Please", you urged him quietly.

"You're so needy." He let out a defeated sounding chuckle, then his voice turned even lower as he murmured to you. "Fine. Come here. Just don't complain about not being able to take it all. You wanted this. Let's see how close is good enough for you hm?"

"Promise. The closer, the better." You couldn't wait for him to touch you and fill you up.

You squeezed him in your tight embrace, feeling the excitement rise some more. Between your legs, the all too familiar wetness threatened to begin dripping already, about to give away how much you truly needed this.

"Take off your clothes, baby."

She gave you a long look but eventually moved with a sigh.

You knew she was only trying to look out for you. But there was no need to be worried. This wouldn't be a problem.

"What did she mean?"

You saw Kazutora's eyes follow her silhouette and your insides tensed up. "Don't", you spoke quietly, it was a reminder just loud enough for him to hear. "Whatever you're thinking, if you want me to ever talk to you again, don't do it."

His view drifted to find your features now. So quickly, a clueless look replaced the danger in his eyes. He would never hurt a woman. You should have known that about him.

"Kazutora, you can't keep showing up to my work like that", you continued, meeting his gaze with intent. It had been a while since the last time you had seen him here. And you had figured it would have been the final time.

"What are you saying? You're my girlfriend. Of course I can visit my girl at work." He showed an irritated grin, but the hurt flickered in his eyes.

Your heart sunk. And you forced yourself to correct him.

"Ex. Ex girlfriend." Your voice was still careful.

If he was in so much denial again to even forget about your break up, his state couldn't be good. This right here wasn't good.

"No!" The man shook his head, his long hair wildly flying around from the motion. His litte bell earing making a quiet, yet strangely alarming sound. "No. You are my girfriend. This can't be- You're joking, right? You promised to stay with me forever", he insisted and you didn't know how to stop the feeling of being torn apart at the sight in front of you.

It was hard to breathe. You hadn't been prepared for this, not today. Maybe it had been stupid to think you wouldn't have to go through this all over again in the first place but you had hoped. You had believed Kazutora was dealing with it better by now.

Because how were you supposed to heal from this and move on if he wasn't? If it wasn't possible for him to overcome this as well?

"Please, Tora. Go home. Wait for me?" You nodded reassuringly but you couldn't hide the pain in your expression from his eyes. "I can come over after my shift."

"What's going on? Are you lying to me?"

You couldn't make this worse. If he broke down, you didn't know what he would do.

It was hard to see him. Hard to not let your emotions surface when he was right in front of you, close enough to touch. The sound of his voice not only in your head.

And you didn't want to lie to him. You loved him, still. There had been bright moments, shared happiness. But was it worth the pain?

Did you have to go through all of this again? Just to keep him safe?

You felt dizzy, a familiar feeling of nausea settling in your stomach. Anxiety.

"I'm taking my break now, okay?", you weakly shouted back over your shoulder to inform your colleague.

The emotions were figting behind Kazutora's big, yellow eyes.

"I'm coming home with you", you whispered, attempting a smile. And silently to yourself you added: "Let's get you out of here."

You checked with your coworker, waited for her to give you a nod and tried to ignore the worry in her eyes when she hesitantly gave you permission.

Despite trying to seem casual, you knew you were rushing Kazutora out of the coffee shop with you. After all, you were in a hurry to get him home.

You grabbed his hand tightly and held on to him the entire way back to his place.

"Aren't you gonna get in trouble?", he wondered eventually, sounding absentminded while you trailed down a small alley.

You shouldn't be leaving work. Not for something like this. Even Kazutora realised, you couldn't normally walk away from a job in the middle of it.

"Oh Tora..." You sighed sadly, unable to cover your feelings but you couldn't find the strength to respond properly. If only he understood in how much trouble you already were. It didn't feel like you still had any capacity left to worry about getting yourself into even more of the same. And it was only a job, there were still others. He was far more important.

"We're all digging our own graves."

"I'll share mine with you."

You knew he didn't mean it that way from the excitement in his voice. But it was difficult to see this as cute or romantic as he thought of it. Impossible with a mind full of concerns about him.

"I know", you simply whispered, your hand still clutching his. "I'll always be with you."

Abruptly, he let go off your hand. Before you could deal with the shock, he had already swirled you around with a happy grin.

You tried to relax at the sudden act of playfulness when you registered it as such.

He cared about you, you would be fine, you told yourself.

Taking a chance, you had made him stop with you and wrapped him in a big hug. You moved into his body and pulled him close, letting all your desperation and love for him pour out.

He gladly accepted the embrace and smelled your familiar scent. Hopefully it would last on him.

"I miss you more than you will ever know", you whispered, still holding him tight. You should have let go. But you didn't want to.

"I missed you, too. That's why I came to see you." His tone was much lighter than yours. 

And you felt yourself giving in to him again just as much as he was clinging to you and to a life together.

Slowly, you retreated, drawing away from the hug completely while looking into his eyes. Your hands moved up to caress the sides of his face, a faint smile on yours when you took him in again intentionally.

"I'm with you, Hanemiya Kazutora. I'm always on your side. I promise."

He nodded happily. "Do you want to watch a movie on my couch?" You would bundle up under blankets to cuddle. You belonged together.

"Sure." You swallowed, your throat felt dry. But the smile on your lips grew wider. "Let's go."

_

Your phone lit up. "Are you sure you're coming back?" A text from your coworker.

You bit your lip. You didn't know.

"Can you cover for me?", you typed.

You had to take care of this. Of him. You simply had to.

But contrary to what others thought, the danger this situation held for you came from within you more than anything else.

Kazutora was the drug you couldn't get enough of even though it could easily ruin your life.

He was unpredictable. But you were too attached to him with every fibre of your being.

You had heard people claiming it was harassment what he did to you but you didn't want to see it that way. He cared about you. He simply struggled with a lot of things.

Of course you knew how unhealthy this was. That's why you had tried to break it off before. It just never lasted for long until you found yourself back by his side. Even if you had managed to stay away and believed things got better, he never did. As today proved.

"My phone is on if you need me to pick you up. You shouldn't stay with him." She didn't say another word about expecting you back at work.

You ignored the well intended reminder. "Thank you", you replied one last time.

People tried to save you, just how you tried to save him. But it never felt like they would actually understand you.

Kazutora was sceptical about what was going on with the texting and nudged you strongly. He had seen your expression change upon reading and typing responses back.

You tried to explain. But you were scared it would backfire. If he didn't feel trusted, nothing would save you from another crisis.

"They're just worried about you. And me. But there's nothing to worry about."

You snuggled back up to him, even closer than before. He slung his arms around you to keep you from moving further away again.

You felt a weird rush. Your fingers automatically slipped beneath his shirt now as you hugged him, nails digging into his skin to pull him into you more.

"I'm with you, Kazutora."

This time you would stay until the end.

But you weren't left, standing in the hallway for long. Taking a deep breath, you opened his door and followed into the room without knocking or asking if you were allowed to come in, since you already knew what kind of an answer he would have given.

"I shouldn't have asked, my mistake", you stated, your view falling directly to his backside which was still turned to you.

"Get out."

"No."

Megumi grumbled lowly and moved, watching you step closer as once again the door had been shut.

"You're the only one not thrilled to have Gojo as your teacher."

"He's getting on my nerves. So?" His gaze was as dark as his tone.

"He's really full of himself..."

"Aren't you into him? Like the others?"

You let out a sound of surprise when he spoke so quickly. "No! I could never... with that attitude. And not even the look... God, no." You strictly shook your head but couldn't help the slight chuckle coming from your throat at the strange and somewhat ridiculous assumption.

Megumi only made a brief humming noise as his gaze drifted over you aimlessly now. Then he shrugged rather nonchalantly. "Okay."

The reaction made you gain a little courage to continue and so you cleared your throat.

"I know you wanna be left alone and I'm sorry if I'm a bother. You just seem like the only sort of sane- I mean, reasonable one here." You bit your lip for a moment and spoke more carefully. "I'm not really a social person but... if you're up for it some time, we could go, get some food together."

His brows rose up, being taken by honest surprise. His face looked a lot less dark now. "You wanna invite me for food?"

With a small, almost helpless seeming grin, you shrugged. "Yeah?"

Slowly, he nodded and the hint of a smile was tugging on the corners of his lips. "Okay. I'll accept." His eyes squinted all of a sudden, sceptic, just like before. "Wait. It's not like a date, is it?"

You were fast to shake your head. "Just cause I think we might get along, and I'm not smitten by almighty Gojo, doesn't mean I would... Hit on you. No."

"Okay..."

"Alright, then..." You showed him another brief smile and were about to leave as this seemed settled. There was no reason to bother him any longer. You figured you could be glad, he didn't seem quite as angry and annoyed as before and truthfully, felt relieved Megumi didn't shove you out of his room under growls and hisses for intruding.

"Actually, I'm kinda hungry. So, how about now?"

You stopped in your steps in visible irritation. "Right now?"

"Yeah, you said you wanted to go. Now would be good."

"Sure", you voiced out reluctantly. "Any specific place... you wanna go?"

"Maybe." The dark haired grabbed a hoodie jacket to slip into on the way out. "Come on. I'll guide the way."

You couldn't exactly have called him cheerful but his mood seemed to have lifted a lot from just the option of getting free food. It was an unexpected turn. You weren't sure what to think of it yet. The relief mixed with a bit of anxiety about being alone with him now.

Only a few steps further you realised, you still thought the back of your hand felt weird. So you glanced down to it, not expecting to see anything even near the shining street lights. Probably just a strange feeling, the aftermath of incidental skin contact.

There was blood.

Or at least it seemed like blood although you couldn't explain it to yourself. The frown was back on your forehead, your brows pinched together in concentration now. Your steps got slower.

Did you hurt yourself somehow? You weren't in pain, so where did you get this from?

Did the stranger passing you have a bruise? You didn't remember. You hadn't paid attention after all, so how should you be able to recall if the man had been bleeding from his arm, hand or wherever exactly he had touched you with?

You walked around a corner still irritated and halted at the sight striking you there, ripping you out of your thoughts. A bunch of men were lying scattered in front of you. Beat up and bruised. Unconscious and face down on the dirty street. You gulped. Involuntarily your eyes fell back to your hand. Your mind was spiraling for just a moment.

Blood.

The stranger.

This was their blood.

Somehow you didn't have a doubt. And the certainty settled in your core with a strange feeling, not exactly fear, more so a mix of irritation and regret. You should have paid more attention to your surroundings.

Should you have followed him right now? But if he beat up those men who knew what he would do to you.

Your heart was racing and you pulled out your phone. There was only one thing you could do. Trying to remain rational and as calm as possible, you called an ambulance, reporting what seemed like the end of a bloody fight. You didn't state your name, only the location and the approximate number of victims before you hung up again.

You didn't want to be affiliated with this, not like you could have answered their questions anyway. After all, you hadn't witnessed anything here.

With blood on yourself, it was best for you to leave. But you would have to take a different route home this evening.

Quickly you turned around with the intend of distancing yourself from the scene but you  didn't make it very far.

Suddenly the mysterious stranger towered over you and grabbed your phone.

Initial shock froze your bones as you stared at him. Or more precisely, at your phone in his large hand. Was he gonna throw it and beat you to pulp next? He seemed to have overheard the call, why else would he be here?

"Don't break it." The only thing you could think to say.

Your eyes met his. You saw the golden glimmer under his dark hood.

"Please?" He let out a dark chuckle.

"Just turn it off, so they can't track it. And give it back." You glared, a little impatience in your tone as you held out your hand.

He taxed you. Either you were really brave or a total idiot. Your fingers were shaking and he had seen the smudged blood on the back of your hand.

He hadn't intentionally walked by so closely. After the fight, he only dragged his feet away, his chest still high from the rush, and he was reckless not moving further around you when crossing paths.

He switched the phone off but kept it in his hand and held it up, out of your reach.

Hesitantly, you shrugged.

"I'm sure you had reasons to trash those guys. But I don't have one to let people die in the streets. Not yet at least. And I'm not doing that to my own conscience. So believe me or not, but this has nothing to do with you as far as I'm concerned. I just wanna go home."

Surprised, he leaned back a little. His eyes kept mustering you. But eventually, he let his hand sink. "Fetch."

You caught your phone, letting out a small, displeased sound. "Thanks."

"I'm getting outta here."

You watched him turn his back on you but you were quick to catch up to him.

'You're coming with?', the question was only loud in his head, irritating him and his eyes were squinted briefly. What did you want? This wasn't normal.

When you moved, you didn't even think about it twice. In the end, this was also the direction you had headed for your way to go in safe distance around the victims' location. What did it matter if you walked beside him? Looking like you followed his steps wouldn't make it any better.

"Live around here?"

How come you were so chill despite the situation? You didn't seem one bit scared of him. Walking right next to him? How unreasonable.

"Not telling you that. Next thing I know you're breaking in through my window and kill me in my sleep."

"All sorts of things could happen", he agreed with a blissful chuckle.

Why did talking to you feel easy? There was no weight on him now, pulling him down.

"What'd you say a life's worth anyway?"

You snorted involuntarily at that question, not even thinking about him possibly having ended some today. But your response was quiet. "Mine not so much, I can tell you that."

Sad or bitter, he couldn't decide yet.

"You're odd."

You noticed from a side glance there was a grin on his face while he said that. And you felt yourself relax.

He seemed so content.

How could he say you were odd when he was the one so casually walking with you after the evening he must have had?

"I'll take it as a compliment." You found yourself smiling slightly. "And don't argue with me on that. Cause I don't wanna hear it."

Another low chuckle came from his throat while he looked straight ahead. So odd.

And you were glad he took it lightly.

"What's your name?"

"So you want to rat me out after all..."

"Why would I put myself in danger?"

"Then what does it matter?"

"We're talking and I'm trying to be polite, idiot." It slipped your tongue and instantly you bit your lip. More caution would suit the situation better.

You knew he had just beaten up a good handful of grown men, bruising them to a condition you weren't even sure of, and you still wanted to be polite? Insane. You had to be out of your mind, there was no other explanation.

It was interesting, though. For once something unexpected. And it made him curious.

"Looks like you're not that good at being polite", he chuckled, not forgetting the word you had called him.

"Well, in my defense, I'm not sure you even deserve it."

"Ahh so that's how it is."

"Sorry. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, you know? I just mean... this isn't how my night was supposed to go." Not saying it was better or worse yet either.

You let out a sigh but continued walking without any noticable hesitation.

Naturally his steps had adapted to your pace. He had no direction in mind, just walking leisurely, so if you weren't careful and keeping that in your pretty head, you would lead him right back home to you. If you were aware of it or not.

"Hanma. Hanma Shuji."

You let out a hum, silently repeating the name in your head. "Got someone to take care of that busted lip?"

"Huh?"

"Your face... is bruised. Don't think I haven't noticed."

Were you worried about him?

"Cute", he commented with a mindless laugh.

"Hm?"

"You're concerned." About a guy who picked fights for a hobby.

"You told me your name. And you accompany me out at night. So I should be. If you're in a bad physical condition and we get attacked, you're no use to me." Now you were full on teasing him.

You couldn't even have said where this was coming from. Maybe you were feeling frisky tonight after all.

"You're into me already." Hanma grinned and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly and loudly with a sigh. "Here comes the begging for me to go home with you."

"No? Don't get any funny ideas. That's not at all what I had in mind", you sputtered.

His eyes sparkled golden under the light of the street lamps once again. "You sure?" His grin widened. Then he leaned a little closer while you walked. "Cause it sounded exactly like that's what you were gonna ask."

You knew he was right but the dangerous whisper only made you create a bit more distance to him again, irritated by the unfamiliar proximity. And you stayed silent for the next minute.

"Do you? Wanna come?"

Hanma eyed you from the side for a moment.

"Sure."

Just what did you have in mind? The only way to find out was to go home with you. And that thought excited him even more than he let show.

What a night.

_

"You always invite strangers here? Don't tell me you're a hooker... You dont look it-"

"Shut it. No!" You gave him a glare across the room as you had moved further into the apartment already while the task of closing the door had fallen on him.

"So?" He raised a brow at you. Because of the dried blood stains on his face it seemed merely half as cocky as it normally would have.

"The bruises don't actually seem that bad", you noticed, now that you saw him in better lighting. But he was... pretty. More handsome than you had been able to tell from the street lamps. It had been a guess what could be under the hoodie but your expectations had been exceeded. Although that was a strange thought to begin with. Did you really bring him here to-

"This is an exception", you interrupted your own thoughts. And it was another try to answer his question. One you weren't that sure anymore, he had even asked.

Hanma noticed your gaze drifting all over him and the raised brow left for a more amused look. "Checking me out just now?"

"Oh pfft." You rolled your eyes at him and turned to look away.

After getting a couple of things to clean and, if necessary, patch up his bruises with, you came to stand closer again. Damn, was he tall.

"Sit. Anywhere."

"So you're the nurturing type huh?", he couldn't stop himself from teasing as he followed your advice and got comfortable on your bed. It was a provocative move but you only had yourself to blame.

You met his smirk with a slight frown and reluctantly inspected the open wound by his mouth.

Your heart was racing at your own mixed feelings about this unfamiliar situation and you tried not to let your gaze flutter up to meet his. You didn't want to see the look he was giving you, coming so close to him, trying to act casual under his attentive, golden eyes.

"You talk a lot of shit for someone... well I guess it doesn't matter if you're tall and strong...", you mumbled and carefully wiped off the dried blood. It wasn't a big thing, his lower lip showed a cut, must have split open from a punch. There was more cold sweat mixed in with dirt and rain from earlier than there were wounds that you needed to tend to. With a bigger turning frown, you leaned further away from him.

But then you only shook your head without saying what was on your mind and left. "I gotta wash the blood off me." Another mumble as you had realized that there was still a trace of the bodily fluid left on the back of your hand.

Hanma appeared beside you in the door frame, leaning against it lazily, almost like he belonged, watching you as you washed your hands. You seemed in distress now, compared to before. His eyes squinted in thought of what exactly this meant.

Maybe you finally realized you shouldn't be comfortable with him in your home. Maybe you noticed you kept on provoking him and that not being the greatest idea, considering his capabilities to crush you. Maybe it was none of that. So far you hadn't made much sense to him, how could he be certain what your intentions were?

"You left me curious. I talk a lot of shit for someone..?"

You shrugged. And for a second you met his stare through the reflection in the mirror. Your lashes fluttered when you quickly averted your eyes, staying still in your spot by the sink.

"I know you're fine. I don't have to check up on you." You hesitated, before you continued. "When I was a kid, my friends often got in trouble. I used to fight their battles for them cause I couldn't stand them being bullied. I had no problem roughing up guys taller than me. They started calling me monster, just for fun. But I was just a kid. And it was irritating, so I stopped eventually. I grew up. But sometimes I still wonder..." You swallowed and turned around to him to leave the bathroom.

Would you have turned out like him?

Back then you had only defended your friends, or so you thought, until people didn't try to mess with anybody near you anymore. Kicking some ass had been fun but you had made yourself an outsider. You couldn't help thinking that it could have ended much worse.

Hanma made space to let you walk out and move through the frame, brushing his figure in the process. The second time tonight that your bodies just so happened to touch. Careless.

Out there you had been paying no attention to your surroundings, not to where you were walking and he wouldn't have moved out of your way to leave you in your headspace. It had been strange enough that you hadn't walked around him, people normally did.

He watched you silently as you placed the no longer needed equipment back where it had been stored.

So that was why you had told him you believed he had his reasons for beating the shit out of those guys. You were too naive.

"You tryna proof to yourself you're not a monster? Don't look for that in me, I'm only disappointing you. I've done worse than what you've seen. I do it every day."

You only sighed, pushing shut a drawer and your arms fell to your sides, your shoulders relaxed. You looked at him. "Yes, I said that to explain, trying to relate, and maybe deep down we're not so different... but I'm not desperate to proof anything. It's a coincidence we met and I made the decision to not be indifferent about that. But I am choosing not to care about what you did or didn't do. So, shut up. Unless you think you have to proof anything and convince me of your violence." You gave him an expectant look. Whatever happened, you wouldn't judge him, not today. "You're here now. What do you wanna do with it?"

Were you... giving him time? Had you just tried lecturing him? Did you challenge him to beat you to death right now? What was the deal with you?

"You don't care if you live or die, huh?"

"Mh I let a bloody stranger into my apartment. What do you think?"

"We're gonna get along so well." He grinned at you again.

And it earned him a small smile.

"Wanna watch a movie? You have nowhere to be, right?"

"Oh I'm staying, princess. Don't worry about that", he chuckled.

You raised an eyebrow at the petname but wordlessly let it pass.

Autumn always made you feel lonely. The rain, the falling leaves, the earlier setting sun. You liked to be cozy when it got colder but you knew it was more fun, not doing that all by yourself.

"Hanma? Mind if I kiss you?"

He smirked. "Promise not to hurt my busted lip."

"Who said that's where I'd put my mouth at anyways?"

"Feels like I'm making deals with the devil. I'd have beaten up this neighborhood sooner if I'd known it'd get me this."

You might just be his type of crazy.

Mingyu stared into the blank space, immobile after watching you march out of the bedroom in annoyance like that. His head felt dizzy trying to take in the message. What had just happened?

It took him several seconds to grasp your words, before he snapped out of it. Immediately he jumped off the bed and rushed to go looking for you.

He found you standing in the kitchen. "Did you mean that?", he approached you carefully.

"What?"

"That you want a baby?" He waited but you stayed silent, just avoiding to look at him with your lips pursed. "Cause that's a big decision."

Now your eyes widened and you gave him a slightly spooked stare. He was so serious about this. "S- so?" Your reaction came out quite provocatively despite the hesitation.

"So?" He huffed but his tone was sweet, urging you. And he took a couple steps closer. "We need to talk about that. If you want a baby, we..."

"Oh my God, stop", you cut him off. "Honestly, I already got you here. And you're a really big baby."

"That's not funny." He looked at you with a slight frown and a pout, obviously hurt.

You tilted your head to the side with a sympathetic expression and patted his shoulder to make up for the words.

"You want a baby or not?", the tall man almost whined now. Your boyfriend watched you with intent, looking for any clue about your true feelings regarding this matter. You wouldn't actually just have said that for a distraction. That would be far too bold. And way out of line. Why were you trying to shut down the topic suddenly if you were the one starting it?

"I think we probably would be ready. I'd want one. It's not a bad idea", he mused softly.

You blinked. For a moment you were speechless. "I was just messing with you. Now you're freaking me out."

"Why? You would be a great mom. An amazing mom, I know it." Mingyu eyed you so closely, hanging on to whatever words would come with your next breath.

Even you could easily tell he was anticipating your answer. But you were taken aback. This was not something you had meant to discuss right now. You had just thrown in a mindless comment because you wanted him to stop whining. Good to know where he was standing but how could you even know if you were ready?

Of course two guys, presumably a little late to the party, had seen you outside and decided it would be fun to drag you along and inside with them.

Your gaze had been cautious but it hadn't seemed to help your case when they had approached you with evil grins and you told them that you were with Kakucho as if that should have made them more careful.

Or maybe it did help, seeing that one of them grabbed you by the arm rather roughly and pulled you along as they entered. Otherwise who knew what they might had done to you out there by themselves, unwatched.

As soon as you had been forced inside, your view flew across the masses of men dressed up in their red gang uniforms. But if this was an official meeting, you noticed it didn't look all that organized.

"Look what we found lurking! Said she's Kakucho's little girlfriend!", the one with the grip on your arm yelled almost triumphantly.

Kakucho's eyes met yours briefly from where he stood all the way across the hall when for a moment his attention was stolen from the scene just like everybody else's.

He had to watch that guy shove you forward with a dark snicker and under the gang members' stares and nearly bursted in immediate anger.

His glare found the ones you had entered with. "Keep your hands off of her or I'll snap your neck! And that goes for everyone here, if you wanna see another day!"

The danger of all members coming at him - or you - at once didn't even cross his mind, he only felt sorry you had to see the gang - him - like this. But he could take them all, he didn't care. Kakucho would keep you safe, no matter what. It was one of the two things he had promised. The other one was following Izana, which right now threatened to contradict.

At his serious threat you felt the harsh grip leaving your arm. You couldn't have said that you weren't scared of the situation you were in but you trusted your boyfriend and played off your fear so well, knowing his reputation on the line as much as possibly your lives should this escalate. You hadn't thought your trip to the area to surprise him when he was done would end like this.

With a short glare back at the ones who had brought you in, you began to make your way over to Kakucho, walking quite confidently.

You noticed Izana a little further by his side and in that exact moment, from your peripheral vision you could see another man, who had been standing nearer in front of your boyfriend, had turned and landed a punch right in his face.

The moments had gone so fast from your arrival interrupting them to the shouting and now that action while a still tense Kakucho had been watching you.

You flinched. But with one look you could tell Kakucho was fine, merely bothered and glaring at the smaller guy who was hissing at him. "Bringing her here-"

Nobody interfered or said anything. Most men hadn't even heard those last words and solely seen the punch and yet, they mostly stared in anticipation of a good show.

It didn't seem like Izana was fazed by the thrown fist either and wouldn't do anything about it as you checked his reaction, wondering that there was nothing of a consequence. Having to realize that caused a small frown on your face.

You remembered that Kakucho had mentioned he followed and blindly trusted him. Wasn't Izana his best friend? But you forced the irritation to disappear from your features again when you noticed that not even your boyfriend himself tried to get back at the smaller gang member right now.

Standing close enough to overhear the words on top of the situation reeking of something very strange you couldn't quite decipher, curiosity made you focus your attention on the attacker.

You looked at the man, scanning his face a lot longer than probably would have been appropriate or considered smart. Your expression stayed neutral even when you had long come to terms with who that was. Kisaki Tetta.

You had heard he had a way of getting into people's heads. And to you, despite not meddling with gangs, it seemed like he had done a thorough job here. On Izana, you suspected, which would also explain why Kakucho had been more restless and absentminded lately. And if he got Izana twisted, possibly also a lot of his men.

Although you didn't know him, after that action you surely couldn't have said that you were going to like him, even without the prejudice. If he hurt Kakucho, frankly you didn't care much if he lived or died. Impossible to like a guy who had punched the most important person in your life, the closest thing you had to a family. You loved Kakucho very much and you were well aware of the mutually deep emotions and the serious nature of your relationship. You would always fight for each other.

You being obviously, albeit wordlessly, upset with Kisaki made you a lot less intimidated by all of those surrounding you, including him. You were here to see your boyfriend and nothing else and you would make that clear.

The man who would defend you, fight for you, no matter what.

Far more than anything else, Kakucho's pride had taken a hit by Kisaki's unpredictable move. But he would get his revenge sooner or later, just not right now. On top of that punch, that guy had dared to accuse him of intentionally letting you come here. As if he had ever wanted you to get in the middle of this. Implying that maybe he didn't care enough about either the gang or you.

No. Kakucho wasn't the traitor here. But this was not the time to get into that. And so he only stood there with a straight back, firmly staring at Kisaki after the punch and the words until you moved towards him.

You took the last couple of steps, unshaken as you decided to ignore Kisaki, Izana and the rest and only looked at Kakucho. His nose area was slightly red but he wasn't badly bruised or anything and so you smiled, standing closely in front of him now. Even after being with him for a while and having admired his face, his physique frequently, he was still the prettiest man you've ever seen. And the only one you wanted to look at forever.

You brought your hands up and caressed the sides of his face.

His attentive gaze met the loving one in your eyes and the tension melted from his frame, the angry scowl from before disappearing.

Gently you pulled him down to you and into a kiss. You didn't care if everybody was watching. Like he had already confirmed, you were his girlfriend. And what reason would they have to stop you from doing this anyways? After all you were here in their building and Kakucho still held some authority over others as far as you knew.

You connected your lips to his a few times and automatically those soft kisses were returned to you. His hands had found their way to rest on your hips in the meantime. But you could tell he was still careful, considering the time and place, knowing the eyes on you and possibly questioning your intention, which resulted in him staying just a little stiff while going along with your affection.

You felt the love and his warmth radiating from his body on to you. It felt so right to be in the moment. But you knew where you were and about his hidden insecurities even while you kept kissing and drawing him back in.

"Kakucho... they should all see that I'm yours", you whispered against his lips as you parted for a little longer in between. You would help them understand.

Kisaki getting the front row view on you both was a nice side effect, knowing he would take it as provocation after the thing he had said.

Kakucho loved you and he wouldn't let any other man take you. Despite the tip of his ears turning red at your request to show that you were his and only his, you made him stronger.

No matter his worry that maybe you would come to realize he wasn't good enough for you at some point, you were with him. You belonged with him. There was very little, if anything at all, he would ever deny you.

Kakucho couldn't help but give in to you when you kissed him again for the next long, drawn out kisses.

And he pulled you closer, your hands still lovingly placed along his jaw to keep him opening his mouth up against yours more and more.

He was always so easily tempted - no, swayed -  by you but he had never imagined you would be so bold to make out in front of his whole gang.

It didn't feel like they were there. It was just you and him. Your lips finding each other's again and again.

Of course you had noticed him getting flustered for a second and it endeared you even more. Kakucho was such a tough guy on the outside but he didn't have it in him to reject you or deny you kisses and affection he himself so desperately needed, even in this type of situation.

Should they all watch. This would prove your bond and teach them not to mess with you.

It was a simple suggestion. Perhaps a wicked idea, if you will. A random thought, nothing more.

A mindless proposal getting voiced out into the room as you were chilling together, casually hanging out like you always did.

Maybe boredom had taken over and that's why that thought had crossed his mind, yeah, even entered his subconscious in the first place.

Of course, you both were usually relaxed with each other and everything felt natural. So how could you not be calm and merely the slightest bit irritated now?

He was such a laid back, yet goofy, open minded person. You were never not comfortable being yourself around him. He was a reliable friend and had been for ages.

You told Vernon everything. Sure, that brought some mocking upon you every now and then and he had to cross the line a few times to understand your boundaries and insecurities but nonetheless, or perhaps exactly due to that, you trusted him entirely.

"You mean... As in let's..?" He was talking about being friends with benefits or wasn't he?

He huffed and his gaze turned into a bit of a glare. A hint of impatience. After all, you knew exactly what he was talking about, why would you play dumb?

"Would you wanna have sex? Just casually?"

"I..." You needed a moment to think. "We're both not seeing anyone right now... Mhh"

"It's okay if you say no, you know?", he stressed now since you seemed hesitant. "No big deal. It was just a question. A thought I've been having lately."

Clearing your throat, you shifted around in your spot, your brows slightly furrowed in concentration to get the situation right. "But are you even attracted enough to me for that?"

Vernon shrugged unbothered. Playing it down wasn't even intentional. "Yeah, sure. I can work with that."

This was probably the strangest answer and definetely not one of the options you had expected. But that didn't really matter right now anyway.

"Okay...", you mumbled to yourself and then mustered your friend with a small smile forming on your lips again. "We can try. I would be down for no strings attached."

He met your gaze when you were busily nodding your head in late agreement to the suggestion. The hint of a grin played around his mouth, a mixture of pleasant surprise and astonishment. Somehow it only made him look smug and very pleased with himself, though. Which wasn't a bad thing either. "Cool."

"Any ground rules?", you asked with a questioning expression and let out a chuckle. This wasn't supposed to be awkward but still you weren't sure what to do in the moment.

Did he want to start something right now? Was it a general agreement? What was the deal?

"Uh... Nope?" He shrugged expressively. "I got nothing. Just be honest with me, I guess. So I know if anything is off limits for you."

"Okay, we'll just figure it out, see what works." Deep in thought, you bit your lip after drawing the conclusion. Only for you eyes to dart back to Vernon's face. For a moment you mustered him, your attention focused on the details of his so familiar features. "Why doesn't this feel weird?"

"Don't know. But if I'd thought it could be weird, I wouldn't have asked."

"Makes sense."

"Yep. So..." Vernon's grin weakened a little as his gaze fell to your lips in anticipation. "Is it alright if I kiss you now?"

"Sure. Hold on." You shifted in your spot and moved your hair out of your face, prepping yourself up in front of him. Your eyes met again and you couldn't help feeling stupidly giddy, breaking into yet another grin. This would be fine. And most importantly, it would be fun.

"Okay. I'm ready."

He turned to face you. Althought it gave more the impression that he was staring through you, unfocused. "Just pull the trigger already. I'm tired of the voices in my head anyway."

You understood his pain, you did, but you simply couldn't lose him, too. You didn't want your heart to sink more. You wouldn't be able to handle it.

Hesitation and the empty look in Mikey's dark eyes made you immobile after he had pressed the gun into your hand and made you point it at him.

His expression was painful to watch. The sound of his voice alone made your heart ache. And your hands trembled at his saddening words.

You didn't want to do this. He couldn't make you.

The safety was still on. You wouldn't manage to shoot him even if he tried to convince you.

How could this possibly be the solution? This wasn't right.

And it wouldn't be fair for you to take his life. It wouldn't be fair of him to burden you with that guilt. And it wouldn't be fair having to live in a world without Mikey.

Your eyes were pinned to his face in desperate hope. He couldn't be serious about this.

"I love you", you whispered shakily.

Yes, you wouldn't be able to do this, for selfish reasons. You shouldn't ask him to stay alive for your sake, you couldn't expect that. But him trying to take this way out was equally as selfish as you wanting him to live.

And you wouldn't back down, not this time. You weren't ready to let him go.