hello angel 🪽

listed in reverse chronological order | last updated 7/15/2026 ☆ = mai's fave ♡ = reader fave my writing tag is #mine (peruse this tag for newer works that i haven't updated on the m.list!)

byun baekhyun

series!

match my freak! - baekhyun develops an unhealthy obsession with you, the new girl in town who’s too sweet for your own good | nsfw, 2.4k words ♡

you want love, we gon' make it - after dating each other for a few months, you're finally ready to take the next step *sequel to match my freak! | nsfw, 3.5k words

if you wanna -  your arrangement with baekhyun is almost perfect. he buys you anything you’ve ever wanted, takes you to places you’ve only ever dreamed of, and treats you like a princess. there’s just one thing: he has yet to sleep with you, no matter how many times you try to tempt him. your upcoming, no expense spared, lavish vacation to las vegas may be your last chance to show him what he’s missing. | completed, nsfw, 4/4 parts, 26.5k words ♡ ☆ + bonus epilogue drabble

halloween oneshot extravaganza - halloween one-shots written for k-halloween-week | complete, mixed sfw and nsfw, 7/7 parts wc ranges from 2.7k - 8.8k, 26k total

↳ practical magic | you wanna play psycho killer? (nsfw) | in your fantasy (nsfw) | who you gonna call? | siren song | take a bite (of all of me) (nsfw) | the annual byun halloween party (nsfw) ☆

the death of a rockstar - In an attempt to uncover an image-destroying scandal of rival rock band Heartsteel, you are tasked with worming your way into the life (and heart) of the band’s elusive and magnetic frontman Baekhyun. The problem? Baekhyun is your childhood best friend, and he currently hates your fucking guts. | complete, nsfw, 3/3 parts, 26.1k words ☆

oneshots!

drown in your body - baekhyun clearly likes it when you wear his shirts. | requested, nsfw, 2.9k words

revise and resubmit - the one constant throughout graduate school and the early years of your academic career has been baekhyun; the annoying, arrogant, thorn in your side that always has a snide comment to make at you each annual conference. this year, something changes. | nsfw, 16.5k words ☆

game, set, match - they've always been competitive about everything, and you're no exception | with chanyeol, requested, nsfw, 3.3k words

no kissing - a favor from your best friend spirals into something completely out of control | requested, nsfw, 7k words ♡

room for one more? - you and your husband are looking for a third participant in the bedroom. enter baekhyun — the adorably awkward, innocent, younger man you meet one night at a bar. | with junmyeon, nsfw, 8.3k words

mine, yours, ours - after returning home from a long conference, baekhyun breaks some news that will allow the two of you to start what you’ve always wanted: a family | requested, nsfw, 2.1k words

so easy (to fall in love) - after a horrible exam, you seek comfort from your boyfriend, a professor at the neighboring university that you definitely are falling hopelessly in love with | requested, nsfw, 3.5k words

girl, girl, be my love -  you knew that your ex situationship wouldn’t hesitate to stoop to new lows to get you back, but answering the santa-for-hire ad for your family christmas party was a possibility you never even considered | nsfw, 3.1k words

thief! - you finally find out where all your missing underwear’s gone to | requested, nsfw, 2.2k words

tend to my hurt (and my heart) -  you and baekhyun swore years ago to leave behind the underground fight club world. so then why is he now stumbling onto your doorstep, bloodied and bruised and half-conscious? | requested, nsfw, 3.5k words

park and ride -  baekhyun pulls over to wait out the storm. you suggest a way to pass the time. | requested, nsfw, 1.7k words

2 am (and i'm cursing your name!) - Baekhyun annoys you to no end, and as far as you know, he seems to have a matching distaste for you as well. This doesn’t stop you from having a drunken encounter at your mutual friend’s party. If anything, it makes it better. | requested, nsfw, 4.5k words

office hours - You didn't expect your office hours session to end with your professor in your bed. But you're definitely not complaining. | requested, nsfw, 3.1k words

let me hear you - No one knows, but the only way you’d been able to get off these past six months has been Baek100, a budding audio porn creator known for his elaborate scenes and duality. No one knows, but Baekhyun is the number one viewer of your cozy-game streams, supporting you from afar while also not always having innocent intentions when watching you. As a celebration for hitting 10k subs, you decide to host a private video call with one random, lucky viewer… | nsfw, 9.9k words ♡ ☆

share - Kyungsoo and Baekhyun learn to share. | with kyungsoo, nsfw, 1.1k words

let's just vibe - Baekhyun finds something in your nightstand drawer. | nsfw, 2.1k words

sweet insomnia - You can’t sleep. Baekhyun can’t either. | nsfw, 1.1k words

drabbles and blurbs!

tbh i have too many ;-; pls navigate the #baekhyun drabbles tag

kim junmyeon

one shots!

room for one more? - you and your husband are looking for a third participant in the bedroom. enter baekhyun — the adorably awkward, innocent, younger man you meet one night at a bar. | with baekhyun, nsfw, 8.3k words

park chanyeol

one shots!

game, set, match - they've always been competitive about everything, and you're no exception | with baekhyun, requested, nsfw, 3.3k words

bed chem - After a night of drinking, your friend Chanyeol admits that he likes being especially dominant in the bedroom. This sounds like something that you would enjoy being on the receiving end of. | nsfw, 4.5k words ♡

drabbles and blurbs!

jealousy - nsfw, requested, 700 words

do kyungsoo

oneshots!

share - Kyungsoo and Baekhyun learn to share. | with baekhyun, nsfw, 1.1k words

oh sehun

drabbles!

look at you - nsfw, requested, 631 words

ot9

series!

love notes -  nine love letters mysteriously appear at your door. nine confessions, nine requests for a valentine’s date. who will you decide to spend your time with? choose your own adventure! | complete, sfw, 9/9 parts, wc range ~ 1k words each, 10.3k words total

The wedding venue sits outside the sanctuary of the Uber, flocks of people dressed in their finest wear heading towards those heavy double doors. Your body betrays you, instantly searching the faces of the men before you even realize that you’re doing it, looking for those all too familiar features. 

“Is… this the right stop?” the Uber driver asks, looking with concern at your expression. You’re sure that your face displays all of the emotion you’re feeling at once: anxiety, stress, straight up fear. None of the emotions that you should be feeling before attending the wedding.

“Yes, thank you. Sorry.” You shoot him a shaky smile that you’re sure does nothing to convince him that you’re fine. Lucky for you, you’ll have all the opportunity in the world tonight to practice this expression. 

You let yourself out of the car, your legs feeling shaky and unstable beneath you as you walk towards the venue. Truth be told, you could probably have gotten away with bailing on this wedding. The married couple-to-be were two of your old college friends, ones that you kept in touch with enough to tell each other happy birthday, or to let each other know when you were in town, but not close enough anymore that you thought that your attendance to the wedding would be expected in any way. But, you didn’t have a good enough excuse, and after all, they came to yours once upon a time. 

You don’t particularly recognize anyone when you make it inside, seating yourself at the very edge of the row in the back. Your eyes start to do that thing again, the scanning. You can’t help yourself. If you could just see if he’s here or not, then maybe the anxious pit in your stomach would finally settle, and it wouldn’t feel like you’re about to jump out of your skin whenever a new person walks through the doors.

Minutes pass. He doesn’t seem to be seated, and for a second you can delude yourself into thinking that he isn’t coming. An overwhelming part of you is relieved, but a small part hurts still, even after all this time. Baekhyun loved weddings. If he doesn’t come, then maybe it’s because he couldn’t face you after all.

And of course, as soon as the thought occurs to you, he walks in through the doors.

Time has been kind to him. While his features have softened slightly over the years, he’s still as effortlessly handsome as ever. You had heard through the grapevine that he had dyed his hair blonde at some point, but if he did, it’s back to its natural black now, falling softly over his forehead. 

He’s alone, you realize with relief, which is immediately followed by guilt. Why should it matter if he’s with someone or not? It’s been five years, after all. If you had found someone new by now, it wouldn’t have been unreasonable.

Baekhyun scans the room for somewhere to sit, and before you can prepare yourself you realize that he’s locked eyes with you. He freezes, an unreadable mixture of emotions passing through his face. His entire body locks up, unsure in which direction it wants to go.

You don’t know why you do it. Maybe a part of you deep within your marrow will always call out to him. But you smile at him, tilting your head invitingly towards the empty chair next to you. It takes him a second to decide, but he starts to walk towards you. You wonder if the decision comes easily to him as easily as it had come to you. 

“Hi,” he says quietly, smiling softly. “Been a long time.”

You stand and hug him in greeting, a friendly, indifferent hug that you might give to a distant relative you haven’t seen since childhood. He smells different: a cologne you don’t recognize, but he feels the same in your arms. If you closed your eyes, tuned out the world and the events of the last five years, you could have convinced yourself that you were standing in your first shared apartment together, back when it felt like you had eternity in front of you. 

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come,” he admits, sitting down next to you.

“For Isa and Jun? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“After all, they came to ours,” Baekhyun smiles wide at the memory. “Did you ever get confirmation from them if they hooked up or not?”

You laugh. “Oh yeah. Isa made me swear not to tell you.”

“Funny,” he replies. “Jun would never give me a straight answer.”

The two of you settle into an awkward silence. The back of your neck prickles with self-consciousness: you always thought that if you saw Baekhyun again you would know what to do. That age or the passing years would impart you with some wisdom that would tell you exactly what to say or not say. But you still feel as clueless and helpless as ever, and when you catch your gaze drifting towards him you can’t help but break eye contact before it really has a chance to hold.

“How’s your mom?” he asks.

“She’s good,” you reply. “Finally retired. Yours?”

“She’s okay,” he says carefully. “She’s getting kind of forgetful. She asks about you sometimes.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s as if you never left.” You’re not sure if the bitterness underneath his voice is real or a projection of your guilt. “She asks why I don’t bring you around every time I go to visit her.”

“Oh.” You stare down at the floor, fidgeting with the fabric of your dress. “I’m sorry. About your mom.”

“Thanks.” He pauses for a second, then says, “Are you seeing anyone?”

You nearly snort in surprise. When you meet his gaze he’s smiling slightly, even though the bright red shade of the tips of his ears give him away. “That’s quite confrontational,” you say. 

He shrugs. “I’ve always wondered. Didn’t want to beat around the bush any longer.”

“It’s not any of your business,” you say, “but no. I’m not.”

“Me neither,” he replies, a bit too quickly.

You laugh. “And just what am I supposed to do with that information?”

“You don’t have to do anything with it.” He nudges your side. “But knowing you, I know you’ve been wondering about it too. You just never would’ve asked.”

The wedding procession begins, halting all conversation between the two of you. It’s a beautiful ceremony, one that you can’t help comparing with your own, especially with Baekhyun by your side. Isa and Jun look as happy and nervous as you and Baekhyun did that day, and when they kiss you remember the way that Baekhyun tucked a strand of hair behind your ear right before he leaned in, his hand cupping your chin gently, reverently. A sudden welling of emotion surges through your chest as you applaud, and you have to fight the wave of tears that threaten to spring free from your eyes. 

The reception is on the second floor of the venue, and you walk by Baekhyun’s side up the stairs. You talk a little, polite chatter with no substance, vague commentary about the ceremony. Finally, you make it to the seating arrangement and find that you’re seated on opposite ends of the room. You’re not surprised; you know that Isa and Jun didn’t want to cause a scene between the two of you, but somehow you still feel vaguely disappointed.

“So I guess this is where we part ways,” Baekhyun says.

‘Come find me later,’ you want to say. But you already feel like you’re overstaying the niceties, and you don’t want to push on the walls that you’ve carefully built up over so many years.

“I guess so,” you say instead.

Dinner is a pleasant if not somewhat boring affair. You’re seated with some old friends from college, and you spend the hour catching up with them. It’s all nonsense, conversations that loop in circles, until finally one of them says,

“So, I saw you were sitting with Baekhyun earlier.”

The entire table shuts up. The girl’s friend elbows her underneath the table and her face goes bright red. “I-I’m sorry, I just mentioned it because I thought maybe you had gotten back together—”

“It’s okay,” you interrupt. “No, we’re not back together. We were just catching up.”

“Have you read his latest novel?” someone else asks.

You shake your head sadly. “I haven’t read any of his work since the— since we broke up,” you admit. 

“Oh. I think he wrote it for you.”

Across the room, you see him engaged in a lively conversation with his tablemates, a stark contrast to the awkward sludge you find yourself in. It’s always been like this, hasn’t it? Always the star in the center of the room, dazzling anyone caught in his orbit.

“I wouldn’t know, sorry,” you say, voice tense.

“Hey, let’s talk about something else, yeah?”

The night continues to unfold. You finally get to catch up with Isa after the dance floor opens, gushing over how beautiful she is and how lovely the ceremony was. She clasps your hands and looks at you with wide concerned eyes.

“You’re okay, though? I heard you sat next to Baekhyun during the ceremony.”

“Jeez, it’s your wedding, why are people talking about me?” you joke, rolling your eyes. “It’s okay, Isa. I invited him to sit with me.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You invited him? Did you sneak in any alcohol?”

“No. To be honest, I don’t know what came over me. But… I don’t regret it? I guess? It ended up being okay.”

“Okayy…” Isa drops her concerned expression but still squeezes your hands reassuringly. “Be safe tonight, let me know if you need anything. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, okay?”

After some dancing and a glass or two of wine, you find yourself slipping into the hallway to find the bathroom. A set of double doors leading out to an empty balcony catches your attention, and you let yourself out. The night air is cool against your face, finally free from the humidity of the day. You lay your elbows against the balcony railing, staring out at the calm night. Behind you, the soft click of the door opening is barely enough to shake the sense of peace that’s washed over you, even as you instinctively know who is standing behind you.

“It’s cold,” Baekhyun says softly.

You shake your head, eyes still trained onto the dark horizon even as he sidles up next to you. “It’s not. It feels nice.” You fall silent for a moment. “I heard you wrote a new book.”

“I did. Did you read it?”

“What do you think?”

Baekhyun laughs. “I don’t blame you. It feels weird, though. It’s the first thing I’ve written that you’ve never even read a little bit of.”

“It probably was easier for you without all my edits,” you quip. “All that red ink I’ve used over the years.”

“I feel like you wouldn’t have needed it this time.” The corner of his lips quirk upwards in a crooked smile. “I only used ‘indeed’ to start a sentence fifteen times. I counted.”

“Wow,” you laugh. “You’ve changed so much.”

“And you haven’t changed at all.” 

The tone with which he made the sentence hangs between you, heavy and damp in the air. You swallow. “Baek—”

“Don’t take that tone with me,” he huffs, voice already weary.

“What tone?”

“Like you’re about to scold me.”

Your eyebrows draw together, a tinge of annoyance sparking in your gut. “I wasn’t going to scold you.”

Baekhyun chuckles, staring back out at the night. “We were together for twelve years,” he says. “You think I don’t know you?”

“You don’t know me. Not anymore.”

“Maybe,” he replies, sighing. His voice is tinged with a deep, tired sadness, one that makes him sound older than he actually is. “But I like to think that I did, once upon a time.” 

Your voice comes out hushed. “Do you really want to do this here?”

“Well. When will we see each other again?” Baekhyun asks, suddenly turning towards you. “Look, I understand that you didn’t want to be married anymore. But… But did you have to just disappear?”

“I needed a clean break, Baekhyun,” you say. “It would be too hard to be around you after everything.” You still remember the way he looked the day those words tumbled out of your mouth as if it was yesterday: his dark eyes round and glassy with hurt, lips stretched thin, trembling slightly. 

He didn’t cry. Didn’t scream at you. Didn’t beg. He just looked down at the breakfast table silently with his hands clenched together, letting your words hang heavy in the air. I want a divorce. I can’t do this anymore. You knew then that you had broken his heart. You couldn’t bear to be around to witness the fallout.

“Do you think…” His tongue darts out to wet his lips. “...after all this time you can give me a straight answer about why you did it?”

You wince. You had been cagey about it back then, dodging his requests for clarity, even though he never asked with any hostility, any malice. He simply wanted to understand, wanted to get back inside of your head after finding himself suddenly shut out. You never gave him a direct answer, couldn’t articulate the messy feelings that you felt, couldn’t put into words the years of disappointment.

“I just… We’ve been together since high school, Baek. We were kids! I needed to grow up, y’know? Find out who I was as an adult.”

“And you needed to leave me in order to do that?” His voice sounds small, cowering like a wounded animal. “You don’t think I was also finding myself? We could’ve done that together.”

“I guess I needed to find out who I was without you. I felt stuck.”

“I never meant to make you feel stuck,” he says. “What did you need from me then? How could I have made it better?”

You scoff. “What difference does it make now?”

Baekhyun swallows. “I just want to know. I just need to know what I did wrong.” 

Your eyes close on their own accord, your body’s attempts to shield yourself from the memories. But they come flooding back anyways, the repressed emotions rushing to the surface with ease. All those nights alone while Baekhyun wrote, sleeping in a bed that felt too large, even when he eventually came to your side. Following him to all of his publicity events you never wanted to go to. He never asked if you were free, never asked if you were having a good time. It was just… expected. Anniversaries and birthdays turned impersonal: he no longer wrote you silly love sonnets or surprised you by renting out a movie theater just for the two of you to watch your favorite romcoms, replaced instead with a bouquet of roses and dinner at the latest fancy restaurant.

Minus the few nights when you flew into a rage, your dissatisfaction rising like bile in your throat, tears trailing paths of fire down your face while Baekhyun held your broken, crumpled form on the ground and mumbled apologies against your temple until your sobs finally withered off, your relationship was fine on paper. He was good with words after all; he built his whole life around painting pretty pictures with them. It was in the actions, in the follow through, where he failed.

Baekhyun’s words were so good at making people feel seen. That’s why it hurt so bad when you knew you that he could no longer see you.

You turn to leave but he steps to the side, partially standing in your path. “Please,” he begs. “Please don’t go.”

“I want to go inside now,” you mumble.

“Please just answer me.” Baekhyun’s voice trembles. “Just tell me what I did wrong and then I’ll let you go.”

You take in a shaky breath, averting your eyes from the heat of his stare. “It’s just…” He stays silent while you trail off, waiting patiently for you to continue.

“You didn’t love me,” you whisper.

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything for a moment, just lets the words sink in. His face morphs into an expression of confusion and devastation.

“What?”

“Towards the end, I just didn’t feel like you loved me anymore.”

“I loved you so fucking much,” he exhales, voice wet with emotion. “I loved you so much that I forgot how to breathe sometimes with how badly it hurt.”

“I begged you to love me!” you sob. Your outburst surprises you, and you feel the tears, sticky on your face, before you even feel them falling from your eyes. “You don’t remember? You don’t remember me falling to my fucking knees, night after night, sobbing?”

“Of course, I remember.” His jaw is clenched, bottom lip wobbling as he’s taken back to that night. When he closes his eyes he can see it, can practically hear the desperation clawing your throat. “I’m sorry. I’m as sorry now as I was every day that I apologized.”

“It was too late,” you whisper. “It shouldn’t have come to that.”

“I know.” He looks back out at the horizon. “I know.”

“You let your work come between us. I felt like an accessory. You did everything that checked off the boxes of a perfect husband without thinking if it was something that I wanted.”

Baekhyun’s jaw tenses. “And that made you feel unloved?”

“I felt unseen. Isn’t that the same thing?”

He flinches. He drums his fingers against his thigh restlessly in that way he always did when he knew you were winning an argument. 

“What are my favorite flowers, Baekhyun?”

“Orchids,” he says instantly.

“And what flowers did you get me for our last two anniversaries?”

Baekhyun opens his mouth silently before closing it, the realization hitting him all at once. “Roses,” he whispers. 

“Romance became a routine to you,” you reply, your voice thick and heavy. “It wasn’t about me anymore, I was just another thing to check off your list.”

“You’re being a little unfair,” he says hoarsely. “Those were some of the worst years of my professional life. I hated what I was writing, and my agent was always on my ass. People were hounding me for a sequel to the worst thing I’ve ever written. I’m sorry that I neglected you, but I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I wasn’t trying to be cruel.”

“You don’t have to do it on purpose for it to be cruel, Baekhyun,” you spit. “Accidents can hurt just as much.”

Silence falls between you two. Now that the words are out in the open, your vulnerability feels ugly and raw, stripped bare. You resist the urge to curl in on yourself, steeling your resolve before opening your mouth again. It’s not fair that only Baekhyun gets to walk away with some answers. 

“Can you do me a favor?” you ask.

He perks up. “Anything.”

“Can you… tell me one honest thing? Just tell me something that’s true so I feel like seeing you wasn’t just a massive waste of my time.”

The sharpness of your remark doesn’t seem to hurt him. Or maybe he’s just good at hiding his hurt. “Something honest?”

“Yes. Just… something that you never told me.”

“Okay.” He turns, open eyes earnestly searching yours. “I still love you. I never stopped.”

You can practically hear your heart breaking in half, a sharp, ragged pain that tears through your chest. You feel tears welling up in your eyes again and you break his stare, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “Don’t be mean. Please.”

“I would never be mean to you.” His eyes are dark, brimming with unshed tears. “I was a lot of things to you. Stupid, immature, neglectful. But I was never, ever mean.”

“You still hurt me, though.” You swallow around the lump in your throat. “You hurt me more than you could imagine.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” He takes a step forward and grabs your hands. They’re freezing, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away. Not now. “I would have listened. I would have fixed it. You didn’t give me a fucking chance!”

“I gave you plenty of chances,” you say bitterly. “I seem to remember a lot of crying and asking you to fix it.”

He shakes his head firmly. “No. You cried, and I apologized, and I asked you what was wrong and you just closed off. You never told me. You would pretend the next day that everything was fine, like I couldn’t feel the sadness coming off of you.”

“Maybe I just didn’t want a love that needed fixing,” you whisper. “Isn’t it supposed to be easy? Loving someone?”

“So that’s why you didn’t want to fix it? Because it wasn’t easy?” He looks at you with wide eyes, bewildered. “Love is a choice. It’s not some passive thing. I woke up every day and I chose you, I chose you when it was easy and I chose you when it was hard.”

“So, what, are you saying you would still choose me now?”

“Yes.” Baekhyun’s bottom lip trembles. “Yes, fuck, yes. I would choose you every single day of my life. I choose all of you, your anger, your spite, your tears. I would choose you even on the days that you don’t choose me, on the days when you don’t want anything to do with me.”

“But why?”

“Because I love you.” He says it like it’s so simple. Some irrevocable, unshakeable fact of the universe. 

“Then why did you let me go? Why say that you would have fixed it now, huh? Why didn’t you beg for me to stay then?”

Baekhyun goes silent. You see the moment he disappears, retreating back into the memory of the day you asked for the divorce. “It was your eyes. They were so… sad. If letting you leave me meant that that sadness could go away… then I would do it.”

Your voice comes out nothing more than a ragged hoarse whisper. “What are you doing here, Baekhyun? Why did you follow me out here? Why won’t you let me go like you did back then?”

He reaches out slowly, giving you the chance to dodge his touch as he goes to cup your cheek, the same way he did on your wedding day. You don’t. You let his touch ghost across your face, until his thumb is caressing your bottom lip. 

Your breath feels stuck in your throat, and you barely dare to move even an inch. His eyes search yours, gaze broken wide open. Vulnerable. 

“You’re still sad,” he whispers. “I saw it from the moment I laid eyes on you today.”

You’re trembling, shaking in the cool night air. You don’t dare look away.

“You regret it,” he says. “You regret leaving.”

“Stop,” you whisper.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

“I—” You swallow, gazing up at him, your heart thudding in your chest and hammering against your ribcage. He looks at you expectantly, unwavering.

“Tell me,” he sobs, his voice a rough, desperate thing.

Your voice breaks, fresh tears falling down your face as you reach up to place your hand on top of his. 

“I can’t.”

When he kisses you, it feels like home.

He doesn’t devour you. Doesn’t claim your lips with the all-encompassing hunger that only comes from being apart for half a decade. He kisses you with reverence, devotion, like you’re some delicate thing made of porcelain that he can’t bear to break again. His hands are shaking, trembling as he cups both sides of your face, thumbs gently brushing against your cheeks like he can’t believe that you’re real.

“Baek,” you whimper, pulling him closer towards you.

He pulls away slightly, eyes closed, to whisper your name, eyelashes fanned out across his upper cheekbones. You realize with a start that it’s the first time you’ve heard him speak your name in five years, the first time since the day you left that you’ve heard your own name spoken with such overflowing love. 

It’s fucking terrifying.

You take a step back, wobbling in your heels. Baekhyun reaches out as if to catch you but then stops himself at the last second.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, eyes wide as if he’s seen a ghost (he has). “I know, I overstepped—”

He makes a noise of surprise, maybe relief, when you press him against the balcony railing, hands gliding into place, tangling in his hair before your lips descend onto his. Your kisses have more energy, five years of the regret that you never allowed yourself to feel bubbling towards the surface. His hands settle on the small of your back, drawing you in impossibly closer as he matches your intensity.

You know it’s a terrible idea, but you let your tongue glide across his bottom lip anyways, sparks flying low in your stomach when he groans, needy and desperate. He shifts, and you feel him growing hard in his slacks, pressing insistently against your thigh.

“Not here,” he whispers frantically, cupping your face with both hands once again. “Not… Not like this.”

“I— I could call an Uber,” you say. Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, lips and fingers tingling. “We could go to my hotel.”

“I drove here. I don’t live too far away, if you prefer that.”

You manage to sneak away from the wedding, making a mental note to apologize to your friends in the morning. The drive to Baekhyun’s place is short, and you barely have time to take in everything new and unfamiliar to you (new car, new house) before he’s ushering you through the front door, through darkened, unfamiliar hallways, into an unfamiliar bedroom.

“Are you sure?” he pants against your lips, shrugging off his suit jacket and letting it fall to the ground unceremoniously.

“I’m sure.” Your fingers are trembling as you reach out to undo his shirt buttons. You shiver as he unzips your dress, eyeing your body as you become bare for him.

“Fuck,” he whispers. He stands there, motionless for a few moments, taking time to drink in your image. You shift self-consciously, thinking about the ways in which your body has changed since the last time Baekhyun’s seen you, your arms going to cover yourself on instinct. His eyes narrow, pinning your arms by your side as he walks you back against the bed.

“Don’t do that,” he says, voice strained as if the thought of you covering up physically pains him. “You’re so… You’re so beautiful.”

The rest of both of your clothing gets removed until you’re both fully bare in front of each other, Baekhyun’s fingers hovering, unsure at your entrance. “I-It’s been a while since I’ve… since anyone’s…” you stammer, ears turning hot.

“For me too,” Baekhyun admits. “I’m a little out of practice.”

“Take your time,” you breathe, settling your head against the pillow. You close your eyes, heart pounding in your ears. 

The first touch of Baekhyun’s plush lips against your clit makes you jolt in surprise, and your mouth falls open when he slides both fingers inside. He starts off hesitant at first before his confidence steadily grows, his fingers curling inside of you right as he sucks.

“Baek!” you gasp, clutching the sheets with your fists. You dare to look down at him and almost regret it immediately: his expression can only be described as pure bliss, staring up at your face with raw want. The sight makes you clench around his fingers, already coming undone underneath him.

Baekhyun growls, parting from you with one last noisy suck, scooting up the bed so that he’s already lining himself up with you. 

“‘M sorry,” he gasps desperately, the tip of his cock dipping shallowly into your folds. “I’ll make you cum again with my mouth later, I just fucking need to be inside you right now.”

In another lifetime when things went right, you might have teased him for his desperation, but here you can’t do anything but hook your leg around his waist, drawing him even closer. “I know,” you whimper, locking your arms around his neck. “I know, Baek, it’s okay.”

When he slips inside you, you nearly have to bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying out. It feels good, too good, and your fingers scramble for purchase on his back just to ground yourself. Baekhyun holds back, letting you adjust to the stretch, but the way that his eyes are screwed shut tells you that it’s not so easy for him to stay still.

“F-Fuck,” he whimpers, tucking his chin to his chest. “I missed you.”

The broken way he says it tears a hole in your chest. The admission builds on your tongue, so strong and earth-shattering from being repressed for so long that you can’t even think to stop it.

“I missed you too.”

He sobs, hips pitching forward of their own accord as his gaze breaks wide open, looking at you with every single emotion— love, lust, longing— on full display. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamt of hearing you say that.”

He doesn’t— can’t maintain a slow pace for long. Not when you’re sprawled like this underneath him, squeezing around him like you were made for him. It feels too good, but he can’t let himself close his eyes, needs to remember what you look like right now just in case it’s the last time.

You brush your thumbs over his cheekbones, cradling his face as he fucks you, emotions and pleasure mixing messily in your chest. “Feels so good,” you gasp. “Don’t stop, please.”

Baekhyun groans, slipping one hand in between you to rub your clit. “Need to feel you,” he babbles, almost incoherently. “Need to feel you cum on me… please, baby.”

The unexpected term of endearment makes you gasp, back arching into his touch as your orgasm crashes into you suddenly, overtaking you from the inside out. Baekhyun moans shakily, going down onto his elbows and cradling your head in between his arms, stroking your hair affectionately as you tremble through it. He’s close enough for you to press your lips against his collarbone, throwing your arms around his back and pulling him even closer.

He thrusts in you deep, every inch of his cock sending pulses of electricity up your spine, your sensitive walls still twitching through the aftershocks. He whispers words of affection against your temple, endless praise flowing freely from his lips. You mouth at his sweat-damp skin, pleasure clouding your mind, your better judgement, and you whisper the one thing, the only thing, that you know to be true after tonight.

“I love you.”

Baekhyun shudders. “Say it again,” he whispers desperately. 

You pull back so that he can look deep into your eyes, so he knows. Knows just how much it scares you, how badly the words shake you to your core, but also just how much you mean it.

“I love you.”

Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut and tucks his face into the crook of your neck, rutting inside of you with a primal need until he cums, spilling inside of you with a low groan. “Fuck, I love you,” he says, voice shaking. “I love you.”

The afterglow is devastating.

After cleaning up, the two of you lay side by side in the darkness just like you used to. Baekhyun plays with your hair, twirling the strands between his fingers silently. The expression on his face betrays his worry; while he smiles at you and indulges you with kisses, his eyes show worry.

“Please don’t leave before I wake up tomorrow,” he murmurs.

Your eyebrows crease together. “You think that I would?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun whispers. “You’ve left me before.”

“Baek…” You swallow. “I’m not going to say that we should get back together right now, but… you were right. I do regret the way that I handled things. But it’s a lot to think about, okay?”

“I know. I don’t expect you to make any sort of decisions right now. Just… don’t disappear again.”

“I won’t.”

Baekhyun gives you a watery smile, tracing the curve of your face with his thumb. “My love, my sun who floats by and by,” he whispers.

“Shines brighter than all the stars in my sky,” you whisper back. A nonsense sort of couplet that he had written for you back in the early years of your relationship, one that he would sing to you on nights just like this. “I haven’t heard that in years.”

“It’s so silly,” he laughs. “I thought I was a real poet back then.” His expression sours suddenly. “I’m sorry. For how horribly I treated you.”

“I’m sorry for how I left you,” you say. “I should have fought for us. I shouldn’t have given up.”

Baekhyun interlaces your fingers with his, holding it close to his chest. “You’re here now. And for now, that’s enough.”

You swallow around the lump in your throat. "And I'm sorry that it took so long. I feel like I just wasted so much time."

He shakes his head, bringing your hands towards his mouth to press a kiss to the back of your hand. "No such thing. No time's wasted if it's you."

"We were happy for a while though," you smile. "Weren't we?"

Baekhyun smiles back. "The happiest."

When he wakes, you’re already seated at the edge of the bed, fully dressed in last night’s clothes. You smile at him, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. 

“Morning,” you say quietly.

He swallows, studying your closed off expression. “Heading out?”

“My flight is this afternoon,” you reply. “I should get back to the hotel.”

“At least let me drive you back?” And really, you can’t bring yourself to say no.

The drive is silent, heavy with all the words that are still left unsaid. Baekhyun’s fingers are tense around the steering wheel, eyes locked straight ahead as if he can’t bear to watch you go. He pulls up to the hotel driveway and stops the car.

“I guess—”

“So I—”

You laugh at the interruption. “You go first.”

Baekhyun reaches into his jacket and brings out a paperback novel, his name embossed on the cover. “I just… thought you could use some reading for your flight. And I’d really like to know what you think.”

“Oh. Thank you.” You take the book from him and settle it unsteadily in your lap. “And I just wanted to say…”

Your tongue fails you. When last night it was so easy for you to say those three words, it feels different here in the daylight, out in the open. 

Baekhyun smiles, reaching over the center console to put his hand on top of yours. “It’s okay. I know.” He squeezes before pulling back, letting you get out of the car.

He doesn’t leave until you’re inside the lobby and you watch him go until his car is out of sight. Once he’s gone, you flip open the cover of his novel. On the inside cover, his scrawled, messy handwriting, his phone number followed by a single line of words:

I still would choose you. Every single day. 

Your eyes flit over to the dedication, and emotion crawls into your throat for the hundredth time in the last twelve hours. You wipe your thumb over the printed ink, and for the first time in a long time, you’re able to think of him without holding back, without hiding your emotions from yourself. For the first time in a long time, your heart feels right.

Until the day comes when I hear the second line to our rhyme

For my love, my sun, who floats by and by

You feel the gentle press of lips against your temple before you even know that you’re awake. Turning towards the touch, you bury your face against the warmth of Baekhyun’s solid chest. 

“Honey,” he says softly, the warm timbre of his voice filling the small space. “Do you want me to make breakfast?”

You let out a noise that’s halfway between a groan and a mumble, nuzzling deeper into his warmth without opening your eyes. “Five more minutes,” you manage to say, still fighting through the clutches of sleep. “Wanna… stay here.”

Baekhyun has to stop himself from cooing in adoration. You’re beautiful no matter what, in every situation, but he finds his heart squeezing the most in moments like these: eyes bleary and soft with sleep, hair sticking up adorably, snuggling deeper into him like he’s your only source of warmth. You mumble his name softly and he tucks you in closer to his chest.

And if his hands roam, sliding gently underneath your t-shirt down the expanse of your back, up the softness of your stomach, dipping with the curve of your hip, it’s not with any devious intent. He merely glides his touch across your skin, worshipping you in that quiet way of his, touching you with reverence. You hum, content, turning over onto your back to give him more room to work with. 

He can’t help draping himself over you, tucking his head in the crook of your neck, splaying his hands on either side of your waist. Your body is soft and warm underneath him, and he could stay like this forever, could drink in your early morning glow as if there wasn’t a world outside, errands to attend to.

You shift slightly underneath him and exhale out a laugh when you feel him, half-hard against your thigh. “What’s that?” you murmur, eyes still closed.

“I can’t help it,” he says quietly against your skin. “Just happens around you.”

Arousal flickers inside of you, dim and languid. Nothing like the hot desperation that takes hold of you most nights, but still a force of interest all the same. It takes some maneuvering, but you manage to rid your lower bodies of your clothing, laying bare against each other. Baekhyun moves with more purpose, shifting until he lays in between your legs. His cock is fully hard now, laying thick and heavy against your inner thigh while he drags the tips of his fingers lazily through your slit. 

“You’re so wet in the mornings,” he mumbles with a teasing lilt, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips.

“Just happens around you,” you say, considerably more awake now. You drape your arms around his neck and look him in the eye with a mischievous gleam. “Aren’t you going to fuck me now?”

He tsks his tongue at you, but lines himself up with your entrance all the same. “You make it sound so vulgar. Can’t I just show you how much I love you?”

“Can you show me faster, then?” 

He shuts you up with a kiss, slipping inside of you slowly, inch by inch. It’s unhurried, gentle, lazily rolling his hips into you as you moan softly beneath him. His hands never stop moving, from the side of your face to your hip. He slides your t-shirt up over your tits, eyes roving over your body appreciatively. 

“So gorgeous,” he murmurs, ducking his head down to rest in the crook of your neck, panting softly against your skin. 

“Even after a full night of sleep?” you say teasingly, gasping when he tilts his hips slightly and hits you at a whole new angle. 

“Especially then,” he replies. He props himself up onto his elbows and smiles, eyes droopy and sincere, before kissing you. You melt into it, tangling your fingers in the back of his head, parting only to whisper his name against his lips. He groans, hips pitching forward on their own accord, his body weak to the sound of your voice. 

“Ah.” His voice cracks, eyes fluttering shut when you tug on his hair. “Baby…”

It’s too fast, the way you get worked up, but who can blame you when you have this view: his hair, tousled with sleep and from where you’ve worked it between your fingers, lips puffy and kiss-swollen, eyes that are filled with endless depths of love and longing when they open and meet yours. Your hips rise up to meet his steadily quickening thrusts, your soft cries growing louder.

Baekhyun gently pulls your hand from where you’re twisting it in the sheets and interlaces your fingers with his, tangling them together as he bends down to plant a kiss on your lips once more. “With me,” he whispers, voice strained. “I’m close, please baby, cum for me.”

With a touch of his thumb against your clit, you’re gone, clenching around him as you release. You muffle your cry against his jaw as he shudders through his own orgasm, spilling into you with a shaky groan of your name. 

He can’t stop kissing you, lazily stamping your skin with his lips, tracing circles into your hip while he softens inside of you. You hum, content, your fingers lightly dragging against the small of his back.

He stifles a giggle, the muscles in his back twitching. “That tickles,” he says before collapsing on top of you. “I’m sleepy again. G’night.”

“Hey.” You tap him again on his ticklish spot. “I was promised breakfast.”

“Kitchen’s closed,” he mumbles, eyes closing. “Missed your chance.”

You pout noisily until he cracks open one eye, unable to drag himself out of bed until you promise to pay him in kisses while he cooks, a promise that you keep a hundred times over.