Emma

Some words and thoughts about the feels

Anaïs Nin

We live in a world where people are fast becoming commodities, dialing up a date from our smart phones. We entertain ourselves with what we call dating; distraction from the loneliness caused from our technologically induced isolation. We rise momentarily for the main performance of intimacy, actors, never truly reaching it because we live at a time where we connect genitals before we connect our minds. We rarely reach true intimacy, because we never choose one person. We are laden with options and the shelves are always refilling. We try before we buy. We lay-by. We browse, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Swipe right, swipe left. We sell ourselves short. We adopt the roles of significant others, part timers, until we exit stage left, and there is someone new. Replaced. So we start again. Swipe left, swipe right. Shopping for the next big performance.

My feet are constantly floating above the ground. I'm flighty, never feeling settled or secure in my choices. Hell, I don't even make choices. I ponder, ponder, ponder, sitting somewhere between the 'what if's' and the unknown, never drawing a resolution. We are gifted with so many choices and options, yet I see this as a burden at times. Choice. I have to choose. But what? How does one decide when the choices are endless? What parameters can I possibly use when I've never lived this life before? There are no comparisons to draw from, everyone that has come before were born under different contexts, different times, different lives. How then, do I make educated decisions? Sometimes I feel like it's all just a fumble in the dark. I'm a flailing fish, washed up on the shore, my gills constricting in this alien environment I've been smashed into. This is what adulthood feels like for me. We are dumped upon it with the waves, suddenly, with force. We are teenagers, then, in the next minute, we are men and women - without ritual, no true coming of age - these traditions thrown to the breeze within most Western cultures. We're no longer told what to do, we don't do what our parents did. This is great, but also new. We have a choice, but how do we choose it?

When I think about what makes a person good, I often use the term 'nice' to describe someone's moral compass. The more I've thought about it though, and the more conversations I've had regarding this have made me wonder how interchangeable the two really are. I don't believe the two are the same thing. Let's firstly compare 'charm' and 'niceness'. I would put 'nice' in the same basket as 'charming'. Charm only runs skin deep, it's a surface trait and can be somewhat superficial, easily faked and used to manipulate people. Let's just consider for a moment that according to Robert O'Hare's psychopathy checklist - artificial charm is but one of those psychopathic traits, but only one of them.. none-the-less.... Niceness to me, is a similar thing, it's easy to put on the veil of niceness. On the surface, we all know how to be nice. It's politeness, paying people compliments and small gestures; like opening the door for a stranger. We all inherently know how to be nice, and should be nice, but it actually says nothing about who we truly are. Being GOOD runs deeper than that, it involves doing the right thing by people, even though, this is often not the easiest option. This often means sacrificing something of our own. To be good is to truly see the value of people, to strive with all of our being to preserve that value. It takes a certain level of self awareness, to have the ability to be selfless and realise that all actions have consequences and to be able to look at the world, outside of one's self. A good person will put others ahead of the self. Unlike niceness, good is unable to be faked in the long run. Goodness is a part of someone's core, whereas niceness sits on the surface, ready to be blown away like dust with the next gust of wind. The challenge is not to mistake niceness for good, to know the distinct differences and strive to be both.

I wish she was there to ‘walk me home’ right now. I’m fucked.

remember - small talk is the portal through which every person you will ever meet will enter your life. 

The Sunday thoughts and feels.