dead as fuck

"lol if you just look closely you can tell when somethi--" silence nerd, the problem is that i don't want to have to approach everything nice wondering if the devil is trying to deceive me

find a man who cherishes you enough to cut off the dick of the man who has scorned you in order to use it to tenderly make love to you after proposing with a peach ring so that you do not have to die a virgin and can instead live on forever with him while he regularly brings flowers to your gravesite and tends to your undead body's electrocution wounds as he reads percy bysshe shelley's poetry to you. do NOT settle for less.

lisa frankenstein was so fun because it follows the slasher movie formula really closely, actually. it's just that instead of the main character being the final girl, you're seeing everything from the perspective of the slasher villain. and the slasher villain thinks she's in a romcom.

I miss tma season one when Jon puts his whole archivussy into a statement and then ends it by saying "yeah lmao this probably didn't happen. I asked Martin to look into it and he found nothing because he sucks and I hate him. Tim got me more information, probably because he's such a fucking slut. Sasha was also very useful. I love Sasha because she's so dependable and trustworthy. Nothing bad will ever happen to Sasha to make her less dependable or trustworthy."