duckface

Welcome, eerie sensation of solitude.

The one always present at night, clocking at sun's setting.

Always passing my street, peeping into my bedroom at twelve.

It's strange, silly. Do you not know you let the moonlight sip through my curtain?

However, before the stars took position, you were wandering.

Ironically, I was wondering. As I, were you, as well?

Before I knew it, I saw you. Droopy. Ragged with insomnia.

Oh companion, dragging yourself with that usual gloom.

Reeking with thoughtfulness. Invitation to converse.

"Say nothing, I know you heard a heart break."

But it is clear as the hours you stay away.

Like the hours of day.

That mine, as evident as mind chaos, is okay.

Relief, if not disbelief. The clouded figure hints a gleam of glitter.

Odd, unusual indeed. Diamonds in litter.

You perch eagerly on my sill, like an owl.

I indulge.

"Who knew wise words do not stop the bleeding?"

I am pierced by the abyss stare that entails detail.

"I thought..."

I think,

"... I thought my heart was cement and lips a trowel.

But she was shuttered from the ceiling to the floor."

A sneer.

"Surprisingly, I searched for rooms and I saw one. It had four walls. Boy, was it forged"

I recall.

"I poked. I knocked. I fucking banged."

In pause, the gaze steadily averts to my bedside.

A bent tool, works of my effort.

Sigh. Head bows, his feet tapping.

I thought to myself, "sole searching." Quiet comical of me.

"However, all was in vain. I knew her source of pain."

We both knew.

It was the night brought on diurnal prey.

Like a knock on a tenant's door three days past December.

I was the flu in twenty-twenty, a day before a concert to remember.

Words to a deaf man. Uninterrupted, all I could say.

Never has sound been so silent.

Her lament still torments.

Pudency truly is vile.

A nod, affectation.

The quarter moon becomes attraction.

Our usual silence erupts.

Clearly, these hours of darkness might have been brightest,

For two melancholic figures.

A twisted sense of satisfaction.

Sometimes it feels like a mild fever,

when we have these conversations

My chest tightens with each pulse.

Every line you bleed

And I survey you gushes.

Stitching where I can.

I didn't hope to be addicted

but here I am,

under night lights and stars

incomplete, but completely wasted.

Alone and lacking love lost

to another.

But peace resides in me.

My options scarce of emotional reaction.

Numb as I am, I'm hurt tonight.

The emos will forever be lonely.

For this sadness does not attract.

Imperfect, as we are.

Still in singular, I know I am alone.

for this is all I'll ever be.

Unworthy of your love.

She took me to the sun,

when I was not ready.

She said, "Get your wings, and let's go!"

Without consent she swept me of my feet

and she cut through the clouds.

I could have sworn my tears dried in elevation.

The thrill.

I felt the corners of my mouth ache a smile

as she stared at me contently.

In her eyes I could see her thoughts,

"God, I found him. I found your lost angel"

With focus she looked ahead.

And my heart got warmer,

As miles turned to inches.

Everything increased pace

The light became heat.

And we stopped before we struck.

Neither daring to proceed.

Yet both curious to know what it is.

In these conditions, one thought to live

But together, one couldn't breathe.

So a finger after another, my palm was left bare.

All the enthusiasm gone,

And I looked as you hiked for earth.

And I was left alone, in this lonely space.

They come and they go,

that's something we all know.

Fell for some,

My feet scraped sand

And it was all, but nothing more.

Impossible to bloom, so I dwelt in my lows

Now roaming in these roots of my growth

My thoughts feel the caress of dead fingers on my toes

Swirling like tornadoes

Violence so abrupt

It's wrecking my soul

Old friends, dead to me but not gone

Live with bliss, ignorant to my lone.

As if that's not all,

They linger in my four walls

Constantly invading my shores

With nothing but war.

Breaching. As if I am semipermeable

Incapable of enclosing my core.

Mobile with my all

But yet we never stay connected for long.

Is it my fault?

Is friendship to me like salt?

Am I merely a tadpole,

Swimming towards the end of my world?

Like worn out cloth, am I easily torn?

Subject to the forces that mold

And promote bipolar cores

Or am I just alone

It was just another term,

three months of us again.

Breaking on holidays,

Hoping for the end of fall.

And here I was,

Thirsting for your lips

Dazzled by my expectations

Anxiously awaiting your return

But it came not.

Day two to a week

of back to school

And you were nowhere.

Boarding felt like Prison

I was only free of your love.

But my mind rooted for your return

Until hope died like yesterday.

And eventually, I knew.

I was never going to see you

nor feel you

You fell in love with me

Blind to the scars on me

Bandaids and tattoed stitches

Threads that put my heart together

Falling for you, unintentionally

And your trust comes

Unconditionally.

Cupid's head shot

A baby's bullseye

Cracking my skull

Far and wide

And I

Open minded,

Reveal to you,

like the petals

Of a rose in spring

A scent of urge

Beating in your chest and;

Sipping through your veins

Raging like lava

Atop your flow of emotions.

Hence, a part of you.

I have lost myself without your love

All purpose has drowned in my anxieties

Knowing you don't love me anymore

It was all enough to free fall

My depression over weighs me now

Perhaps these strings attached will snap

Was it all part of my unprecedented fate?

Victim of circumstances, like a mouse to a kookaburra.

My nightmares feel abated when I'm lifeless in bed

And at 2am alone, as I explore the strength of my aura,

Skeletons rattle in the shed;

And my thoughts wail like gusts of wind.

We are more than the whispers

That reside in our heads

There is space for potential

Outside these seemingly caving walls

That conjure clutter

Causing chaotic mental disruption

We can be fortified to associate with the clouds

Remain intact and be our own souls' hearth

It is a possibility to be happier

To counter mulish idealism

And absorb the solidity of depression

Your skies will not always be blue

And even when they are dark,

Let the stars in you shimmer

And when the Sun outshines your glow

No poem is black

No poem is white

Anonymous we stand

United we alienate

When the poet is unknown,

The poet is heard

There is no need for a face

Hold me as the world is set aflame

Draw into my arms and burn with me

Let us rise with the smoke

And let our spirits dance in the wind freely

This is how we lose it all my love

It feels different now

Unlike those first passionate days

When I followed heart,

And there was rhythm in the pen.

Every curve was like a wave

Ripples in rhymes

Rhymes in every line

And now, my mind stale

And these ideas, like a blur

But you loved me when I knew nothing

You showed my hands where to rest when I hugged you

How my tongue should dance when I kissed you

I was the instrument in your song

I remember your vision of our future

How you made it all I'd ever need

And anything beyond our love was irrelevant

We were supposed to be in college together right now,

Achieving our goals and blossoming with love

You said we'd make it, but you never told me about the obstacles

You never taught me how to jump boulders

How to burn bridges that channeled infiltration,

I was supposed to be perfect for you

But with each mistake you made me feel unworthy

I was a slave in your honour

A child in your arms and yet you saw a man

If I had known you looked up to me

I'd have dismissed the love we had if I could

I was no pro but simply a learner

You loved me and I loved you more

And if these were your words, all the same, it's true

Just two kids, simply in love