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Motherfucking Scholastic

Book

Orders

And then the magical traveling circus of scholastic would randomly show up

at the motherfucking BOOK FAIR

I just randomly remembered something about the Harry Potter movies that enrages me.

Okay we all know the Goblet of Fire movie was one gigantic mess. We all know about the ‘calmly’. We all know about the ‘calmly’.

Oh god the ‘calmly’.

But there’s something even worse…so much worse…

It’s even worse than them omitting Hagrid’s bloodline or the scene where Cornelius Fudge intentionally gets a dementor to suck out Barty Crouch Jr.’s soul so that he couldn’t testify or Rita Skeeter’s secret or god this film was such a horrible injustice to the books!

But none of that, none of that is even remotely comparable to this scene:

THIS MOTHERF—ING SCENE

WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE THAT HARRY JAMES POTTER WOULD HESITATE NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE, WHEN IT COMES TO SAVING A FELLOW HOGWARTS STUDENT’S LIFE IN A TOURNAMENT HE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN IN THE FIRST PLACE!

It is such a disgrace to Harry’s character, to everything he’s gone through, to the sheer amount of compassion he built up over the years of abuse by the Dursleys. Harry would never, in a million years, hesitate to save Cedric and he definitely wouldn’t have his head flying back and forth between a shiny prize and a dying teenager screaming his name are you kidding me movie!?

(Cedric screams it four times by the way, in case any of you were wondering, I counted as I grabbed these screenshots.)

And to make it worse, to make it even worse, you have Cedric gave Harry a weak smile and say, “For a second there, I thought you were going to let it get me.”

Only for Harry to stare right back and say, “For a second there, so did I.”

WHAT?

In case anyone’s forgotten, here’s how the scene plays out in the book:

Notice how HARRY MF JAMES POTTER DIDN’T EVEN HESITATE WHEN CEDRIC WAS IN DANGER, HE IMMEDIATELY ACTED BECAUSE THAT’S HIS THING, THAT’S HIS WHOLE CHARACTER, HIS “SAVING PEOPLE THING” IS WHAT MAKES HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER! THE FACT THAT HE AUTOMATICALLY TRIES TO SAVE EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO HIM IS BOTH HIS GREATEST STRENGTH AND HIS GREATEST FLAW AND IT’S BROUGHT UP AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN IN THE BOOKS BUT THIS MOVIE THINKS IT CAN JUST THROW ALL OF THAT OUT TO GIVE YOU A SUSPENSEFUL SCENE IMPLYING THAT HARRY HAS TO STRUGGLE TO…YOU KNOW…NOT MURDER SOMEONE!?

AND DON’T WORRY, MOVIE, I’M NOT SCREAMING AT YOU! BY YOUR DEFINITION, I’M TALKING TO YOU CALMLY!

1 pound chihuahua vs. 15 pound bag of dog food

My money’s on the doggie.

Ice Cube Apple Pie

Me:

Ron is 12 years old.

Ron stole a car.

Ron fucking stole a fucking car at the age of TWELVE.

1. Tom Hiddleston signed a six film deal, so we can expect him to be in Avengers 4.

2. Loki is known as a ‘Silvertongue’, so his choice of words is always extremely important. So, when he says “undying fidelity”. I think this is an allusion to the fact that he is not dead.

3. Further on from the ‘Silvertongue’ point, Loki says “I promise you, brother, the sun will shine on us again”. This seems too far out of place to be a coincidence. I think Loki is trying to subtly tell Thor that he has a trick up his sleeve that may end up saving them.

4. Loki has already feigned death so many times, is it really so far fetched to think he has done it again?

5. He disappeared from the scene for several minutes and we have no idea what he was doing during that time. He then reappears super cocky and arrogant which is a direct contrast to how terrified he’d been a few minutes prior. This seems to suggest that perhaps he is using an illusion of some sort.

6. He emphasizes the fact that he is a “God of Mischief”, thus perhaps hinting to Thor that he is about to perform a trick, or to allude to the audience that all is not as it seems.

7. Loki did not change into his Jotun form after he died. This seems odd because his Aesir form is an illusion, so it should have disappeared when he died. Furthermore, there are a couple of mentions of Loki being “the rightful King of Jotunheim” and “not Asgardian”, which may be an attempt to draw the audience’s attention to this fact.

8. It was very uncharacteristic of Loki to act so impulsive by stabbing Thanos with a small dagger. It seems to me that the attack was more of a distraction than a real attack. The Loki we know would have attempted to use some sort of illusion or trick in order to attack Thanos and mean it.

9. Tom Hiddleston mentions in a recent interview that “Chaos isn’t something that’s threatening to Loki” and that “Everything is fine”. This seems to suggest that Loki is alright, and hasn’t actually died.

10. Loki’s choice of last words, “You will never be a god”, introduces the idea that maybe Loki has survived due to the fact that he’s a God, and cannot be killed so easily.

11. If the Russo brothers wanted to make Loki’s death truly believable, they would have had Loki using his illusions, and Thanos seeing straight through them and then killing him. The fact that none of Loki’s powers were used at all, makes it seem that he has perhaps feigned death.

sliding the metal cover on floppy disks

the slight resistance of inserting cassette and video tapes

ripping off the strips of holed paper off of dot matrix printer paper 

Unkinking the curly cord of a telephone while you talked

The -peww sound and slowly fading image of a crt monitor turning off, and then running your finger through the static on the dusty glass

The crunch of opening or closing a plastic Disney vhs cover

The sound effects in kidpix

an actual typewriter

i have never noticed before today that spidey wasn’t real