Rorry⭐

“And what has Alicent lost?” you argue, sharper than you intended. Your head whips hard to the side in time to find Ormund flinching beneath the bite of your words — a small flicker at the edges of his eyes; a brief lowering of his brows. 

You soften with a sigh a moment later and remind yourself that Ormund lost something too, even if the loss was not pulled from his body to claim it. 

“Forgive me, I… I only meant that… The Queen has four living children. And she carried each one with grace— There is no part of her that could possibly understand how I feel… And I wouldn’t wish it upon her besides.”

Ormund exhales through his nose and takes a step closer, boots scuffing the cobbles. “Then at least let me tell them that you are unwell—”

“No,” you dismiss with a shake of your stubborn head, eyes shutting briefly when the corset tightens again. “I refuse to be spoken of like some frail, ailing thing while the King sups at our table.”

Your gaze is wet with unshed tears when they open again, snapping to Ormund’s pale ones with a glimmering determination. “I am the Lady Hightower,” you tell him, brows raised and eyes firm. “So I will greet them standing. On my own feet. In my own home.”

Ormund’s chest, still heavy with grief, blooms with a distant sort of pride at your words. Perhaps because a part of him had long understood that you did not always dream of being the Lady Hightower. Your marriage was made of meetings and ledgers and alliances rather than any actual tenderness, as was true in most great marriages in Westeros. He knows, had you had it your way, you would’ve wed that gardener’s boy you grew up with — who you attempted to bring with you to Oldtown upon your betrothal, along with many of your household’s servants.

Ormund had the brawny, olive-skinned boy sent away within a fortnight — the moment he understood what kind of feelings the peasant boy had for you, and you for him. It was perhaps the first mad thing he ever did for you and, by Ormund’s later admission, the first time he realized that he might love you truly. (Though he had not thought it mad at the time, or love until many moons later, when he was struck with the sudden realization that the thought of Oldtown with you in it would be entirely unbearable.)

“Then we shall go,” Ormund nods in acquiescence as he plants himself just ahead of you. His gaze fixes into a sterner look a second later, as he tilts his chin to his chest and ducks into your eyeline. “But know I am not happy about this.”

“And yet Oldtown will remain standing anyway,” you joke in a softer coo. “I have faith that we’ll survive one of your unhappy mornings, my lord.”

The walk from your chambers to the gates of Oldtown is not long, but you feel every stone beneath your slippers as if the journey were some great pilgrimage across the whole of Westeros. 

You brace Ormund’s strong arm with both your hands, fingers curling into the fine wool of his coat hard enough to blanche your knuckles. He slows his long stride to match your smaller, more careful one without a word shared between you — a wall of green and muscles at your side, shielding you from the curious eyes of courtiers wondering why their lord and lady moved so slowly. So close.

It’s the first time you’ve tasted fresh air in three days. The breeze smells of the sea from the harbor and fish from the markets — mixing with the sweet citrus of the orange and lemon trees blooming in the gardens. Their white petals scatter like snow along the pale stone with every gust off the bay. You breathe in deeply through your nose, trying hopelessly to clear away the metallic tang of your own blood stubbornly clinging to the inside of your nostrils.

“His Grace, Viserys of House Targaryen,” the herald calls as the royal party files in on fine horses and gilded carriages, black banners snapping in the wind. “First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men.”

Viserys is the first to exit when the caravan finally stills. He descends the steps a knight places down for him, portlier than you remember from your last journey to King’s Landing, some years before your marriage. His kind face has started to wither from fatigue and age alike. The crown seems heavier upon his head, though perhaps it’s only from where his silver hair has started to thin at the scalp.

Alicent follows out just behind him. She wears a black dress with drooping sleeves and a veil to cover her long auburn curls, fit for a funeral procession. A knight of white armor and long black hair helps her descend the steps as she cradles a small, dark bundle squirming in protest in her arms.

You sink into a curtsy. A white-hot pain swells from the pit of your stomach to the top of your spine — a lightning strike that burns for minutes after. You grip Ormund’s arm until your fingers tremble, though the polite smile on your face remains when you rise again.

“Ormund,” Viserys greets with an easy smile. He clasps your husband’s free arm with a genuine affection while his tired eyes drift along the white stone towers of the city. “My… Oldtown is just as fair as I remember it.”

“I agree, Your Grace, though I confess I am far more partial,” Ormund responds with a dry humor and a knightly smile. “I hear the view improves the longer one is forced to stare at it.”

Viserys laughs while, beside him, Alicent tries and fails to summon her own. Her elegant features are worn from the weeks of travel, many of which you imagine were spent balancing the fussing weight concealed against her chest just now.

“And my lady…” Viserys inclines his silver head towards you, studying your face with a pair of kind eyes. “You look well.”

You feel, in a word, like death dressed in Hightower green. You feel hollowed out and stitched together again, the farthest thing from well. But you nod once and thank the King all the same, profoundly grateful when your voice doesn’t shake.

“Truly. Marriage suits you both well,” Viserys nods. “Though, I admit, I’d hope Daeron might have had a cousin or two near enough in age to grow up beside him here. Once he’s old enough for such things, of course.”

Ormund tenses beside you. 

His arm feels very suddenly like holding onto stone. His pale eyes turn glacial in a flicker; a withheld grief that he forces himself to swallow down the second it rises like bile in his throat. You say nothing at all. You just keep smiling and pray to whatever god will hear you that you do not weep in front of the King and all his men.

“But there’s still time— You’ll have one of your own before long, I’m sure of it,” the older man continues, possessing no notion of what had happened behind these walls hardly two days past. If he notices anything amiss, he does not dwell on it, and turns instead to Alicent. “Go on. Let them see the boy.”

Alicent’s arms tighten instinctively around the bundle in her grasp and inhales sharply through her nose. It had been her own decision that Daeron be sent to her family’s ancestral home. Her last child was not quite six months when she counseled her King to send him to ward, far from the chaos of King’s Landing. But she finds herself suddenly plagued by the harsh realization that this will be the last time she will hold this baby as he is now. The next time she’s like to lay eyes on him again, he’ll be an unrecognizable young boy, and not nearly the small thing fussing against her collarbone now.

“He hasn't slept," Alicent warns as she steps closer. Her green eyes are warm and weary when they flit to you. “He didn’t take well to the carriage. Or the ship. He’s cried the whole way from Blackwater, I think. Poor thing…”

“I’m sure we can manage a crying babe, my Queen,” Ormund says gently, though there’s a distant aching in his voice disguised as good humor that only you could recognize. “I grew up with Gwayne, if you remember. I’m more than acquainted with wailing boys by now.”

Alicent musters a small smile and closes the distance between you to settle her son in your arms. 

He’s warm — that’s the first thing you notice — he’s a small furnace swaddled in Targaryen black. He stirs briefly at the transfer from one chest to another, round face screwing tight in the prelude to a wail. Your heart clenches to brace yourself for that sound. It never comes.

The babe turns his face into the curve of your throat and settles into stillness with one small fist curled into the fabric of your gown. The tiny sound he makes isn’t a cry, but it isn’t quite a coo either. He sleeps, finally, in your arms — not even two days after you held your daughter between them, who had never awoken at all.

Ormund’s wide hand settles at the small of your back. Even in its steadiness, you feel the subtle tremor of his fingers against your spine. His throat tightens with the sudden urge to cry at the sight — of you, still frail and yet so bravely composed, cradling another woman’s child after laying your own to rest in the sept. He swallows through the hands of grief strangling his throat and feels a warmer feeling settling in its wake.

“Well…” Viserys hums, watching the baby sleep against you with a proud look in his weathered eyes. “It seems the boy’s found his corner of Oldtown already— Isn’t that lovely, Alicent?”

The woman nods, though shock still etches slightly in her pale features and behind the dark green of her eyes. “Of course, Your Grace,” she says and clears her throat, blinking back her tears with a queen’s practiced grace. “Thank you both for taking him.”

“He'll want for nothing here," Ormund swears with a firm nod. “You have my word. We'll raise him as if he were our own trueborn son.”

You pull the blanket gently back to peer at the sleeping baby swaddled within it. He’s practically all cheeks, with his mother’s mouth and nose. 

You had been certain, two days past, that your life had surely ended with your daughter’s. That there would be nothing more to life than a hollow, vacant silence. But now, there is warmth — and a babe’s slow breath fanning along your collarbone. 

You do not yet have a name for the foreign feeling swelling inside of you. It’s not joy, not yet, but it isn’t grief either. Or, at least, not only grief. And for now, that would have to be enough.

127 A.C. / Training Yard

The sound of clashing steel finds you before the sight of it does. The ring and scrape of blade on blade carries across the bustling courtyard, where you’ve gone to look for a young prince who was, as Maester Yorrick informed you with a palpable impatience, nearly an hour late for his lessons. You find the boy exactly where you imagined he would be — sword-training with his uncle, who has since stripped down to a pale tunic now darkened with sweat from the exercise.

Daeron, now thirteen years of age, is all knees and elbows from a sudden growth spurt that had taken him seemingly overnight. He presses a defensive attack upon his uncle with all the fierceness of a knight, but with the gracelessness of a teenage boy. Even you could tell from where you stood that his swing had no hope of landing. Ormund turns the blow aside with a lazy flick of his wrist, no more troublesome than swatting a fly from the air.

“Awful,” you hear the man scold from afar. When Daeron grits his teeth and presses forward once more, Ormund steps back and lets the boy’s momentum carry him a half stride too far. His blade misses his mark by inches. “Gods, that’s even worse—”

Daeron lunges a third time, fuelled now by a boyish rage that twists his freckled features. Ormund steps inside the overextended reach, hooks a boot around the boy’s ankle, and trips him onto the dirt with his blunted blade pressed to his ribs. Daeron hits the ground with a thud, red-faced and breathing heavy. His long auburn tendrils cling to his sweaty temple when he whips his head to glare up at his uncle.

“Dead,” Ormund proclaims from where he stands over the boy, flat but not totally unkind. He raises his brows and tilts his chin to his chest. “If this were a real sword, I’d have had your head before the thought to swing finished forming in that head of yours.”

Daeron twists himself upward and shoves the faux blade away with a boyish scowl. “You always say that,” he grumbles, refusing the hand Ormund extends to help him up. He rises to full height on his own and swipes dirt from his pale palms.

“Yes. I always say it because it's always true. You're thinking with your temper again— I can see it in your shoulders before you’ve even moved,” the older man lectures as he turns on the heel of his boot and walks off a few paces. “Again. And this time, think before you swing. Not after—” 

“I think that’s enough for this morning,” you call to them as you step further into the yard, dress skirts rushing around your ankles in the summer breeze. “Maester Yorrick has been waiting all morning. And his patience, unlike yours, my lord, has its limits.”

Daeron nods once, shoulders sagging with an absent relief. “Yes, ma’am—”

“Give us a few more minutes,” Ormund dismisses simultaneously. “He’s close to getting his footwork right. I can feel it.”

You flash the man a look — one slight lift of your brow, one flicker of dullness behind the eyes. Years of marriage have honed that wordless look to a firm edge, one which finds Ormund like a blade. He nods in concession with a heavy exhale through his nose.

“You heard her, boy. Go on,” Ormund says, jerking his chin toward the tower and extending his hand out for the practice sword.

Daeron obeys without question. He passes the dull blade over and crosses the yard to you. You see the sweat and dirt streaked across his freckled face the closer he gets. “Come here to me,” you sigh and catch his round chin between your thumb and forefinger when he plants himself ahead of you. You swipe the filth from his cheeks with the hem of your sleeve like you’ve done since he was small enough to fit in one arm.

“I’m not a child anymore, you know," Daeron reminds you with a childish grimace as he suffers your motherly affections. “I’m a squire now.”

“Oh, a squire, are you?” you croon in response with an obvious air of sarcasm. You smooth wild auburn hair from his temples before pressing a chaste kiss to his hairline. “Go on now— before Maester Yorrick decides to make you study your histories until sundown.” 

Daeron nods and ducks past you towards the tower stair, though you catch the corner of his pink mouth twitching upward into a grin before he’s turned away. You watch him leave with an attentive stare as Ormund discards the training swords at their posts. He approaches you in long, slow strides, allowing you to see the mark that training has left upon him — the way the sweat dampens his dark curls and the collar of his tunic, making the fabric stick to his broad shoulders and toned chest. 

He smells of sweet wine, musky bathing oils, and salty sweat when he towers just before you. He tips his chin to his chest and raises his brows to his hairline, pale eyes glimmering with an expectant look.

“…Well?” 

You blink up at him with a feigned innocence. “Well, what?”

“My kiss,” he answers with a shrug like it’s obvious, like he were a man coming to collect his debts. “You gave the boy his, and I’ve spent half the morning training him— I should think that I’ve earned at least that much.” 

“Oh, really?” you squint. “After you told the boy he’s like to lose his head?”

“I told him the truth,” Ormund argues with an unrepentant laugh and takes a slow step closer to you. “Is the truth unkind merely because it stings a little going down?” 

His hands splay along your waist, wide and warm along the edges of your corset. It takes everything in you not to cave for him right there, in the full view of the crowded courtyard. You cross your arms over your chest instead. “If you keep being so hard on him, he’ll grow to hate sword training altogether—”

“May be. But he will go on alive a good deal longer for having learned it the hard way now— instead of on a real field, with real steel, without me there to guide him.” Ormund ducks his head to catch your eye, pale gaze glimmering in time the pink smile tugging at his lips. “Surely you are not truly cross with me, my love…” he croons quietly.

You shrug with a raised chin, unwilling to concede so easily. “Perhaps I am.”

“Well, then, it’s hardly my doing,” he chuckles, a sound far warmer than the silver-gold sunshine sprawling over the courtyard. The pads of his thumbs smooth over your ribs in an absentminded affection. “You've gone so soft on the boy that you can scarcely bear to watch him lose a practice bout, without petting his hair over it after."

“Well, someone in this household has to be soft with him," you argue lightly, more teasing now than truly cross. Your slipper scrapes the dirt as you take a short step closer to him. What little distance remained between you closes now in an instant; each rise and fall of his chest brushes your folded arms. “You spend your mornings convincing the poor boy the world means to kill him, and I spend my nights convincing him that he could rule the world entire if he wished... Perhaps he’ll come out well-balanced for it, in the end.”

“Assuming one of us doesn’t kill the other over the method first,” Ormund quips.

“Precisely,” you nod.

“Well, I think it’s a fine system,” the man agrees gravely, drawing you an impossible inch closer by the hands still on your waist. His breath fans warm across your jaw as he leans in closer, still smelling of the mint leaves he’d chewed after breakfast. “And one I certainly intend to go on employing indefinitely… If my wife forgives me long enough to let me kiss her.”

His low voice glitters somewhere in the center of your chest. Your eyes narrow despite the small smile curling hopelessly at your mouth. “I don’t think I’ve yet decided,” you lilt.

“Well, I have,” he croons quietly, and does not wait for your retort before leaning down to press his lips against yours.

His broad nose flattens into the side of yours under the weight of his kiss, a slow and languid thing — as natural as the white waves ebbing and flowing against the pale stone tower of Oldtown. Your hands twist in his pale tunic billowing in the sea breeze, dissolving into the man like salt in water. 

There is nothing you would not forgive this man for, you think distantly to yourself. There is no madness he could not lead you toward, not if he kisses you like this the entire way there.

130 A.C. /  Ormund’s Solar

The raven arrives like all the rest — unceremoniously, on a sunless grey morning, from the trembling hands of the weathered maester. You tend to your needlework by the crackling hearth, burning low to fight off the morning chill blowing in from the sea, while Daeron reads in the opposite chair with one leg slung over the arm of it — both of you still waking with the early morning.

Across the room, Ormund sits at his desk and breaks the seal with a dull crack. Your gaze drifts to the man as he unrolls the letter, parchment whispering beneath his ringed fingers. You watch his pale eyes flit across the words once, and his brows lower in confusion a moment later. He shifts in his seat and reads it again, slower this time. His spine straightens with a soldier’s subconscious instinct as he draws a deep breath in and forgets to let it go. 

The quiet feels loud as it swells within the solar. The popping fire startles you briefly, as you get lost in Ormund’s wordless dread. You feel his silent panic as if it were your own. You rise from your seat and lay your needlework on the cushion behind you, careful not to trouble Daeron’s reading as you stroll to the man’s side.

“Ormund?” you call quietly to him. “Ormund— What does it say?”

He says nothing in response; he just lifts his ringed hand and passes you the parchment curled between his middle and forefinger. His eyes remained fixed on a negligible chip in the cobblestone wall across the room as you pluck the paper from his hand. His silence is not convincing; his silence, as you’ve learned in years of marriage, is far more frightening than any voice he could raise.  

Your eyes dart over the scrawled ink thrice over, just as he had, because your mind refuses to process the words on the first two passes.

“By the time this reaches you, the city has already fallen. Rhaenyra Targaryen holds King’s Landing and names herself Queen upon the Iron Throne. She has taken the Queen Dowager prisoner, as well as the King’s wife and last living heir. Send word of your household’s safety. Guard the boy.” 

The letters blur and steady and blur again, swimming before your eyes. Your blood runs cold while the glowing hearth simultaneously fills the room with a near-unbearable heat. As your breaths come faster and shallower to you, you hear a small voice call from behind you.

“Is something wrong?” Daeron wonders aloud as he glances up from the heavy novel in his lap. His auburn brows knit low over his green eyes, casting a faint shadow over his freckled cheeks, which are slowly starting to lose the softness of boyhood.

“Go on to your chambers, Daeron,” you tell him in a voice strangely steady compared to how shaken you feel. “It’s time to break your fast. I’ll have the servants fetch it for you.” 

“I’m not hungry,” the boy insists as he rises slowly from his chair, setting his book aside and walking slowly from the hearth. His eyes dart back and forth between your profile and Ormund’s when both of you refuse to look at him. His shoulders straighten with a strangling tension. “What’s happened? What does it say—?”

“Daeron,” Ormund snaps, voice cutting through the quiet room like a blade. His eyes are similarly sharp when they snap finally to the boy’s pleading once. “Listen to your mother, boy. Go.”

Mother, he says. The word lingers and hangs in the air for a long moment. Even in his newfound worry, Ormund’s eyes still flicker with a startled awareness at how easily the slip-up had escaped him, though there is little time to dwell on it now. 

Daeron's pink mouth parts with some half-formed protest at the ready. Whatever words he could conjure up on such short notice turn to dust on his tongue at the look his uncle gives him, chiseled features hardening into an unfeeling sort of look. Daeron exhales a held breath, gathers his book from his seat, and heads for the door without further argument.

Ormund’s knowing voice follows him out: “And don’t stand outside the door eavesdropping, either. Straight to your chambers. I'll know if you've stopped on the stair."

Only when the door shuts behind the boy with a soft click do your teary eyes lift from the parchment in your trembling hands. You say nothing for a long moment. The muffled sounds of the bustling castle fill the silence — the sounds of an oblivious world still living, though it feels a little like yours has stopped.

“I know," Ormund says before you’ve spoken, before you’ve needed to speak. “I know.”

“Okay,” you nod once. “So what are you going to do?”

He huffs a not-quite laugh. “I’ve only just found out about this. As have you,” he answers, a little sharper than he means to. “I’ll need a moment to think about the problem before you ask me to solve it, my love.” 

“A moment is no longer a luxury we have,” you argue, voice rising despite yourself and wavering on every syllable with a palpable fear. “Rhaenyra has dragons, Ormund— she has Daemon and three new bastard riders sworn to her besides. She does not need a moment to bring any of them to our door.”

Your dress skirt spins around your ankles when you turn suddenly in place. Ormund’s pale eyes follow your form as you storm back towards the hearth, ranting the whole way there.

“She will come for him, Ormund— not if, when. She will stop at nothing to silence any claim that challenges her own,” you continue, voice cracking under the weight of your unshed tears. “Daeron is a threat to her! Simply by breathing, he is a threat to her, and she will not leave him idling here out of some… familial courtesy for some half-brother she’s never met.”

The flame crackles quietly when you toss the letter into it. The wax seal blackens and weeps; the ink turns slowly to ash. You’d hoped that destroying those words might, in turn, settle the uneasy feeling they’ve brought you; but to no avail.

“I know that,” Ormund nods with a jaw clenched tight, ringed fingers curling into fists over his thighs beneath the desk. 

“Then think!” Your shout bounces off the cobbled walls as you turn to face him once more. His face blurs behind the burning tears clouding your vision. The swelling emotion thickens your voice as you yell to him, half-wild with a preemptive grief. “I have already buried children who never got to draw breath— I will not bury another who has drawn fifteen years of them under this roof! Do not let them take him, Ormund— I don't care what it costs. Do not let them our boy!”

Ormund’s chair scrapes the cobbles as he rises slowly to full height. He crosses the solar in slow, silent strides. Your glassy eyes stay locked with his as he nears. You peer stubbornly up at him from beneath your lashes, clumped with unshed tears; but you do not protest when his palms smooth over the outsides of your elbows to pull you into his arms. 

You melt hopelessly against his chest, fisting the back of his doublet in both hands, and trembling slowly as you choke down a sob. Ormund’s wide hands smooth along your back and feels his chest tighten with a striking, familiar ache. He thought once there was no worse sound in the world than hearing your weeping over a lost child; but he knows, now, that there is something equally as troubling: your weeping over a child you fear you’re about to lose and feeling like there is no time yet to stop it.

“I will not let anyone take him,” Ormunds promises evenly, with a distance that suggests he’s already assembling a plan in the depths of his mind. His arms curl tighter, pressing you harder against him. “I swear it to you. By the gods, they will not have our son.”

You pull back from him, just far enough to search his steady gaze with your wearier one. “But how?” you press weakly, more of a demand than a real question.

Ormund ponders for a long moment. The shadow of his adam’s apple rises and falls in his throat as he swallows. And when he speaks again, the words fall from his tongue flat and even, as if he were testing each one the moment they left his mouth.

“No one at court has laid eyes on the boy since he was a babe in arms…” he answers lowly, brows lifting to his hairline. “Alicent hasn’t seen him in years… There is no one outside these walls who would know what he looks like… So if they come— when they come… I suppose Rhaenryra would presume any silver-haired boy as Viserys’ heir.”

Your brows furrow as confusion twists slowly across your face.

“We’d only need enough lye and patience,” Ormund continues with a shrug. “And a boy willing enough to answer to a name that isn’t his, and to go with Rhaenyra, should her dragons come calling.”

You tense within his hold as the words run through you like ice-cold water. “You mean to… to send a different child in his place?”

“Yes,” Ormund answers instantly and without apology. “It isn’t a kind plan, I know. And I won’t pretend that someone else’s son won’t have to suffer for it, if it comes to pass, but… You did not ask me for a kind plan.”

You grieve the heat of his hands when he lifts them from your back, just to smooth his gently calloused palms over your jaw a moment later. He rubs the rough pads of his thumbs along your burning cheeks. You melt into his touch of warm velvet and peer up at him with teary eyes. Ormund’s gaze softens around the edges as his mouth lifts into a sad sort of smile.

“You asked me not to let them take our boy,” he continues lowly. “And however cruel it may be… this is but the only coin I have to buy that promise with.”

You know that a part of you should be horrified. You know what he is describing is a monstrous thing — an innocent boy’s whole life offered as a shield for another’s. You search deep within yourself to find that terror, but cannot seem to locate it. Instead, you find relief, like a crack of sunlight peeking through storm clouds — the very hint of a promise that your family was not long in the dying just yet.

“Do it,” you hear yourself say, shaking your head between his hands. “Whatever it costs… Whoever it costs… Do it.”

Ormund nods with a deep inhale through his nose, leaning forward to press his mouth to your hairline — to seal his promise with a kiss.

130 A.C. / Tumbleton Sept

Rhaenyra's dragonriders come for Daeron not nearly a fortnight into the army's march. Ormund sends the son of a merchant in his place — a boy of the right age and the right pale coloring, plucked quietly from Oldtown and dressed in borrowed finery before anyone thought to look twice. “Be brave, young prince," Ormund had said to the blanch-haired boy, only for show, though what he really meant was: “I will have your family hanged if you do not play your part.”

Ormund knelt before Daemon Targaryen and swore his fealty to the Queen, but marched on for Tumbleton the second the dragons took flight, all the shame. 

The chaos follows them there, too.

Daeron attempts to seek a momentary refuge in the foreign castle’s candlelit sept. A cramped chamber made of brown stone and hazy smoke from the flickering candles, where Tessarion grumbles in protest of captivity. The lack of sunlight has dulled her fluorescent blue scales, and has made her ill-tempered due to the lack of exercise. Daeron alone she allows close, pressing her great head into the boy’s small neck, and momentarily forgetting about the heavy chains around her throat when he pets her stony scales. 

Ormund finds him there. Ormund has a way of finding him anywhere. It is a gift and a curse, perhaps — comforting when Daeron was small and frightened of the dark; but less so now, when Daeron’s every attempt at solitude is interrupted by his uncle, constantly watching him as if he were a traitor to be surveilled and not his kin.

“I have warned you against indulging in affections for the best,” Ormund says as he approaches. The man cradles the boy's freckled cheeks in his wide, calloused palms despite Tessarion's low growl of warning.“You are a good boy,” he says, and in the very same breath, without losing the tender smile on his face: “You have a taint in your blood,” and “You must be king.”

Ormund makes less and less sense to him these days — the throes of war, Daeron supposes, though a part of him is frightened that it began long before that. 

Sometimes he thinks Ormund only makes sense when you’re near enough to translate his tangled, wild emotions back into something grounded and real. You’ve always had a way of gentling the man; usually with nothing more than a steady hand along his wrist to calm whatever storm had been moving within him. 

Daeron has seen you do it a hundred times over without ever quite understanding how. But he prays now for your swift return from the city, so that you might do it again — so that you might soften whatever unfamiliar thing has taken root in his uncle when he commands his soldiers to drag in the peasant man from earlier that afternoon. The one who broke Ser Garrick’s nose defending against his own wife’s assault; an act any decent lord would have called simple justice. 

Ormund draws his sword from its sheath at his hip. The hiss of the steel leaving the leather fills the small stone sept, loud enough to echo off the old walls that have likely seen a great many prayers and, Daeron suspects, not so very many murders. The older man turns the blade and offers the embellished hilt to the boy, pale eyes hardening when he hesitates.

“We have risked much and more to raise you up,” Ormund says, strong features twisting into something resembling offense. “Surely, you do not wish to disappoint us now.”

Us. Daeron is pulled into his uncle’s orbit at that single syllable alone; the unbearable thought of failing the only two people in this world who have ever troubled themselves to love him — one standing before him with a blade held out like a peace offering, and the other somewhere in the depths of the dark city but still steady on his mind all the same.

Daeron lays his palms out flat before his brain has fully comprehended the motion. He prays Ormund doesn’t notice how they tremble when he rests the sword upon them — the weight of the blade cold and heavy upon his fingers.

Daeron’s hands tremble around the ornate leather hilt of Ormund’s sword. His misty eyes find the prisoner kneeling just before him on the cold stone — bloodied and chained for a crime any noble man in Westeros would surely commit with honor — before glancing slowly to where his uncle looms behind him. Candlelight flickers in shades of orange-gold upon the man’s chiseled features, pooling a deep black in the hollows of his eyes.

“What would Mother think of this?” Daeron hears himself ask, voice cracking under the weight of the tears burning hot in the backs of his eyes. 

It is his last and most desperate attempt to reach for his uncle, just as he has seen you do, and to pull him back from the dangerous ledge he stands upon. But he knows the man has already made up his mind; and he knows that there is no version of him that walks out of this sept without spilling blood.

Ormund’s face softens slightly, though there is little tenderness in what he asks of the boy now. “Alicent would understand,” he coos in a gentle voice. “War asks difficult things of every great house—”

“I didn’t—” Daeron swallows hard, smaller now than moments before. “I did not mean the Lady Alicent…” 

Realization flashes across Ormund’s face — a visible recognition of exactly which woman the boy had meant, and has always meant every time the word slipped accidentally from his mouth and was never corrected for it after. Daeron was not yours by blood, but he was yours in every other way that matters. The small, warm weight of him stopped crying the moment he was placed into your arms fifteen years ago, and never truly stopped being yours since.

Still, Ormund does not soften for it. If anything, something in him hardens further as he takes a slow step closer to the boy.

“Your mother would be proud,” he answers, brows lowered as if the answer was the plainest thing in the world. “Don’t you see? Any strike against this army is a strike against her, against everything she’s built to keep you safe… Any man who raises his fist against our men raises it, in the end, against her… And do you not want to protect her, just as she has spent every day protecting you?”

Daeron swallows hard. The weight of Ormund’s words feels heavy in his throat, heavier than the blade in his hands as his trembling fingers tighten around its hilt. His teary green eyes linger on the steel, flickering shades of gold in the candlelight. 

“No, please, I beg you,” the battered prisoner rasps, dried blood matting at his curls from whatever rough handling had brought him here. “I have a family, my lord. Please—”

Daeron’s eyes lift to find the man’s pleading gaze and linger upon him for a long while. He sees your face in the very back of his mind, the only real mother he’s ever truly known, and hears Ormund’s disappointed voice layered over it as he draws the heavy blade back. 

Then he strikes. 

The cut is not clean. The blade lodges at an off angle in the man’s corded neck and sticks somewhere deep between flesh and bone. The man’s pained shout comes out wet and gargled, bouncing off the cobbled walls and in the depths of Daeron’s mind. 

The boy’s body flinches from what his own hand has done as bright crimson blood spouts from the gaping wound and splatters along the old stone. 

His face crumples as he removes the blade. It takes a world of strength in his thin arms to wrench it out again. A quiet whimper sounds in his throat when the blade drags against bone and stumbles backward when the man’s limp body collapses at his feet with a dull smack. Dark blood spreads slowly across the stone in a widening, glistening pool that catches the candlelight like moonlight on the bay.

Daeron looks down at the crimson dripping off the steel blade. He does not notice his uncle’s approach until his broader hands are gently guiding the sword from his fingers — fingers that no longer feel like his own. 

Ormund wipes the steel clean against the dead man's tunic, one side and then the other, with the methodical care of a man cleaning a hunting knife after a kill. He sheaths the blade back into its hilt and closes the remaining distance between him and the boy.

When Daeron’s mind finally returns to his body — ears still ringing, vision still hazy — his wide eyes snap to his uncle’s face and sees a quiet pride swimming in his features once more. It’s as comforting as it is horrifying. And when Ormund's strong arms wrap around the boy’s shoulders and draw him close to his chest, that feels like a dizzying concoction of the two even more so.

“I am proud of you, boy…” Ormund tells him as he leans in close, pressing his mouth to the boy’s hair in a near-kiss, though he whispers to him instead:  “Do not tell your mother of this. Understood?"

Daeron does not answer, though Ormund does not ask him for one now.

130 A.C.  /  Tumbleton Castle

You return to the castle late in the evening, weary down to your bones from the long day. 

You had gone into town with what coin and grain the army could spare, and found Lady Kat there among the frightened smallfolk, tending to the smith's wife, whose arm still sat bound in a rough splint. The woman's round face was kind, but you knew that no amount of offered bread or soft words could cure what comfort had been taken from her.

“Do you know where my husband is?” she had asked you before you left, with something desperate in her voice that made you wish you had a better answer than the only truthful one you could give.

“I’m sorry. I do not know," you told her, smiling in what sympathy you could muster, honest in your ignorance if nothing else.

The question sits strangely in your chest on the ride back to the castle, though you struggle to place exactly why.

Dinner is already laid out by the time you arrive. The long table is embellished with more food than Tumbleton's starving smallfolk have likely seen since the war began. The notion sits heavy in your stomach before you’ve even entered the dining hall, where Ormund rises from his seat to greet you. 

His warmth is striking, a shade too bright for the late hour. He presses a jeweled chalice of ale into your hand with a tender grin and a pair of soft eyes, asking after the wife and the town's wounded with an attentiveness he doesn’t usually spare for such small domestic accounts.

“Sit,” he tells you with one wide hand along the small of your back to urge you the short distance to the table. “You've had a long day, my love. Eat something before it goes cold."

Confusion floods your face at the emptiness beside your usual seat. “Where's Daeron? He hasn’t missed out on lemon cakes since he was old enough to chew them.”

“He's not feeling well. Best to let him rest,” Ormund answers with a polite smile as he pours himself a goblet of wine. His soft eyes flit between you and the glugging flagon. “Sit with me, love. I’m sure you’re half-starved yourself."

He sits down in his cushioned seat at the head of the long table and gestures for you to take yours. You remain stubbornly in place, because you know him far too well for anything else. Years of marriage have taught you every register of his voice; every flicker behind his eyes; every twitch in his features. And this one, all warm and careful and slightly too eager, is one you’d learned to trust least of all.

“What have you done?” you deadpan.

Ormund scoffs a breathless laugh, bouncing his broad shoulders in a shrug. “Why do you insist I’ve done something?” 

“Because I can hear it in your voice.”

Ormund huffs again, though it’s more of a sound of surprise than true laughter this time. “Well, I assure you, dear wife, I have done nothing at all.”

“Is that what will Daeron tell me?” you press. “When I go to his chambers and ask him myself?"

“He will tell you that I'm an excellent uncle and an even better husband," Ormund quips with his elbows propped on the table and his pointer fingers steepled together. “And also that you ought to sit down and eat your supper with your poor husband, before you go making a production out of a boy's upset stomach.”

You leave despite his words, led purely by the intuition swirling in your stomach that drags you directly to Daeron’s chamber door. You knock once and receive no answer — when the silence holds on the third try, you let yourself in and find the boy alone in his room, curled small on the edge of his bed in a way that strikes you deep in the chest; a reminder of that swaddled babe curled against your chest fifteen years past.

He does not look up when you enter, nor when you lower yourself gingerly onto the edge of the mattress beside him without a word. His shoulders shake in small, tight increments as he struggles to choke down his own sobs. He drags each breath in through his nose and holds it for a beat too long until it shudders out of him again.

He freezes when you lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, going rigid against whatever emotion he’s trying not to shake loose.

“What's happened, my love?" you coo to him, gentling your voice the way you might for a much younger child. “Tell me."

He shakes his auburn head against the pillow and sniffles to himself. “He told me I couldn't…"

“Who? Ormund?”  you press and feel a preemptive anger kindling hot in your chest before you’ve even heard the whole of it. “Well… Your uncle tells me a great many things that I’ve long since learned to ignore. So I imagine he can spare us the indulgence of a secret or two.”

After another shaky breath, Daeron pushes himself up from the mattress. He snivels wetly and wipes his flushed cheeks with the back of one hand. You smooth down his wild flaming tendrils until he finds the words to speak.

“The blacksmith…” he wavers. “The one who struck Ser Garrick this morning…”

Your stomach swirls with a sick feeling when he trails off. Your blood runs cold with a fear of what he might say next. You think instantly of the woman with the kind face and the splinted arm, asking so gently if you knew where her husband had run off to. You have to remind yourself to breathe again as you ask, “What of him?”

“Ormund made me…” Daeron’s breath catches in his throat with a horror reignited in the pit of his chest. “He said any strike against the army was a strike against the crown. Against me. Against you.” He forces each word out through unshed tears and feels half-furious at himself when his voice shatters. “He told me it would be a king’s justice. That it— that it would make you proud.”

The boy’s eyes lift to yours then, glassy and green and rimmed red. They dart back and forth over your face, searching for an ounce of comfort within it.

“Are you?” he asks in a voice barely above a whisper. “Proud of me, I mean.”

You nod until the words have climbed through the fear swelling in your throat.

“Of course I am,” you answer breathlessly, but with no hesitation at all despite the dread searing in your chest. “I have been proud of you since the day I met you. Nothing you could do— Nothing of what your uncle made you do could change that. And you did it, I have no doubt, because some part of you believed it would keep our family safe. Protecting the people you love, even when doing so costs so much, is no easy feat, my love. I know this better than you might think…” 

Your mind drifts to the pale-haired boy — the merchant’s son who was brown of hair before you found him. The boy who was borrowed and dressed up in a prince’s wardrobe and sent off to whatever fate Rhaenyra’s justice had in store for him. The boy who is very likely chained or worse for a crime that was never truly his, simply because you and Ormund decided his captivity was a fair trade for Daeron’s freedom.

Daeron watches your eyes well with tears of your own, and his freckled face crumples further at the thought of hurting you further. “I did not mean to make you sad…" he mutters with a wet gaze that flits between yours.

“You haven't," you tell him firmly, though your voice remains steady. You gather the boy into your arms and press your cheek against his hair, feeling his tear-stained cheeks wet the skin of your chest. “I’m not sad, my love. I promise. I only love you. That's all….”

You sit with him for a long while after that — until his breathing steadies and his shoulders lose their edge. Only then do you rise, with one last kiss to his forehead, and leave him to whatever uneasy slumber he can manage after what the long day had done to him.

You run into Ormund on your way down the long corridor. His broad form towers in the narrow passageway as his wide hands splay before him in confusion. “What’s taken you so long? Your dinner’s already gone cold.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Your shoulder scrapes along his arm as you shove by him with little affection. Ormund huffs and falls easily into step with you on his much longer legs. The two of you move through the stony corridors in a silent tension that grows with every step you take, torchlight guttering along the damp walls as you pass them. The words of an argument well in your throat the whole way to your chambers and refuse to break free until the door has shut finally behind you.

“I cannot believe you!” you shout, features twisted in anger. “How dare you tell my son to lie to me! After everything—"

Ormund shakes his head. “I only told him to spare you a grief that serves no purpose—"

“You told him to kill a man, Ormund! A smith. A husband.” The words come out through a jaw clenched tight. Your eyes glitter in the flickering candlelight with every one that spills from your mouth, hands gesticulating wildly at your sides. “I stood in that town not an hour ago and told his wife I didn't know where he was. And I didn't know, because you hadn't thought to tell me you hadn’t let him go at all! And now I have to carry that too, on top of everything else because you've decided I didn’t need to be troubled with it—”

“It’s war!” Ormund shouts, voice ringing through the cobbled walls. His handsome features harden instantly as he stares you down with emotionless pale eyes. His long fingers curl into fists before relaxing once more in a repeated cycle intended to calm him. “I will not apologize for teaching that boy what war requires of men who mean to survive it. For now, it’s only Ser Garrick’s broken nose, but we will have far worse than that done to us before this war is through. If Daeron doesn’t learn that now, he’s as good as dead—”

“He’s sixteen—”

“He’s the King's last trueborn son, with any righteous claim to the throne!” Ormund thunders over your teary retort, approaching you with long strides. “He is the rider of a dragon that is the only thing standing between this army and total ruin— What don’t you understand about that?”

Ormund towers over you at once. His firm hands close hard around your arms, keeping you close and unmoving before him. He ducks his head to your height, eyes darting wildly between yours.

“Do you think I enjoyed putting that sword in his hand?” he continues, quieter now. “Do you think I've slept easy a single night since we left Oldtown, knowing what I'm shaping him into— why I have to?”

You swallow hard through a tight throat, peering up at him through the tears clouding your vision. “I think you’ve decided his suffering is a fair price for war,” you waver. “And I think you decided that without asking me.”

“Yes,” Ormund nods without reservation. “I have decided a great many things without asking you first— I did not ask you first when I decided to blanch that stranger’s hair and send him off in Daeron’s place, did I? And yet you still thanked me for it with your words and body when it kept our boy breathing.”

His words tear right through your chest. You shake your head in protest of them even though you know that he’s right — that you are no better than Ormund even in his madness; that you would do worse and more for Daeron if the war called for it, if you were brave enough to do it. 

“Did I complain, all those years, when grief after grief left this house without an heir of its own blood?” Ormund goes on, quieter now but no less harsh, as his features twist in a stifled sort of anguish. “Did I complain when courtiers wondered in whispers why a man would stay wed to a wife that could not give him an heir?” 

You flinch at his words like you can feel them physically, tearing you from the inside out, though his long fingers caging you force you to stomach them.

“I never complained. Because I love you and because I understood it was no fault of your own,” Ormund continues. “So I have earned, I think, the right to make one hard choice without you looking at me as though I’ve become some monster for it.”

Anger pricks your skin beneath your heavy gown like needles.

It is not the unfairness of the blow of his words that sends you reeling, but rather the sheer astonishment at how low he has stooped in his fury — in his grief. It is, perhaps, the cruelest thing he’s ever said to you; made crueler still for how plainly he does not seem to recognize his own cruelty at all.

“Say that again,” you tell him in an emotionless monotone. “Say it plainly, exactly how you mean it— that you think I am some monster—”

“I didn’t mean…” Ormund huffs and hangs his head, tense shoulders dropping as the lingering anger slips from his skin like rain. “I am not saying this to be cruel— Gods know, I’d sooner cut out my own tongue before I meant any cruelty to you.”

His pale eyes are wet and soft again when they lift to meet yours. His hands loosen their grip on your arms as they lift to cradle your cheeks, softly calloused and warm like velvet along your blazing skin.

“Daeron is the only child either of us has been permitted to keep,” the man continues, softer now. “He is not merely a boy I love, though gods know I do, but he is the only proof that we were ever meant to be parents at all… After everything this life took from us in the trying… Do you understand what I’m telling you?"

“So what?” you press, voice breaking. “The only way he gets to stay ours is if he survives long enough to sit a throne? Is that the only way to remove the taint from his blood— that’s what you called it, right?”

Ormund softens further in the face of your anger.

“Without Aemond, without Vhagar, this army has no dragon to answer to whatever Rhaenyra sends against us next… But Daeron has Tessarion, and Daeron has a claim that half this army would follow into the fire itself,” he coos gently to you, as if anything louder might break you entirely. His thumbs smooth gently along your cheekbones, wiping away a tear that clings stubbornly to the burning skin there. “The war is coming here, my love. It is not a thing we can shield him from any longer. He is our only hope of surviving what is coming, and every bit his birthright to lead it."

“Surely…” you trail off in disbelief, wild eyes searching his bluer ones. “Surely you do not mean to make our child fight in this war."

“It is the will of the gods,” Ormund croons as if it were that simple.

Something in you knows, as each word spills from his mouth, that this is not a man reasoning clearly. You can hear it in the smoothness of his voice and in each too-quick answer on his tongue. And yet, you want more than anything for him to be right. You want it so badly it frightens you — for the gods to will this war’s end, for Ormund’s victory, for your son’s survival. 

You don’t realize you’re crying until Ormund draws you fully into his chest with one wide hand along your back and another cradling the back of your head. Tears fall from your lashes and wet the front of his emerald doublet.

“Listen to me…” he mutters into your hair. “If he sits that throne, no one in this realm could ever call him anything but ours. He is Viserys’s heir, yes, but he became a Hightower the moment you held him— and if he rules, no man will ever again whisper that he is not truly yours. He will restore ancient order to the throne. That is how we keep him.”

You shake your head in protest as you lean back from him again, just far enough to peer up at him with tear-heavy eyes. “Just bring him back to me,” you plead fiercely to him. “When this battle is done, I don't care what it costs you to manage it. Bring him back—”

“I will," Ormund nods with the same iron certainty that has carried you through every hard year of your marriage. “I swear it to you. I’ll bring him home—”

“And you,” you remind with a stern finger jabbed into the center of his chest. “You come back to me, too— I have buried enough of what I love in this life, Ormund. I will not bury another. You come back to me. Both of you.”

He nods and leans down to press his forehead against yours. Each of his heaving exhales through his nose fans warm across your chin.

“I will,” he breathes against you, thumbs sweeping again along your cheekbone. He shifts against you to brush the smallest of kisses to the bridge of your nose — so gentle that it makes you feel like crying. Your hands curl hard around his wrist to keep him close. “The gods owe us a debt. And we will see it repaid in full before this war is through, I promise you.”

You cling to the certainty in his voice the way a drowning woman clings to driftwood; the way a starving woman clings to the memory of her last full meal — you cling to him the way a grieving woman clings to the gods themselves.

You were at the gurney in an instance, Robby joining the herd in the pushing of the bed. It took you less than a second to see through the bag in the neck and the blood and the uniform to recognise the one on the gurney. “Hiro? What happened?”

“Warehouse robbery gone wrong,” said Jack with almost absent of mind. He said the words and promptly seemed to realise who he was talking to and looked up- at you- again. “You're working today?”

“Oh no, I just hang around in hopes of seeing you in unfiorm.”

Next to you, Robby chuckled and beyond Jack you gave quick greeting to your laughing buddies, clad in SWAT uniform.

You were what could be called, a floater.

By all educational means you were a doctor and a damn good one too. You had every certificate you needed and all the flying colours you could get. You just didn't have a permanent job. You were a sub. You worked mainly at PTMC and on the field but had been known to go to the dark side, a.k.a, Presby.

“Okay, on my count,” you begin. “One, two, three-”

You helped lift him over to the bed.

“Did you intubate him?” you asked,

“Yeah, under active fire,” said Jack.

You looked at Jack. Sweat on his forehead, flecks of grey hair sticking to him and the shirt under his army vest hung lose. He was dishevelled in away romance characters presented on books covers. To lure you in. “You were shot?”

“Shot at.”

“You need to be looked at?”

“No. I'm fine.” His lips were pursed, focus on Hiro.

“Did you see the chords when you intubated?” asked Robby, floating around the two of you as Jack refused to leave Hiro's side and you stayed by Abbot. He'd seen it a dozen times before. A disaster where there was one, there was the other.

There was the occasions he'd hand over to Jack, go home, sleep and come back to find Jack had called in you. You who was always ready to go at the first buzz of your pager. Wherever it was, whatever you had to do. And Robby would look through the patients that night, check the board and understand they hadn't really needed your help all that much.

Jack had.

Now, Robby saw the way you looked at Jack and had seen the gap that existed between the two of you.

“Yeah, I did but it was hard to miss when I cleared them.”

Jack reached and you watched as he stretched, wincing at the pull in his shoulder.

“You should get that looked at,” you told him.

“I'm fine.”

“No, you're not.”

There was a small roll of the eyes as Jack's gaze rose to meet yours through his goggles. There was almost a tiny hint of a smirk- your favourite kind but it disappeared as soon as it appeared.

“Yeah, c'mon Abbot!” said Charlie, calling from the back of his room where he stood with Diaz, two of the SWAT officers you were most frequent with. “Let doc work you up.”

You chuckled low to yourself, trying to catch Jack's eyes to share the joke but he looked away, his jaw clenching.

So, he wasn't in the joking mood.

“Alright, fellas, out!” leaving the wounded's side you ushered them out in spite of their protests and their giddy, hopeful optimism that Officer Hiro would pull through. “We'll let you know any changes, out!”

You pulled on a gown and cleared a way over.

“Demanding,” said Robby.

“You should hear me in the bedroom,” you teased with a wink.

Over on the other side you caught a small click from Jack's tongue. A disapproval voiced loud enough for others to hear.

You grasped the ultrasound wand from the nurse, circling it around the wound at Hiro's neck while Jack pulled away the gauze he'd packed, carefully minding you. “Good lung sliding, no pneumo-”

The last gauze peeled away in a bloody mess and a rope of blood shot out directly at you for vengeance.

“Geez- woah!”

“Pumper!” you announced, clamping your hand over the wound.

The streak of red cut through the skin on your neck, your gown and the doctors coat you liked to wear just like they did in tv shows. You had a draw full of them at home for instances like that.

“Hey, hey,” Jack was at your side quick as you loomed over the body. “Move back, get yourself cleaned up.”

“I can handle a little blood, Abbot.”

“I know that but-”

“- this is a transected trachea now-”

There was little else time to worry about blood on your gown and coat when the intubation was pulled out, the hole in his throat open.

There was a lot people said about you, with words and looks alike but none of which passed you or bothered you. You knew some thought you abrash and loud, you were, you knew it true. On the field the teams you worked with always thought you as one of them, 'one of the guys' but damn it- you were a good doctor.

You ordered everything correctly, you took them and worked them without so much as a blink and Robby stood behind you approving of everything you did.

It was one of the reasons he always called you in.

“Well done, good breaths sounds, stats are up: in the nineties,” approved Robby.

Jack hummed, pulling off his gloves as you all backed away. “Not bad.”

Your carried your smirk with you and over to him. “Is that the great Jack Abbot stamp of approval?”

“You know I think you're good at you're job,” he said, plainly.

You did know that. You knew that Jack admired your skills. He was one of the only ones who'd seen your skills on the field when sometimes all you had left in your kit was the dregs from other procedures or in the hospital when everything was pristine. He'd worked closest to you, probably out of everyone in either one of your jobs.

But there was always something about Jack that kept him far away. He was always a man that was so calm, which in the the face of conflict wasn't a bad call. Yet, it was the quiet moments in between- the way his footfall would slow to match yours, or the glances he'd steal at you half way across the ward, or the extra snacks he'd pack that had you searching rooms for him, checking shifts to see if you'd be around him.

Then when you were, Jack pursed his lips, clenched his jaw, acted like he wanted to be anywhere else sometimes than at your side.

He was a complicated man. Annoyingly that's what added to your attraction- and everyone knew it.

Once the two of you told Officer Charlie and Diaz that Hiro was stable enough to be taken to surgery you followed after Jack.

“You sure you don't want me to look at that shoulder for you?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, it's fine,” he excused.

“Don't want the paperwork?”

“Something like that,” said Jack, still shifting around in pain as he tried to roll his shoulder out.

“Okay, okay, but get it looked at!” you called off, ready to shed your coat or at least try and rub off some of Hiro's blood.

There was a mutter from Jack before he went another way.

You looked back to him once, watching as he walked off with a small limp that probably wasn't detectable to anyone that didn't analyse him like you did. It was a brutal sort of thing, SWAT, and with Abbot's sleep schedule you knew it was only worse. Eight- maybe ten hour shifts for so little sleep to get thrown back into the fire- literally. You wondered how he did it.

And, why.

Jack flexed out his shoulder at the press of the q-tip to his back.

He meant it, the wound really wasn't that bad. It had grazed through his clothes and vest but still hit just enough to leave an angry welt and bruising. He was content to hide away and sort it himself if it weren't for the fact he couldn't reach.

Then Samira Mohan walked by and offered her help. He was already tired, annoyed that those punks had thought it a good idea to rob a warehouse in the middle of the day, already worried about Hiro and his recovery. Then- there was you, with your snarky comments while saving his life, not batting a lash at the blood that got splattered on you in the mean time and still having time to flirt with Robby.

And prancing around in this scrub pants that were surely just a bit too tight.

Jack was wound up, which was why he admitted surrender and allowed Mohan to clean out his wound.

“Why do you do this?” she'd asked.

Jack had folded his arms over his chest, suddenly very aware he was shirtless in front of her. “My therapist says I need a hobby. I suck at golf.”

She hummed. “Funny.”

“Thank you.”

He made conversation to be polite, asking about the fellowships he knew others were already applying for. Crus had been telling him about them and he knew Mohan was searching to.

They were chatting was all when Robby walked by, looking in to check.

He frowned when he saw Mohan and Abbot, pausing in his fly by with a hand in the door way.

Jack watched as Robby looked around again at the ward, undoubtedly searching for you.

“We're almost finished up here,” said Mohan.

Robby held up his hands. “I didn't say anything,” he said, leaning in the doorway. He passed Jack a nod. “You good?”

“Getting there, thanks to Doctor Mohan's capable hands.” Jack kept his eyes averted from Robby as if he'd done something wrong. He hadn't. He'd told you the wound didn't need looking at because he was going to handle it.

Robby looked at him the sort of way he looked at patients when he knew they were lying about their scale of pain. “Can you give us a second?”

Just as Jack was about to push himself up Samira moved behind him.

“Er, yeah, sure. No problem,” she said, pulling off her gloves and listing off post-care instructions from instinct. “Keep it clean and the dressing fresh.”

“Can do, Doctor Mohan. Thank you.”

Robby stepped out of the way for Mohan before walking in, staring at Jack with his hands in his pockets.

Jack found his shirt discarded on the floor and pulled it over him. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Clearly,” said Jack.

“Are you avoiding her, now?”

Jack didn't need to ask who he was talking about and Robby didn't need to specify. “Course not.”

“Did she do something?”

“No.”

“So what was all that? Back in trauma?” asked Robby. His eyes were beady, waiting to pick up on any shift in Jack or anything that might betray him. But Robby wore his heart on his sleeve. He might think he doesn't or thinks he's good at hiding such emotions away but Jack and everyone else sees them anyhow.

Jack had his heart buried deep down. “I dunno, man,” he huffed, ignoring the burning sensation as he pulled his shirt back over him. “Maybe I just didn't feel like joking around when my buddy was bleeding out on the table.”

Robby shook his head, eyes creasing. “People bleed out all the time.”

Jacks lips pursed as he worked on tucking his shirt back into his pants. Anything to keep him occupied and averted from Robby’s knowing gaze.

“I haven’t seen you this worked up since you first met her,” he teased.

“Now I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Abbot grumbled.

Robby chuckled low in his throat, leaning back on the wall comfortable like he was watching his favourite show. “When two consenting adults like each other very much-”

“I don’t,” said Jack, abrupt. “I don’t… like her.”

“Jack, c’mon-”

Jack turned to Robby. He considered his confusion. Sure, you were a great doctor and even better on the field. Something about the chaos seemed to focus you, bringing out your best self. You were funny, even at the worse times.

“She’s not it for me,” he said, trying to mean those words.

Your smile first thing in the morning didn’t warm him. The fact you knew his coffee order after only two days of working together didn’t make him feel special. You were incredibly intelligent. Beautiful.

Jack twisted and turned around his wedding band.

Robby watched, heaving a sigh. “Brother…”

Jack couldn’t keep you in his heart when his dead wife still held a place there. It wasn’t fair to you.

“She’s not it, Robby.”

“And why not?” He asked, pushing and prodding against his bag of lies like he knew he was carrying it.

“She’s different- we’re two different. You know with my- with my wife we worked. She wasn’t a doctor, she didn’t throw her life away on field missions. She wasn’t… she wasn’t ruthless, she was soft. Perfect for me.”

He pressed down against the metal band branding him.

“You’re not gonna give yourself a chance to be happy because she’s not like your wife?” Asked Robby.

Jack glanced back at him. “I know what works for me. I can’t be with someone as loud or… bash. She’s-she’s brutal, you know.”

Robby nodded but there was a furrow between his brows. “We all have our own ways of dealing with things.”

“Her way is drinking every weekend, out with the guys, there’s no healthy habits there,” argued Jack. Why he was arguing about you with Robby he didn’t know. Why he was defending himself with words that fell like led on his tongue he had no idea.

“Okay,” said Robby in a way that marked defeat.

But Jack didn’t believe what he was saying. He heard himself and frowned. “And I don’t even think she’s a person who could settle down. Hmm, I mean look at her job? She’s constantly in between them.”

“She’s a sub, that’s what she does-”

“- scared of commitment,” corrected Jack.

Robby scoffed out a laugh of disbelief. “Okay, you’re in a mood or something.” He pushed himself from the wall.

“No, I’m not,” he argued a little too quick and a little too harsh to be okay with what he was saying. “She’s a good person she’s just not my person. You know she-she doesn’t even like flowers, who doesn’t like flowers?”

“She’s more than a good person, Jack,” said Robby with an air of defeat about him. With one last look back to Jack he left, closing the door gently behind him.

In the seconds the door was open Jack sort a peek out. You were at the nurses desk, leaning over a tablet, the blue glow illuminating you. There was a troubled look to your face, scrunching your brows and marring your usual unflappable gaze. Jack almost wanted to see the chart himself and ask what was bothering you, but he knew you never told him, only ever let it be yourself that saw your problems.

Another thing he couldn’t stand. You’d never ask for help.

Even if, Jack couldn’t admit it out loud, he’d help without an invitation too.

You suppose you shouldn’t have been surprised, yet doctors ran on hope. Without hope trauma rooms became morgues and body’s became empty vessels. You’d built hope into your system, kept somewhere between your heart and stomach.

That’s why you felt it plummet.

She’s not it for me.

There was no intention to listen in on a conversation that clearly you weren’t supposed to know about. You'd just been passing by when you heard your name from Jacks mouth. That was enough to stop you in place. If your feet weren't frozen you would have moved, made yourself busy or call up to surgery to check on Hiro.

But as Jack went on your heart plummeted.

She's brutal.

It wasn't until you heard Robby defend you that you moved away, hiding with your back to the exam room and hunching over a tablet that held no chart.

You'd always assumed Jack was just harder to crack then some of the other SWAT guys. You could read most of them within days, know their moods from a glance. You'd never been able to read Jack and maybe it was because he didn't want to be known by you.

You thought seeing Hiro with a hole in his neck would be the worst thing of the day but you caught your reflection in the black screen of the tablet and resented the way things blurred around you.

She's not it for me.

“Hey-” Robby was behind you and you tucked your head into your chest. His hand squeezed your shoulder. “Central twelve when you have a chance.”

“You got it, boss.” Luckily your voice remained steady despite the waver in your throat.

Robby gave a nod and left you to it.

Had Jack had hatred for you since you knew him and just never said a word? Did you do something for him to harbour these feelings?

Besides from not being his wife.

The door closed again and on instinct you looked over your shoulder, catching Jack adjusting his belt. He looked up and found your gaze, offering you a pulled smile.

It was like every other smile he'd ever given you.

You'd been so blind with affection to not see it. What a fool.

You couldn't even pull your lips back up, you just walked away.

Weeks went by in flashes of sleepless nights and lonely days.

The sick and injured didn't wait for you to get over yourself, instead they helped.

You offered yourself like a lamb to the slaughter in Presby and even Westbridge. You pulled doubles, catching small naps in any empty exam room or on-call room you could find. You started to learn staff names when you'd never cared before.

A group of nurses at Westbridge even invited you out for drinks.

“Drinking every weekend, out with the guys, there's no healthy habits there” you remembered Jack's voice and declined their invitation.

When SWAT called you had an excuse. A plumber was coming around... you were re-modelling; suddenly your apartment was going through half a dozen makeovers and all your childhood friends were visiting.

“You know you're not a very good liar,” Diaz had said when he called you for a drink and you declined. That day you were taking your mom's dog to the vet (your mom was a cat person and in another state)

Your apartment became a cave and you became a shell of yourself, un-ironically listening to the high school musical soundtrack and crying.

And still you couldn't find it in yourself to be angry at Jack. Of course he wouldn't want you- he had a wife. And a memory of that wife to keep him walm. What could he do with you? If you weren't his type, you weren't his type. If it was just that maybe you could have moved on.

But he didn't like you as a person and that stung more.

You didn't know how long it had been since you were last at PTMC, only long enough that you started to scramble corridors in your mind and forget what some of the nurses sounded like.

“We have a mass casualty event,” said Robby on the phone one Sunday morning. His voice sounded different, but you supposed time played tricks on your memory. “School bus incident. You in?”

You were in pyjamas at home, some crappy tv on low. “I'll have to check, Presby might need me.”

Robby scoffed down the line. “Have they called yet?”

“Well, no-”

“Then get your ass over here.”

“Robby-”

“Please, please get your ass over here,” he said down the line, sighing heavily. “I.... I could really use another set of hands.”

Robby didn't say please. Ever. So how could you say no.

Within the hour you were dressed an,d thrown into the anarchy.

You got through the ambulance doors, was thrown a gown and got to work. You didn't even see Robby to let him know you were there, you just found Langdon and worked beside him.

“I need some help over here!” yelled out a paramedic.

At once you and Langdon were at her side, pushing along the gurney.

“Kid, fracted tib-fib, pupils mid range and sluggish- couldn't get a line we had to intubate.”

“Dana what's open?” called out Langdon.

“Room in trauma one!”

Mass casualty meant trauma rooms doubled up, pushed up against either wall. Mass casualty meant extra hands called in- like you. Still, when you pushed through the door and found Jack's eyes look up you spared half a second in apprehension.

“You're here,” was all he said.

You didn't know what to say. There was some snarky comment on the tip of your tongue as you settled the boy in the corner but you remembered you weren't supposed to be that person.

Jack didn't like that person.

“Yeah, in the flesh,” replied Frank instead.

“Chest trauma on the right!” you assessed. “We need an X-ray in here.”

“X-ray's backed up,” Jack called from where he hovered over another patient.

“Then get me an ultrasound!” you called out. “Push five migs of epi down the tube and hang a unit of O-neg on the rapid infuser.”

“BP'S eighty over fifty, pulse is at one-twelve!” called out Princess.

You felt someone bump in your shoulder and knew by inhale it was Jack. He was close at your side, pulling off and on another pair of gloves.

“What have you got?” he asked.

It wasn't instinct to move away from him. It was practised control that had you swapping sides with Frank, practically pushing him into Jack.

“Chest trauma to the right, he's tacky,” he explained quickly.

You pulled out your stethoscope, listening closely. “His breathing's stridor, I need a thoracotomy tray!”

“A thoracotomy?” asked Jack, voice oddly quiet in the trauma as if it was whispered just next to you. “You sure you can handle that?”

“I'm a good doctor, if I'm nothing else,” you bit out, swinging your stethoscope back around your neck. You weren't going to allow yourself to fall back into old habits, of questioning what Jack didn't like so much about you. You focused on the un-conscious boy under the mercy of your hands. You ordered the right tools, made the cut neat and precise, pushing more pain relief.

“Any tamponade?” asked Jack.

You checked the boys blood pressure. “No, pericardium's dry.”

“Okay, start an-”

“- start an internal massage-”

You and Jack said at the same time.

Frank seemed stuck in headlights before he reached through the incision in the boys chest and slowly started to work the heart.

“Pulse?”

“Barely.”

Jack frowned, looking over at your work. “Cross clamp the aorta, and push another mig of antropine.”

“I need suction!”

“Got anything for surgery?” asked a new voice, Doctor Walsh checking between the patients in the room.

“Oh no, we've brought the OR down to us,” said Jack.

Doctor Walsh rounded, catching the suction and the message of the heart. “Are you doing a thoracotomy right now?”

“Don't look at me,” said Jack, surrendering.

Before anyone could argue with you, question your capability you snapped out. “I know what I'm doing!”

Jack was silent, Frank smirked and Walsh rose a brow.

“Clamped,” said Princess.

“Someone push in another of antropine and get another unit of blood in,” you ordered.

There was a sudden buzzing as all eyes averted to the monitor.

“He's going into V-fib!”

You wiped your bloody and gloved hands down your gown. “Okay, I need internal panels!”

They were handed to you and Jack rushed to your side.

“You want me to-” he started but you already had the panels in hand and were ordering their charge.

“Charge to thirty! Clear!”

Like you were cupping the heart with your own hands you nudged the panels on either side and shocked. There were little miracles sometimes in the ED and with a bus full of school children you needed miracles.

“There! He's stable!” said Princess.

“We've got a girl coming in, needs stabalising and an ortho consult!” said Lena, throwing the door open. It seemed everyone had been called in.

“I'll take this guy, don't want you getting all the credit,” smirked Walsh as she and the team wheeled out the boy. She looked back at you, almost waiting for you to say more- some funny joke or flirtatious tease.

You only waved past her to get the young girl into the room.

Everyone in the room looked at you as you honed in on the next casualty, ignoring the pang in your heart at Jack's gaze.

When the girl for ortho came in you could only work on stabilising her before Park the Shark descended and took her up, assuring the bag was on ice. He gave you a less ten friendly look. Seemingly Jack wasn't the only one who couldn't stand you.

The hours ticked by in bodies of different kids, in shades of blood and traumas. By the time you got outside for some fresh air it was night and one lonely ambulance sat with you.

You were catching your breath when you heard the doors slide open and shut again. You imagined it was someone else wanting some peace and air, or a paramedic heading back out on the road.

“You were impressive in there,” said Jack, coming to stand next to you. There was a large enough gap that another body could have fit there.

“Thank you.”

He gave one short nod. “Robby call you in?”

“Yeah.”

“Same here,” he said, not that you'd asked. “You know, Hiro's doing well.”

You paled in the night. Lost in your own self-loathing you hadn't even asked about Hiro, or gone to see him. You'd heard he was okay when he dropped a message from the ICU but that was as far as it got. “Oh yeah, I know, I heard.”

“What, from the guys?”

You nodded, lips pursing as you crossed your arms over your chest in the light chill.

“You know they told me you haven't been around much,” said Abbot. “I've noticed it too. We all went to Larry's the other night, your invitation get lost?”

Was it a test? Was it a joke to him?

“No, I just didn't want to drink. Trying to cut down, it's not so healthy,” you said, kicking one foot in front of the other.

“One or two's not bad,” he said. “Couple of us are gonna grab a beer once this is all over. You joining us? Usual spot.”

She's brutal, you know.

You looked to him first. He was already looking at you, eyes creased like he was trying to see through you. It was real and earnest and making his words from weeks ago hurt even more.

“No thanks, Jack.” You almost reached to his shoulder but thought better of it.

Heading back in seemed the safer option.

Jack turned when you did. “Noody's seen you for weeks-”

“- I've been busy-”

“- except those nurses in Presby, they see you all the time apparently-”

“- they've been busy, they've called me in-”

“- I called you three times last week, you didn't answer-”

“- I didn't think you'd want me.” It was about the only honest thing you'd said in weeks. Your trainers squeaked on the ground just before the hospital, the automatic doors ready to welcome you back.

Jack was at your side, close enough you could see the lines of confusion in his face. “Why would you think that?”

You tried to think of a quick excuse but every word died prematurely in your throat. You chocked on them.

“Hey-hey-” Jacks hand fell to your back, soothing it in calming rubs.

You allowed yourself to bask in one circular motion of his hand and your back before you stepped away, backing up from the doors that slid shut again on instant.

“What’s going on?” Asked Jack, following in your steps.

“Nothing, nothing.”

Jack made a disgruntled noise. “C’mon, talk to me.”

He let you think about what to say, stewing in silence where your mind became alive with everything he’d said, with every terrible thing you’d already thought about yourself. You imagined every time you’d cracked a joke that was maybe too perverse. You tried to picture Jacks face but came out blank. Was it loathing? Contempt?

Your voice betrayed you with a shake as you spoke again. “I do like flowers.”

“Huh?”

You wiped at your eyes and turned to him. “I like flowers,” you said, stronger. “Nobody’s ever brought me flowers but I- I like them.”

For anyone else it would’ve took time to click. They’d have stood there, looking at you like you’d gone mad, spewing out words that out of context meant nothing.

But Jack was not just any other clueless guy. He was the guy who always packed left overs and left them in the fridge, he always cooked enough to make sure he’d have left overs. He was the sort that always checked in on pedes patients and made sure they had enough colourful bandages for them.

Jack knew what you were saying immediately. His jaw tensed. “I- I shouldn't have said that.”

“You said a lot of things,” you said, holding yourself tighter. “Sounded like you meant them.”

He gulped. “I didn't mean-”

“-what, for me to hear it?”

“No, I didn't mean for what I said to come out as- as bad,” he said.

“Well it didn't come out as shining praise either.” You turned from him, looking out to the building and lights. Somewhere n the distance a siren wailed.

“Robby- Robby was saying things, teasing, I just waned to shut him up.”

You chuckled with loathing. “No you didn't. It's okay, Jack, you don't have to like me, I just wish you didn't make it seem like you did.”

“Hey!” he said, coming to stand in front of you. He was without a scrub top and his t-shirt clad to his biceps, his muscles flexing as his jaw worked. “I do like you.”

You rolled your eyes. “No you don't.”

“I do-I do-” Jack grabbed the top of your arms, stopping you from walking away. His grip was tight, not enough to bruise but enough to beg you not to leave. “I do like you.”

“It doesn't matter.”

“It does, it does.” Jack crouched enough in his knees to get a look at your face that you kept trying to turn away from him.

“You know the worst thing is? It's that I know,” you uttered, voice quiet. You didn't trust yourself to shout- even if you really wanted to- in fear your voice cracked, humiliatingly.

Jack's eyes softened, his thumb drawing up and down in comfort. “Know what?”

“I know that I can be a lot. I go out with the guys, I drink, I make jokes when things get bad because what else am I supposed to do? Cry? Let the grief of the job swallow me up?”

“No. No, of course not,” he said, lips pulled down.

You hated that you still wanted to make him smile. “I could keep a job if I wanted to but I like meeting the people-”

“- I know, I know you do-”

“- and now I'm here defending myself to a guy who probably doesn't even want to hear it!” Trying to turn in Jack's hold was feeble, his grip was strong and he moved with you.

“You don't have to defend yourself, you have nothing to defend!”

“You know what the worst part is?”

Jack shook his head, waiting.

“It's the guy you liked and admired the most seeing everything you hate about yourself and hating you for it too.”

Jack flinched as of you'd slapped him. The chill in the air grew colder around you and all the light from the dim glow of the lamps shrunk away, leaving you and Jack in a self-made darkness. You felt his grip weaken and savoured the feel of him a moment longer.

It was only when you couldn't stomach it anymore that you retreated back into work.

Jack had fucked up.

There was no easy way of putting it. There was no clinical way of looking at it, no diagnosis to give other than he had fucked up.

He'd never heard himself speak and hated the sound of his own voice. Never caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror with tired eyes and a pale expression and loath to see the sight. When he looked at himself, all he saw was your own face heart-broken. When he heard himself talking he remembered everything he'd said.

He could have blamed it on the pain in his shoulder, the worry over Hiro, the lack of sleep he'd been struggling with for days but he had a therapist for all that. You didn't deserve that burden.

He was un-focused the following week in work. Patient satisfaction was at an all time low with him. He'd opened up to his SWAT buddies over a self-pitying pint and had been shunned.

“What's your problem?” Charlie had said, two beers deep and a haze over his eyes. “She's a fucking saint. She'd lay down her life for any one of us- what the fuck man?”

“She won't return my calls,” Jack told them. “Can you just... just call her?”

They'd refused, with good reason.

He'd tried texting his apology. He'd tried calling you in but he found from a contact at Westbridge you'd been covering nights while their attending was on holiday.

It was a brash decision to call in to PTMC and tell them he'd be late, he was running an errand. Nobody questioned him.

Westbridge was darker than the hospital he was used t, built up on top of each other but they were no less busy than himself. Patients were lined up in corridors and there was hardly a seat left in chairs when he walked through.

“Can I help you?” asked the nurse at reception, eyeing Jack and the bouquet of flowers he held.

He said he was looking for you.

“She's in a trauma right now, can I take a message?”

“Can you tell her Ja-Jack's here.” For a moment he debated lying, saying it was Robby wanting to see you, or maybe you didn't want to see Robby either. Deceit wasn't going to be his friend.

Jack waited and tried not to look around, tried not to let himself get caught in the heavy bustle of another hospital as he waited for you. He ignored the coughing from the waiting room that definitely sounded like it would require a chest CT.

There was a crash of doors and he caught sight of you rushing out, protective goggles over your eyes and bloodied gown clad to you.

“Jack, what is it? Are you okay?” your eyes were frantic, searching him.

Ah. Of course you'd think something had happened. When you hear someone's in the hospital it's very rarely to just say hi. “I realise I should've specified,” said Jack, rubbing the back of his knuckle against his brow. “I just- I wanted to see you. And give you these.”

Sensing this was a conversation she definitely wanted to be around for yet probably wouldn't be allowed to, the nurse at reception left the two of you to it and Jack sat the flowers down on the counter in-between you.

You eyed the shades of red roses, of yellow tulips, the violet of the iris and the pink of the peony.

“I didn't know what you liked so, I kind of got one of everything,” he said, sighing to himself. He should have got two of every flower the florist had on hand. “I didn't get Lilies, the lady at the shop said it's a show of death and sunflowers aren't in season, apparently.”

“They're very nice, thank you,” you said.

“They come with an I'm sorry:” said Jack. “I'm sorry.”

You wet your lips and pursed them, nodding slowly. “Okay.”

Jack looked down to his boots. “It's not, I know it's not, nothing I said is okay and I didn't mean it.”

You didn't say anything at that, only taking in a quivering breath.

He ignored the irritation in his prosthetic as he crouched to catch your gaze. Jack wasn't used to having to search for your gaze, usually he always found it already on him. He only realised how much he valued finding you in the middle of the storm when you wouldn't look at him.

“I didn't mean it,” he enunciated every word, begging you to hear them.

Your gaze studied around Westbridge, hoping for a distraction.

“I messed up, it's on me. It's not you.”

“The classic it's not you, it's me?” you dismissed.

Jack winced. It was cliché, damn him. “Yeah, I guess so.”

He watched as your fingers brushed over a flower petal, picking it off like plucking a string on a guitar. He felt his heart pound in his chest.

“Can I get back to work now?” you asked, gently.

What was he thinking? Turning up to where you were tying to do some good. Where you were doing good- it was what you did. Did he expect the flowers to fix everything? No. Only he could. But he'd grovel, he'd beg, he'd crawl after you for the rest of his miserable life and do it all while building you a rose garden.

He'd do all of that for one minute of your eyes on his.

“Just promise you'll come back. To the Pitt. Whole place is going to crap without you.” He tried to joke but it was a pathetic thing.

“Okay. Yeah.” Your shoulders lifted in in-difference.

“And don't ignore the guys. They're going out for drinks tomorrow night. I won't be there. They all pretty much think I'm a dick anyway.”

There was a glimpse of a smile.

Jack played on. “I'm a total, total dick, a jerk!”

An elderly lady being escorted by with a nurse and an IV trailing her paused and glanced his way.

“Sorry,” he uttered.

You hid your chuckled behind your mouth but he caught a second of it.

It was enough for now.

Your name was called down the corridor.

“He's in V-tach!” a nurse announced before disappearing again.

“Go,” said Jack, taking himself out of the equation. “Just, please. Don't be a stranger.”

Jack wasn't lying when he said the place was going to crap without you. How they managed on shifts without your charm to work fretting family and friends down, or your terrible singing in between exams he didn't know.

Walking through the ambulance doors for his shift there was already paramedics pushing an empty and slightly blood stained gurney back into their rig. There was a crowd of elderly patients in beds and gowns left at the side and phones were ringing, drilling into his eardrums.

“Where the hell is she?” barked Robby, spotting Jack and no you.

Jack dumped his bag at the counter. “What happened here?”

“Nursing home caught fire, now where is she? We're swamped her, I thought you were going to get her and bring her back?”

Jack grumbled, frowning at the counter. “She's busy at West.”

“West? God-” Robby groaned, looking around the place and cursing. “Listen, I don't care what you have to do to make it up to her, buy her a florist, give her a ring, get down on your knees, I don't fucking care- I need her here.”

“You think I don't?” Jack snapped.

Robby eyed him, hand clenched on the counter. “Tell her the truth-”

“-Robby-”

“-no, you tell her you didn't mean a damn thing you said. That you were scared loving someone that isn't your wife.”

Glass. Jack was made of glass. If Robby could see through him so clearly why couldn't you? Why couldn't you see the truth? That Jack liked you, liked you more than he'd liked anyone. That loving you meant leaving the life he lived with his wife behind, yet carrying a part of her with him always. He didn't want to do that to you. He didn't want to make you live with a ghost or carry his grief. There were days where it was too hard for him to handle.

Robby sighed. “You think she'd want you to be happy?”

A muscle in Jack's neck tensed as he went to nod but was held back by himself.

“Talk to her,” said Robby clamping him on the shoulder quickly before disappearing.

Hiding away wasn't going to solve anything. That's what Robby said to you in a desperate plea to get you back to helping him out with shifts.

Truth was you weren't hiding away... as much.

Drinks with the guys had been hours of them telling you Jack was wrong, after Jack had exposed himself to them, laying the situation on the table. As promised, he wasn't there but every conversation revolved around him so much so it felt like he was at your side. You defended Jack when they argued against him. You told them you knew you were loud at times, maybe you shouldn't joke around as much as you did.

They'd laughed, thinking it was a joke itself.

They told you not to change.

It was hard not to. Every time you heard yourself get loud or get a look from people at the other table your instinct was to shrink. When Diaz tripped on the curb out the bar you laughed instead of helping him and was left with your own guilt when you got home.

Un-learning habits was hard. Learning to live with them was harder.

You started with baby steps. A day shift here, a day shift there, by hand-offs you were always gone. Yet, in the staff lounge there sat a fresh bouquet of flowers every morning. As soon as they started to wilt another fresh bunch was placed over night.

Nothing was said. Nothing ever had to be.

“Shen's out, food poisoning,” said Robby over the phone another day. “You know I wouldn't ask if there was no otherway.”

Which was how you ended up working a night shift. The first in months.

Jack's eyes lit up as you walked in, it was impossible not to notice. The only eyes to rival his sparkle was Lena's when she saw you.

It was the sort of night that held your attention. That roped you in and demanded you listened. Not overly busy but not quiet enough to cause you and Jack to be held captive in the same room. Only seconds passed in hallways when he looked like he was going to say something before being called away, taunt in the neck and gripping his stethoscope for the life of him.

“Am I going to need surgery?” asked the young boy in five who you were examining. A nasty accident in his dad's garage ended up with a laceration to the foot.

“Not surgery but a couple stitches to bring the skin back together, and you're gonna have to stay off your feet for a while,” you said.

The boys eyes grew wide in joy. “So, no school?”

You chuckled as his mom pinched his shoulder playfully. “Well, I can't be the deciding factor on that, I'm afraid.”

You put in the orders for stitches.

“Is it gonna hurt?” asked the boy, shrinking back in his bed.

“We're gonna numb you up so you don't feel anything,” you assured. “Tell you what, I have a secret stash of candy that I only share with my favourite patients, how's that sound, you want something?”

The boy tried not to be too eager in his nodding but it took less than two second for him to grin.

You didn't expect anyone in the lounge when you went in search for candy usually lying around.

Jack was hunched over the table, pulling out the dying flowers and arranging fresh ones. He stopped when you walked in, the door closing gently behind you. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

“I was just... maintenance,” he mumbled.

You nodded along, a thick awkwardness engulfing the two of you. “Maintenance... yeah... sure...”

You moved around him, keeping a good distance around the space of him like he was a poisonous snake. The cabinet was high up, the tin an old sewing one where you hid your most precious protein bars and sugar packed candy.

“Here, I can-”

His body was sturdy against the back of you as he reached up for the tin. Few select people were allowed to know about its contents and Jack was on of the first ones you trusted. He raised his arm and you watched the freckles along his arm move and ripple. Upon inhale you took a deep breath of lingering cologne, mixed with the hearty sterile hand wash of the ED.

Jack's own head tilted down and your heard him inhale, deeply.

The tin fell into your hand.

Jack stared down. “Oh- er, there.”

“Thanks.”

It was about all the conversation you got with Jack your shift was over. The morning was just breaking through the clouds at six, bringing with it a down pour. You'd already punched out, handed off your patients to McKay and was left standing under the small awning of the ambulance bay, trying to out wait the rain.

It took ten minutes for Jack to follow you out.

“You heading out?” he asked, hands shoved in his pockets.

“Yeah. I'm just waiting for my uber.”

Jack frowned. “What happened to your car?”

“It's in the garage.”

“Well... I can give you a lift,” he suggested.

The rain hammered down harder above you, steady streams falling from the awning to at your feet. As discreet as possible you checked the location on you uber. Just around the corner. In the rain it had taken longer.

“No, it's okay, you don't have to.”

“I'd like to,” said Jack, stepping closer. “I'd like a chance to talk to you. To tell you everything that I meant by my words.”

You'd almost hoped you could carry on as you were: extremely avoidant.

“You don't have to, Jack.”

“I do- I do!” he insisted, hands out in front of him as if desperate to grasp you. He held himself back. “Please let me.”

Stomaching more of his words, whether it be excuses as to what he meant to say or just doubling down and insisting what he said was true. You didn't think you were strong enough for either.

Your phone buzzed in hand as a slick back black car pulled up, window rolling down and calling your name.

“No, wait-wait!” said Jack, holding a hand up to you with all the authority of an attending still on duty.

“Jack, what are you-” You were struck in place, watching him lean through the window, rain dampening his shirt as he un-folded a few bills and handed them to the driver.

“We don't need you know, sorry man,” Jack mumbled.

Your jaw hung open as you stepped out into the rain, bottom of your scrub pants dampening at once. “What?”

The driver tutted. “I still want me five star review!” He drove off quickly, splashing the two of you as he went.

“Oh- serious?” Jack gritted. “Now I wish I hadn't given him such a tip.”

The puddles of rain were seeping into your trainers as you walked off, out of the way of ambulances and cars, pulling your jacket tighter around you.

“Wait! Wait!” Jack called after you, boots slapping in the water. He all but jumped in front of you, stumbling lightly at the shift in his bad leg. “Wait.”

“I don't know what else you want to say to me, Jack?”

“Nothing I say can excuse what I said-”

“-so why try?”

“Because it's killing me being like this!” he snapped. The rain was pouring down, falling down his cheeks and nose. “It's killing me to look for your smile and not see it. It's killing me to hear a joke and you not laugh. Everything I said, it-it re-plays in my head and I'm sorry.”

“I know you are, Jack, I just need time!”

“I'll give you time,” he said. “I'll give you anything you need. But just let me say one thing. You owe me nothing, I'm begging you.”

To prove a point Jack crouched, starting to get down on his knees, hands already clenched together. To spare you the embarrassment and him the ache in his leg you tugged him back up.

He stared at you, breathless. He was as drenched as you, the both of your scrubs stuck to you.

“I haven't loved anyone since my wife,” said Jack. “I haven't tried, I didn't want to try. I was... not happy, but content to just carry on with her here-” he curled a fist at his chest. “And then you... and I couldn't not feel anything for you. I tried- I really tried.”

“Okay. You tried. I get it,” you mumbled.

“But I started to love you and I hated myself for it. It felt like I was betraying her by wanting someone else. By wanting you. And I did- I do want you. Every terrible joke you made, Jesus, I couldn't laugh in front of patients and their families. When you go out drinking with us and the guys in our team and you sing karaoke badly-”

“Excuse me?”

Jack winced. “I mean great, great karaoke.”

You chuckled.

“I can't take back the fact you're different from my wife, you are, but I don't think that's a bad thing- it's not. Because I still love you. I love that you're loud, I love that you draw attention to yourself as soon as you walk into a room, my attention is always on you anyway,” he smiled, sadly. It was the kind of smile a lover would give as they watched the love of their life leave them. “I shouldn't have made my grief your problem. I shouldn't have hated myself for feeling love again and I shouldn't have tried to convince myself hating you. I mean, that was just- just impossible.”

You looked down to your trainers, seeing the darkening colour where the water soaked in. “I've loved you for so long now, Jack.”

He waited, catching his breath, for more.

You looked up at him. “I'm sorry. About your wife. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. But I don't want to fall in love with a man who constantly advertises me next to his wife.”

Jack nodded, looking down.

The rain was probably helpful, hiding any tears you'd give away.

“I love you, separate to how I love my wife. And I loved her, I did. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life dead inside. Be on my death bed when I'm eighty looking back at all the times I should've kissed you.”

His words pulled at your heart, your feelings that you'd been burying deep inside clashing together inside of you.

“By the time you're eighty, I'll be like, in my sixties?” you said.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“And looking to settle down.”

Jack laughed, and you laughed and for a second that was almost enough. The rain had made the grey in his hair darker, almost making him look younger. “I'm not saying I won't fuck up, I probably will, I have a therapist for a reason.”

“Therapy is good,” you said.

Jack's eyes were lighting up slowly with every teasing comment you made. Something akin to hope flickered between the two of you. “But I will never draw comparison to you and my wife. I'll never make you feel like second choice. I'll never dump my grief onto you. If you just give me one chance, just one chance at making this right.”

As sorry's went... as love confessions went.

“I'm scared what it means to love you, Jack,” you said, slowly, feeling the words around your mouth.

“I know, I know,” Jack reached over, clumsily brushing back your damp hair from your cheeks. In spite of the rain, his skin was still soft and hot on you. “I am too.”

You searched his eyes before whispering. “Can I kiss you?”

He smirked a little. “No.”

Your heart dropped.

Jack's hands tilted your head back before you could tuck yourself away. “Can I kiss you?”

His lips were slick and wet from rain but no less sort after from you. He didn't push or prod for more, he just laid his lips against yours with enough pressure for you to know he was there. For you to always remember he was there.

You could have stayed like that for hours, practically standing on each others toes as your own hands came up to clutch his biceps, fingertips digging into his freckles.

You pulled away only when you needed to catch your breath.

Jack's lips chased yours, body tumbling into you slightly as his eyes took seconds to open like coming out from a dream.

You ran your hands up his shoulders. “I love you.”

He closed his eyes and soaked in the words.

“Will you let me?” you asked.

“Always,” he promised.

A sense of unease brewed in the pits of their stomachs at the thought of a morgue. The idea of being amidst the dead made them uneasy…

But for a few. 

It was all part of the job. 

In your opinion it was just as mundane as any other workplace. 

You clocked in. 

Did your work. 

Said goodbye to some old ones, and then said hello to new admissions. 

Examined a few bodies. 

Wrote up your case notes and findings. 

Had a coffee and snack somewhere in between. 

Before clocking off. 

Only to do it all again the next day. 

Despite being surrounded by people. It was fairly solitary. Besides, the company you were in wasn’t the liveliest of bunches…  

It was just your typical Wednesday afternoon. 

Where you were in the midst of performing an autopsy. Fairly standard, nothing too unusual. From what you could find, the leading cause of death was pneumonia. 

“Right–so as I was telling the other guy. Maria is so audacious, honestly. You wouldn’t believe the shit she’s been trying to pull–,” you muttered while you worked. 

Some people journaled. Others spoke to friends or family. Or to a therapist. Just to simply let their thoughts and feelings out. 

But you…

Well you spoke to the bodies you worked with. 

A simple way to vent, let out your frustrations, make jokes that never really landed. 

They truly were great listeners, especially when it came to shit talking about your colleagues…but as for their advice, well that was certainly not something you took into consideration. 

“–Just last week I definitely caught her using my cereal. Completely ignoring the label I put on it. Honestly–” you muttered out, eyes scanning the organs, trying to find any discrepancies, anything out of the usual, anything needed to be noted down. 

Too enthralled by your work, by your rant. 

You failed to notice the opening of the door. 

The faint footsteps approaching. 

Until–

The clearing of a throat can be heard. Your brows deepen in concern as you look at the corpse before you…surely not…

“Hi,” a voice sounds from behind you. 

You nearly jump out of your own skin, spinning around you clutching your chest, while your other hand tightly holds onto the scalpel, pointing it towards the person. 

“Fucking cheese and crackers!” you exclaimed. Eyes wide as you look upon the newcomer. 

The man steps back slightly, hands raised. Brows furrowed in confusion, darting between you and the scalpel within your tight grip. 

You sigh. Letting your shoulders drop. Noting his scrubs and hospital badge. The relief doesn’t last as your annoyance bubbles up. 

“Don’t sneak up on a person with a scalpel! I could’ve stabbed you. Didn’t your mom teach you better than that,” you said, before placing the scalpel down onto your tray, whilst it clattered upon impact. 

You cross your arms over your chest, looking at him expectantly, “What are you doing here?” 

It wasn’t everyday that someone decided to come into your workspace. The only times you saw doctors from other departments was mostly for Morbidity and Mortality meetings…otherwise known as M&M’s. 

Those things always made you peckish…

But these meetings were always scheduled ahead. Always with plenty of time to prepare. 

And well–you were normally able to palm them off to one of your other colleagues. 

The man before you. Was familiar. 

Not enough for you to remember his name. Or where he usually worked. 

But the purple scrubs at the very least helped you recognise that he was a surgeon. 

A sharpness to his features, a coldness that rolled off of him in waves. Broad stature. 

To anyone else he may have seemed intimidating. Especially with those steel blue eyes that seemed to pierce right through you. But to you, he was no more intimidating than the corpse just behind you. 

“I just wanted to check on a patient, just reviewing an M&M case,” he explained. Straight to the point. Words clipped. Precise. 

The patient itself had died on the table, Brendon’s OR table, and whilst it is an unfortunate part of the job. He was always striving to do better. Always wanting to know what else could’ve been done. 

Just so that next time, it could be avoided. 

Ever since med school he had always been extremely particular when it came to these things. Always searching to know more. 

“Right,” you nod, taking in his words. You arch a brow whilst looking at him questioningly, “And you’re definitely not here to cover up any incriminating evidence, right?–”

Before he could even mutter the word what? Completely thrown by your questioning. You continued, “Cause let me tell you…” you stand a bit taller, a bit more sure, before you add jokingly, “That would be a first for me”

He blinks in surprise, caught off guard by you. 

The way you seemed to flip between sanity and absurdity was alarming. 

If it were anyone else. 

He’d have bit their head off by now. Chewed them out for their words wasting his time. 

But with you. 

He couldn’t quite place why. 

But your odd nature. 

Your strange humour. 

Was something that he strangely…didn’t mind. 

And then you shrug, before turning back around, pulling off your gloves before putting on a new pair, “Let me finish up on this one here, and then we can check on your guy–I’ll show you where the bodies are buried and what not,” you answered. 

“I promise I’m not trying to hide anything incriminating,” Brendon claimed, for some reason he felt compelled to respond to your nonsense. 

Glancing at him briefly over your shoulder, scanning him from head to toe, before your attention drifts back to your work, you reply, “I’ll believe it when I see it–I’m Y/N by the way”

“Brendon Park,” he responded, whilst you nodded in acknowledgement. 

His name scratched an itch in your mind. But nothing you could quite place…Park. Now why was that familiar. 

And somehow. 

Your casual demeanor. 

Your lack of care towards who he was. 

And lack of fear towards him…besides the initial jumpscare. 

Had made him start to fester feelings of respect. If just by a little. Watching whilst you worked diligently, and with care. 

You were a little odd…

He had heard the rumours of course. But never paid much mind to them. 

Had heard you described as recluse–hyper fixated on your work. 

And on some level, Brendon could understand that. Could relate to that level of dedication. Of keeping people at arm’s length…

He could understand you–

The click of a finger, your mouth forms an oh. 

“As in Park the Shark,” you said aloud in realisation. 

Maybe Brendon spoke too soon…

It was an interesting afternoon to say the least. 

…

The next time Brendon saw you was barely a day later. 

He had managed to snag a few minutes to himself, about to eat, when he had discovered he had left his lunch at home. 

With nothing else on offer, he had wandered to the cafeteria. 

Certainly not his first choice. 

But the hunger in his stomach simply needed to be fed. 

Just as he was about to step in line, he stopped short. Eyes landing on you, standing just before him in line, eyes scanning the menu ahead. 

“Oh, hey,” he greeted. 

You turn around briefly, giving him a once over. With an arch of a brow, a blank look upon your face, “Do I know you?” 

His name on the tip of your tongue. 

But your mind draws a blank despite his familiarity…so you go with your instincts. 

…You lie. 

He’s taken aback for a second, “We met yesterday. I’m Dr Park? Brendon?” 

Nodding you take in his words, before offering him a small smile, “Oh, sorry,” you wave a hand before your eyes, “I suffer from severe face blindness, so I didn’t recognise yah. How you been–” 

That statement may or may not have been true…but it has definitely gotten you out of awkward jams before. 

Especially when you forgot names. Which happened more than you cared to admit. 

It was your favourite failsafe. 

“What can I get for you?” The cashier asks when you step up, before you order, glancing back at Brendon with a grin, “Got anything incriminating you want me to cover up for you?”

He almost chokes from your sheer casualness. The deadpanned look on your face. 

Made even worse by the wide eyed look the cashier sends them. 

Startled, he shakes his head at you, before trying to regain his composure, “No,” he steps up to order while you move to the side. 

You were strange, that much he was sure of. 

But in the brief time he’d known you. 

You’d been funny, you had been nice, not judgemental–which was more than he could say about a few of his other colleagues. 

Jutting your head, you began to move, “C’mon Park, you’re sitting with me–gotta make sure you’re not doing anything sketchy,” you joked with a smile. 

And Brendon.

Well he followed your lead. 

There wasn’t a lot of crossover when it came to you and Brendon. The morgue was certainly out of the way, and you never had any reason to go to the other departments. Everything you needed was down in the morgue. 

But your thoughts never failed to drift towards the image of the Shark…his face popping up in the most random of times. 

And Brendon couldn’t quite shake the thought of you. Your image burrowed in the confines of his mind. 

Inexplicably intertwined with each other. 

…

The hospital auditorium was, without question, one of your least favourite places.

Too many people.

Too much talking.

Unlike the peace of your morgue...

"...and if everyone could please take their seats, we'll be starting in just a moment."

You sighed dramatically, "This is cruel and unusual punishment," you muttered.

Beside you, Robby snorted into his coffee, "You literally spend your days cutting people open."

"Formerly alive people," you corrected, wagging your finger, "Big difference. They don't make PowerPoints." 

"...Fair,” Robby shook his head, amused.

Of all the physicians in the hospital, he was probably the only one you'd willingly socialize with.

Mostly because he understood.

There were patients that stayed with him.

The ones he couldn't save.

Every now and then, after a shift, he'd wander downstairs into the morgue.

Not because he needed answers.

But just...

Just to say goodbye.

You'd never interrupted him. Sometimes he'd stand quietly beside the body. 

Sometimes he'd apologize.

Sometimes he'd simply whisper, "I'm sorry I couldn’t do more…” 

Afterwards, you'd always leave a little extra time before beginning your examination.

It felt...

Respectful.

Since then, an odd friendship had developed.

You had grown used to his presence. As he had grown used to yours. 

Your eyes lift to scan the room. These meetings were always something you dreaded, always tried to get out of and yet could never escape the grip it had on you. But then they land on the familiar face. 

The friendly face – in your opinion, perhaps not shared by many others – of one Brendon Park. 

“Hey–Brendon, over here,” you called out, waving him over. 

Walking over to you, he takes the seat by your side, lifting a brow, “I thought you had face blindness?” 

Robby snorts from the other side of you, “Did they tell you that bullshit too?” A grin spread across his lips while he shot you a look. 

Only for you to shove his side, “Fuck off Robinavitch.” 

He snickers from your annoyance. Hiding his grin behind his coffee cup.

Before turning back to Brendon, sighing, “Don’t tell anyone this. But–I just forget names really easily so rather than saying that, I just say I have face blindness,” you shrug, “Works like a charm”

Brendon asks smoothly, “Should I be flattered that you remembered mine?” 

Rolling your eyes, leaning back into your seat, “Ok. Easy there. Still a long ways to go pal.”

The seminar finally began.

Graphs.

Mortality statistics.

Budget projections.

Someone talking far too enthusiastically about hand hygiene compliance.

Within seven minutes. You had begun doodling tiny skeletons in the margin of your notes.

Brendon noticed, murmuring quietly, "...Is that one wearing sunglasses?"

"They all deserve to look cool."

"..."

"This one's on holiday."

"You've drawn a skeleton in a hammock…" he said. 

"Mental health leave,” you corrected. 

Robby laughed quietly from beside you, with a small shake of his head. 

Brendon looked down again.

Another drawing.

A skeleton holding a tiny coffee cup. With a speech bubble floating above, the words, Dead tired. 

He felt it.

Just the tiniest twitch.

At the corner of his mouth.

Something you might’ve caught in the corner of your eye, and for one reason or another, it made you beam internally. Perhaps, a little proud of such a small achievement…

A new goal brewing in your mind. 

A new fixation…

To find out if Brendon Park the Shark–

Had a funny bone. 

And with each passing meeting. Each fleeting moment together. You had grown closer and closer. Growing more and more comfortable in each other’s company. 

Brendon would find more and more reasons to come down. 

Sometimes it was for necessity. For an M&M…but for most visits. If he were truly being honest with himself. 

He was simply coming to stop by and see you. 

Even if it were for only a few minutes. 

Brendon couldn’t help but be drawn to you. 

Not once had you ever seemed fearful of him.

Never once were you scurrying away from him. 

Never once shying away from his company. 

There was a lot to be said about that. Something that Brendon had grown used to. Had enjoyed. 

In fact. 

It was as though every time he saw you, you’d take the chance to go toe to toe with him. Trying to press his buttons and see what they’d do. 

Trying your very best to make him crack. 

On the surface Brendon kept a straight face. Steeley and composed. But beneath it all, with each joke you uttered aloud, your funny ramblings and stories all began to slowly chip away at his resolve. 

Softening him from the inside out. 

Your funny little jokes. Your off brand of humour. 

All of which had charmed him. 

Whether you had known it or not. 

Brendon had become attached to you. Had begun to crave your company. And the way you made him feel. 

And he was quickly becoming a bright spot in yours. 

In the midst of closing up a patient, finishing up an examination, the door to the room opened to reveal Brendon walking in. 

Your lips quirk up, “And what brings you down here?” 

The words roll off his tongue, quick to match your wit, “Someone has to make sure you don't finally go insane talking to yourself,” he says with the faintest of smirks. 

Without looking up from the autopsy, you replied, "Who says I'm talking to myself?"

Brendon raised an eyebrow.

You slowly looked toward the patient on the table, "...Was it you?"

Silence.

Brendon simply watches whilst you narrowed your eyes, questioning once more, "...Did you snitch?" Your tone, dead serious. 

Brendon looked at the body.

Then back to you.

Then–

A tiny sound escaped him.

A short, involuntary snort.

He does his best to hold back the laugh threatening to escape, trying to break free, his shoulders shake a little from the silent rumble.

You froze.

Your eyes went wide.

You pointed dramatically, "There!"

He cleared his throat immediately, arms folded over his chest, "What?"

"You laughed,” you stated, with a wide smile, simply beaming with pride. 

"I didn't," he denied, with a shake of his head. 

"You snorted." 

"I exhaled."

"You snorted," you doubled down.

"I disagree."

"Oh, come on!” You threw your hands up, "Throw me a bone here–I'm trying."

That earned another one.

Barely audible.

But undeniably real. 

Brendon Park the Shark had laughed at one of your terrible jokes. You had finally cracked his steel facade, uncovering a rare secret held tightly within.

Brendon looked away, shaking his head, with a click of his tongue, "You're the worst."

Despite his words, no malice, no bite tinged his words. 

Instead rounded off with a fondness to them. 

"And yet..." You peeled off your gloves, tossing them neatly into the bin before wandering over until you stood directly in front of him, "...you keep coming back."

"Maybe I just like the atmosphere," he retorted coolly, eyes peering down at you. Unable to draw his gaze away. 

Tracing every feature of your face, the curve of your brow, to the slope of your nose, the arch of your lips…

You looked around the morgue.

Lost in thought as they trace the rows of stainless steel. The bright fluorescent lighting. The unmistakable scent of disinfectant.

"Hm,” You hummed thoughtfully, "I think it's a little more than that."

"Oh?" He stepped closer.

Close enough that you had to tilt your head back to meet his eyes.

Close enough that your teasing smile softened.

Close enough that his cologne enveloped you whole. 

"So..." he asked quietly, voice lowering, testing the waters, "Why do you think I keep coming back?"

Teetering between the lines of friendship and something more. 

You looked at him for a long moment.

Simply drinking in his appearance. 

Trying to get a read on his thoughts…

Then your hands slowly slid up around the back of his neck.

Gentle.

Unhurried.

Bringing him just a fraction closer.

"I think..." Your voice dropped to barely above a whisper, "...You keep coming back..." 

Another inch, "...For..."

His gaze flicked to your lips.

"...Me."

Silence.

Just the steady hum of refrigeration units. The distant echo of hospital life somewhere beyond the heavy morgue doors.

Brendon searched your face.

As if asking one last time.

Are you sure?

You answered by smiling.

Small.

Certain.

He closed the remaining distance.

His lips met yours with surprising tenderness.

Nothing rushed.

Nothing uncertain.

One hand settled carefully at your waist while the other rested against your back, holding you close enough to feel the quiet sigh that escaped you.

You smiled into the kiss.

Lips brush against each other, until you finally separate, only by inches, your foreheads brushed together. 

His lips shift to trail alongside the side of your face, peppering soft kisses along the curve of your jaw. 

The moment, tender, sweet–Peaceful. 

Until you fracture it, joking lightly, “Are you just trying to butter me up to help with the incriminating evidence?”

He stops short. Dropping his head to your shoulder, mumbling out, “I can’t believe you,” muffled by the fabric of your scrubs. 

“Sorry, sorry,” you laugh softly, a smile forming upon your lips, before adding, “Just had to check.”

Your fingers gently cards through his hair, before softly asking, “So what does this mean?–For us I mean…” Your usual humorous and witty tone faded, replaced by something a little more vulnerable. 

A little less sure. 

Something Brendon wasn’t used to. 

His words softened, tone reassuring, “What do you want it to mean?” He lifts his head to rest his forehead against yours, icy blue eyes peering into yours. 

You bite your lip “…I’d like this to mean something.”

He smiles, “Let me take you out. On a date–and before you ask I’m not using you as some alibi,” he asks you sincerely. Adding his own little joke, playing into your sense of humour. 

You laugh softly, “You know me too well.” 

His lips met yours again. Brushing against yours gently. Savouring the moment, drinking in every last second of it. 

While the wait had been long. It was worth it. 

Perhaps to anyone else, kissing in a morgue would've seemed strange.

Might not be quite romantic.

Morbid, even.

And most definitely not found in any rom–com. 

But for you both right now. 

Surrounded by silence, by lives honoured rather than forgotten, it somehow felt fitting.

It was the place where you had both met. 

Where your relationship had begun. And now. It was the place it had become something more. 

And somehow…

In the quietest place in the hospital–

You'd found someone who made you feel the most alive.

And that is how you, PTMC’s quirky forensic pathologist…

Managed to endear Brendon enough to become his partner. 

His spice of life. 

His reason for smiling. 

And the only one able to make him laugh…

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for the request, I hope it sort of fulfilled what you envisioned, I tried to make the reader a little odd in an endearing way, but that's always a little difficult to translate in writing so I hope it's ok. (The face blindness bit was inspired by a character in Poker Face that actually had that, thought it was funny) and these two are just such an endearing pair, exploring them getting together was so fun. Let me know what you think! ✨

Feel free to check out my Brendon Park x Baker!Evans!Reader Series,

Sugar & Spice here!

Comments, Reblogs and Likes are welcomed and appreciated 💕 Feel free to find my overall Pitt Masterlist here!

His eyes glared at the water as if he could command the fish to bite by sheer noble decree.

“They won’t bite if you keep scowling at them,” a bright voice chimed from behind him.

Aerion stiffened, his jaw tightening. He turned his head sharply, expecting a person sent by his father to drag him back to his lessons.

Instead, he saw you.

You were the daughter of Maekar’s most trusted ally, having arrived only an hour ago.

While the adults spoke of their business, you had wandered out into the sun, your heavy skirts already trailing in the damp grass.

You looked entirely out of place among the solemn guards, a little burst of warmth against the grey stones of summerhall.

“Go away,” Aerion snapped, turning back to the water, “You’ll frighten them.”

“You’re the one frightening them,” you retorted easily, completely unbothered by the venom in his tone.

You marched right up to his rock, your slippers squelching in the mud, and plopped down beside him without asking. “My father says that fishes can sense when someone is angry. They don’t like the energy.”

“Your father is a fool, and so are you,” he hissed, expecting you to cry or perhaps run back to the castle.

But you didn’t seem bothered as you tilted your head, watching the bobber dance on the ripples. “You’re doing it wrong anyway. The bait is too high.”

Aerion opened his mouth to deliver a cutting remark—something about how a dragon did not take lessons from a silly girl—but before the words could leave his lips, your smaller, warmer hands brushed against his.

You reached out, bypassing his defensive posture, and gently adjusted his grip on the handle, lowering the tip of the rod so the bait sank properly into the water.

The prince froze. No one touched him without permission. No one dared.

Yet, as the silence stretched between you, the bobber suddenly dipped aggressively. A heavy tug yanked the line down, nearly pulling the rod from his hands.

“See!” you gasped, your face lighting up with a blinding grin. “Pull, Aerion! Pull!”

Forgetting his pride, Aerion yanked the rod back with all his boyhood strength. A massive trout broke the surface, thrashing wildly and splashing mud and lakewater directly across his pristine tunic, and right into your face.

Aerion braced himself for the screaming. Noble girls and boys always screamed when they got dirty.

But then a bright laughter echoed across the banks. “Look at the size of it! We caught it!”

Aerion looked from the wiggling fish to your mud splattered face. His lips twitched, fighting a smile before he forced his features back into a proud mask.

“I caught it,” he corrected, though his voice lacked any real bite. “You merely watched.”

“We caught it,” you insisted, bending down to take a closer look at the trout.

Your father’s visit ended shortly after, and the brief, strange kinship evaporated into memory as the years pulled you both down separate paths.

Years slipped by like water through fingers, and when you finally returned to court as a young woman, the boy by the lake had become a man feared by the entire realm.

Aerion was breathtakingly beautiful, and notoriously cruel. He walked through court with a sharp tongue and a sharper temper, but that did not faze you.

From afar, Aerion watched you navigate the treacherous nature of court. You were a vision of light, offering warm smiles to the guards, listening patiently to the older women, and showing unfaltering kindness to everyone you crossed.

To him, it was grating. All noble ladies were trained to be sweet, performing acts of grace to secure a good match or win the favour of higher lords.

He waited for you to finally lose your cool.

But the day never came. No, the reality of your kindness crashed directly into him one afternoon near the small council chamber.

You were walking down the corridor with a butterfly that had landed on your arm when the doors of the chamber burst open.

A flurry of lords tumbled out into the hall, fleeing in terror. Among them was the master of coin, frantically wiping dark ink from his doublet with his bleeding hands, his face pale as death.

“Seven hells,” one of the other lords whispered hoarsely, scurrying past you. “The prince has lost his mind entirely!”

You stopped, watching the chaotic retreat. Instead of turning back like any sensible person would, you set the butterfly on a nearby branch and stepped through the heavy doors.

An iron candelabra laid overturned on the floor, dark wax spilling across the polished wood, and an inkwell had been shattered against the wall.

Aerion stood by the high window, his back to you. His shoulders were incredibly tense, and his chest was rising and falling with heavy, angry breaths.

“I thought I made it clear,” Aerion growled without turning, “The next soul to disturb me will lose their tongue.”

“Then it is a good thing I am capable of writing. I do not need my tongue.” you responded lightly, closing the heavy door behind you.

Aerion went still. He turned slowly, his stormy eyes dark with lingering rage. When his gaze landed on you, he let out a harsh, bitter scoff.

“Come to play the saint for me too?” he sneered, maintaining his distance. “Save your sweet smiles for the lords in the hall. I have no patience for your endless charity.”

You took a few measured steps into the room, keeping a respectful distance yourself.

“I don't think they don’t understand how stressful it can be,” you said softly, ignoring his cruel words. “they whisper and push, expecting you to sit quietly while they try to manage your family’s rights. It makes sense that you’d lose your patience when they refuse to listen.”

He stared at you from across the room, his mind struggling to process what he was hearing. He had expected an admonishment, or at the very least, fear.

“They are parasites,” Aerion muttered, his posture unlocking just a fraction. “They look at me as if I am mad because I refuse to let them dictate my bloodline’s terms.”

“I can see that,” you replied gently, giving a small smile. “They may be stressed as well, but no one should have to bend to their whim.”

The room went silent before you spoke again.

“Whenever the court gets too loud for me, I find that walking around the gardens helps. The fresh air is always calming.. maybe it would help you too. It’s quiet out there.”

The fire in his eyes flickered, clearly caught off guard by the suggestion. He stared at your face, the lines of his memory remembering the specific curve of your smile.

A breathless laugh escaped him.

“The gardens?” Aerion repeated, his voice dropping the edge it possessed just moments ago.

He took a step forward, assessing your form. “You haven’t changed at all, have you? Years ago at Summerhall, you told me the fish wouldn’t bite because of my ‘anger.' Now you’re trying to herd me into the bushes to calm down.”

Your eyes widened slightly in surprise, a soft laugh bubbling up. “You remember that?”

“I remember a girl pushing my hands around and getting me covered in mud,” he murmured.

He then let out a soft click of his tongue, turning to look at the doorway. “Fine. We will walk the gardens. But only because your previous method somehow worked.”

“Of course,” you smiled.

As the weeks progressed, a unique friendship blossomed between you.

Aerion still remained difficult as ever to the rest of the world, but your presence seemed to simmer that down.

The shift did not go unnoticed by the ladies of the court, leading to an afternoon that they wouldn’t stop gossiping about for days.

You were walking through the outer courtyard with a small retinue of noble ladies, the daughters of prominent lords from the Reach. They were talking endlessly, giggling as they spoke of whatever irrelevant topics crossed their minds.

“You must be careful, my dear,” one of the ladies said, leaning in closer to you. “Prince Aerion may be amused by your novelty but once he grows bored of playing with his new toy, you will be left with nothing but yourself.”

“He is a prince of the blood,” another lady chimed in, her voice tight. “They take what pleases them for a moment and cast it aside. Do not mistake a tyrant’s passing curiosity for actual regard.”

“Aerion simply values sincerity,” you replied, offering an unbothered smile. “There is no game being played.”

“You are far too gullible–” the former lady was cut when Aerion walked out from the room beside.

The ladies instantly adjusted their posture, immediately dropping to curtsies as he approached, each of them desperately hoping to catch the prince’s favour despite their previous warnings to you.

Aerion ignored them, his eyes locking firmly onto you.

Without a word of greeting, and completely disregarding decorum, he walked into the center of the group and stepped right into your space, his frame towering over you.

“You’re late,” his voice was low—meant strictly for you, though it carried across the hall.

“Late for what, my Prince?” you asked, tilting your head up to meet his gaze with your beaming expression.

“I am going to the cliffs, and you are coming with me,” he stated flatly.

Behind you, a collective intake of breath echoed from the ladies. Here he was, actively seeking you out, his attention consuming you and utterly shattering their spiteful claims that you were just a passing game.

You looked back at the girls, giving one last smile before parting from them. “Very well, my Prince, if you insist.”

“I do,” Aerion tilted his head, turning on his heel to fall into step right beside you, his side brushing against yours as he guided you out of the yard.

That would not be the first or last time the court would witness the two of you separating from the rest of the world.

During one evening, after failing in your search for Aerion through the whole castle, you found him alone in the secluded parts of the library.

He was sitting alone, staring dead at a massive volume of ancient Valyrian history.

“I am not in the mood for company,” he hissed out, “leave.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in worry before approaching and setting down a small plate of pastries on the corner of the table. You pulled out the empty chair beside him and sat down despite his request.

Reaching over the plate, you picked up a small pastry and held it right in front of his face, completely disregarding his brooding glare.

“Eat,” you insisted gently as Aerion still refused to acknowledge you. “You always go for these specific ones. I know you like them.”

His fingers that had been gripping the edge of the book twitched, and he finally turned his head to look at you.

The weight on his shoulders gradually disappeared as he looked at the pastry, then up at your fond expression.

Aerion didn’t move to take it from your hand. Keeping his intense gaze locked firmly onto yours, he leaned slightly forward.

Then, totally unprompted, he took a bite right out of the pastry while it was still held between your fingers.

A tiny giggle slipped past your lips, a bright warmth blooming all the way to the tips of your ears at the sheer intimacy of it.

You tried to bite your lip to hide your surprise, but your shoulders shook with quiet amusement as you looked into his smug face.

Aerion chewed slowly, the corners of his lips twitching at your giddy reaction.

“You are ridiculous,” he murmured as he swallowed.

“Maybe,” you agreed, your heart fluttering as you set the remaining half down onto the plate. “But it worked. You feel better already, don’t you?”

Aerion stared at you for a moment, drinking in your presence. He did feel better—the tight, suffocating knot in his chest had already unraveled. But it was certainly not because of the pastry.

Slowly, he hesitantly reached out across the small space between your chairs. With one deliberate movement, he dragged your chair until it hit his.

Then, his hand moved to flip over on the table with his palm facing up, his fingers sprawling open in a silent, stubborn invitation.

You, on the other hand, did not hesitate. You slid your hand into his palm, your fingers easily weaving through his.

Aerion squeezed your hand, his rings pressing firmly against your skin, though his touch was surprisingly careful.

However, the true demonstration of expanse that you two had built played out before the entire court during a grand feast, where Aerion’s attempt to maintain his reputation crumbled.

The feast was deafeningly loud.

You were seated next to Aerion by Prince Maekar.

Aerion had spent the first half of the feast interacting with other lords while you conversed with other ladies.

He was glaring at a group of lesser lords when he noticed your sudden silence. Just then, some of the lords he had been talking to earlier called out to him and he tried to force his eyes back on them.

Aerion was aware that you two were the topic of conversation as of late. He couldn’t let the people of court think he had gone soft. At least that was what his pride told him.

But the sight of your fragile form pulled at him like a physical anchor, shattering his resolve. His demeanor instantly changed.

He turned fully in his seat toward you, his cold stare evaporating.

“You’re pale,” Aerion murmured, voice stripped away of anything harsh. “What is it?”

“Just… a headache, Aerion,” you whispered softly, giving him a tired smile. “The noise is particularly loud tonight.”

Aerion didn’t waste a second as he gently used his hand to cradle the back of your head.

His fingers began combing through the loose parts of your hair, his thumb tracing circles down your temple to ease the pressure.

The chatter around the surrounding tables died down, dozens of eyes tracking his movements, yet no one dared to disrupt. They watched as Aerion paid no mind to everything else the moment you showed discomfort.

You leaned into his touch, a smile returning to your face. “Aerion… everyone is watching.”

Aerion let out a defeated sigh as he grinned. “Let them stare,” he concluded, his fingers tucking in a strand of hair behind your ear. “You’ve broken me anyway.”

Shifting his broad shoulders, he blocked the rest of the room from view, shielding you from prying eyes.

“You are tired,” he paused, “if anyone breathes a word about that, I will have their heads.”

“You can’t murder the entire court,” you teased, lifting your head up for a moment.

You stood at a workstation near the nurses’ station, reviewing lab results while absentmindedly sipping coffee that had long since gone cold. Across the department, Robby was arguing with Mohan about an imaging study, his dark hair slightly disheveled from a shift that had already stretched well past ten hours.

“You don’t need a CT for every abdominal pain,” he was saying.

Mohan looked unconvinced.

“But—”

“No. No but. Use your brain.”

Mohan sighed. You smiled into your chart. Robby caught you watching. His expression immediately softened. Just for you. It always did. He pointed at the coffee in your hand.

“That thing is older than some of our patients.”

You looked down at the cup.

“Still technically coffee.”

“It absolutely is not.”

“It has caffeine.”

“I have concerns.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should.”

You grinned. He shook his head before disappearing around a corner, muttering something about stubborn surgeons.nYour chest warmed despite yourself.

Three years together and somehow seeing him still felt like coming home. The feeling lasted exactly twenty-three seconds. Because that was when your next patient chart populated on the screen.

You weren’t even paying attention at first. Just another name. Another room. Another patient. Then your eyes landed on the last name. And stopped.

Everything inside you froze. The coffee suddenly tasted like metal. No. There were thousands of people in the city. Thousands. It couldn’t possibly—

Your gaze dropped to the first name. Your stomach immediately fell through the floor. The room around you seemed to disappear. The noise. The lights. The conversations. Everything faded.

Leaving only a name. A name you hadn’t seen in over fifteen years. A name you had spent years trying to forget. For several seconds you simply stared. Maybe it was someone else. Maybe it was coincidence.

Then you saw the age. The hometown. The emergency contact. Your hand tightened around the coffee cup. Hard. Hard enough the lid crinkled.

“Hey.”

The voice startled you. You looked up. Robby was standing beside you again. Concern already pulling at his features.

“What’s wrong?”

You blinked.

“What?”

“You look like you saw a ghost.”

You immediately looked back at the chart. Your heartbeat had become deafening.

“I didn’t.”

“You’re lying.”

A weak laugh escaped you.

“Charming.”

“I’m serious.”

His voice had softened. The way it always did when he sensed something was wrong. You hated how easily he could read you. You had spent a lifetime learning how to hide things. Robby had somehow become the exception.

“I’m fine.”

He didn’t answer. Which was worse. Because Robby only got quiet when he didn’t believe you. A moment passed. Then another. Finally he glanced at the patient room assignment on your screen.

“Problem patient?”

“No.”

“Difficult family?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

You swallowed. The chart seemed to blur.

“It’s nothing.”

The lie tasted bitter. His eyes narrowed. Not angry. Worried. Always worried. Before he could press further, Princess approached the station.

“Y/N, room twelve is ready.”

Your stomach clenched. Room twelve. Of course it was room twelve. Princess smiled politely.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

You nodded automatically.

“Thanks.”

You remained frozen. Robby was still watching. You could feel it. Every second. Finally he spoke quietly.

“You don’t have to take this patient if something’s wrong.”

That almost made you laugh. Not because it was funny. Because he didn’t understand. Nobody understood. You had spent years making sure of that. You closed the chart. Straightened your shoulders. Picked up the tablet.

“I’ve got it.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

The word escaped before you could stop it. Both of you froze. Because you almost never admitted that. Not at work. Not here. Not where everyone depended on you.

Robby’s expression changed immediately. The concern deepened.

“You want me to go in with you?”

You shook your head. Too quickly.

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Robby.”

The warning was gentle. He heard it anyway. His jaw tightened. Not because he was angry. Because he was worried and hated feeling helpless. You softened. Reached out. Briefly squeezed his wrist.

A tiny touch. One that said more than words could.

“I’m okay.”

His eyes searched yours. Looking for the truth. Finding something else entirely. But eventually he nodded.

“Okay.”

You released him. Took a breath. Then another. And started walking. The hallway felt longer than it should have. Each step heavier than the last. Your heartbeat thundered in your ears. Memories tried to claw their way forward.

A slammed door. A shattered glass. Your father’s voice. Your father’s hands. You shoved it all back down.

Not here. Not now. Not ever.

By the time you reached room twelve, your expression had become perfectly neutral again. Professional. Controlled. Doctor. Not daughter. Not survivor. Doctor.

You pushed open the door. The woman sitting on the stretcher looked older than you remembered. Smaller, too. Gray threaded through her hair. Wrinkles lined her face. Age had softened her. Made her seem fragile. Harmless.

But the moment her eyes met yours, you were twelve years old again. Standing in a kitchen. Trying not to cry. While she looked away. The recognition hit both of you simultaneously. You watched it happen. The widening eyes. The sharp intake of breath. The disbelief.

“Y/N?”

Your childhood nickname followed immediately after. One you hadn’t heard in years. One you hated. Your entire body locked. For one terrifying second, you thought you might actually be sick.

The woman sitting in front of you wasn’t a stranger. She wasn’t just a patient. She wasn’t just your aunt. She was a witness. A witness to every bruise explained away. Every scream ignored. Every excuse accepted. Every opportunity to save a child that had been quietly abandoned.

And now she was looking at you. Staring at the white coat. The hospital badge. The physician standing before her. As though she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Neither could you.

But you had spent years becoming this version of yourself. Years building someone your father could never destroy. So you straightened your shoulders. Lifted your chin. And offered the same calm smile you gave every patient.

Professional. Steady. Untouchable.

“Good afternoon,” you said evenly. “I’m Dr. Y/L/N. What seems to be the problem today?”

And for the first time since walking into the room, your aunt looked like the one who didn’t know what to say.

******

The moment the door closed behind you, the mask slipped. Not completely. Not enough for anyone passing by to notice. But enough.

Enough that your hand immediately found the wall beside the room. Enough that you stood there staring at nothing while your pulse hammered against the inside of your throat. Enough that you forgot where you were for a few seconds.

Forgot the department. Forgot the shift. Forgot the dozens of patients still waiting to be seen. All you could hear was her voice.

Your name. That nickname. That awful, childhood nickname that had felt harmless when you were little and somehow became poisoned by association over the years. You hadn’t heard it in over a decade. You hadn’t wanted to.

You took a slow breath. Then another. Get it together. You were fine. You were thirty-four years old. You were an emergency room physician. You’d worked trauma cases. Mass casualty incidents. Child abuse cases. Gunshots. Stabbings.

You had spent years helping people navigate the worst moments of their lives. You could handle one woman sitting in room twelve. You could. Couldn’t you?

The door opened behind you. You immediately straightened. Princess stepped out carrying discharge paperwork. She smiled.

“You okay, Doc?”

Your smile appeared automatically. Years of practice. Years of survival.

“Yep.”

She nodded and continued down the hallway. The second she disappeared around the corner, your smile vanished. A hand landed gently on your shoulder. You flinched. Actually flinched.

The reaction shocked you almost as much as it shocked the person standing behind you. You turned. Robby’s face had gone still. Dangerously still.

Not angry. Not yet. Concerned. Focused. Watching. His hand immediately dropped away.

“Hey.”

You hated how gentle his voice was. You hated it because it made something inside your chest ache. Because gentle had always been dangerous growing up. Gentle usually came before something worse.

Except with him. With him, gentle was just gentle. You looked away.

“I’m fine.”

“You jumped.”

“I was distracted.”

“You jumped.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. Not arguing. Observing. The way he observed patients. The way he observed everything. You folded your arms. Defensive. Unconsciously. Unfortunately, Robby noticed that too.

“Who is she?”

The question hit harder than you expected. Your stomach twisted.

“No one.”

“That’s not true.”

“No.”

Your voice came out sharper than intended. Immediately his expression softened. Which somehow made it worse.

“I’m not trying to push.”

“Then don’t.”

Silence settled between you. Not uncomfortable. Not exactly. Just heavy. You stared down the hallway. Anything to avoid looking at him. Because if you looked at him, he would see it. The fear. The anger. The hurt. The shame. All those ugly little pieces you’d spent years locking away.

“You know,” Robby said quietly, “most people would have called in another doctor by now.”

You laughed once. The sound humorless.

“Good thing I’m not most people.”

“No.” His voice was soft. “You’re definitely not.”

You finally looked at him. That was a mistake. Because he was looking at you the way he looked at patients he was worried about. Like he was trying to figure out how badly you were hurt. And suddenly you couldn’t breathe quite right. You looked away again.

“She’s just a patient.”

“Okay.”

“That’s all.”

“Okay.”

The calm agreement irritated you instantly. You turned toward him.

“Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“That.”

He blinked.

“Very specific.”

You almost smiled. Almost. Then the memory came back. Your aunt sitting on the stretcher. Recognizing you. Looking at you. And whatever tiny bit of amusement had appeared immediately vanished.

Robby saw it happen. Of course he did. His jaw tightened.

“Talk to me.”

The words were quiet. Careful. Not demanding. Not pushing. Just asking. You swallowed. Hard.

“No.”

A beat passed. Then another. Finally he nodded.

“Okay.”

You stared at him suspiciously.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“You aren’t going to interrogate me?”

“I want to.”

His honesty startled a laugh out of you. A real one this time. Small. Brief. But real.

“I figured.”

His mouth twitched.

“Believe me.”

You shook your head.

“You’re impossible.”

“That’s not new information.”

For the first time since seeing the chart, some of the tension in your shoulders eased. Only slightly. But enough. Then a voice called from behind you.

“Doctor?”

Both you and Robby turned. Your aunt was standing in the doorway of room twelve. She had apparently disconnected herself from half her monitoring equipment. Something that immediately irritated you on professional principle. Her gaze landed on you. Then shifted briefly to Robby. Then back again.

And you saw it. Recognition. Curiosity. Questions. Your stomach immediately sank. Because people like her always asked questions.

Who was that? How long had you been together? Were you married? Did you have children? They wanted details. Access. Intimacy they hadn’t earned. Your aunt offered a hesitant smile.

“Could I speak with you for a second?”

The hallway suddenly felt too small. Too bright. Too exposed. You nodded automatically.

“Of course.”

Robby didn’t move. Neither did you. For a moment. Then your aunt spoke again.

“You too, Dr. Robinavich.”

You froze. Completely. Beside you, Robby went still. The silence that followed was immediate and absolute. Your aunt looked confused.

“What?”

But you already knew. Of course she knew his name. Because she’d heard it. Inside the room. From a nurse. From another physician. Anywhere. And yet something about hearing her say it felt wrong. Like she’d touched something she wasn’t allowed to.

Your relationship. Your life. Your happiness. The things she’d never been part of. Robby’s expression had changed. Subtly. Almost imperceptibly.

But you knew him. You knew every version of his face. The amused ones. The exhausted ones. The worried ones. This one was new. Protective.

The kind that appeared when he thought someone was threatening something he loved. He stepped slightly closer to you. Not enough to be obvious. Just enough. Your aunt didn’t seem to notice. You did. Of course you did.

His shoulder brushed yours. A silent question.

Are you okay?

You answered with the smallest shake of your head. So small nobody else would have noticed. Nobody except Robby. His jaw clenched. Your aunt was still speaking. Something about discharge instructions. Something about pain medication. You weren’t listening.

Because for the first time all day, you realized something. You weren’t twelve anymore. You weren’t trapped in that house. You weren’t powerless. You weren’t alone. You had built a life. A career. A future. A family of your own choosing. And standing beside you was a man who would walk through fire for you without hesitation.

Your aunt finally finished speaking. You answered her questions professionally. Briefly. Clinically. Nothing more. Nothing less. Then she returned to her room.

The door clicked shut. The hallway fell silent again. Robby stared at the closed door for several seconds. Then he looked at you. His expression unreadable. Dangerously unreadable.

“Robby?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you thinking?”

His eyes flicked back toward room twelve. Then back to you.

“I think,” he said carefully, “that whoever is in that room is a lot more than just a patient.”

Your breath caught. His gaze never left yours.

“And I think,” he continued quietly, “that you’re trying really hard to hold yourself together.”

The words landed directly in your chest. Because they were true. Painfully true. You opened your mouth. Closed it again. Then finally managed a weak smile.

“Can we not do this right now?”

Immediately his expression softened. Every hard edge disappearing.

“Yeah.”

You nodded. Grateful. Relieved. Terrified. Because eventually you were going to have to tell him. And when Robby learned exactly who was sitting in room twelve and what role she had played in your childhood, you had a feeling he wasn’t going to take it very well at all.

******

The rest of the afternoon should have been easy. That was the frustrating part. Your aunt wasn’t critically ill. She wasn’t crashing. She wasn’t a trauma activation. She wasn’t even particularly complicated.

A straightforward diagnosis. A straightforward treatment plan. A straightforward discharge. Any other day, any other patient, you would have been finished with the entire encounter in less than an hour.

Instead, three hours later, you were still finding reasons to avoid room twelve. You reviewed labs twice. Checked imaging three times. Consulted with nursing staff on things that absolutely did not require consulting. Anything to delay walking back through that door. Anything to avoid looking at her again.

Unfortunately, medicine had never been particularly accommodating when it came to avoidance. Eventually there was nothing left to do except discharge her. So you found yourself standing outside room twelve once more, staring at the door like it might somehow open and solve the problem for you.

It didn’t. The door remained stubbornly closed. Behind you came the familiar sound of footsteps. You didn’t have to turn around. You already knew who it was.

“You’re doing it again.”

You sighed.

“I’m standing.”

“You’re glaring at a door.”

“I’m contemplating life.”

“You’re stalling.”

You looked over your shoulder. Robby stood there holding a chart against his chest. His expression was annoyingly knowing. You rolled your eyes.

“Go away.”

“No.”

“Don’t you have patients?”

“Yep.”

“Shouldn’t you be taking care of them?”

“Probably.”

Despite yourself, your mouth twitched. Robby immediately noticed. Like always. The smallest crack in your armor and he was there.

“You know,” he said casually, “for someone who claims everything is fine, you’re spending a suspicious amount of time outside this room.”

You folded your arms.

“Maybe I just like this hallway.”

“Sure.”

“Maybe it’s my favorite hallway.”

“Absolutely.”

“Maybe I have emotional attachment to the tile.”

“Deeply believable.”

You snorted. Actually snorted. The sound surprised both of you. For a brief moment, something lighter settled between you. Then room twelve came back into focus.

Reality returned. And the smile disappeared. Robby’s expression softened immediately. The joking vanished.

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

Your throat tightened. Because he wasn’t talking about the discharge. And you both knew it. You looked away.

“Yeah.”

A long silence followed. Then he stepped closer. Not touching. Just close. Present. Steady. The way he always was.

“You ready?”

No. Not even remotely. But you nodded anyway.

“Yep.”

It was a lie. He knew it. You knew it. Neither of you said anything. Finally you squared your shoulders and pushed open the door.

Your aunt looked up immediately. The television mounted in the corner was playing some daytime game show neither of you paid attention to.

The room felt strangely quiet. Too quiet. As though both of you had been waiting for this. For the inevitable final conversation.

You pulled the chart closer. Professional. Controlled. Safe.

“Your tests look good.”

Your voice sounded steady. Thank God.

“The CT was reassuring. Your labs are stable. We’re sending you home with medication and follow-up instructions.”

She nodded. Watching you. Not listening. Watching. You recognized the difference instantly. You’d spent your childhood studying adults the same way.

Trying to determine whether they were safe. Trying to determine whether you needed to run. Your aunt wasn’t studying you for safety. She was studying you for guilt. Though she probably didn’t realize it. The silence stretched. Then she smiled softly.

“You became a doctor.”

There it was. You felt your spine stiffen.

“Yes.”

“I always knew you would do something important.”

The words hit like a slap. Not because they were cruel. Because they weren’t. Because they were kind. And somehow that made them worse.

Your hand tightened around the chart. You remembered being nine years old. Sitting at a family barbecue. A split lip hidden beneath a napkin. Your father telling everyone you’d fallen off your bike. Your aunt sitting ten feet away.

Watching. Knowing. Saying nothing.

You remembered being eleven. Showing up at Thanksgiving with bruises hidden beneath long sleeves. Your aunt asking if you were warm. Nothing else.

You remembered being fourteen. Crying in a bathroom while your father screamed downstairs. Hearing relatives arrive for dinner. Knowing nobody would ask questions. Knowing nobody ever did.

The memories came fast. Sharp. Merciless. Your aunt was still smiling. Proud. Almost affectionate. As though she’d somehow been part of your success. As though she’d earned the right.

“You were always smart,” she continued. “So determined.”

You stared at her. Really stared at her. For the first time all day. And suddenly she looked older than before. Not physically. Emotionally.

A woman carrying something heavy. Something she’d probably spent years trying not to examine. The realization should have made you feel better. It didn’t.

Because guilt didn’t undo damage. Regret didn’t protect children. And apologies—if they came decades later—didn’t rewrite history. Your aunt’s smile faltered slightly. Perhaps she saw something in your face. Perhaps she finally understood.

“Y/N—”

“No.”

The word slipped out quietly. Not angry. Not loud. Just firm. Your aunt stopped speaking. You set the chart down. The room suddenly felt very still. Very small.

“I don’t need you to tell me you always knew I would do something important.”

Your voice remained calm. Years of practice. Years of control. Years of refusing to become the angry person your father wanted you to be. Your aunt stared at you. Eyes widening.

“You don’t?”

“No.”

The silence that followed felt endless. You swallowed. Then continued.

“I needed someone to help.”

The words landed heavily between you. Your aunt visibly flinched. You noticed. Part of you hated that. Part of you was glad. Because for once she wasn’t the comfortable observer. For once she had to sit with it.

“I needed adults to act like adults.”

Your voice remained soft. Steady. Almost gentle. Which somehow made it hurt more.

“I needed someone to say something.”

Your aunt’s eyes immediately filled.

“I…”

“I needed someone to protect me.”

There it was. The truth. Simple. Uncomplicated. Undeniable. Tears slipped down her cheeks. You felt nothing. Not satisfaction. Not victory. Not closure.

Just exhaustion.

The kind that lived deep in your bones. The kind survivors carried.

“I was a child.”

Your aunt covered her mouth. You looked away. Toward the window. Toward anything except her face. Because despite everything, seeing another human being cry still hurt. That was the problem with having a soft heart. You couldn’t turn it off. Not even for people who deserved your anger. Finally your aunt spoke. Her voice shaking.

“I was afraid.”

You closed your eyes briefly. There it was. The excuse. Not cruel. Not malicious. Just human. Painfully human. You opened your eyes again.

“I know.”

And you did. That was the worst part. You understood. You understood fear. You understood helplessness. You understood what it was like to be scared.

Which was exactly why the answer wasn’t enough. Your aunt stared at you. Searching. Maybe hoping for forgiveness. Maybe hoping for absolution. Maybe hoping you’d tell her it was okay.

You didn’t. Because it wasn’t. And pretending otherwise would dishonor the little girl who had needed help. The little girl nobody protected.

You picked up the discharge paperwork. Professional again. Doctor again. Safe again.

“Your nurse will bring your instructions.”

The tears continued sliding down your aunt’s face.

“Y/N.”

You paused. Hand on the door. Back turned toward her. The next words came out so quietly you almost didn’t recognize your own voice.

“Children remember.”

The room went silent. You swallowed hard. Then continued.

“Children remember who helped.”

Your throat tightened. Pain pressed against your ribs. Against your lungs. Against your heart.

“And they remember who didn’t.”

Silence. Absolute silence. You opened the door. Stepped into the hallway. And closed it behind you.

The second it clicked shut, you released a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. For one brief moment, you simply stood there. Alone. Shaking. Trying desperately to keep everything together. Then a familiar voice came from down the hall.

Low. Steady. Concerned.

“Hey.”

You looked up. And there was Robby. Watching you. His expression changing instantly the moment he saw your face. Because whatever had happened in that room, whatever words had been exchanged, one thing was suddenly very clear. You hadn’t walked out victorious. You’d walked out wounded. And Robby knew it.

******

By the time your shift ended, you were running entirely on muscle memory. You finished your notes. Signed your charts. Answered questions from residents. Returned pages. Reviewed scans.

Performed every task expected of you with the same calm professionalism that had earned you the respect of everyone around you. Nobody would have guessed that inside, you felt hollowed out. Exhausted. Raw.

As though someone had reached into your chest and reopened wounds you had spent years stitching closed. The strange thing about surviving trauma was that most days you forgot how much work it took. Most days the scars simply existed. Part of you. Old. Healed. Faded.

Then something happened. A smell. A voice. A name. And suddenly you remembered exactly how hard you had fought to become the person you were. Exactly how much blood, sweat, tears, therapy, determination, and stubbornness had gone into building a life that belonged to you.

By the time you finally walked out of the hospital, the Pittsburgh sky had gone dark. The parking garage lights cast long shadows across the concrete. You were halfway to your car when a familiar voice called your name.

You stopped. Closed your eyes briefly. Then turned. Of course it was him.

Robby stood a few feet away, hands shoved into his jacket pockets. Watching you carefully. Not crowding you. Not pushing. Just there. You immediately knew what he’d done. He’d waited. Hours. For you. The realization hurt in a completely different way.

Because nobody had ever waited for you before. Not like that. Not simply because they wanted to make sure you got home okay.

“You’re stalking me.”

His mouth twitched.

“Apparently.”

“You could’ve gone home.”

“I know.”

You stared at him. He stared back. Neither of you moved. Finally he tilted his head toward his truck.

“Come home with me.”

Not a question. Not quite a request. Just an offering. A safe place. A soft landing.

Your eyes burned unexpectedly. You nodded. And for once, he didn’t pretend not to notice.

******

Neither of you talked much during the drive. The radio played quietly. Traffic rolled past. The city moved around you. But inside the truck there was only silence. Comfortable. Gentle. Patient.

Robby kept one hand on the steering wheel. The other resting on the center console. Halfway through the drive, without looking at him, you placed your hand over his. His fingers immediately turned over. Intertwining with yours. No words. Just presence. Just certainty. Just love.

By the time you reached his apartment, exhaustion had settled into your bones. The kind that had nothing to do with sleep. The kind that came from carrying too much for too long. You kicked off your shoes. Changed into one of Robby’s old t-shirts. Washed your face. Then climbed into his bed.

The moment your head hit the pillow, every ounce of energy left your body. You lay there staring at the ceiling. Silent. Still. Empty. A few minutes later the mattress dipped. Robby slid in beside you. Not touching at first.

Giving you space. Giving you choice. Always giving you choice. The room was dark except for the faint glow of a lamp across the apartment. For a while neither of you spoke. Then his voice broke the silence.

“Who was she?”

You closed your eyes. There it was. The question. The one you’d been avoiding all day. The one you knew was coming. You swallowed. Hard.

“My aunt.”

The mattress shifted. Not dramatically. Just enough. Robby turned toward you. You could feel his surprise.

“Your aunt?”

The words sounded strange out loud. Like speaking a language you hadn’t used in years. Another long silence.

“The patient was your aunt?”

You nodded. For several seconds he didn’t respond. Processing. Trying to fit that information into everything he’d witnessed throughout the day.

“The woman who made you look like you couldn’t breathe was your aunt?”

Your laugh was short. Humorless.

“Yeah.”

The silence that followed felt heavier. You knew what came next. You knew Robby. You knew the questions already forming. You just weren’t sure you wanted to answer them. His voice softened.

“Why?”

There it was. The question that mattered. Not who. Why. You stared at the ceiling. At the shadows above the bed. At anything except him.

“My father used to hit me.”

The room went completely still. Not quiet. Still. As though the entire world had stopped moving. You felt it happen. Felt Robby freeze beside you. Felt the air leave the room. Felt the shift.

When he finally spoke, his voice sounded different. Lower. Rougher.

“What?”

You closed your eyes. There was no taking it back now. No hiding it. No pretending.

“My father was abusive.”

The words sounded clinical. Detached. You hated that. Because there was nothing clinical about a grown man hitting a child. Nothing detached about fear. Nothing detached about bruises. Or screaming. Or learning how to tell whether footsteps meant danger.

Robby sat up immediately. The mattress shifted sharply. You kept staring at the ceiling. Unable to look at him. Because somehow his reaction felt harder than the memories.

“Baby.”

His voice cracked. Actually cracked. You’d never heard that before. Never. Slowly, you turned your head. The expression on his face stole your breath.

Horror. Absolute horror. Not pity. Not sympathy. Horror. As though he’d just been told something impossible. Something unforgivable. Something he couldn’t process. For a moment neither of you spoke.

“Your father hit you?”

You nodded. His jaw clenched so hard you thought he might crack a tooth.

“How old were you?”

You laughed softly. The sound broken.

“Pick an age.”

The look on his face immediately shattered your heart. Because now he understood. Not one incident. Not one bad day. Years.

A childhood. A pattern. A life. Robby stood abruptly. Pacing. The movement startled you. He ran both hands through his hair. Turned away. Turned back. Then swore. Loudly. Violently.

The kind of curse that came from somewhere deep. You watched him. Watched the anger build. Watched the helplessness. Watched the grief. And strangely enough, it made you feel calmer.

Because for the first time in your life, somebody was angry on your behalf. Not embarrassed. Not uncomfortable. Not looking away. Angry. Furious. Heartbroken. For you.

Robby stopped pacing. His hands landed on his hips.

“You were a kid.” His voice was shaking. “A kid.”

You nodded.

“I know.”

“And she knew?”

There it was. The real wound. The one he’d picked up on immediately. You swallowed.

“Yes.”

His eyes closed. Immediately. Like the answer physically hurt.

“She knew?”

“Yes.”

“And she did nothing.”

The words came out harsher this time. More dangerous. You sat up slowly. Pulled your knees toward your chest.

“No.”

His eyes opened. Dark. Furious.

“No, she didn’t.”

The room fell silent. Then Robby laughed. A short, disbelieving sound. Except there was absolutely no humor in it.

“That’s unbelievable.”

You knew.

“That’s actually unbelievable.”

“I know.”

“How do you just—”

He stopped himself. Turned away. Ran a hand across his face. Trying. Trying so hard. You watched him struggle. Watched him fight for control. Watched him attempt to respect boundaries while every protective instinct in his body screamed otherwise.

Finally he looked back at you. And his eyes were shining. Not with tears. With rage. The kind born from love. The kind born from caring too much.

“If I’d known you then…”

The words broke apart halfway through. You stared at him. Your chest tightening painfully. Because there it was. The impossible wish. The wish every person who loved you eventually had.

If I’d known. If I’d been there. If I could’ve helped.

Slowly, you reached for him. Your fingers brushing his wrist. Grounding him. Anchoring him.

“Robby.”

His gaze immediately found yours.

“If I’d known—”

“I know.”

“No.” His voice cracked again.“I would’ve—”

“I know.”

The room fell silent. Your hand slid into his. Warm. Steady. Present. And then you said the thing he needed to hear. The thing that was true.

“You didn’t know me then.”

His eyes closed. Pain flashing across his face. You squeezed his hand.

“But you know me now.”

The words settled between you. Gentle. Certain. Real. You didn’t know how long he stood there staring at you. Seconds. Minutes. Maybe longer.

Then finally, slowly, Robby climbed back into bed. Not beside you. Around you. Pulling you against his chest. Holding you so carefully it almost hurt. As though some part of him was afraid you’d disappear if he let go. His face buried itself in your hair. One hand cradling the back of your head.

The other wrapped tightly around your waist. And for the first time all day, you let yourself stop being strong. Just for a little while. Just long enough to feel safe.

******

You woke slowly. Not because of an alarm. Not because of a page. Not because of the shrill ring of a hospital phone demanding your attention. For the first time in what felt like forever, you woke because your body had finally decided it was finished sleeping.

The apartment was quiet. Soft morning light spilled through the curtains, painting pale gold across the bedroom walls. For a few seconds you simply lay there, disoriented by the unfamiliar peace. Then you felt the arm around your waist. Heavy. Warm. Certain. And remembered where you were.

Robby. His bed. His apartment. His arms. The previous day came rushing back immediately. The emergency department. Your aunt. The conversation. The memories. The tears you hadn’t planned on shedding. The confession you never thought you’d make.

You felt your chest tighten. Not with panic. Not with fear. Just sadness. Old sadness. Ancient sadness.

The kind that never fully disappeared. The kind you learned to live alongside. Behind you, Robby shifted. His arm tightened instinctively. Pulling you closer against him. Even asleep.

You smiled despite yourself. Some things never changed. You turned carefully. His eyes were already open. Watching you. The sight made your heart ache.

Because there was no irritation in his expression. No exhaustion. No frustration. Just concern. Just love. Just Robby.

“That’s creepy.”

His mouth twitched.

“You’ve said that before.”

“You were staring.”

“You were sleeping.”

“Exactly.”

“I like looking at you.”

You groaned dramatically. His smile appeared. Small. Real. God, you loved that smile. It always felt hard won. Like a reward. Like something precious.

For a moment neither of you spoke. You simply looked at each other. The morning wrapping around you both. Then Robby’s hand reached up. His knuckles brushing gently across your cheek. The touch was so soft it nearly broke your heart.

“How are you?”

There it was. The question. Simple. Honest. Dangerous. You considered lying. The instinct was automatic. Years old. Reflexive. But Robby deserved better than that. So did you.

“I don’t know.”

His hand remained against your face. Thumb tracing slowly along your cheekbone.

“Fair.”

You smiled weakly.

“I think seeing her just…”

Your voice trailed off. Robby waited. Patient as ever.

“It reminded me.”

His expression softened. You looked down at the sheets. At the tangled mess of blankets around your legs. Anything except his eyes.

“Most days I don’t think about it.”

Your voice was quiet.

“I don’t wake up every morning thinking about my father.” You swallowed. “I don’t walk around feeling broken.”

“Because you’re not.”

The response came immediately. Firm. Absolute. You looked up. His jaw had tightened. Just slightly. You knew exactly what he was thinking. The same thing he’d been thinking since last night.

You weren’t broken. You had been hurt. Those were different things.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

The words came softer this time. He shifted closer. Close enough that your noses nearly brushed. Close enough that all you could see was him.

“You’re not broken.”

The conviction in his voice nearly undid you. Because he believed it. Entirely. Without hesitation. Without doubt. The way people believed gravity existed. The way people believed the sun would rise. Simple. Certain. True. Your eyes burned unexpectedly.

“You’re biased.”

His smile appeared again.

“Very.”

That finally earned a laugh. A real one. The sound filled the room. Robby’s expression immediately relaxed. As though hearing you laugh physically eased something inside him. God. You loved him. You loved him so much it was almost frightening.

For a while you simply lay there together. His hand stroking slowly through your hair. Your head resting against his chest. Listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Then, unexpectedly, he spoke.

“Can I ask you something?”

You tilted your head.

“Depends.”

His fingers continued moving through your hair. Gentle. Careful.

“How are you so good?”

You blinked.

“What?”

His gaze remained fixed on the ceiling. As though he was still trying to work it out himself.

“How are you so good?”

The question hit harder the second time. You stared at him. Confused.

“Robby—”

“No, seriously.”

His eyes finally found yours. There was no teasing there. No humor. Only sincerity.

“How?”

You opened your mouth. Then closed it again. Because you genuinely didn’t understand. Seeing your confusion, he continued.

“You spent yesterday taking care of someone who failed you.”

Your throat tightened.

“You treated her.”

His voice remained soft.

“Professionally.”

“Because she’s a patient.”

“Exactly.” His jaw clenched. “I don’t think I could’ve done that.”

You smiled faintly.

“Yes, you could.”

“No.”

The answer came immediately. Firmly.

“I couldn’t.”

You studied him. The frustration. The admiration. The lingering anger. All tangled together. Robby exhaled heavily. Then shook his head.

“You’re better than me.”

A laugh escaped you.

“Absolutely not.”

“You are.”

“I’m definitely not.”

“You are.”

The stubbornness in his voice made you smile.

“Robby.”

“Y/N.”

“You’re impossible.”

“I know.”

The familiar exchange settled some of the heaviness between you. A comfortable rhythm. A safe place. Then his expression softened again. The teasing disappearing.

“I just don’t understand.” His thumb brushed your cheek. “You had every reason in the world to become bitter.”

The words settled heavily between you.

“You had every reason to hate people.” His voice grew quieter. “Every reason not to trust anyone.”

Your eyes dropped. He wasn’t wrong. There had been years like that. Years of walls. Years of anger. Years of fear. Years spent convincing yourself nobody would ever get close enough to hurt you again. Then somehow Robby had happened.

Stubborn. Patient. Kind. Persistent. Very annoying. Very handsome. Tragically handsome. You smiled to yourself. His thumb nudged your cheek.

“What?”

You shook your head.

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“Maybe.”

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. You laughed. Then your expression softened.

“You know why?”

His gaze held yours.

“Why?”

You took a slow breath. Considering the answer. The real answer. The one that had taken years to understand.

“Because someone had to.”

His brow furrowed. You shifted closer. Resting your palm against his chest. Feeling the steady beat beneath.

“When I was a kid, nobody protected me.”

His expression immediately darkened. You pressed a kiss against his jaw before he could interrupt. The tension eased slightly. Then you continued.

“So I decided if I ever got the chance, I’d protect other people.”

Silence. You swallowed.

“I couldn’t save little me.” Your voice cracked slightly. “But I can help somebody else’s little girl.”

Robby closed his eyes. The emotion that crossed his face was immediate. Powerful. Raw. When he opened them again, they were shining. Not with pity. With pride. Immense pride. The kind that made your chest ache. The kind that made you feel seen.

For a long moment he simply looked at you. Then his hand slid behind your neck. Pulling you closer. Closer. Closer. Until his forehead rested against yours.

“You know what I think?”

You smiled softly.

“What?”

“I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

Your eyes immediately burned.

“That’s dramatic.”

“I’m an ER doctor.”

“You are dramatic.”

“Occupational hazard.”

You laughed. He smiled. Then kissed you. Slowly. Gently. Not rushed. Not hungry. Just loving.

The kind of kiss that said everything words couldn’t.

The kind of kiss that said I know now.

The kind of kiss that said I’m here.

The kind of kiss that said you never have to carry it alone again.

When he finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours once more. His fingers still tangled in your hair. His other hand resting over your heart. Protective. Possessive. Loving. Home.

“You know something else?” he murmured.

“What?”

His lips brushed yours again. Soft. Warm. Reverent.

“I’m really glad that little girl survived.”

The tears came then. Not from sadness. Not from grief. But from something you hadn’t felt enough of growing up. Something every child deserved. Something every survivor deserved. To be loved exactly as they were. And as Robby wrapped his arms around you, holding you against the steady strength of his chest while morning sunlight filled the room, you realized something important.

“What the?” she called out for you.

Maybe you were having a self-care night. Charged up a vibrator and such.

Santos chuckled to herself as she made to tiptoe past your room.

There was the unmistakable sound of another.

“Oh fuck.”

Trinity paused.

You and her were close, she could admit that. You were maybe her only friend. So she knew you had been going through a dry patch. Because you were making it everyone's problem.

She listened in.

There was deep groaning from a man and your moans, the soft thudding of a bed against the wall. Trinity thanked the heavens again that the head of your bed was against Denis's wall and not hers.

“Deeper, harder,” she heard you moan.

“Oh, fuck me,” the guy groaned deep. She didn't recognise the voice. Did she?

Curious she tried to listen to the mans voice, wondering what she could tell. He must have been busy as little else was said other than groanings.

Where had you met this guy? Had this been happening longer than she knew? Is this why you hurried out?

Santos thought you weren't one of one night stands. Were you proving her wrong?

She snook into her room and knew she had to tell someone, at least Whitaker.

Robby collapsed next to you on your bed, catching his breath as you pulled the sheets up to cover your slightly sweaty bodies. The bed creaked under his weight as he moved around, getting himself comfortable.

Your bed was a small double, not really built for anyone more than one. Let alone Robby.

“You want some water or something?” you asked.

Robby chuckled, the bed creaking again as he turned on his side to face you. “Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?”

You lifted your shoulders, tucking your hands under your head to admire him. “Well you're the senior citizen with the... bad back?”

His brows lifted. “Oh that's how you want to play it.”

He grabbed your hip and pulled you close.

You were still trying to recover from the multiple orgasms Robby had ripped through your body as soon as you'd stepped through your apartment door. But that didn't stop his hands from crowding around your body, pulling you into him as all his hardness turned soft.

His lips found yours as easy as one found home, kissing you the way he knew you liked to be kissed. Head tilted to reach deeper, nose moving against your cheek.

There was a sudden shriek in your apartment.

You pushed Robby off, sitting up quick in bed.

“What?” he asked, far less alarmed then you as his arm fell around your waist.

“Trinity.”

Robby hummed. “Thought you said she was at Garcia's tonight?”

“I thought she was,” you uttered as if she was in the room.

The dating with Robby had started maybe three months ago when you'd had a disastrous date at the same bar Robby frequented with his buddy Duke. He'd seen the distress you were in with your date when he wouldn't stop talking about why sports people should actually get paid more than health care workers.

From there you had drinks with Robby.

From there he asked to see you again outside of work.

From there you ended up in his bed and he in yours on the occasions you had the place to yourself, which with two room mates didn't happen often.

You'd thought tonight was one of them.

“You should go,” you said, throwing the cover back to find your clothes in the dark.

“What?” Robby laughed, without moving. Instead he got himself comfortable, throwing an arm around the back of his head and tugging the covers down to his waist.

“Yes, do you want Trinity to know?”

“She doesn't sleep in your room though does she?”

Still, you tried to find some clothes.

The word around the PTMC was that Robby was a seven week itch kind of guy, the sort to never tie himself down. So though you'd been on dates with him and though he'd brought you flowers before and held your hands in bars and took you to a fancy dinner, he still fucked you like a guy that could move on the next day.

And you didn't want to scare him away with talk of serious dating. A bit of Robby was better than none of him.

You just didn't want your friends to judge you for that.

“Hey-hey-” Robby moved over on the bed, arm darting out to wrap around your waist and tug you back in.

You couldn't even protest before he was pulling you into him, hooking one of his large legs over yours and trapping you in. Your quilt was pulled up and his head rested next to yours.

At least when you and Robby were done with the sex you never kicked each other out of bed. But you did go into work separately.

“But-”

“-I'll be out of here first thing in the morning.”

With his arms around you and his calming breath you didn't think you could push him off you if you wanted to.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Robby kissed the blade of your shoulder and for the rest of the night that was how you were and when you woke in the morning with two hours to spare before your shift started, Robby was already gone.

“So who's the lucky guy?”

You chocked on your coffee, peering next to you at Trinity. “What?”

She smirked, leaning on the locker next to yours. “Oh come on, I heard you last night.”

The bitter taste of black coffee turned to ash in your stomach. She'd heard. Or worse, she'd been up to see Robby sneak out in the morning.

“What-what do you mean?” play it cool, you could totally starve of the humiliation. Maybe you could persuade her it was a dream, a nightmare, that she was sleepwalking and actually heard/saw/knew nothing.

“I heard you last night,” she said. “Quite the dicking down from what it sounded like.”

You felt the heat in your cheeks. “Oh my god.”

“Hey, I think its good, you deserve it,” said Santos as you hid yourself in your locker, taking great care in peeling off your jacket and finding your stethoscope inside. “So is it someone I know, or...”

She didn't know. You rejoiced silently before realising she still knew there was someone. “That is none of your business.”

“Oh come on, you know Garcia!”

“Because she works here.”

“Does he work here?”

“No!” you close the locker door, not as amused as Trinity was clearly finding this situation. “Please, he's just... a guy.”

She leaned in closer for the gossip. Few things got her as excited as gossip did. “A boyfriend guy or a sleep around guy?”

Wasn't that the golden question.

“Oh my god, you don't know.”

“Santos!” the call of her name should have saved you. Not when it was Robby calling for her as he stood between the two of you. “Pelvic exam in three.”

She groaned but gave a salute. “You got it boss,” she said to him before aiming a finger at you. “This isn't over.”

Santos had turned, leaving and you hardly waited anytime to turn back to the lockers and bash your head into them. Not enough to hurt but enough to erase the terrible fact that Santos had heard you.

Robby liked hearing you moan and you liked Robby so you always moaned loud.

And she'd caught enough of it.

Usually, you wished for Robby to be a bit louder in bed. You were glad he hadn't been.

The cold metal of the locker was replaced on what might have been your twentieth go at hitting yourself with the back of a rough hand.

“Everything okay?” asked Robby, coming to stand next to you, leaning on the lockers. His eyes creased with concern.

“She knows.”

His brows shot up, which didn't indicate a good reaction. “She knows?”

“Not about you, don't worry,” you said with a light scoff. “She knows that I had a good time with a guy last night, she doesn't know who.”

Robby nodded in consideration. “So we're in the clear?”

You screwed your eyes shut. You hadn't realised just how bad you wanted him to shrug it off, tell you he didn't care if Trinity knew, that of everyone in the ward knew, that he only cared about what it meant between the two of you. You only realised when he didn't give you that option.

He wanted to be sure he wasn't affiliated with it.

“Yeah, you're in the clear.”

You left Robby at the lockers before suspicions could grow. Nothing wrong with a resident talking to their attending and so far you and Robby had done a good job at not having any suspicion- not even from Dana.

The least you could do for the guy was keep it that way.

“You had a hot date last night?” Princess slid up to your side before you were even half way across the ward.

You groaned. “Santos told you already.”

“Why didn't you say anything?”

“Say anything about what?” Javadi's voice suddenly came from Doctor McKay's side. The older woman tried to act uninterested but her keen eyes were watching you from over the computer.

“She had a date around hers last night,” said Perhlah, coming up to your other side.

“And she won't tell us who it was,” added Princess.

Javadi's smile grew and her jaw hung open. “Who?”

You shook your head and stared at your shoes. “This is the worst day of my life.”

“Okay!” Robby's voiced boomed out. He clapped his hands, gaining everyone's attention. “We have patients, how about we go ask them some riveting questions?”

Mel frowned from somewhere in the crowd that had formed. “We should go ask them if they know who the guy is?”

She realised quickly that wasn't quite what he meant.

Perlah and Princess walked off together, quietly scheming. “Men just don't get it.”

You gulped down, smoothing your hand over your head and where the growing headache was forming. “Thanks.”

Robby said nothing but there was the brief feel of his hands on your shoulders as he squeezed before moving past you.

It was going on lunch, you'd just gotten a trauma through and up to the OR when you spotted bright post-it notes stuck up on the board in Ahmed's office. The betting board, his mini kingdom had been put back together.

Three titles.

Who?

How long?

Casual or dating?

“Oh my god!” your shriek echoed around the Pitt.

“What? What is it? What?” Robby was at your side in an instant, body almost slamming into you with how quick he slid next to you. He steadied himself, holding on.

“That!”

Ahmed had set up a betting board based on your love life.

The who column was spread with names and the name of those that had bet scribbled underneath. In the middle there was how long had it been going on for, some thought it was only a few weeks, others guessed up to six months.

The last column, wondering if it was a casual thing or serious was filled with almost every post it note saying 'casual'.

“Oh,” Robby chuckled.

“It's not funny,” you argued. “Has every body here bet?”

“Not me, I had no idea. Besides I think that's kind of cheating, right?”

“I see you've found my latest and greatest,” said Ahmed, approaching behind the two of you. “We got this up and running two hours ago, you want me to break it down for you?”

“Holy shit,” you uttered, scanning the board. It was a great and easy way to find out what everyone thought about you.

Robby nodded, leaning on the door next to you. “Holy shit.”

“How much money's in the pot?” you asked.

Ahmed grinned like he was just waiting for you to ask. “Five-hundred and five dollars!”

Robby chocked on a breath next to you as your jaw hung open.

Someone was gonna make money of your guys' sex lives and none of that was going to come to you.

“And I'm guessing I can't get in on it?” you asked.

“No," said Ahmed. “Unless, you know, you wanna tell me who it is and I'll split the money between us.”

“And who do you think it is?” asked Robby. He asked casually, still leaning on the doorframe like he couldn't care less. If he was a girl in a rom-com he might have even checked on his nails or twirled his hair. But you'd studied him close the last couple months, you'd worked all his emotions out into your own little Robby dictionary.

There was a hint of jealousy.

“Well, I've gone with the fan favourite,” he said, plucking off his post it note to show you. “Frank. Three months. And serious.”

“Langdon!” Robby announced.

Uh-oh.

“Yeah, man,” he said. “More than half these notes say it's him.”

On further reading you noticed it did. On yellows and pinks and greens Frank's name was written in quick scribbles or thought out curves.

Frank? Sure the two of you were close. You'd worked close together for a year- nearly two. You worked coordinated well in traumas and with patients you always knew what the other was thinking.

Since his divorce with you'd been helping him as much as you could. You had a friend who was a good lawyer and when he had a chance to see the kids you always covered.

You knew, of course, everything that had happened with the benzos.

You knew Robby still wasn't back to being best-buds with the guy.

You didn't know everyone thought you and Frank were together!

Donnie side stepped past you, coming in with his bets. “I got it, I got it-”

Robby snatched them from his hand, scoffing at whatever was written.

“Langdon. Two weeks and serious.”

“Et-tu, Donnie?” you asked.

“I got fifty in the pool, looking to get a new tv, you know.”

Robby stormed off.

Donnie watched. “He got a bet in?”

“Not yet, sorry, you don't mind?” asked Ahamed.

You scoffed. “Do I have a choice?”

You left them to it, finding Robby sitting at the nurses station at a computer. His jaw clenched and fingers worked furiously over the keypads. You evaluated the area before leaning in. “If you put a pool in we could split the money?”

“Should I put a bet in for Langdon?” He didn't look up to you as he slid on his glasses.

It angered you because he seemed annoyed at something he knew not to be true and because he slid on the glasses that made him even hotter than he already was.

“Is there something wrong, Robby?”

“No.”

“You seem-”

“- I'm not,” he snapped.

He was.

Robby wouldn't admit how much he let his emotions rule, especially anger. He used to be terrible for it but for a while he'd been better, lighter on his feet, patient. Since about.... well, since you started seeing each other.

“Hey.” Langdon joined your side.

You noticed a vein in Robby's neck twitch. “Hey.”

“You seen what everyone's saying?” asked Frank. “Apparently we're seeing each other?”

“Yeah,” you said, turning to him. “I had no idea.”

“You think I should buy a ring next?” he teased.

Robby slammed his hands on the counter, pushing himself up and storming off without so much as a glance.

Frank watched. “What's his problem?”

What was his problem? You'd love to know. “He had a bet on someone else,” you excused.

“Oh bummer,” said Frank. “You think he lost a lot of money?”

You didn't have time to come up with another lie as you spotted Santos and Whitaker walking by. Politely, you ditched Frank, promising you'd catch him for lunch.

“Did you start a betting system on my sex life?” you asked Trinity.

She smirked. “That wasn't me, I had nothing to do with that, seriously!”

“It's true,” said Denis. “But she was the first to put down a bet on Frank.”

You looked at her. You knew the history between her and Frank. Why would she want you to sleep with him? “You hate Frank?”

She shrugged. “So I guessed you were sleeping with him and didn't want to tell me because you know I don't like him.”

You shook your head. “I didn't want to tell you because it's none of your business.” You considered Whitaker. “Who'd you bet for?”

“I-I didn't, I-I wouldn't-”

“He bet on Nick from radiology.”

All of this from Robby sleeping with you in your apartment. Next time- if there was even gong to be a next time- you were doing it at his.

By the end of your shift anyone that hadn't placed a bet had.

Franks name had doubled and the pot was up to one thousand dollars (the highest bet in Pitt history). Frank found it funny, cracking jokes about it all day, throwing arms around you and dragging you onto cases saying 'couples that save lives together, stay together.'

Any other time you'd have laughed.

But when Robby was around every corner, glaring yet refusing to talk to you you couldn't find amusement in it.

The night had come and you were catching a break at the ambulance bay, sitting down on the curb. You were home in an hour, Denis had already gone to Amy's to deliver a lamb or something and Santos was supposed to be at Garcia's tonight.

But you highly doubted you'd have company.

“Hey,” Jack greeted, walking over to you in his midnight scrubs and bag slung over his shoulder. “How's my favourite day shift resident?”

You smiled a tired one at him. “How much money do you have in your wallet?”

Without a beat Jack fetched it and offered you what he had. Because that's the kind of guy Jack was.

“No, no,” you chuckled. “I don't need your cash. There's a betting pool on about who I'm sleeping with. I just- I was gonna ask you to not place a bet.”

Jack laughed, setting next to you on the curb, stretching out his prosthetic leg. “Would be a bit unfair seeing's as I'm best pals with the guy you're dating.”

“Not dating,” you corrected. “Probably not even seeing each other after today.”

Jack listened as you explained the distance, the glares, the snapping that returned to Robby. He didn't jump to defend his friend, he listened to you and took notes mentally. “The guys an emotional wreck. You know that. I know that.”

“But I thought he was doing better?”

“He was- is. Since he started dating you,” he said. “You ask me he's dealing with some emotions he doesn't know how to process. Jealousy. Greed. What's the other deadly sin?”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Lust?”

“Yeah. That.”

“So I'm supposed to what? Let him be a dick all over again?”

“Oh fuck no,” said Jack firmly. “Put him in his place.”

Admittedly you didn't want to. You wanted to go back to being whatever it was you had with Robby. You wanted to hold hands and share beers in shitty bars at least an hour out of town so it was kept a secret. You wanted the brush of hands between the rush of patients and the discreet meetings at his or yours.

But how far were you willing to bend before you broke?

“So who's everyone putting bets on anyway?” Jack asked.

“Frank.”

Understanding of the situation hit him. “Ah.”

“Yeah. Ah.”

Suddenly the wail of an ambulance cut through the quiet.

The doors burst open, Robby, Santos, King, Jesse all pouring out.

“GSW to the chest, forty-two year old male, weak pulse, un-conscious on the ride over,” said Robby tugging on his gloves as you and Jack jumped up. He spared a glance at the two of you before the ambulance pulled up.

You jumped into it, wheeling the gurney ahead into trauma two. Everyone working around the man.

“Okay we move him on the count of three,” said Jack as you all got a hold of the patient. “One... two... three!”

He was heavier than some, not that it would effect your level of care but it made moving him just that but more difficult. There was a breath of air and struggle from Jack and Robby, the noises you had to drown out.

“Lets get an intubation tray going!” called Robby.

The two of you crossed each other, swapping sides.

“Can we talk later?” he uttered as he paused for only a second.

“Whatever, Robby.”

He sighed heavy.

The rest of you carried on gaging the extent of his injury.

“So do you want me out the apartment tonight so your man friend can come around?” asked Santos at your side.

“I want you out cause I'm annoyed at you.”

“Ouch.”

“Okay we need to turn him to see if it went through, on my say!” yelled Robby.

The team had thinned as orders had been barked, there were two of you on either side of him: Robby and Jack, and you and Santos.

Robby passed a nod. “Okay, roll!”

You and Trinity pulled while the men on the other side pushed but maybe Robby didn't have a good grip or maybe he hadn't expected him to be so heavy.

Robby grunted and groaned. “Ah, urg-”

“Not through,” Jack grunted.

You tried to lower him as slow as you could but it wasn't slow enough as Robby's hand got trapped under.

“Oh! Fuck me!”

You and Jack lifted the body quick and Robby released his hand.

Santos was frozen.

The whole room seemed to pause for a second.

“Oh my god!” Santos cheered, arms thrown wide. “Oh my god, oh my god!”

What was wrong with her?

It took you a second to realise, memory of last night coming to you.

Robby over you, thrusting careful.

Your body moved with his thrusts but you wrapped your legs around him, pushing his pelvis in till you felt the length of him deep. “Deeper, harder,” you'd begged.

Robby had groaned out loud, just the way you liked to hear him. “Oh! Fuck me!”

He'd uttered the words into you as he pressed his weight down, squashing you onto your squeaky bed. He'd wrapped his hands around your neck, squeezing just enough to have your walls fluttering around his cock.

Santos had been home longer than you'd thought.

Now, she was practically jumping up and down, smirking. “Oh my god!”

“Trinity can I talk to you outside please?”

“It's- you- and-” her arms were waving around.

“Outside, please, Trinity!”

Everyone was staring.

“Trinity, outside!” You guided her out and she let you, abandoning the trauma and ripping off her gown. You returned, finding Robby's gaze and Jack's amused grin as he tended to the patient. “Sorry, Doctor Robby, may I talk to Santos outside for a moment?”

Robby must have jumped to the same conclusion as you. “Er yes, yes! Of course, go!”

You rushed out, nudging Trinity into an empty exam room as she laughed. You closed the door and pulled the curtain over the glass.

“It's Doctor Robby!” she said at once. “It's Doctor Robby! You're sleeping with Doctor Robby!”

“Can you keep your voice down?”

Santos laughed again, a full belly laugh. “Oh my god, this whole time I thought it was Frank. Oh, I'm so happy.” She wiped at amused tears.

“Hey!”

“How long have you been sleeping with him?”

You shook your head, tugging off your own hospital gown. “It doesn't matter.”

Finally Trinity considered you. Her laughter died. “What-what do you mean?”

How could you explain that what she'd heard last night was over hardly twenty-four hours later.

The door pushed open and Robby stepped through, gown and gloves already gone.

“Is everything okay in here?” he asked, looking between the two of you.

“You and you?” Trinity confirmed, finger gesturing between the two of you.

Robby ran his hands through the back of his hair.

“I just can't believe it,” she said. “You guys are dating?”

Robby sighed out a “yes” at the same time you shook your head, “no”

Now, Robby looked at you.

Santos folded her arms over her chest, smirking and watching like the two of you were her favourite show. “Oh.”

Robby's hands fell to his hips as he looked at you. “What do you mean, no?”

“What do you mean, yes?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” he chuckled.

Your rubbed at your temples. “I'm so confused.”

“You're confused, I'm confused,” Robby scoffed.

“Wait- I'm confused,” said Santos. “You guys don't know if you're dating or not?”

Robby's eyes squeezed shut in frustration. “Doctor Santos, please. Go make yourself useful.”

Trinity didn't move. She looked at you, waiting for what you wanted. Because yes, Robby was her attending but you were her friend. When she was insecure about Garcia you were there telling her how much better she could do.

In the hospital Santos was guided under Robby.

At home, she was guided by friendship and care for you.

You gave her a nod and she dismissed herself.

You didn't know where to look, didn't know where to touch.

Outside the usual routine of the Pitt carried on.

Robby sighed, hands going into his fleece pocket. “You didn't know we were dating?”

No, you really didn't. “Was I supposed to? You never asked.”

He shook his head, looking down with a chuckle. He started to list things off, counting them off on his fingers. “Flowers, dinners, day trips, was that not enough?”

“But you never said!”

“I thought it was obvious!”

“Obvious to who?”

“To us!” His hands fell to your forearms.

“No to you maybe!”

“So the dinners... the flowers, you thought it was all just, just sex?” he asked.

You'd hoped it was more. You'd dreamt about it when his weight kept you down on his bed after you kissed and made love for hours. Love...

“I... yeah.”

How long had you thought him the bad guy? Were you the one that had been distant, pulling away?

You carried yourself away from him, sitting on the edge of the bed. You never realised how uncomfortable those things were.

Robby laughed to himself, standing for a moment longer. He checked that nobody was around through the curtain before he settled next to you. He shuffled, his bodies attention focused on you. He laid a hand on your knee, tilting his head to try to look at you. “I should have asked, properly.”

“It would've saved confusion,” you admitted.

Robby's hand came up, cradling your face and drawing your attention to him. He rubbed the pad of his thumb over your cheek.

You looked at him, finding nothing but warmth in his gaze. The only thing that had been there for three months. “But today, you... you could hardly look at me.”

He took in a deep breath. “I was...” his jaw ticked.

You smirked. “Jealous?”

His eyes flickered back to yours. “Nobody on that board thought I could be dating you.”

“Till about two seconds ago I didn't even know we were dating,” you joked.

Robby shook his head, wetting his lips. “We are.”

“You're not even going to ask me?”

“I don't need to,” he said. “We're dating, that okay with you?” His face inched closer.

“I don't know, I might have to ask Frank that one,” you teased.

Robby leant back, a dark look to him. The hand caressing you fell to your neck, keeping you looking at him. “You think that's funny?”

“Everyone else thinks so-”

He pulled you in by your neck and kissed you, hard, the imprint of his teeth felt through your lips.

You held onto him, kissing him with a new need. Kissing your boyfriend. Your hands wound around his head and you brought him down on top of you.

Robby climbed atop the bed that was not made for heavy make out sessions. He held the edge with one hand and the other fell down your body till it could crawl up your scrub top, un-tucking it and holding onto your hips.

He bit down on your lip and used the opening of your mouth to slide in his tongue.

“This is un-professional,” you said against his lips.

“I've been wanting to be un-professional for months.”

You were so lost in the feel of each other you didn't notice the curtain being yanked back until you heard.

“We got him stable,” said Jack, casually. “Oh and you've got an audience.”

You looked over Robby's shoulder as he looked back to see nosey nurses and night shifters along with half the day staff all looking at you.

You tapped his shoulder and though resigned to, Robby slowly climbed off you.

“Who put down Robby?” Ahmed called. “Did anyone bet Robby?”

The crowd that had watched you both suddenly rushed to the board, scanning the name.

Eventually you and Robby joined, waiting.

“Oh my god.”

“There he is, Robby, one vote!”

Robby's head perked in confusion.

“Who is it? Who?”

Ahmed collected the money and made his way through the people. To the one who had made a bet on Robby. “Doctor Robby, three months, and serious.”

He delivered the money- to everyone's shock- to Frank.

Your jaw hung open as Frank collected the money.

Everyone looked at him, silent.

You couldn't tell if next to you Robby was okay with it or angered.

Frank looked around at everyone. “C'mon, nobody else saw it? He's been happier for three months and can't take his eyes off her.”

Clealry, nobody had.

“I thought you didn't bet?” you asked him.

Frank shrugged, bashful. “Yeah well, couldn't help myself. Here-” Langdon held out the wad of cash to Robby's hand, practically forcing it in. “Take her somewhere nice.”

You wished you had a camera to capture Robby's shock.

“Okay folks! Show's over!” called out Dana. “Day shift let's pass on to night so we can get out of here to have some fun!” she winked your way.

Slowly the crowd dissipated, shaking their heads in disappointment.

Ahmed was already pulling off the notes and rubbing away at the board.

Robby waved the cash in front of you. “What do you say, you gonna let your boyfriend treat you tonight?”