bananzie

your body does pretty much all it's physical rest and repair processes ('stage 4') in the first 4 hours of sleep, so if you've slept for four hours, congratulations the essentials of your physical health are taken care of

the part of the sleep cycle that takes care of your brain and mental health (REM) happens later in the night, hence why waking up too early makes you brain foggy, and why it's so helpful to train yourself to wake up about the same time every morning

we are evolved to wake up several times in the night; we don't usually remember it, but worry and fixation can make us more likely to remember these

sleep under the influence of alcohol is chemically altered and not effective no matter if it helps you sleep - it's fine to have a drunken night of course but don't use alcohol as a sleep aid to 'knock yourself out', being drunk unconscious is not sleep

the best thing you can do for your sleep is follow a routine; go to bed and wake up at the same time most days, and have a 'wind down' routine, preferably including writing down whatever's on your mind to clear it before sleep

for long-term sleep improvement, it's better to wake up at your planned time regardless of sleep quality than to get a full nights' sleep

missing a night of sleep is NOT the disaster certain scaremonger-y sleep 'experts' will tell you - 'slept debt' does NOT exist and you will recover from a missed night of sleep within a few days of normal sleep

meditation is the best alternative to sleep if you're either unable to sleep or feeling the urge to nap (napping is bad for sleep!) - guided ones can help you not to fall asleep, but literally just lying there with your eyes closed and thinking about something neutral is good

acceptance is the best way to alleviate insomnia; do something else, use meditation to supplement that rest, and accept that you aren't sleeping (often, ironically, this will cause you to fall asleep)

Their first game of the season? Ended 13-0, partly due to how amazing Shane and Ilya and the rest of the team were, but mostly due to how unprepared the other team was, because no matter how good they knew Hollander and Rozanov were apart, nobody could predict just how good they’ll be together:

10 of these 13 goals were scored by Ilya and Shane because Weibe convinced them to make a bet on who would score the most goals in their first season for a “special reward” in June. Shane got a double hat trick and Ilya almost managed to look salty about loosing the bet in their first round.

Their first game against Montreal? Oh baby these metro fans were shocked at just how badly their previously almost undefeated team lost to fucking Ottawa. Shane gave an intermission interview at that game, and when he was asked how it felt to play against his former team for the first time he just stared at the camera, still panting from his 2 goals 2 assists 9:48 minutes of ice time 15 shots on goal and one fight he watched with Wyatt from the crease in the first period and says “I don’t see much of a difference, it’s just like playing any other team, the metros are still a very talented team and it’s always fun to have a challenge on the ice. Alright, I- yeah, thank you.” Then leaves and you can just barely hear Rozanov shouting from the locker room “why are you lying to press Hollander!”

During playoffs in one “tough” (the other team has scored more than two goals and it’s probably a season record against the Cens) game Weibe puts Ilya as a right wing and Shane as center on the first line and the other team has never been so fucking scared in their entire lives. The two are putting up an average of almost 15 minutes of play every period seemingly without getting tired. Ilya keeps stealing pucks to give to Shane to bury in the net. Their passes always connect. Every goal Shane scored Ilya assists and vice versa. Hayes got so bored he sang the entire wicked musical soundtrack twice without getting interrupted even once. The bench is laughing and cheering them on like the team next to them isn’t close to tears. Rozanov keeps cross checking everyone just to hear Hollander’s “Rozanov for fuck’s sake!” like they don’t have a seven goal lead. And after the game these bitches (Shane) have the audacity to mutter “good game” as they’re shaking hands with a smile on their face like they haven’t destroyed any ounce of self respect those men had.

And you'll be like, "That sounds bad." And she'll be like, "No no. It's totally not that bad. It's just a meme. Men say it too. Like if a man does something silly he'll be like, 'I am like those women who do not deserve to vote.'" And you'll be like, "Does that make it better?" And she'll be like, "Well there was one guy who tried to make 'Men shouldn't vote' a popular meme. But it never caught on and also he got yelled at a lot."

i feel like rose probably went for the heaviest option available, so like a 40 pounder, so it does have some good heft to it

and what he's doing is just teasing shane to lighten the mood, but person at the coffee shop behind him in line is just

and this then backfires on him SO FAST.

now weighted blanket brands are sending shane pr trying to get him to mention them/show them off in a picture, and ilya is now fucking SURROUNDED by mistresses all competing for his husband's attention. BULLSHIT. HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED.

weighted blanket eleven comes in the mail and ilya goes live on instagram just FURIOUS. the frame is him in front of a PILE of weighted blankets and he is just

"enough! enough of this! are too many in our house. is like being fucking-shane, what is word? people in utah, they have many wives?"

shane in the background, not fully paying attention: "mormons?"

"those! we are not mormons! household is FULL. marriage is FULL. stop this! every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house."

"every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house" goes viral as a sound for people surrounded by clutter/pets/etc.

Svetlana attends there, Ilya and Alexei and Irina join her at Raiders games. Alexei's basically in a forced detox program at the school bc it's so well secured/monitored and his dad being a cop in Russia doesn't impress any of the dealers enough to give him shit, and they don't actually have real money.

Ilya who's constantly training, like usual.

Ilya who meets a cute freckled Canadian boy at a summer training camp and despite Ilya's private school hockey friends saying he's weird Ilya picks Shane over the pretentious kids.

Shane who's never been picked before, friends would be told he was weird and pick their other friends, but Ilya picked him. And he doesn't really know what to do with himself.

Irina talking to Yuna at training camp pick-ups and Yuna inviting them up for Christmas when Irina talks about how much she's missed it.

Ilya who sleeps on the floor of Shane's bedroom, Alexei who thinks Shane is weird but he's perfectly happy to not say shit and just eat the cookies Yuna and David have. Shane and Ilya who sneak out to the canal and skate on it the second it's open, racing each other, tackling each other, horsing around, being normal young teenage boys. Shane who quietly asks about girls Ilya's interested in, back in Boston. Ilya who answers honestly, Shane who doesn't like the weird, jealous feeling in his stomach. Ilya who suggests practising kissing so Shane will feel better prepared.

Ilya who doesn't like Shane's high school girlfriend, but he doesn't say anything bc he knows how few people Shane has at his school.

Ilya who ends up on the Russian juniors team despite playing for an American juniors team bc he's still a Russian citizen. Ilya who decides he hates playing against Shane.

Ilya who doesn't need 2009 to be the year he bursts onto the international stage because it hasn't been drilled into his head since age 12 because Irina's alive.

Ilya who decides to go to university for a bit, delays his draft date under the guise of wanting to get more training.

Ilya who gets drafted to Montreal and Shane's there for Ilya's draft day and is so happy he hugs Ilya and doesn't let go. Shane who booked and paid for Ilya and his family's hotel rooms, who made sure Ilya had his own room, who sneaks into Ilya's room and hugs him more.

Ilya who says fuck it and kisses Shane. Shane who kisses him right back.

Shane and Ilya who enter Ilya's rookie season already together and hopelessly in love, who everyone sees as best friends. Hayden who's the only one who knows bc he caught them making out when Jackie made him bring Ilya a tray of enchiladas she made to welcome him to the team.

A power play line for the Metros that's Shane, Ilya, and Hayden.

Ilya who's there when the twins are born, playing the bouncer at the door to her room because Jackie only wants Hayden there and both their parents and Jackie's siblings are all being a little entitled about deserving to be in there. But they've also all seen Ilya body people twice their size on the ice. So they behave.

Ilya who calls his mom when Jackie has Arthur and is struggling with PPD, Irina who drives up and is such a big support for Jackie. Irina who's unofficially the Pike-lings grandmother after that.

Ilya who's an unquestionable part of Shane's life even though they're just marketed as best friends. It's survivable, because they can be seen together in public being openly affectionate and people chalk it up to bromance.

Ilya who doesn't come out after Scott but Shane who still comes out to the Metros. Ilya who hears the first-hand slurs and homophobic language that still gets bandied around the locker room. Ilya who pulls Yuna and Irina into figuring out a team that can afford him, JJ, Hayden, and Shane all at the same time. JJ who ends up traded to New York after trying to speak out.

The other three of them ending up in Ottawa in one big signing in one summer. Press who see the two stars of Montreal and their biggest supporter leave the team and start poking around and uncover the homophobic culture at the root of it before Ottawa's training camp even starts.

Ilya and Shane who are able to be a little more open with the Cens, though they close back up a little when Troy's traded. And then when Troy comes out to the two of them at the Kingfisher they come out to him in return. Shane who tells Troy to ignore Ilya's matchmaking. Shane who hears abt Troy sleeping with Harris and then saying no to a relationship and bluntly tells him that it's really fucking stupid.

Troy who comes out to the Cens and shares his relationship. Wyatt who jokingly says "anyone else?" Shane who says "fuck it" and kisses Ilya and announces they're actually married and have been since 2015. Hayden who collapses in relief bc dear lord he's been so close to outing them through circumstance too many times and it's done a number on his nerves.

Shane and Ilya who pull a Scott Hunter and make-out right after winning the cup. The carpet hasn't even been rolled out yet, they haven't even done the handshake line.

no but you can FORCE it away. use ublock origin and copy paste the blacklist i made into the filters to be able to remove the bullshit AI overview that google forces. it also removes youtube's forced ads (at least until they fix it)

you can also use the ublacklist extension and use this blacklist of AI image generation websites to curate your google image results

A rookie overhears lots of Oh Hollzy can Fix Any Problem & He Knows A Guy and that is how the rumor that Shane Hollander can get you in contact with a hitman starts.