Just our thoughts and life

Caine - Gatekeeper

Jax - Persecutor

Ragatha - Emotional Caretaker

Pomni - (new) Host

I just asked my mother if I may tell her something that bothers me and she said yes. I told her I wish I could go on walks again and that im scared I'll use mobility aids for the rest of my life and that it came unexpected to me that im chronically ill. I said im used to it being in my mind but now suddenly my body isnt letting me do anything and its confirmed. I only got the actual diagnosis at the end of the last month.

She only looked at the TV. Then she asked "do I have to say sonething to that?" without looking at me. Shee said "it was to be expected with the way you live." I tried telling her it comes from Covid and she told me I never had it. I told her I had it 3 times and explained how my POTS came from covid and not my lifestyle habits and she got angry bc I was arguing with her. Then she said "it is what it is, you have to life with it" and "Its not an excuse, you will still move out this month" (I never mentioned wanting to stay longer).

-Had one evening where I ate and didnt feel nauseous

-Was able to write a chapter on my laptop

-Actually used my cane in public after I was in the hospital

-Didnt shut down despite an emotional flashback

-Made it to another diagnosis appointment

-Overcame emetophobic thoughts bc I threw up in the hospital and it wasnt as bad as I thought

-Brought a watch to keep track of my vitals

-Switching with AJ after a hard day