on a scale of 1 to 10, id say we're pretty fucked.

hearing a beloved friend say the words 'can i be mean for a sec' is like watching an angel descend from the heavens and kiss you on the forehead

(getting a taste of my own medicine) actually this is okay. Is this what you guys have been whining about? Jesus christ

you'll be hanging out with the sweetest person ever and they'll randomly tell you a childhood experience that would have vaporised you and you're like oh we should find your parents and murder them irl

fetch me the bolt cutters. these things need to come OFF my teeth. they’ve been on here too long

@katiejensen sounds like u

is he, you know, [making a gesture that strangely perfectly conveys the sadness of a child orphaned by a car accident]

11:56 pm and i need a burger #American

i am angry and i am bitter and i dont want to be

guy who says "FUCK!" to every minor inconvenience x guy who says "oopsie daisies" to earth shattering catastrophes