𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔: 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞
𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐦𝐜 (18+ content ahead!!!) || arranged marriage AU w/ eventual polyamory and smut
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You are the newest lady of House Li, married to a man twice your age who seems reluctant to even look at you after a wedding night fueled by desire and aphrodisiacs. As new players enter the stage, you learn more about your husband's past and find love…in more places than one.
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: there's like a 75% chance that my wifi will crap out on itself the second i hit "post" but we'll see LMAO
TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: depictions of abuse and neglect, mentions of rape and misogyny
The door shut behind Lord Qin with an audible click, and Lord Zayne looked at you, worry evident in his eyes as his thumbs rubbed against the sides of your knees.
"…Is he always like that?" he asked softly after a pause, like he was trying to not spook a caged animal.
You had to think for a moment in order to get the words out. "Angry? Yes. Loud? Also yes. Physical, well….yes, but not towards me."
"Towards who, then? Your mother?"
"Caleb," you admitted. "He…he usually takes the beatings for me. He's a lot stronger than I am, so…"
Lord Zayne frowned, feeling anger tighten in his chest again. "Has Lord Xia ever hurt you directly? When your brother wasn't around, maybe?"
"Not really?" You shrugged, a gesture that he found far too casual. "Father usually didn't really care about me unless I was bothering him directly, up until recently. He got mad at Caleb a lot more than he did at me, but it's easier to get mad at a child you remember exists than a child you don't."
In your mind, you could clearly see a scene from your childhood, one of your father slamming a poker down on Caleb's back while you watched in horror from the doorway, your shadow stretching across the carpet.
You nodded. "Mother, too…they only remembered me once I was old enough to get married, really." Pulling the blanket tighter, you wrapped your arms around yourself as a sense of unease swept over you.
"And how does it make you feel?" Lord Zayne's eyes were focused on you, almost so intently that it made you a little uncomfortable.
"I…" You searched for the words, but struggled to find them. In truth, you'd never really talked about it to anyone but Caleb. No one ever really believed you except for him, so what was the point?
His hands squeezed your knees. "Take your time. There's no rush."
It took you a few minutes before you figured out what to say. "I….I guess you could say I feel lost. I really relied on Caleb, you know, but suddenly he was gone and I was expected to be by myself, and then I became an adult, and everyone started talking to me about marriage and children and it was really confusing. No one really bothered to ask what I thought, and no one cared about me before, so…"
"Let me ask you something." Fury was steadily building in your husband's soul, but he pushed it away. "When your parents decided that you would marry me, did you have any say in the matter?"
You looked at him, pursing your lips together, and he already knew the answer.
"You can tell me," he urged. "I want to know. Please. I won't be angry, so you don't need to hide anything."
"No. I didn't." Your voice was barely above a whisper, a lump forming in your throat. "I only found out two weeks before I left home. I thought they were getting my measurements for a new dress for a ball, or something—not my wedding."
Suddenly, Zayne felt like returning to Lord Xia's room and beating the man back into unconciousness.
His anger must have shown on his face, because your face morphed into one of fear. "I'm sorry, my lord, I didn't mean to upset—"
"It is the situation that upsets me," he tried to soothe. "Not you. Never you."
"No, no, I shouldn't—I just—it's all so scary—"
"I understand." He tried to rub your knee in the hopes that you'd find it calming, but you were getting visibly more and more upset.
"I miss Caleb," you finally admitted, voice breaking as tears began to drip down your face. "I don't know why he's not writing me back and I just—I want a hug, and I want someone to tell me that everything will be okay…I just don't know what to do…"
He eased himself upright, then, and pulled you into him, pressing your face into his chest as you sobbed. One hand cradled the back of your head as the other rubbed your back, and your fingers curled into the fabric of his bloodstained shirt.
"It's okay," he said softly, rocking back and forth. "You're safe here. Everything will be fine…"
As he held you, the full weight of reality crashed down on him. He had married a girl who hadn't consented to the union. That, in of itself, was unforgivable, but to make it worse, he'd forced her into his bed and violated her repeatedly. He was a horrible, horrible man, wasn't he? How could he ever hope to redeem himself?
Knowing what he knew now, he couldn't divorce you; the idea of you back under your father's roof sickened him the more he thought about it. You would have to stay here—there was no question about that. If nothing else, he could guarantee shelter from your family, unless Sir Xia decided to visit.
The issue was that he still found himself drawn to you, a sickening, gut-wrenching longing, a lust he couldn't fulfill, ever. There was something about you that captivated him; your body, of course, called to him, but something about you, the person, was charming to him. It made no sense; he barely knew you, how could he be drawn to someone so unfamiliar to him? This couldn't happen again; he could not allow it.
But how could he stop himself? Even now, he could feel a certain heat building up inside of him as he held you close. The weak, pathetic part of him wanted to kiss your tears away and soothe you with sweet nothings so he could carry you to his bed and have his way with you again. You haunted his dreams every night; the scent of your skin, the sweet sound of your voice as it cried out, the feel of your body against his palms and around his cock. He needed to supress those baser, filthy urges and focused on what mattered most; your safety.
That would require a certain restructuring of how he viewed you. There could be no more longing, no more craving; just gentle, chaste affection, as you deserved. You were barely an adult; there was no reason to force his sin, his corruption onto you. He should create a world for you where you could live in peace and comfort, never knowing fear or sadness again.
As he held you, a thought came to mind. You clearly lacked a trustworthy male figure in your life now; perhaps, then, he could become like a father to you. A guardian, someone to hold your hand and guide you as you walked through life. Maybe, this way, he could let go of his turmoil and become someone you could trust and depend on. He could eliminate any sinful thoughts and let you be someone to cherish.
Surely, this would cure him; a guardian could not long for their ward, not when they were too busy taking care of them. Right?
You, of course, were completely oblivious to his thoughts, leaning on him for support as you let the tears flow. There was a part of you that didn't want him to see you like this; you didn't want him to think less of you. For some reason, you wanted to impress him; he was an older man, after all, and you didn't want him to think of you like a child.
"I'm sorry," you said softly once your tears had slowed. "That wasn't really ladylike of me, was it?"
"There's no need to apologize. Sometimes, we just need to be held and comforted; there's no shame in that." His voice was sincere, and you felt a little reassured as he continued to rub your back. "And, in the future, I would like it very much if you called me by my name. We live together now, after all."
"Okay," you replied. "Zayne. Like that?"
The sound of your voice saying his name sent a wave of arousal through him, but he choked it down. Now was not the time for such thoughts. "Yes, just like that. Very good."
You preened at the praise internally, before cringing a little at your reaction.
"You feel better now, correct? A little more calm?"
In response, you nodded, letting go of him. He sat down on your bed, and you moved to follow him, sitting close enough that your knees touched.
"Now that I know what you've faced, we can figure out what to do going forward," he began calmly, taking your hands in his. (You'd forgotten just how attractive his hands were, rough and calloused and dotted with little scars.) "First off, I will find a way to prevent your parents from contacting you. That would be fine with you, wouldn't it?"
That did sound very nice. You gave him an enthusiastic nod.
"Good. I can also have a letter sent to Sir Xia informing him of the situation—I have a feeling that something suspicious is going on regarding him. Would you like to write it?"
Another nod, even more energetic this time.
"I'd also like to notify His Majesty that your father altered our contract without my—"
"What?" you blurted out, incredulous. You didn't put it past your father to do that to you, but to your husband? One of the most powerful men in the kingdom? He was going to get any shred of a good reputation destroyed at this rate.
Zayne let out a soft sigh. "I discovered it shortly after our wedding. The contract has a clause in it that I will provide your family with a certain amount of money per year as an income of sorts. However, your father tried to sneak in an additional clause that stipulated that the amount of money would increase with every child that you bore." He paused a moment before continuing, "and that, I believe, is why he drugged us on our wedding night. He wanted you to concieve my child."
(The idea of him impregnating you was, frankly, not unwelcome, not that he'd ever voice that aloud.)
He looked at you like he expected you to have no clue that you'd been drugged, only for his face to morph into one of surprise when you didn't look shocked.
"Um…I already kind of knew that," you admitted. "I overheard some of you and Lord Qin's conversation in your study. I'm sorry."
"Ah." He looked uncomfortable for a moment before dropping his gaze to your hands.
"The door was open, so I could hear everything pretty clearly," you added when he didn't elaborate. "I'm not sure if—"
"I owe you perhaps the largest of apologies, my lady."
The serious tone of his voice caught you off guard. "Huh?"
"I violated you." He made eye contact with you again. "I am aware that what I've done to you is unforgivable, but I ask that you bear with me and my sins for as long as our marriage lasts. Please know that I sincerely regret what I've done to you, from the deepest parts of my soul."
"I, um….isn't it your right to do that?"
It was now his turn to be caught off guard. "What?"
"You're my husband," you tried to explain. "Because of that, you're entitled to my body, right? As part of the agreement? Besides, I think I asked you to, anyways…I kind of can't remember too much from that night."
It seemed to you like the two of you had completely different perceptions of what happened. All you could remember was discomfort, then intense, unending pleasure. If he'd helped you, and it felt good, then why would it be a big deal? Husbands and wives were supposed to have sex, after all.
"I—no, my lady, that's not how it works," he insisted, voice firm. "I do not have any right to be intimate with you without your consent. You were severely intoxicated that night and could not have fully consented, so it was immoral of me to do what I did."
You furrowed your brows, getting frustrated. Why was he being so persistent? "But, I asked you to do it, and you helped me. I don't see why you helping me was bad."
Zayne decided that this line of inquiry was not going to go anywhere, so he dropped it. "Whatever the case, my lady, I think it would be best for us to refrain from being intimate in the future. I have no desire to hurt you again."
That stung. You frowned, feeling sad again. "Do you not want to? If I did something wrong, then please let me know so I can do it right next time."
"…It would be best if we didn't."
In that moment, you noticed that he was seemingly avoiding saying if he wanted to or not. You filed this away for later—maybe you could exploit that. (If you were being honest, you wanted to try to have sex again. It did feel really, really good…)
"If I am being honest, I do have some reservations about the current state of our relationship," he continued. "Our ages are quite far apart, for one thing. I feel as if our relationship would be better suited to me acting as your guardian, as opposed to your husband."
"But I don't really want a guardian." You were confused on why exactly he suddenly didn't want to act like a husband anymore, but you were more frustrated than anything. "I want a husband. I'm not a child."
"And I understand that," he said gently. "It would just be more comfortable for me, as an older man, to put myself in that role."
Honestly, you were struggling to grasp why, but you capitulated anyways. "…Okay."
"Thank you for understanding." He let go of your hands in favor of patting your leg. "Now. I am going to have the kitchens bring us something sweet. That sounds good, right?"
You nodded. Some dessert did sound good right about now. You could try to figure out why your husband was being weird later.
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 (𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧!)
@colonelkaboom @calebsfavoriteusedthong @dreamerofthewest @ellavelysworld @fand0mkatbrainrot @uvediedofdysentry
