Curse the Gods: Our Souls Intertwined
Soulmates have walked the land since the beginning of the world, finding yours is an adventure of a lifetime. Somewhere in this vast universe, thereâs a world where everyone has their soulmateâs whereabouts are imprinted on the side of their fingers, these marks only manifest once the baby had their first cry.
Hajime never fusses about his soulmate mark, to him it only says âacrossâ and in a childâs mind, everything and anything can be across them. For him, it glowed a lot during his childhood, a never-ending glow once they migrated in Aoba from Rizawa. Never once did it flicker the second, they finished moving and had lunch with their neighbor right across them. He went to Blue Castle Academy, coincidentally in the same class as the neighborâs kid, Tooru, his first best friend. The academy offers elective classes, being the curious mind that he is, Hajime takes up the History and Culture of Soulmates as Tooru does the same.
âSoulmate marks glow with the color of your aura once your soulmate is near you.â They learned in their first year.
âA default green signifying life is its color, but there are also other colors. They only appear on your fingers with the new colors once you get reincarnated.â Hajime looks at his right hand, itâs his first life as there are no other marks littering his fingers.
âBlack speaks the grief of the soul, for not meeting their soulmate in their life but said soulmate is still alive somewhere.â
âRed screams envy, envy as they didnât get to meet their soulmate before they died, and envy as others got to meet them.â
âPurple is a tricky color, but it means only one thing. Someone met their soulmate, got the chance to spend time with them, but they did not end up together. Purple may mean peace and independence. The sensation that their souls made peace with each other before departing and a harsh slap of independence, as your soul will never be co-dependent with its mate.â
âGold means wealth, right? Itâs often depicted as a color, of the riches of the sun. Having this color in your fingers meant something tragic. Gold means the short-lived happiness, like the warmth of the sun slowly leaving as it sets. It means you may have ended up in a relationship with your soulmate, but not for long. As the sun sets, one of you may have set too early.â
âAh yes, the last one of course. Blue. My dears, I need you to remember how complex blue is, it may mean anything. But it mainly represents, trust, loyalty, stability, and for some cultures it represents love. It is because it represents the victory of a lifelong adventure, after all the hardships you have been through. It means the finality of ending up with your soulmate, the breath of warmth surrounding you as you grow old together.â
In second year, he learns about the different colors of the marks. He didnât get to attend their last year of high school, it was also the last time he saw his mark have its glow. His third year at age 17, he was admitted in a boarding hospital due to Leukemia. Tooru didnât fail as his best friend, sending notes to his room, especially in their Soulmates class.
Haji! Today we learned about how our first lives soulmate fate kind of predicts the fate of the 8 lives left. You better get well and meet your soulmate! Iâm taking medicine next year, want to take care of someone stubborn. Get well soon!
The note reads on top of the pile of notes for their last lessons. He hopes to get well soon. His light of hope that was flickering was once again strengthened by his friend.
âHis condition only worsened. Iâm sorry, but I donât think thereâs anything we can do to reverse the illness. He⊠might have a month or so left. Iâm really sorry.â He hears the doctor say to his parents, believing he was still fast asleep.
He felt his world crash, like hearing a thunder as he feels the lightning still coursing through his body. 10 years, he spent most of his youth in the hospital, in a damned room slowly turning into a prison cell. 10 years of suffering, sudden headaches like he would split in half, passing out at random times of the day. Heâs sick, sick of coughing up crimson and seeing crimson spots all over his body. 10 years and he only worsened, 10 stolen years with only a flickering sliver of hope guiding his way. 10 years and they guided him in a dead end, a corner of the wall, when he asked them to guide him to the sea.
âLet me go home⊠a week is all I ask. Let me go back home, spend the rest of time with my family, please.â He croaks, feeling rock and sand grinding in his throat.
He was sick. Worsened by the solitary conditions of the hospital. He was sick of everything that he was ready to let go.
Not lasting a week in his family home, he was rushed back in on the 4th day after having severe pain and coughing up too much blood. He feels extremely awful, like heâs under a constant blood rain, pungent smell lingers in his nose, drowning in the crimson flood. Transferred in the isolated ICU of the hospital, means new attending nurse. Hajime didnât expect it to come in a form of a sun, replacing his flickering stars with a stable one. He didnât expect the nurse heâll be spending the rest of days with is his best friend, Tooru. He feels the ray of hope, the warmth of the sun kissing him softly on a sunny day.
âStay with me, hm? Iâll take care of you, Haji.â He hears Tooru mutter under his breath before leaving the room to fetch Hajimeâs monitor chart.
And so, he does, he stays with Tooru and letting the other take care of him. He feels warm, but he feels weak. Hajime knows, he knows thereâs not many days left as he feels the thread get frailer and brittle, nearing its end.
âStay with me, Ru. I donât want to die alone while Iâm currently in quarantine. Stay with me please. We can spend our time together like we used to back then.â He whispers, loud enough for the other to hear. Tooru couldnât help but tear up as he nods, he feels the tears poking his eyes, but he must suck it up, putting a radiant smile almost a visible mask that Hajime could touch.
A week left, spending most of the days talking, teasing, playing, reminiscing their days of gold, filled with fun, joy, and no worries. There was a day where Tooru set up a table beside the bed, it has been 10 years since they last baked milk bread, and it was one of Hajimeâs wishes. To bake Tooruâs favorite milk bread like he used to, wanting to see his best friend enjoy the things they once did before he leaves. It did not disappoint as Tooru was driven to tears once he took a bite from the bread, smelling the familiar scent of warm milk and herbs, nostalgia filling his system as he savor the last bits of it. Tooru paid it back by wheeling Hajime to the rooftop, just above their floor letting him see the stars, the galaxy, the moon, and its beauty.
âHaj! Shooting stars, make a wish!â Tooru squealed before quickly closing his eyes and clasping his hands together, bidding a wish to the stars.
âHey stars, this is Ru⊠I donât wish for myself; Iâve always wished for Hajime and will always wish for him. Please, whoeverâs listening out there. Please give him more time. Give us more time. A bit selfish but give me more time with my soulmate I beg you.â
âTo whoeverâs out there. This is Hajime, I stopped wishing to the stars when they flickered, but now Iâm wishing for the pain to stop. Take it away please. If you permit me more time with Tooru, that would be lovely. I wish for it; I want to spend more time with him. Heâs a star prince, my star prince so I also wish for his happiness. I may go away, but please grant him happiness once Iâm gone. I want him to live his life happily even without me. Please hear meâŠâ
A few days, after they went to see the stars, Hajime asked if he could dance with Tooru as he failed to do so in their Senior Prom. Tooru reluctantly agreed as he scanned the current state of his best friend, but he couldnât deny when the other used his âlast wishesâ card and assured him that heâs fine and he can manage. Tooru set up fairy lights around the room to set the atmosphere and they danced along the playlist they made a few days prior. Bliss evident in their eyes, like sparks from the fireworks. Fireworks erupting in their chest, as emotions feel raw, pure, and free.
Oh boy, itâs you that I lie with
As the atom bomb locks in
Foreheads together, bodies slowly swaying to the melancholic tune. Eyes not meeting, for itâs fixated in a beam of connection. The glow of the beam, feeling warm and full of love, it was the glow they never expected to return. âacrossâ
Yes, it's you I welcome death with
As the world, as the world caves in
As if the stars turned a blind eye, a deaf ear, or a twisted condition of giving them a few more days. Hajime has fallen ill the morning after they danced, suffering extreme coughing pits. His room was once again filled with the melody of coughs, suffering, and sobs as the smell of tears and pungent smell of blood clouded the room. This was it; it was finally his time. Half the day spent in coughs then Hajime passed out, he was only woken up by Tooru when it was time for dinner to which he refused.
âCome lay with me instead, Ru. Had a rough day, I could use a cuddle.â He smiles weakly before gesturing the nurse to lay beside him.
âI never expected you to be my soulmate, never expected that I was with you all this time. Right across me. I first met you, we sat across each other and months pass, you got so close that I can finally feel the sun as your warmth. You were the paler kid, so itâs a surprise I got the blood problem. Youâre the beautiful pale tone as the sun rises in the morning.â Hajime starts, delicately saying the words as if they were fragile glasswork.
âStop complimenting. Thatâs not very Hajime.â Tooru teases, leaving a soft smile on the otherâs lips.
âYou donât know a thing when you nearly got ran over, when you were just across me. Across me, so I had to pull you so hard we end up falling on the pavement. But I was able to know how your smell changed, from the star prince who used to smell like strawberries turned to a forest musk right after the rain. Honestly, we were so close youâre not across me anymore, you were already with me. I felt how you trembled from the fear, your skin was ice cold like you went inside a freezer for 10 minutes and went out. Felt how the ice started to melt, was it because of me? Or was it because youâre just a natural sun.â Hajime continues, staring at Tooru, trying to memorize his features.
âIt was you, always has been. It was when I realized that you ran across the busy street just to pull me to the side. If Iâm the sun, then you have always been the mightiest eagle I know of, the only one who can look directly to my soul.â Tooru averts his gaze as he begins to tear up at Hajimeâs confession, not expecting that his eyes were always focused on him.
âRemember the only time we slept across each other was before I got admitted? I was afraid. Afraid that it might be the first and last time I get to cuddle with you, I was so afraid that I didnât sleep because I was⊠trying to absorb everything thatâs you⊠Youâre so beautiful, Tooru. Your face may not be a godâs sculpture, but it stood out especially with how perfect your hair falls like it was combed while you slept, soft as cotton. Might I add⊠you have the most expressive eyes. They look like a star littered night sky, it holds galaxies, Ru. You were such an unreal star prince.â He adds, softly holding onto Tooruâs hand getting his attention.
âLook at us now, 10 years but still ended up in a cuddle. We both changed, as we should obviously. Youâre still beautiful though, beautiful than ever and I want this to last in my head. I want to see how your eyes still hold the same star littered sky and galaxies with the mix of clouds, when I close mine. With you here, Iâm able to feel the warmth of the sun because you are my sun. Youâre warm like a coffee in a winter night or a cold start in the morning, the reason I wake up. Your voice has always been my melody, a tune that screams home and a hug from someone you love.â
Hajime tries to wipe Tooruâs tears as he speaks but ends up crying in silence as well. A loud silence envelope them, not one dared to break it as they stare in each otherâs eyes. It wasnât an awkward booming silence, but rather an ironically comforting yet painful one. The heart monitorâs beeps become slow, indicating Hajimeâs beats. As his heart begins to slow, more tears rush out to adorn his face.
Hajime exhales a shaky breath as he grips Tooruâs hand, tugging it closer to him. Mind slowly getting hazy with a dream, a vision maybe, but itâs a dream, a prayer that would be left unanswered.
He was by the sea, standing where the waves crash on the shore, wondering why no clouds are there when the forecast this morning said it would rain. Looking at his hand holding onto someone, a voice like a warm breeze fills the air, easing his panic over the weather.
âWelcome to Argentina, Hajime. The country across the globe from Japan, where we will build our home like I did when I moved out. Iâm going to be the best husband youâll ever have; you might regret not confessing to me soon enough, darling.â Tooru says, voice calm yet cheerful, painting a smile on Hajimeâs lips.
âThank you, my love.â Hajime croaks out, bidding his last farewell as he softly kisses Tooruâs soulmate mark at his last beat, his last breath.
âHajime...? HajimeâŠâ Tooru sobs, holding onto Hajimeâs hand as he feels his grip loosening, like a thread slowly falling off as it gets cut.
âYou always pass out first every time I try to confess my love, huh?â He smiles incredulously, pulling Hajime closer to him.
âBe at peace now, my love. No more pain, hm? You can finally rest.â He whispers on the otherâs hair, painfully crying his heart out in a silent scream. A scream not intended for anyone to hear, but a scream intended for the stars and the gods to hear how unfair they are.
Purple only means one thing. Someone met their soulmate, got the chance to spend time with them, but they did not end up together. Purple may mean peace and independence.
Tooru felt the sensation of their soulâs making peace with each other before departing, as they stared at each otherâs eyes for what felt like seconds that he wished to be endless hours instead. It was also a harsh slap of independence, as his soul will never be co-dependent with Hajimeâs.
âAcrossâ. Who wouldâve expected that the old âthey were just neighbors, just across the streetâ, became âthey couldnât be with each other, for the other already went across the line of life and deathâ.
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