⤡ ALMOST SAID : TRUTH BLEEDS , JASON TODD . | PART IV.
summary đ oliver asks you out. Finally, you say yes. Dick tells Jason over coffee at the Clocktower. Jason shrugs. Says he doesn't care but heâs lying. On the date, Oliver talks about how Gotham's losing its grip. Pulls out his phone. Shows you a grainy photoâthe Red Hood, caught mid-deal. You recognize the helmet. You excuse yourself. Take a cab home. Confront Jason in his living room with the screen still glowing in your hand. The cat's out of the bag. The lies have piled too high. And Jason realizesâtoo lateâthat he's spent months pushing you away, and now he doesn't know how to ask you to stay.
tags đ part four of childhood bsf!jason todd x fem!reader. heavy angst , emotional hurt/comfort , childhood best friends to lovers , slow burn , mutual pining , canon lore , Jasonâs backstory , morally grey!jason todd , post-red hood: the lost days , Jasonâs pov , university au , jealous!jason todd , reader finds out , confrontation , the distance between them grows.
PREVIOUS : read parts one , two , and three .
The Clocktower smelled like coffee and old paper and the faint metallic tang of Barbara's servers humming in the walls. Jason had been standing in front of her main display for twenty minutes, not looking at anything in particular, while she worked through something on her end that required exactly zero input from him.
He was here because Dick had asked him to be. Something about a case. Something about needing his "expertise."
He should have known it was bullshit.
"She's going out with Oliver," Dick said, not looking up from whatever he was pretending to read on Barbara's tablet.
Jason didn't react. Didn't turn around. Just kept his eyes fixed on the screen in front of himâa map of the Bowery, red dots marking recent gang activity, none of which he cared about.
"Yeah. Okay. She can go out with whoever she wants."
Dick set the tablet down. The sound was deliberate. A performance. "That's not what I meant."
Jason turned. Leaned against the console. Crossed his arms. His jacket creakedâthe leather one, the one you always stole because it "smelled like him." He'd worn it today without thinking. Or maybe he had thought about it. He wasn't quite sure anymore.
"What do you want me to say, Dick? That I'm thrilled? I'm not thrilled. He's pretentious. He uses words like 'heretofore' in casual conversation. He probably owns a boat."
"He's exactly the point." Jason pushed off the console. Walked toward the window. The rain had stopped, but the clouds were still low and gray, pressing down on the city like a bruise. "She deserves someone who isn'tâ" He stopped. Ran a hand through his hair. "Someone who shows up."
"I show up covered in blood and leave before she wakes up. That's not showing up. Thatâs being an asshole."
Dick was quiet for a moment. Then: "You know why she said yes to him, right?"
"Because you're not giving her a reason to say no."
Jason's jaw tightened. His hand curled around the edge of the window frame. The words hit somewhere he didn't want to feelâsomewhere that still remembered being twelve years old and watching Bruce turn away from him after a mission gone wrong. You can do better, Jason. You have to be better.
He'd never been better. Not then. Not now.
âBetterâ isnât in the books for him.
"I've got patrol," he said.
"It's four in the afternoon."
"Donât recall crime havinâ a schedule."
He was at the door when Dick's voice stopped him.
He paused. Didn't turn around.
"She's not going out with him because she wants to. She's going out with him because she's tired of waiting."
Jason's hand tightened on the doorframe.
"Maybe you should give her something to wait for."
He walked out without answering.
His apartment was empty when he got home.
Not physically emptyâthe furniture was still there, the books still on the shelves, the copy of Wuthering Heights still on the coffee table with your annotations in the margins. Colorful highlighters and sparkly pens. He used to think it was ridiculous, but now he just misses it. You weren't there. You'd been staying at your own place the last few nights. Your window was fixed. You didn't have an excuse anymore.
He should have been relieved. Space was good. Space meant he could think. Space meant he could figure out how to tell you the truth without destroying everything.
Instead, he just felt cold. Like when you walked out of his door you took the warmth with you. But Jason knows his apartmentâs never been warmânot without you being the source, at least.
He pulled a beer from the fridge. Sat down on the couch. The cushions still smelled like your shampooâthe stupid floral one he pretended to hate. He'd washed the blanket twice and it was still there, woven into the fabric like you'd marked him without meaning to. He fucking hated it.
The TV was on. Muted. Some news report about the uptick in gang violence. He wasn't watching it. Not really.
A photo. Grainy. Taken from across the street, probably by someone's phone. The Red Hood standing over a table covered in cash and baggies. Tables of cash. Bags of powder. The helmet glinting under the fluorescent lights of a warehouse he recognized.
His own faceânot his face, the helmet, the mask, the thing he put on when he wanted to be someone elseâstared back at him.
The crawl at the bottom of the screen read: RED HOOD IDENTIFIED IN MULTIPLE DRUG TRAFFICKING OPERATIONS. GCPD ISSUES WANTED NOTICE.
He watched the photo cycle through a few more times. The voice stirred in his chest. It made him want to find whoever took that photo and make sure they never picked up a camera again.
He thought about the first time. Not the warehouse in Ethiopiaâbefore that. Years before. A stairwell in the Bowery, a dealer whose name he never bothered learning, the one who sold his mother the pills that killed her. Jason had been eleven years old, small for his age, skinny and angry and already dead inside in ways he didn't have words for.
The stairs. He'd pushed him. Watched him fall. Watched his body crumple at the bottom.
That was when it started, he thought. That was when I became this.
He'd never told anyone. Not Bruce. Not you. Not even Dick, during those early days at the manor when he'd pretended he didn't have nightmares.
That's the difference between us, Bruce. I was a killer before I ever put on the cape.
He picked up the remote and turned the TV off.
He thought about you. About what you'd say if you saw those photos. About how you'd look at himânot with fear, you never looked at him with fearâbut with something worse. Disappointment. Betrayal.
He finished the beer. Got another one.
The rain started again. Soft. Tapping against the window.
Thought about you. Your date. Oliver. How he was probably making dumbass jokes you were forcing laughs at. How he was probably finding every excuse to touch you.
Jealousy reared its big ugly head at the thought. The feeling, so gross, made his stomach churn.
The key turned in the lock at eleven-thirty. Even though he wasnât expecting anyone.
He knew it was eleven-thirty because he'd been watching the clock on the microwave for the past hour, counting the minutes, telling himself he didn't care what time your date ended or what time you went home.
The door opened. You stepped inside.
The first thing he noticed was how different you looked. Your clothes were different. Your hair was differentâyou'd done something to it, curled it maybe, or pinned it back. You'd dressed up for him. For Oliver.
You shut the door behind you. Didn't take off your coat. Just stood there, holding your purse in front of you like a shield, and looked at him.
He was still on the couch. Still in the same clothes. The second beer was half-empty, sweating onto the coffee table, leaving a ring on the wood he'd have to clean later.
"You're home early," he said.
You didn't answer. Just looked at him. Your face was strangeânot sad, not angry, not anything he could name. Just... blank. Like you'd turned something off inside yourself. That fucking terrified him.
"Did Oliver do something?" he asked. The words came out sharper than he meant. "Because if he tried somethingâ"
"This isn't about Oliver."
Your voice was flat. Cold. Not the voice you used when you were tired or frustrated or sad. This was something else. Something he hadn't heard before.
You walked past him into the living room. Set your purse on the same coffee table his beerâs staining. Your hands were shakingâhe could see it, the way your fingers trembled as you unzipped your coat.
"I left early," you said.
You didn't answer. Just pulled out your phone. Unlocked it. Turned the screen toward him.
The news article. The photos. The Red Hood standing over tables of cash and bags of powder.
"When were you going to tell me?"
The words hit him like a crowbar to the chest.
He didn't move. Didn't speak. Just stared at the screenâat his own reflection in the dark glass, at the way your hand was shaking.
"Don't." Your voice cracked. Just a little. Just enough. "Don't fucking sit there and lie to me. Not tonight."
He looked up at you. Your eyes were bright, but you weren't crying. You were holding it together by a thread, and he could see it fraying. Strand by strand.
"Oliver showed me these," you said. "During dinner. He was talking about the news. About how dangerous the city's gotten. About how the Red Hood is 'officially wanted' now." You laughed, but there was no humor in it. "And I just sat there. Smiling. Nodding. Pretending I didn't recognize the helmet."
Jason stood up slowly. His legs felt unsteady. His hands were cold.
You should have told her, the voice in his head said. It sounded like Bruce. It always sounded like Bruce. You should have trusted her.
But Bruce had never trusted anyone with the full truth, had he? Not Dick. Not Barbara. Not the son he'd buried and replaced within a year.
He could lie. He could say it was recent. He could say he'd just started, that it wasn't a big deal, that he was planning to stop.
Your face didn't change. "Months."
"I was going to tell you."
He didn't have an answer.
You tossed the phone onto the couch. Turned away from him. Your shoulders were tight, your fingers ran through your hair so roughly he thought you might pull it out.
"I waited for you," you said. Your voice was quieter now. Not yelling. Just just. "I waited for months. I slept on your couch. I cleaned your blood off my hands. I stayed when everyone else would have left. And you were out thereâ" You gestured at the dark TV. At the ghost of the photos. "You were selling drugs."
"The same drugs that killed Catherine."
His jaw tightened. "Don't."
"Don't what? Don't say it out loud? Don't make you feel bad about the poor choices you made?"
"Then make me understand." You turned to face him. Your arms were crossed now, your chin lifted, your eyes blazing. "Explain it to me. Explain why you've been lying to my face for months. Explain why you thought I didn't deserve to know."
Jason ran a hand through his hair. The memory flickeredâBruce's voice, cold and disappointed, standing over him after he'd beaten a suspect too hard. "This isn't who I trained you to be, Jason. You're better than this."
But I'm not, he'd thought. I was never better. You just didn't want to see it.
"I was trying to protect you."
The words came out before he could stop them.
"From me," he should have said. "From what I am. From what I've done to myself."
"Protect me from what?" Your voice rose. "From the truth? From the fact that you've been running the same poison that killed your mother? How does that protect me, Jason?"
"Because if something happens to youâ"
"Nothing's going to happen to me."
"You don't fucking know that, [name].â
"I know more than you think I do." You stepped closer. Close enough that he could smell your perfumeâsomething soft, something floral, something that didn't belong in the same room as this conversation. "I've been in danger before. I've had bricks thrown through my window. I've had men threaten to kill me. And you know what? I survived. Because I'm not weak and I'm not fragile and I'm not something you need to shield from the world."
"You didn't have to." Your voice cracked again. "You showed me. Every time you pushed me away. Every time you lied. Every time you chose silence over trust."
He thought about the warehouse. About the crowbar. About the way Bruce had looked at him in the coffinânot the real Bruce, the one in his nightmares, the one who'd replaced him with a better model before his body was even cold.
"Tim Drake," the dream-Bruce always said. "He's what you should have been. What you could have been.â
"I don't know how to do this," Jason said.
"This." He gestured between the two of you. "Us. Whatever this is. I don't know how toâ" He stopped. Swallowed. "I don't know how to be what you need."
"Then stop trying to be what I need and just be here."
"You're not." Your voice broke completely this time. A tear slipped down your cheek. You wiped it away angrily. "You're not here, Jason. You're in warehouses. You're in safehouses. You're in the middle of deals that could get you killed. But you're not here. You haven't been here for months."
He wanted to argue. Wanted to tell you that you were wrong, that he'd been here, that he'd been thinking about you every second of every day.
He hadn't been here. He'd been running. The same way he'd been running since he clawed his way out of that graveârunning from Bruce, from Dick, from the ghost of the boy he used to be.
"The drugs," you said. "Why?"
He could lie. He could give you a noble answerâI did it to protect the kids on the street or I did it to control the supply or I did it because someone has to.
He thought about Bruce's voice again. "You can't stop crime, Jason. That's not how this works."
"You can't stop crime. That's what you never understood. I'm controlling it. You want to rule them by fear, but what do you do with the ones who aren't afraid? I'm doing what you won't. I'm taking them out."
You can't stop crime, Bruce had said.
Watch me, Jason had answered.
But Bruce had been right, hadn't he? He wasn't stopping anything. He was just becoming another part of the problem.
"Because I can." His voice was flat. Borrowed. Not his own. "Because someone has to control this city, and BruceâBatman won't. Because I'm already damned, so what's a little more blood?"
You stared at him. "That's not a reason."
"It's the only one I have."
"That's not good enough."
You turned away from him again. Walked to the other side of the living room. Leaned against the wall. Your arms were still crossed, your shoulders still tight.
"I don't understand you," you said.
"You could have told me. You could have trusted me. And you didn't."
"'I know.' It doesn't fix anything."
He didn't have an answer for that.
You were quiet for a long moment. The rain tapped against the window. The air conditioner hummed. Somewhere in the building, a neighbor's TV was playing static.
"Oliver asked me why I kept checking my phone," you said finally. "During dinner. He thought I was waiting for an emergency. I didn't tell him I was waiting for you."
"I kept thinkingâ" You stopped. Swallowed. "I kept thinking you'd text. Or call. Or show up. Something. Anything. To prove that you cared."
"Do you?" You looked at him. Your eyes were red, but the tears had stopped before they even started. "Because I've been here for months, Jason. I've been here through all of itâthe blood, the nightmares, the distance. And you've given me nothing. No explanation. No honesty. Noâ" You shook your head. "No sign that any of this matters to you."
He stepped toward you. Stopped. Stepped again. He was close enough to touch you now, close enough to see the exhaustion carved into every line of your face.
"I don't know how," he said.
"I'm not going to do the work for you." Your voice was firm now. Steady. "I've been doing the work for months. I've been the one reaching out, the one staying, the one waiting. And I'm tired, Jason. I'm so tired."
"Then tell me what you want me to say."
You stared at him. Your jaw was set. Your hands were balled into fists at your sides.
"I want you to tell me the truth," you said. "All of it. Not the version you think I can handle. The real version."
He opened his mouth. Closed it.
He'd been running from the truth for so long he wasn't sure he remembered what it looked like.
"I started because I was angry," he said. The words came out slowly, like he was pulling teeth. "At Bruce. At the Joker.â
âThatâs no excuse, Jason,â you scoff.
âI never said it was. You wanted the truthâwill you listen?â
"I wanted control. I wanted to prove that I could do what Batman wouldn't. That I could clean up the streets in a way he never could." He laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Instead, I became exactly what I used to hate."
âI canât stop.â He paused. Ran a hand through his hair. "Someone has to do it. Bruce won't. The cops won't. If I walk away, someone worse takes over. Someone who won't draw the line at kids."
You were quiet for a long moment.
"That's the lie you tell yourself," you said finally. "So you can sleep at night."
"I'm not judging you," you continued. "I'm not saying I understand. I'm just sayingâthat's not the truth. That's the story you tell yourself so you don't have to face the real one."
"And what's the real one, huh?â He scoffs back.
You stepped closer. Close enough that your chest almost touched his. He could feel the heat of you, the warmth of your breath on his chin.
"The real one is that you're terrified," you said. "Not of me. Not of what I'll say. You're terrified of being left behind again."
The words hit something deepâsomething that had been festering since the day he woke up in that Lazarus Pit and realized the world had moved on without him. Bruce had a new Robin. Dick had a new brother. You had... what? A ghost? A memory? A boy who'd died and come back wrong?
"You think if you push hard enough, if you make enough noise, if you become something nobody can ignoreâyou won't disappear again."
"But I remember, Jason." Your voice softened. "I remember who you were before all of this. I remember the boy who was my best friend."
"No, he's not." You reached up and touched his face. Your palm was warm against his cheek. "He's still in there. You've just buried him so deep you can't hear him anymore."
He thought about the stairwell again. About the dealerâs body at the bottom. About the way he'd feltâempty, satisfied, nothingâand how that nothing had scared him more than any nightmare ever could.
He wanted to lean into your touch. Wanted to wrap his arms around you and hold on and never let go. Wanted to tell you that you were right, that he was scared, that he was terrified of losing you, that he'd been pushing you away because he didn't know how to ask you to stay.
"I don't know how to be that person anymore," he said.
"Then let me help you find him."
You were looking at him with those eyesâthe ones that saw too much, that had always seen too much. And for once, he didn't look away.
"The drugs," you said. "Are you going to stop?"
He wanted to say yes. Wanted to promise you that he would walk away, that he'd find another way, that he'd be the person you deserved.
You can't stop crime, Bruce's voice echoed. That's what you never understood.
But maybe he didn't need to stop crime. Maybe he just needed to stop being the thing that made it worse. But heâs knee deep into this already. Whatâs the point of backing out?
"I don't know," he said. Itâs a lie. He knowsâhe knows he wonât stop even if you got on two knees and begged him.
You nodded slowly. Your hand dropped from his face.
"I need some time," you said. "I need to think about whether I can do this."
"Love you. Knowing what you are. Knowing you might not stop."
The word hung in the air between you.
You said it like it was a burden. Like it was something you were carrying even though it was too heavy.
"You don't have to," he said.
"I know." You picked up your purse from the counter. Sling it over your shoulder. Walked toward the door.
"My apartment. I need space."
"I could." You paused with your hand on the doorknob. Didn't turn around. "But I won't. Not tonight."
Jason nodded. He didn't ask how much time. Didn't ask if you'd come back. Didn't ask if there was anything he could do to make this easier.
"You should have told me."
You opened the door and walked out.
The door clicked shut behind you.
He wanted to. Every instinct in his body was screaming at him to go after you, to catch you before you reached the elevator, to say somethingâanythingâthat would make you stay.
Because you were right. He should have told you. He should have told you months ago, when the guilt first started eating at him, when the money started piling up, when he realized he was becoming exactly what he used to hate.
He should have trusted you.
Instead, he sat down on the couch. Picked up the remote. Turned the TV back on.
The news was still running the photos. The Red Hood. The cash. The drugs.
He watched himself for a long time.
He thought about what you'd said. "That's the lie you tell yourself so you can sleep at night."
Maybe you were right. Maybe he had been lying to himself. Telling himself he was doing this for the greater good. Telling himself he was protecting people. Telling himself he was different from the men he killed.
The thought sat in his chest, heavy and unfamiliar. He didn't know if he was capable of stopping. Didn't know if he deserved to try.
He thought about Bruce again. About the way the old man had looked at him when he'd first come backânot with relief, but with guilt. With fear. With the knowledge that Jason was a living reminder of his greatest failure.
"I'm sorry," Bruce had said.
"Sorry doesn't bring me back," Jason had answered.
Š nagumolvr , you do not have permission to translate, steal, repost, or feed my work to ai.
A/N: I am quite liking the pacing of this so far because I personally am not the patient kind of reader who can sit through hundreds of filler events LOL, I AM AMAZEDDD BY THE SUPPORT ON THIS SERIES SO FARđ I never thought it would get this much attention but I am really happy, this is awesome.
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