#heavy angst

a breathless sob tore out of your throat, so loud it echoed.

you wrapped your arms tightly around yourself, your wet coat soaking through to your skin, but you didn't care.

your chest was heaving so violently you couldn't catch your breath.

It’s just easier....

the words repeated in your head, a cruel mantra that pulsed in time with your frantic heartbeat.

he had lied.. he had left you alone in the dark with cold food and lit candles so he could drink wine in his sweatpants on his ex girlfriend's couch.

by the time the elevator hit the lobby, you scrambled to your feet, wiping furiously at your face.

you didn't just walk out of the building, you broke into a run, rushing past the startled doorman and straight back into the storm, desperate to let the freezing rain wash away the humiliation burning on your skin.

when you finally threw open the door to your own apartment, the silence inside was suffocating.

the candles had burned down to stubs, leaving behind the faint smell of vanilla and melted wax.

the two plates of dinner still sat on the counter, perfectly arranged and cold.

"easier," you choked out, your voice shaking.

you walked over to the table and with a sweep of your arm, knocked both plates off the surface.

they shattered against the hardwood floor, ceramic exploding into a dozen pieces, pasta and sauce splattering across the room.

you didn't stop there.. you lunged toward the dining table, grabbing the vase of flowers you’d bought fresh that morning and hurled it against the wall.

the glass shattered, water and crushed petals raining down onto the floor.

you tore the cushions off the couch, threw the decorative pillows across the room, and grabbed a framed photo of you and Clark from the bookshelf, a photo taken at a park where he was looking at you with what you thought was love and threw it face down onto the floor, the glass cracking down the center.

you trashed the place until your lungs burned and your hands were shaking from the adrenaline.

you stood in the center of the room, panting, looking at the mess you had created.

it was the first time the apartment actually matched how you felt on the inside... completely broken.

you exhaled before moving, you dragged your large suitcase to the bedroom.

you didn't pack everything, just your clothes, your laptop, and the absolute essentials.

your phone buzzed on the counter.

lois: please answer me. i am so, so sorry. it’s not what it looks like, i swear to you. let me come over. let me explain. please don't hate him.

you stared at the screen but didn't reply.

it's not what it looks like... please don't hate him.

you scoffed and instead, you blocked her number and then, you blocked his.

wrapping your now dry coat tighter around yourself, you grabbed your suitcase, stepped over the broken glass, and let the door click shut behind you.

𓂃₊ ⊹

you'd rather be anywhere but here, you've avoided the office for as long as you could but today perry said he needed you here.

a week had passed since you've spoken to either of them.

the silence between you and clark shifted from uncomfortable to deafening.

you kept your eyes glued to your monitor, your fingers flying across the keyboard with a rhythmic click clack.

you could feel clark's eyes on you from across the room, but you didn’t look at him.

not when he drops a file on your desk or when he clears his throat.

every time he builds up the courage to speak, you conveniently pick up your desk phone or rush off to the copy room.

you're making yourself unreachable, and it's driving him out of his mind.

you can hear clark's footsteps before he actually reaches your desk, so you keep your eyes locked onto your computer screen.

he stops right at the edge of your desk and out of the corner of your eye, you can see him shifting his weight from one foot to the other, nervously adjusting his glasses.

he looks entirely drained, the guilt weighing down his broad shoulder, the bags under his eyes are dark.

"hey," he starts, his voice quiet and hesitant. "you've been typing for three hours straight... you uh you need to take a break. let me get you something from the cafeteria? a snack, or... or some tea?"

you don't blink or pause, you just hit the backspace key a few times and keep typing.

clark lets out a small, ragged breath, leaning in slightly closer so his words don't carry across the busy bullpen.

"honey, i know you're furious with me and you have every right to be. what you saw at lois's apartment"

you snapped your head toward him, tilting it slightly as if analyzing a stranger. your eyes narrowed, drilling into his.

clark froze, the words dying in his throat as his eyes locked onto your face taking in every feature like it'd be the last he'd ever see them again before he spoke quietly.

he reached out, lightly brushing your hair from your face before caressing the side of your face. "... i know how it looked... and i know how much i hurt you by lying about where i was. i just want a chance to explain it properly."

he drops his hand, waiting, hanging on the hope that you’ll at least respond but when you turn your head to stare back at the screen.

a look of quiet desperation crosses his face and he swallows hard.

"i'm not going to force you to talk to me here," he says softly. "but please, just give me a chance to make it up to you. let me take you to dinner tonight.. we can just sit down, and i will tell you everything. no secrets. i promise."

you remain still, your expression blank as you scroll down a spreadsheet.

realizing he isn't going to get a verbal answer, he reluctantly pulls a small pad of bright yellow sticky notes toward himself.

he grabs a pen from your desk organizer, his hand trembling just a fraction as he quickly scribbles down the name of a quiet restaurant downtown, along with a time.

he peels the sticky note and gently presses it onto the corner of your desk, right next to your keyboard where you can't possibly miss it.

"eight o'clock," clark whispers, his blue eyes searching your face one last time, practically begging for another glance. "i'll be waiting for you at our favorite table by the window. i really hope you come."

eight o'clock.

by the time 7:30 PM rolls around, the office has emptied out and you sit alone, staring at the note.

every logical instinct tells you to go back to your hotel room and let him sit there.

he lied to you, used his job.. the very thing that constantly tears him away from you as a shield to cover up the fact that he was with his ex girlfriend.

the humiliation in lois’s apartment hadn't faded.. if anything, sitting in the quiet of the office had only made it feel worse.

you feel like an afterthought and yet, your heart betrays your pride.

you want him to fix it, to give you a piece of truth so undeniable that the knot in your chest finally unspools.

so, you grab your coat, pull the sticky note from the desk, and leave.

8:05 PM

the sign of the restaurant shines through the rain streaked window of the cab.

you step out, the door of the restaurant chiming as you walk inside.

the inside is intimate, warm and lit by candles.

you scan the room, bracing yourself to see his broad shoulders slumped over the table, nervously checking his watch.

but the table by the window is completely empty.

a familiar knot forms in your stomach and you pull out your phone... 8:07 PM.

he's seven minutes late.

no, you tell yourself, biting the inside of your cheek as you sit down at the empty table.

he said he’d be waiting and he wouldn’t do this tonight.. not after everything.

you tell yourself he's just caught in traffic or that perry threw a last minute rewrite at him.

you make excuses for him, even now, because what could be the truth hurts too much to face.

9:00 PM

an hour crawls by.

the hostess brings you a glass of water, offering a polite smile that feels entirely pitying.

the bustling dinner crowd begins to thin out, the laughter of happy couples surrounding you sounds like a mockery.

every single time the front door chimes, your head snaps up, your heart doing a pathetic, hopeful leap only to sink lower when it’s a stranger stepping in from the cold.

9:30 PM

half an hour later.

you stare at your phone and there's nothing.. no texts or missed calls and you had unblocked him before you stepped through the door.

the anger thats been in you this past week starts to form into a sickening ache...

is he back at lois’s?

10:00 PM

the restaurant is dead and the staff are quietly sweeping the floors and stacking chairs in the back corner, their hushed voices a subtle hint that you’re overstaying your welcome.

a realization sinks into your chest..

he stood you up.

to explain away a lie, he gave you another promise, and then he broke that one too.

you pull your coat over your shoulders, your body tense with humiliation and exhaustion.

standing up from the table, you slide a generous stack of bills out of your purse, far more than enough to cover the untouched glass of water and the time you took up occupying their best table by the window.

as you walk toward the front entrance, you stop by the hostess stand where a tired looking server is wiping down menus.

"i'm so sorry for keeping you all late," you say, your voice tight as you force a small, apologetic smile. "thank you for letting me stay so long."

the server looks up, her eyes softening with a wave of pure sympathy that almost makes your composure crumble on the spot. "don't worry about it, sweetie. have a safe night, okay? it's really coming down out there."

you nod quickly, unable to speak past the lump in your throat, and push open the heavy glass doors.

you walk blindly, your head ducked against the harsh wind as you begin to walk down the cracked sidewalk of the downtown district.

the towering office buildings shut out what little light the night sky has left

your mind is trapped in a loop of humiliation.

he promised, with his hand trembling, and swore there would be no more secrets.

and you, desperate to believe him, sat in an empty restaurant for two hours like a fool.

a sudden, earth shattering boom rips through the air, vibrating so violently that you stumble.

you freeze, it wasn't thunder and before you can even process it, there's a wave of police cars speeding down the street, one siren echoing after the other.

you shrug it off and keep walking but then the corner of the intersection half a block ahead erupts.

a wave of people come screaming around the brick building, bodies fleeing the main strip.

it starts with a handful of late night commuters, but within seconds, it grows into a desperate flood of dozens of people.

umbrellas are abandoned on the flooded ground, crushed by feet as everyone sprints for their lives.

"he's killing them! he's picking up the cars!" a man screams, his voice hoarse with terror as he sprints past you, his tie flying over his shoulder, his eyes wide.

a woman trips on the slick curb just a few feet away, her heels skidding out from under her.

she hits the wet concrete hard, crying out as the crowd blindly swerves around her, too consumed by panic to stop.

you instinctively step forward to help, but the momentum of the crowd hits you.

a rushing shoulder slams into yours, forcing you forward, your head slamming against the concrete with a sickening crack.

everything goes white, your head is ringing and the noise around you is deafening, slaps of wet shoes, the ragged, breathless screams of children being dragged by their arms, and the blare of police sirens in the distances.

a throbbing ache is at the base of your skull, and when you blink, hot rain washes over your face except it’s too thick and warm.

you reach up with a trembling hand, your fingers brushing your forehead, and they come away stained a dark crimson.. you're bleeding.

you try to push yourself up onto your elbows, but your limbs feel like lead and the stampede of people don't care that you're down.

heavy boots and soaking sneakers splash violently into the puddles just inches from your head.

a heel catches the fabric of your coat, dragging you a few inches, while another foot just slightly misses stomping directly onto your hand.

you are completely invisible to them and if you stay flat on your stomach, you’re going to get trampled to death.

adrenaline forces your body to move despite the dizziness.

you push yourself up trembling hands and knees and the ground sways beneath you, while you gasp for breath, you begin to crawl, dragging your heavy, soaked coat through the water.

you lose your sense of direction entirely.

instead of reaching the shelter of the storefront doorway, you accidentally crawl off the lip of the curb and slide directly into the open, empty street.

the stampede remains confined to the relative safety of the sidewalk but you are completely exposed.

the massive, armored villain stands in the center of the intersection, his eyes fixed on the remaining police line.

with a guttural snarl, he digs his heavy fingers deep into a crumpled, overturned sedan.

he lifts the multi ton vehicle over his head with sickening ease and launches it forward.

but it’s not aimed at the cops, the trajectory is completely off.

it's hurling through the air directly toward you.

time seems to slow as you stare up from the wet street, paralyzed by the sheer horror of what’s coming.

the massive underbelly of the car blocks out the flashing emergency lights, casting a large shadow over you as it tumbles end over end through the heavy rain.

your completely frozen, it feels impossible to move, impossible to run.

you can feel the rush of wind pressing down on you as the falling metal begins its final, crushing descent.

you close your eyes and brace for the impact but the crushing weight of the falling car never comes.

instead,the sound off concrete shattering rips through the air directly infront you, so powerful it blows the rain away in a wide, circular shockwave.

the deafening screech of tearing metal explodes right over your head as the shadow stills.

trembling, you force your eyes open through the blood and rain falling down your face.

standing over you, his feet planted firmly into the now dented concrete, is superman.

"are you okay ma'am?!" his voice clear and steady through the rain.

he's holding the entire crumpled sedan above his head with one hand, his jaw clenched as he effortlessly hurls the massive piece of steel away, sending it crashing into an empty, abandoned building down the block where it can’t hurt anyone.

the savior of metropolis is standing right in front of you.

his red cape snaps in the rough winds, and the streetlights catch the bright 'S' across his chest.

he looks completely invincible.

but as he turns his head to look down at you, the confident aura of superman completely fractures.

he freezes.

through your dizzy, blurred vision, you can see his face perfectly.

superman is staring at you with a look of absolute horror. his chest heaves, his breath catching in his throat so sharply it looks like he’s the one who just took a physical blow.

his eyes track the dark crimson blood dripping down your forehead, your soaked, shivering clothes, and the way you are helplessly sprawled on the wet pavement.

he drops to his knees, sinking straight into the deep puddle without a care for the mud or the freezing water soaking into his suit.

before you can even gasp through the pain, his massive hands are framing your face.

his palms are calloused and warm, completely covering your cheeks, but they are shaking violently against your skin.

he cradles your head with tender care, his thumbs brushing frantically across your cheekbones to wipe away the rain and the dark blood that won’t stop leaking from your hairline.

"hey, hey....look at me, you're okay, hmm," he begs, his voice cracking.

"it's okay.." words tumble out of him in a breathless, frantic rush.

the resonant voice that superman uses when he addresses crowds or speaks on the news is completely gone.

in its place is a soft, broken whisper filled with terror.. a voice that hits your concussed, foggy brain with a wave of familiarity.

It's a voice you know intimately, stripped of all its usual calm.

he leans down so close his face is basically against yours, using his broad shoulders and the heavy fabric of his cape like a makeshift tent to block out the biting wind and the downpour.

his eyes are wide and wild with guilt as they track the injuries on your face again, the way you are shivering uncontrollably, and how close that car actually came to ending everything. a ragged, choked sob catches in his throat.

"i've got you, baby, i've got you. you're okay, i promise you're okay," he murmurs against your wet hair, entirely forgetting the rest of the city, the damage echoing down the avenue, and the fact that he is wearing a symbol meant for millions.

in the middle of the dark street, the hero has completely evaporated.

the mask has slipped without him even realizing it, leaving only a terrified man holding onto his entire world.

he presses his forehead gently against yours, his breath warm and uneven against your lips as he closes his eyes.

"i'm so sorry. oh God, my love, i'm so, so sorry. i shouldn't have been late. i'm right here."

you look past the bright 'S' on his chest, past the heavy red cape, and look straight into his wide, terrified eyes.

through the static of your concussion, the familiar slope of his jaw and the specific, frantic cadence of his breath finally cut through the illusion.

the impossibility of it settles into your chest, an unsure realization.

"clark...?" you breathe out.

it’s barely a whisper, more like a faint, breathless question easily swallowed by the howling wind, but his entire body goes completely rigid at the sound.

his chest stops heaving and his thumbs freeze against your wet cheeks, eyes widening in shock as it hits him that you've seen past the suit.

but you don't have the strength to wait for an answer.

the pulsing concussion has you passed out, your head lolls back against his arm, your eyelids fluttering shut as your body goes completely limp in his embrace.

"no, no, no.. hey! sweetheart, wake up! look at me!"

𓂃₊ ⊹

the first thing that returns to you is the smell.

that sterile scent of rubbing alcohol and heavy bleached linens.

then comes the sound, there's a rhythmic, electronic beep that echoes in the quiet room, a steady, comforting pulse that keeps time with the throbbing ache at the base of your skull.

you force your eyelids open, but the harsh light above makes you wince, a low groan escaping your dry throat.

the ceiling is made of those familiar, white acoustic tiles... a hospital.

"honey?!... hey, take it easy. don't try to sit up just yet."

the voice is soft but cautious, and instantly draws your eyes to the right side of the bed.

clark is sitting in a cramped hospital chair pushed right up against your mattress.

he looks completely exhausted, his flannel shirt is wrinkled, his heavy winter coat draped over the back of the chair, his glasses sitting squarely on his nose, and his blue eyes are bloodshot.

the moment he sees you looking at him, his shoulders drop in a massive, visible wave of relief.

he reaches out, his large, warm hand carefully enveloping yours where it rests on the stiff hospital sheets.

his fingers are trembling slightly, his thumb gently tracing the back of your knuckles.

"the doctor said you have a concussion, and they had to put a few stitches on your forehead and the gash on your cheek," clark says softly, his voice raspy as he leans a bit closer.

he looks down at your hand. "but you're going to be okay. they're just keeping you for observation."

you look at his hand wrapped around yours, and a spike of hurt flares in your chest.

with a tight frown, you pull your hand completely away from his grasp, tucking your fingers beneath the stiff hospital blanket.

the sudden movement makes your head throb but you ignore it, keeping your eyes fixed on him.

clark’s thumb freezes, he looks down at his open palm for a fraction of a second, his expression fracturing with a look of hurt before he slowly lets his arm drop back to his lap.

"where were you?" you ask, your voice raspy, the exhaustion making the words sound heavier than you intended.

you stare at his wrinkled flannel shirt, "i waited for hours, clark. you didn't text. you didn't call. i was sitting there by myself like an idiot, and then the whole city went to hell while i was trying to get home."

clark looks completely devastated.

he flinches slightly at your words, his jaw tightening as he stares at the white blanket between you.

he opens his mouth to say something, to give the usual clumsy excuse about a deadline, a lost phone, or getting caught in transit but the words seem to catch in his throat.

he looks up at you through his thick glasses.

the silence stretches between you, you turn your face away from him, staring fixedly at the blank white wall opposite the bed.

the sight of his slumped shoulders and his guilty, exhausted face is just too much to handle on top of the throbbing ache in your skull.

"just go home, clark," you say quietly.

your voice is flat, stripped of all its anger, leaving only exhausted exhaustion.

beside the bed, Clark goes still. "darling, please... let me stay. just let me make sure you're okay..."

"i am okay," you interrupt, still refusing to look at him.

you pull the rough hospital blanket higher up around your shoulders, physically shielding yourself from him. "the doctors are watching me. i don't need you here. just... go home. go back to the daily planet, or wherever it was that was more important than meeting me."

out of the corner of your eye, you see him open his mouth to plead, to give you some kind of explanation, but he stops himself.

a ragged exhale escapes his lips.

slowly, the vinyl chair groans as he stands up. he towers over the bed, he goes to walk but stops.

he leans down into your space and presses a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead.

"I am so, so sorry," he whispers against your skin, his voice filled with regret.

"i'll... i'll go," he whispers, "but i'm leaving my phone on. if you need anything.. anything at all.. just call me. please."

you don't answer, you just close your eyes.

he pulls back slowly, as if pulling away from you physically pains him, before turning and making a quiet, reluctant exit from the room.

the soft click of the latch signaling that you are finally alone.

your eyes stay closes, your chest aching with something that has nothing to do with your injuries.

you expect to feel a sense of relief now that he’s gone, now that you don't have to look at his guilty face or listen to the excuses you were sure he was going to make.

but instead, the anger and hurt begins to drain away, leaving behind a feeling of loneliness.

you shift slightly on the stiff mattress, and a sudden vivid image flashes behind your closed eyes.

not the empty restaurant table or clark in his wrinkled flannel.

you see a cape blowing in the wind, a blue and red figure kneeling in a flooded street, unbothered by the storm.

you feel the ghost of massive, trembling hands framing your face with terror, and a voice deeper, stronger, but carrying that exact same, frantic cadence whispering sweetheart and my love into your wet hair.

your heart rate spikes, the monitor beside you accelerating slightly.

hands that could crush steel, yet held you as if you were made of glass.

the monitor beeps faster, its frantic rhythm filling the quiet room as your heart begins to hammer against your ribs.

the voice, the breathless, cracked panic of the city's hero as he knelt in the mud, crying over you, calling you darling, calling you my love.

it wasn't the booming voice Superman used on the news, it was a voice you knew personally, a voice that felt like home.

“clark...?”

the breathless question you had whispered right before passing out echoes perfectly as you repeat it out loud.

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚★⋆｡˚ ⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆★˚┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ⋆ ⋆ ┊ ┊ ┊ ★⋆ ⋆★ ┊ ┊ ◦ ◦ ┊ ★⋆ ⋆★

(i tagged people who asked for a pt2 and seemed like they'd be interested in one sorry if you didn't wanna be tagged or i missed you)

So bright and cheerful.

Those blue eyes of his…oh you remembered those all too well. You found yourself staring at old photos, the skies or the ocean that brought you some of comfort when he was away.

The serenity of it all, failed to capture that certain beauty that was stained into his heart and soul. That unknown secret he kept hidden from all eyes to see.

And yet, you couldn’t help but fall deeper in love with him.

You remembered all those years ago when you first moved to Racoon City. Your Aunt and Uncle took care of you after your parents deemed you old enough to be on your own. They weren’t bad people you reminded yourself. Just some people weren’t equipped in raising a child so they did their job for 18 years before sending you on your way.

You barely had enough to scrap by making every purchase count and second guessing every decision. It wasn’t until your Aunt heard the news and moved you in with her family. Your cousin was younger than you but was so happy to finally meet you and your Uncle was a Scientist who worked for the pharmaceutical company Umbrella.

Both your Aunt and Uncle fought over who was going to take you under their wing but your Aunt was a fighter.

She immediately got you a job as an intern at the Raccoon City Police Department. She was a well respected Captain who was loved by all it seemed. And although you were tasked with doing all the minuscule things no one really wanted to do, the pay was not only decent but you got the chance to meet some of your good friends Jill and Chris who teased you about everything under the sun but protected you like no other.

You felt loved for once in your life.

Though you never got to see them as often as you’d like you had only wished you could join them one day.

Then you met him.

Leon Scott Kennedy.

You don’t know when the adoration for him started but when you were assigned to make sure the new recruit-the rookie had everything he needed before his arrival you were thrilled. You would communicate with each other over email and then when you guys got the chance to speak to each other over the phone you could’ve sworn your heart was going to burst right out of your chest.

You were so young and silly, you knew that more than anyone.

But when you found out he was taken, you immediately backed off. Disappointment clouded your heart, yet, that didn’t stop Leon from checking in. You weren’t sure when the lines between professionalism blurred when he called you after work hours but you told yourself not to give yourself any hope.

And you wish you stood by that.

He quickly became your long distance best friend and even Jill told you, “Jeez, stop day dreaming about the Rookie. I’m sure he’ll call you anyways.”

The knowing look she use to throw your way with Chris giving you a comforting pat on the back never failed to make the heat rise to your cheeks.

“Imagine when he gets here.” Chris retorted back one time.

The laugh they shared had your stomach doing flips until you informed them that he had a girlfriend and that you stood no chance. The pride you felt finally having something to stop their teasing was soon replaced with pity. They didn’t say it then but that knowing look they passed to each other quickly made it worse.

You were falling for a taken man.

The guilt brewed inside of you so much you couldn’t bear to look at the photo he sent in months ago of himself. Not that you were religiously doing so. That’s until you got a phone call one late night where he confessed he was going to break up with his girlfriend. Your heart broke. You weren’t sure if it was for him or the unexpecting girl but you blamed yourself.

You never voiced that thought out loud and Leon quickly defended himself.

“I…I know how it sounds. I’m moving far away for a new job. It just doesn’t make any sense for me to move to a new city while she gets left behind. She deserves to live her life.”

You didn’t know how to comfort him then. Nonetheless, you tried your best, questioning if he was making the right decision and all he told you was, “I’m following my heart.”

You never wanted to think about it too much. It struck a nerve so deep you weren’t sure if you wanted to bother yourself with the truth. Strangely enough, you trusted Leon. He was a good man.

He’s always been.

Months turned into weeks and the day of his arrival was approaching faster than you expected.

That was until all hell broke loose. Now you could look back and chastise yourself for missing all the signs. The agitation and paranoia etched into your Uncle’s brow when he came home late at night should’ve been the first indicator something was wrong. Then mysterious people on the news were getting attacked followed by civil unrest to mandated city wide locked downs that turned into pure chaos.

Your Aunt was working overtime and you had no one to talk to about everything was going on. Chief Irons supposedly had everything under control but you couldn’t trust that man after your Aunt started suspecting him of illegal activities. Everything was happening so fast, Jill and Chris were nowhere to be found and the only thing your Aunt advised you to do was to reach out and tell the rookie to stay away.

.

.

.

With shaky hands, you did just that. It was the first Leon heard your voice filled with fear and uncertainty but you needed to keep a brave face.

“Just stay put, okay? I can’t disclose anything more than that. I’m sorry Leon.” You told him quietly.

“Are you sure? Is everything…okay?”

The softness in his voice had you wishing he was there beside you but he wasn’t and you needed to keep going. You would hope the lie you told would bring yourself some sort of comfort but it didn’t.

You had no idea what the future would bring.

“I’ll talk to you later?”

Your eyes became glossy as tears were on the precipice of falling. “Sure thing Rookie. Talk to you soon.”

That was the last time Leon heard from you.

There was so much chaos going on within the city you could barely sleep. Then one day your Uncle woke you and your cousin in the middle of the night. He was rambling on and on about how everything turned out and how he never excepted the scientists, researchers, and doctors to be so careless.

Neither you or your cousin even had time to put on proper shoes before you guys were ushered into the car. You relentlessly asked for where your Aunt was but your Uncle didn’t have an answer. That night the rain was unforgiving and the blocked off roads and back ways had people fleeing for their lives.

“I’m scared.” Your cousin whispered.

You just held them tight, unsure how to convince them everything will be alright.

“I just hope that vaccines works for you guys. They’ll know I took it.” Your Uncle shakily whispered under your breath. “I just…I couldn’t live with myself if you guys ended up like them. Those infected.”

“Infected? What are you talking about Uncle? What vaccine? What’s going on?” Your questions fell on deaf ears as your Uncle sped down the road.

“Is mommy going to be okay?”

The honking of cars and blaring lights blinded your visions and the car swerved so hard you and your cousin nearly got whiplash.

“Please we need to slow down. We’re going to crash.” You pleaded, looking back to see your cousin had tears brimming their eyes. He ignored you as sirens blared throughout the air and helicopters flew over head.

What the hell was really going?

“Is mommy going to be okay?” They asked you softly, digging their fingers into your shirt.

You could feel your throat closing. But you were an adult and you needed to make sure they were okay. So again, you put on your brave face and offered a gentle smile, your hand reaching out to brush some disheveled hair out of their face.

“Hey don’t worry. Everything’s going to be-“

BANG

.

.

.

.

You had no idea how long after until you woke up. The pain reverberating in your head was unlike anything you had ever experienced. Your vision blurred and the sounds of screams and strange noises surrounded you. With a groan, you forced yourself up noticing your side was empty as you called out for your cousin with a strained soreness in your voice.

Dirty rainwater from the streets flooded the car that seeped into any and all cuts and bruises. It wasn’t until later you realized the car was upside down and it wasn’t until the strong smell of iron reached your nose did you realize your cousin and your Uncle were gone.

The cry that left your lips only alerted danger to come your way. You didn’t know what they were in the dark but when you painfully freed yourself from the car, you realized it was people and you had to go.

Breathless spouts of air left your lungs as you ran barefoot down the city streets of Raccoon City.

Everything burned.

Frantically your eyes flickered across all the chaos that ensued in what felt like mere seconds. You searched for anyone or anything that wasn't trying to kill you. A crushing wave of despair filled your senses but you didn’t stop. 

You couldn’t. 

Nothing in your entire life could have prepared you for the devastating events that altered the entire course of your life. You tried for the police station with hopes your Aunt was alive but you soon found yourself cornered. Every hallway you turned more and more kept emerging from the darkness.

You had no weapons-well not anymore since one of the infected snatched it from you. With nothing to defend yourself and your feet bleeding, you knew this was it. This was how you were going to die. You closed your eyes, wishing for a quick death but you knew it was going to be excruciatingly slow.

That was until you heard the sounds of rapid footsteps and gunfire that had you reeling back in fear. You heard the sound of bodies dropping and the groans of the infected die down but you couldn’t bring yourself to move.

Not until you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

Your eyes flickered opened so quickly, and when blue eyes pierced yours, your heart skipped a beat. In the flesh in front of you was Leon. You couldn’t believe he saved your life. He was more handsome that you could’ve imagined and if the circumstances were better you would’ve pulled him into a tight hug.

But…why was he here?

“You’re bleeding, is it okay if I look at your wounds?”

“Leon..?”

He stopped, blinked once then twice. “Uh yeah…that’s me.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Can’t believe I saved you?” He sent you an awkward smile that was laced with confusion.

“No…I can’t believe you’re here-I mean I’m grateful b-but I told you stay away! Why the hell are you here?”

“What are you-” Leon blinked again, his eyes widening before he finally met you at eye level. His eyes glossing over your features, your eyes, nose, lips. “It’s you.” He leaned in to give you a hug then immediately pulled away rubbing the back of his head unsure how to greet you. “Sorry I…I honestly didn’t expect I was going to see you here. I mean I was hoping but-” He cut himself off diverting his eyes elsewhere but you.

“I didn’t expect to see you either Rookie.” You smiled despite the pain. “I just wish we weren’t…you know… fighting for our lives.”

He swallowed, grinding his jaw for just a moment before sadly agreeing with you. Carefully helping you onto your feet, you never knew he would be so awkward yet so gentle. And though every step pulled at your sore muscles and open wounds he repeatedly apologized, staying by your side every step of the way.

“For the record, the ‘Welcome Leon’ sign was half my idea.” You mused, as he held your side. You had long forgotten about it but it hung in one of the offices in vibrant colors. The adrenaline from the car crash and running bare foot through the city streets finally taking its toll.

“Only half?” He teased, tossing you a grin.

“Can’t take all the credit now…” You sighed, thinking about how you’ll never get the warmth of everyone back again. “I wish you were able to see it all.”

Leon took note of the sadness in your voice. You told him about your family. About the chaos the past week and how everything escalated beyond anyone’s control.

He hung on to every word, as it was your turn to apologize to him for dumping all of this on him. You knew you weren’t the only person who experienced sudden loss. So when he finally found somewhere safe, he decided to let you catch your breath and tend to your wounds. “Is it okay if I lift your shirt?” He shyly asked, seeing there was blood seeping through the material.

“Just skipping dinner huh?” You joked, looking up at him with tired eyes. You were most likely going to die anyways so why not indulge yourself.

You could tell he was taken back by your boldness and attitude. And although, the subtle flirting had his chest feeling warm, he was happy to find some sense of normalcy amid all this death.

“If we-When we make it out. I owe you.”

You were lost for words. “Uh…yeah, I’ll hold you to it.”

A pained smile made its way on your face as he delicately pulled your shirt over your head revealing soft skin that was littered in bruises, blood and… a bite.

That’s when Leon’s smile dropped. He just had to put down Lieutenant Marvin and now possibly you?

“W-what’s wrong?” You nervously asked.

“You were bitten.”

Pure fear flooded your veins, as you never knew you were bitten and soon tears flooded your eyes. How could you not have noticed? “Am…I going to die?”

Your question hurt Leon more than anything. You were a liability now, you knew that and you knew you would most likely change any minute now. But…as of now nothing ever happened. Your symptoms never worsened and even when Leon comforted you and cleaned your wounds, you felt a bit better.

“Don’t think like that.” He held your hand, and squeezed it even when he didn’t know if you’d make it. “I’ll do my best to keep you alive. I promise you that.”

You nodded, painfully following him not wanting to be left alone.

“Besides, I owe you dinner. What were you thinking?” He flashed you another grin, his gun postioned just in case another infected got the jump on you.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and the warmth crawling up your cheeks wasn’t helping. “Whatever you like.”

That’s when she showed up. Ada Wong.

Jealousy wasn’t the right word that could describe the feeling bubbling inside if you.

Nausea.

Pain.

That burning sensation.

It quickly proved you were inferior to her. You became the liability that would slow Leon and her down. The tears threatened to resurface and when she found out you were bitten, the cold barrel of the gun that found its way to your temple was unlike anything you could’ve prepared for.

“Hey-no!”

You were glad Leon intervened because you couldn’t defend yourself if you wanted to. It was embarrassing. Humiliating even. From her perspective you both understood the implications of getting bitten.

“She’s bitten. She’ll turn. I’m saving us and her the trouble.” Ada pressed.

Deep down you weren’t sure if she could be trusted. You knew the FBI wouldn’t send a single agent to uncover the mysteries of Raccoon City falling apart or whatever evidence she needed. But you understood, you guys needed help. And if you needed to be taken out, you wanted it to at least be on your own terms.

Leon stood in front of you, declaring that she was going to have to shoot him to get to you. Never in your life would you have expected those words to roll off his lips, especially for you. “No. If anything happens to her-” The look he gave you, trailing over your injured figure reassured you. There was something unspoken between the both of you. Something neither of you were able to voice over the last couple of months of knowing each other. “We’ll deal with it.”

And with that Ada resigned, lowering her gun to look at both of you. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

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You remember how he breathed life into you. A second chance when you had already given up on yourself. Your throat felt dry as you stared out the window. The home you built here was beautiful. Peaceful. You needed it after all these years-Leon more so. He carried more weight and guilt more than anyone you knew in this field of work.

You jumped at the sudden kiss placed on your neck that was slowly trailing down until it stopped at your shoulder. Hands found their way to your waist as you were pulled into his warm frame. “What are you doin’ up here alone?”

With a gaze over your shoulder, you looked up into those blue eyes of his. The passion still there, dulled by years of relentless work and loss but still ever present.

“Aren’t you nosey?” You hummed, twisting around in his arms to place a warm kiss on his lips.

“Nosey huh?” He tossed you a look and before you knew he picked you up.

“Leon!” You cried out, a laugh filling the air as you wrapped your legs around him. “Behave yourself.”

Grazing your hands over his muscles that were protruding from under his shirt, you loved the way he would carefully man handle you. Tossing you on the bed, he pinned you beneath him, his lips finding yours as his hands made quick work to discard your shirt.

“Behave myself? Around you?”

You had no idea when he became such a tease. That didn’t matter since you couldn’t help but be drawn back into him. You could get lost in him for hours.

Months.

Years even.

You could feel his erection pressing in you, painfully waiting for you. But no, you’d have him wait. Your dearest husband could handle that.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked, pulling back just a little to look at you. His lips mere inches away enticing you in ways you couldn’t fathom.

You wanted to say his cock but for some reason you couldn’t.

“I…I was just thinking about the first time we met.”

“Damn.” He sat back a little, eyes drifting away as it caught him by surprise. “Time sure flew by.”

You vaguely smiled, unable to meet his eyes. “It did.”

Silence filled the room, as your throat became dry. “Well, as Claire put it. It was a hell of a first date, don’t you think?”

Forcing a sad smile, you crossed your arms. “In a way.”

Your mind kept pulling you back to Ada.

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You sat there, waiting for Leon. The journey to this point had been horrendous. You did your best to pull your weight so you could prove yourself useful. Ada hovered over you, waiting to the pull trigger the moment you turned but it never came.

You’re not sure when she decided to trust you but perhaps it was when you offered to patch Leon up after he got shot and later help her chase down Dr. Annette Birkin. Your Uncle often spoke about her, her husband and their young daughter Sherry. Despite everything, you hoped the little girl was safe and if you could save her you wouldn’t hesitate. You weren’t able to save your family so maybe you could save her. Save others.

And there you were with Ada being chased down by some monster as you tried to find another. You hated to admit she was good at her job. And the red dress that perfectly framed her body drew attention to all eyes…even Leon.

So when she pulled Leon in for a kiss, your heart dropped. You had just helped her after her own injury, staying by her side so she wouldn’t be alone. She even joked that Leon was too good for this corrupt world.

“This world will eat you two alive if you aren’t careful.” She remarked. “It happens to everyone.”

In a sense, you agreed. After everything he was still trying his best to do good. And though you didn’t truly know Ada and Leon, the betrayal hurt more than anything. Especially when you both found out she was a mercenary trying to get a hold of the T-Virus. The thing that started it all.

But even then, you can tell Ada wormed her way into Leon’s heart.

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“Stop thinking.” Leon mumbled against your lips, kneading at your breasts making you throw your head back against the pillows.

You wrapped your arms around his neck. “I can’t.”

“Fine. Since we’re going down memory lane-” You gasped, when he suddenly flipped you onto your stomach. “Remember after we left Raccoon City?”

“Mhm.” You couldn’t trust your voice as he spread your legs, kneading your ass and toying with the band of your pants.

“I lost you for six years.”

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“So why exactly did I travel out here in the middle of nowhere on short notice?”

“Your assignment was in the files. You’ll be working with a trusted partner.” Your agent spoke to you over your earpiece.

“Wow, how exciting. No early brunch and mimosas to get acquainted?” You teased, checking your equipment and restocking your ammo. Pulling out your combat knife, you wiped off all the fresh blood careful not to get any remnants on your skin.

“Can’t help with the jokes can you? Didn’t you get debriefed?

“Zoned out.”

“You cannot be serious! Did you read the files on retrieving Baby Eagle? And meeting Condor One at the rendezvous point?”

You grinned, looking over the small village. “Who?” The frustrated groan you heard on the other side of the line was more than enough to make you laugh. “You know I’m just messing with you. Lighten up. Why would I fly all the way without knowing?”

“I don’t know! You tell me. You have a habit of causing me nothing but stress. I think I have a heart condition because of you.”

You feigned innocence, “At such a young age?”

“I don’t know where you get your devious nature from. You’re lucky you’re really good at your job, you were scouted out by the White House.”

You shrugged to yourself, “No, not lucky. Just a sarcastic girl who’s good with guns.”

“Well…all things considering you are special.”

With a sigh, you looked up at the clouds. “If you call being forced to work for the government that’s been holding me hostage for the last couple years special then sure.” The memory of everything tormented you nearly every day but you tried to keep everyone you treasured close to your heart. Hoping one day you’ll be back to find them. If you really had the chance you could’ve but they had you had on a short leash until further notice. “At least all that trauma made me funny.”

“Sorry-oh I’m getting new information. Condor One-”

The sound of footsteps behind you had your gun drawn in the direction ready to put whoever it was down.

“Greet all your partners like this?”

That voice.

Before you could blink, you were disarmed making you reach for your combat knife to defend yourself. “Pulled out the welcome wagon just for you.”

“I can tell.” Your gun was returned without further argument as you stared at the man with bated breath. The muscles in your body tensed as you looked over his form, observing the exhaustion etched onto his face. Those blue eyes of his lost the vigor you once witnessed all those years ago but he was still him.

He was still beautiful.

“What’s going on-”

You immediately held your earpiece, cutting your agent off. “Sorry I’ll update you as we go. Going radio silent.”

Leon didn’t really look at you. Or couldn’t meet your eyes. It’s been years since you last saw him, and now you were assigned to save the President’s daughter with him? You weren’t sure to pull him into a hug or pretend your personal desire to rekindle something you believe you could’ve had with him wasn’t there.

“I’m guessing these past years weren’t too kind.”

He lightly scoffed, looking over the village. He couldn’t even muster a smile. “Somethin’ like that.”

“I had no idea they were partnering me up with you. I…it’s been years Leon. How have you been?”

Leon looked down to his hands, observing the callouses on his fingers, seeming to not want to engage in this conversation with you. You swallowed, crossing your arms leaning against the cliff side rocks.

“Just peachy.” His tone was sharp yet laced with frustration or anger you couldn’t quick pinpoint. “We’ve got ground to cover and-“

“I missed you.” You blurted out. The emotional turmoil bubbling inside of you was overwhelming. Leon froze, struggling to meet your gaze but unable to walk away.

“Yeah…”

“Just yeah? I know it’s been years Leon and I’m not the first person you’d probably want to see all things considering-”

Leon sharply turned to you. No anger just disappointment. “Is that right? You’re not the first person I’d want to see?”

You were stumbling over your words. What was wrong with you?

“Six years. I looked for you whenever I had to chance.” He shook his head, tearing his eyes away from you. He proceeded to walk away leaving you behind as you grabbed the rest of your gear and followed. “Glad to see you’re just fine.”

You had no idea but that comment had your blood boiling. Storming ahead of him, you stopped him right in his tracks pushing back on his firm chest.

“I’m sorry to burst your bubble Leon. I can tell you went through a lot…I could see it in your eyes.” You trailed off, eyes softening just a bit as a subtle whiff of melancholy tried to crawl up your bones. “But I wasn’t perusing around living my best life. I was taken in. Interrogated to the point they thought torturing me may get me to talk. But surprise-surprise they realized I had no connections with my Uncle.” You spat.

“Oh you didn’t know about my Uncle before he died? The one who worked from Umbrella, trying to flee with the vaccine he stole that could’ve saved thousands of lives and ended up leaving behind my Aunt and killing himself and my cousin? Yeah that one used a drug on me to combat the T-Virus back then but he messed around it without knowing the full ramifications. It messed me up so bad. The symptoms were unbearable. Everything felt like hell and the government told me well if I wanted to get better considering my ‘special circumstances’ then I should work for them. So sorry if I couldn’t find the time to look for you or Sherry or Claire. Or my friends Jill or Chris. I felt pretty useless back then and knew I need to do something with my life for my own sanity and health after we survived Raccoon City. I didn’t even want to be around me…so why would I put that on you?”

Why were you so furious? Tears threatened to fall and you cursed yourself for being so weak. After so long, this was how your resolve was crumbling? You turned away, finding some uprooted end of a tree to sit on.

Leon stood there for a long while watching you. He remembered the scared injured woman who he was willing to die for back in Raccoon City-still was. The woman he was excited to see before the virus ripped everything apart. The woman who defended and protected him even when she was bleeding out.

He took a seat beside you, trying to find the right words. “I’m sorry.” He tried to meet your gaze that was glued onto your dirt covered boots.

Shaking your head, you couldn’t help the guilt that buried it’s way inside of you. Never truly leaving you even on your good days. “No…I’m sorry. That was unprofessional, I should know better by now.”

“Guess we’ve both been through hell.”

You chuckled rubbing your hands together to release some sort of tension, “Must’ve purchased a one way ticket or something.”

Leon’s smile struggled to meet his eyes as he turned your way. He didn’t close the gap between the both of you, just stared from where he sat hoping to find that look in your eye to prove you wanted him near.

“We sure did, didn’t we?”

You weren’t sure how long the both of you sat there. You had a mission to complete but the unresolved tension and pain needed to slowly unravel in some way or form.

“They told me you had no interest in seeing me. Or seeing any of the survivors.” He finally spoke.

Furrowing your brow you looked at him. “That’s not true.”

“Deep down, I knew it wasn’t.” He sighed. “They didn’t want me reaching out to you or looking for you no matter how hard I tried-conflict of interest they liked to say. Or complications. Or respecting boundaries.”

“Well whoever told you that lied.” The anger forced its way back up but you quickly pushed it down. “They’ve kept me on short leash, monitoring everything. I’m surprised they even wanted me for this mission.”

“That checks out.”

You both let out a sigh at the same time, making eye contact that had both of you smiling in no time. “Guess we better get going.” Slapping your knees, you forced yourself to stand with a slight wobble in your step.

“Yeah.” Taking the lead, you started mapping out the new location to scout and infiltrate but stopped when Leon latched onto your wrist. “I still got your back, you know that right?”

The urge to kiss him burned into your very being the longer you looked at him. “Of course. I got yours too-always. We’ll get out of here just like we did back then.”

The subtle relieve in his eyes was enough to raise your spirits. “We will. I owe you dinner after all.”

“You remembered that?” You sheepishly asked.

A not so obvious smirk plastered onto his face as he gestured to the road ahead. “Couldn’t forget it.”

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A soft smack on your ass brought you back. “Careful mister!”

“Well, I was speaking to you.” The way his hands trailed down from your neck and down your back before situating itself on your waist had you craving his touch.

“I’m glad you found me, okay?” Your voice held a subtle hint of an attitude. “Never lost me. We just needed some time to find each other.”

“Same shit.”

“Watch your mouth!”

“Come sit on it and watch it for me.”

The heat that traveled straight to your core was unbelievable. He always knew what to say and what buttons to push.

“I hate you.” You mumbled hiding your face into the pillows.

“Oh? Is that so? Did you want me to stop?” He huskily whispered in your ear, dragging his fingers down your clothed slit. “Hmm seems like you don’t. Guess someone’s eager.”

“Shut up-” you gasped when he pulled your pants and panties down in one swift movement, plunging his fingers inside of your warmth.

“I’ll never get tired of this sopping wet pussy.” He hummed, stretching you out. You tried to reach behind but all he did was grabbed your arm and pin it behind your back. “Bet you miss this when I’m away, huh?”

Ugh, you hated how his fingers worked its way inside of you, filling you up to the brim. “Can’t hear you.” He grunted, wrapping his hands around the front of your neck and carefully pulling your head back so he could meet your eyes.

“Maybe.” You teased, before his fingers made its way to your clit. The tension inside of you was bound to snap at any moment. “D-don’t stop.”

“Is that what you want babygirl?” He whispered, watching the way you fell apart under his touch.

He had no idea what he did to deserve you. No idea how he was going to make up for the pain he caused you.

Ada’s appearance during that mission put a damper on your mood. All the progress between you and Leon, becoming undone. Leon blamed himself for being so blind. So oblivious to the way he slowly carved your heart out and constantly left you bleeding. He protected you no doubt but when Ada showed up he changed. Ada changed the way you saw the world and she was right. The world screwed you both over but that never stopped you from doing good and trying to prove yourself.

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“Ada’s here…again?” You questioned, when you both split for a while to cover more ground. The uncertainty in your eyes spoke volumes but never truly knocked much sense into him.

“I just feel so weak when she’s around.”

“Why do you say that?” Leon retorted.

“Did you forget she betrayed us? I thought I lost you to her already. And I feel like I’m going to again.”

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Those soft breathlessly moans from Leon left you grinning as you came right on his fingers. “You think this proves anything Mr. Kennedy?”

He smirked unbuckling his pants in a slow manner. “You tell me Mrs. Kennedy. What would you like me to prove?”

“Hmm that you’re mine.” You playfully stated, looking over your shoulder. “And that I have your love.”

He knew it was under the guise of frivolous banter, but he knew he owed you everything. That sweet smiles of yours was going to be the death of him. He didn’t deserve you. And when you guys worked years together to build everything he single handedly torn it down.

But even if he gave you the world, that wouldn’t equate to everything you sacrificed for him.

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The downpour was relentless and the earth shattering thunder ferociously rippled through the night skies. He was going back home after a mission but this time, there was a stench of guilt and perfume that hung to his clothes.

He had no idea how he was going to face you. The guilt would eat him alive and destroy the foundation of trust you guys built together over the years.

The years had been beautiful. So what the hell possessed him to do something so idiotic?

Unlocking the front door, he was soaked from head to toe, expecting to see the place littered with empty beer bottles, dirty dishes and clothes but the house was spotless.

His breath hitched. He had no idea you were back from your mission. Ever since Ashley and him put in a word for you, the President himself stepped to ensure you receive a lifetime payment for the wrongdoings you endured and a new opportunity to work with the DSO, along side Leon if you wished.

“Leon? Is that you?”

A cloud of nausea overtook him when he saw you step out of your shared bedroom, wearing a brand new robe with nothing underneath, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“Welcome back, I’m sorry I couldn’t reach you so I assumed you were still on your mission and I really wanted to surprise you.” His phone died hours ago, and that wasn’t even a thought in his mind. He was so out of it, he didn’t notice you placed a kiss on his lips and grabbed his arm pulling him along. “By the way-” You poked his chest. “The place was filthy and we talked about the drinking babe. You don’t have to cut it all out but please for your health, my sanity and your poor liver take care of it. I also made dinner but I know it’s super late and you’re no doubt tired but you need to eat. So, I could whip you up something smaller to eat or a little snack? How does that sound?”

The way your smile brightened the room made him feel like he could do anything. It reassured him when no one else could and motivated him to keep going. You brought that side out of him and he was blessed to have you in his life.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Leon, you okay?” You sprang into action, holding him steady as he swayed back and forth before collapsing in your arms. “Leon? Leon! Oh my gosh, let me call someone-“

Before you could even step out of the kitchen, he was on his knees pulling you closer. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for collapsing! Are you okay?” You sank down next to him as he shook his hand, throwing his head into your shoulder. You had no idea what was going on or if he was injured. “I can’t help you Leon if you don’t tell me what’s wrong-”

And that’s when you saw the lipstick stains on the collar of his shirt. The smell of alcohol still lingering on his breathe and perfume. The way you were able to pick up on things much quicker than others seemed more like a curse than a gift.

Your composure faltered as you pulled away, unable to look at him. “Who was it? Was it…was it Ada?” The only thing you could hear was the rushing of your blood and the pounding of your heart.

Black spots blurred your vision and an uneasiness settled in your bones. You knew the truth. So why bother yourself?

“Yeah…” He swallowed.

“I-I fucking knew it.” It was the first time Leon heard you cry out like that. You clutched at your chest struggling to breathe, the burning in your lungs amplifying to the point you thought you were going to pass out or do something drastic. “It’s always her Leon…time and time again you prove you can’t get over her. If you-if you love her so fucking much leave me out of it!” You spat in between soft sobs. The tears hadn’t come in full force but they were coming and you wouldn’t allow him to see you like that again.

You stood up, knocking down a beer you had left for him on the counter, its contents spilling everywhere as you took off to your room, locking the door behind you. Leon, of course, ran after you attempting to comfort you even if he was the source of your pain.

“Baby please-” He squeezed the bridge of his nose trying to stop his own tears. “I-I’ll explain everything. You deserve all that and more. Just please don’t lock yourself away all night.”

He could hear you softly sobbing on the other side, breaking his heart in only ways you could. He didn’t want Ada. But time and time again she was there. Maybe he expected her. Maybe he knew she was capable. Maybe he wanted to save her. He wasn’t able to save much people nowadays but he stupidly held onto to a slither of hope she would change her ways to be a decent person.

But each time he would turn her way, he was missing out on you. The one who trusted him more than anything. Was there for him through the drinking, through the depression you both shared and were still overcoming together to the ptsd that plagued your minds to the soft intimate moments that he cherished above all else.

If he needed you, you wouldn’t be too far. ‘We both have each other you know? I still have your back’ You told him once and he kept your words close to his heart.

He sat outside the bedroom door all night. But after hours and hours, he found himself nodding off and when the morning came, you were gone.

His body felt heavy, head pounding away as he searched the whole place seeing all of your belongings and every inkling of you was gone too. It wasn’t until he saw a glass of water, two painkillers and a short note addressed to him did he know it was over.

Leon. You’re a good man there’s nothing else in this world that could change my mind but I can’t be with you. I alone can’t provide enough love for the both of us. Not without you. I need you to love and respect yourself enough to know you’re worthy of love and appreciation. You know if you love someone, you know the commitment and devotion that comes with it. Through the good and bad times. We were both fighting our own demons and I love you more than anything so that’s why I can’t be with you. I need to respect and love myself enough to walk away and not destroy myself in the process by comparing myself to others to fight for your love. I hope you find what you’re looking for and truly love the next person who comes along. Take care. Lay off the beer. - Always Yours.

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“I love you.” Leon grunted, sinking his cock inside of you until he bottomed out. “You’re perfect.”

Without warning, he pulled himself out before slamming back into you. Your slick velvety walls, coaxing him in deeper and deeper, making it harder to pull out.

“N-no I’m not.”

Leon arched your back, pulling the most sweet salacious sounds from your lips, thrusting into you at a new angle. “I just want to hear your sweet moans or you begging me to go deeper. You hear me?”

It was embarrassing how easily Leon made you cock drunk, wanting nothing more than him to fuck you like he always did. The sound of your sex squelching under the pressure of him, filling you up and hitting the right spot that had you on cloud nine. All you’ve ever known was Leon. It was silly to think about it but when when he embraced you and focused on nothing but your pleasure it was hard not to.

“I asked you a question.” He wrapped his armed around your chest, pulling you to his chest so you sank further on his cock. His fingers trailed down to your clit once more toying with it and abruptly stopping to mess with you.

“Don’t stop.” You demanded, reaching your arm behind you to grab a fistful of his hair to smash your lips against him. “Y-you’ll regret if you stop.”

“Is that right?” With a smile, he jerked his hips up into you, his cock deliciously splitting you open. He knew he was going to come any moment but he denied himself an orgasm if yours didn’t come first.

The sounds of skin slapping echoed so loudly in the room, you couldn’t concentrate. “Stop talking.” Grinding yourself onto his cock it earned you the most sexiest grunt to ever leave his mouth.

“Fuck-” Throwing his head back, he grabbed your waist anchoring himself to fuck you at an unrelenting pace. “You’re perfect you know that?” He repeated, kissing your temple down to your lips all the way to your neck leaving small bruises for him to enjoy for later.

You smiled, putting one hand on his thigh to ground yourself as you couldn’t take him any more of him. “You think so?” His fingers squeezed your sensitive nipples, desperately grasping at your breasts.

“I-I know so.”

Closing his eyes, his hips began stuttering against you as he became increasingly more focused on your clit and rolling it between his fingers. “Leon, I’m gonna come-”

The way you clenched around him, already waiting to milk him dry. “Don’t wait for me baby.”

You tried your best to hold off, but you couldn’t deny yourself the wave of pleasure that came quicker than you’d like. “F-fuck Leon.” You cried, pulling him into kiss as his thrust became more erratic. “Y-you can come inside me.”

“That was the plan.” He mumbled against your lips, his cock unable to resist you, pushing him into that orgasm he was denying himself for so long. Pumping himself slowly into you, you could feel him practically throbbing and when his hot seed shot deep inside of you, you couldn’t help but throw your head against him as another orgasm forced itself upon you.

Hot cum ran down your thighs, and Leon couldn’t help but spread it across your skin. “Be a shame if it went to waste.”

“You made sure it didn’t.” You teased, rolling your hips onto his semi-hard cock.

Grabbing your chin from behind, he looked at you with mischievous glint in his eyes. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” He gently kissed you. “Now, let me run you a hot bath. My knees are killin’ me.”

“Your knees? What does that leave for me?” You chuckled, feeling the crackling of your bones. “Ah shit-okay. We need to invest in some new joints.”

“We should. It’ll save us the trouble.” He groaned, slowly coming out of you as he watched his cum leak out of you.

“You said it.” Reaching your arms out, Leon smirked as he picked you up bridal style, carrying you straight into the bathroom.

When you finally got situated with him behind you in the bathtub, you couldn’t help but trail yours eyes over the black marks similar to that of necrosis that had slowly been spreading across his body. “I wish I was going with you this time.”

Leon placed a kiss on your temple, pulling you closer to him. “You’re safer here.”

“That’s not the point Leon. You shouldn’t be suffering with this alone. You shouldn’t have to go back to that hell hole.”

“Which one?” He mused.

Crossing your arms, you lightly slapped his chest. “I don’t want you suffering anymore and your dry humor isn’t saving you from this conversation either mister.”

For a long while, Leon didn’t say anything as he watched the way you caressed him as if he was the most fragile thing you ever came across. However, it wouldn’t be the first he saw you so vulnerable like this.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Looking up at it, the furrow of your brow was his first warning. “Stop saying that.”

He diverted his eyes away from you. “It’s true.”

Angrily turning around to face him you situated yourself to straddle his lap as the water recklessly sloshed around the both of you. “Cut that shit out Leon. Mistakes were made. And we worked through it. I forgave you a long time ago. So stop using that as excuse to justify this as a punishment you deserve. You’re a good man Leon. Even years later, you still can’t see that?”

Leaning on his arm for support, Leon just looked at you with glossy eyes. “What would I do without you?”

.

.

.

Two months.

That’s how long he hadn’t heard from you. He was an absolute wreck, going on missions without taking care of himself and drinking himself near to death. He didn’t see you when he came home. He didn’t even see you at work since a week later you left, he found out you put in your resignation. No one gave up your address. No one gave up your new number. He felt like he was going mad. He wish he was able to explain that night. Wish he didn’t do something so stupid to the one person he held closest to his heart.

He tried-oh did he try his best to track you down to the point it was borderline stalker-ish. He had forgotten you were phenomenal at your job and that included disappearing if you needed to. He called you every day and night when he had the chance with no luck. And the phone calls he received from old friends asking about you and even Claire reaching out to make sure you were still alive, had him worried. They questioned him again and again asking what happened. He wasn’t surprised you never spoke ill of him, or had your private business out there for all to know, that wasn’t in your nature but if your shared friends were worried, something had to be wrong with you.

Right?

However, when he received a call from Claire who sounded nervous beyond belief he didn’t hesitate to listen. “She’ll be pissed off if she finds out I told you this but she’s a couple states away. A colleague of mine recognized her so I reached out. Apparently she’s been spotted near this cafe last Tuesday. Goes there often I’ve heard. Just don’t spook her away Leon-I mean it. She’s not at her best.”

“Thanks. It means a lot Claire.”

“And whatever the hell you did. Please apologize like your life depends on it.”

“I will.”

With that, he immediately made arrangements to get you. For the first time in his life, he was terrified and his hands shook at the thought of seeing you again. Would you be angry? Would you give him the cold shoulder? Threaten to kill him? He needed to find out. And if you weren’t at your best, he needed to do everything possible to rectify that for you.

It took a couple days but he soon found the address of where you were last seen, and scouted the area. He parked half a block away from the cafe, talking to himself and rehearsing how he was going to approach you.

He was so deep in thought, he hadn’t seen you leave the building right outside where he was parked in front of.

“Thank you!” It was your voice that caught his attention and there you were not even ten feet away from him. With a hand on your stomach and a bright smile, you shook the hand of what seemed like a doctor? Were you sick?

Claire mentioned you weren’t at your best, and if he was being honest with himself you hadn’t changed one bit. Oh he could just die right there, seeing how the sun illuminated your skin in the best possible way.

Then there you were heading to the cafe Claire mentioned. He slowly trailed behind you watching for any potential threats until he couldn’t anymore.

The cashier greeted you with a bright smile. “Hey! The usual?”

“Yes, please. You know me so well!” You giggled.

It was now or never.

Pulling out his card with a shaky hand, he finally approached. “I’ll take what she’s having.”

The cashier looked over at you then at him as you whispered rubbing your belly. “It’s okay, I know him.”

He didn’t expected that.

They beamed, congratulating the both of you. Huh? Leon was lost, what were they on about? He wasn’t expecting that level of calmness and now this cryptic-

“Thank you, same time next week?” You called out over your shoulder making the cashier violently blush.

“You betcha.”

Now, his heart was pounding so hard in his chest, but he needed to stay focus. Had you already moved on? It had been two months after all.

He followed you outside, past his car and to a more isolated part of the local park. It was a cozy area with a small pond that had small ducks honking at each other, however, your eyes trailed everywhere as if searching for someone or something.

“Seems like someone has a crush.”

You chuckled, “Doubt it, they just get flustered easily.”

You sat down, holding your stomach as Leon was slowly connecting the dots. Not once did you spare him a glance as you offered him his portion of the food he kindly paid for. He gently took it hoping you would look his way.

“Looking for someone?”

“Yup.”

Your answer was absent of any hostility.

“Will they be…upset if they see me talking to you?” The somber tone in his voice finally made you flicker your eyes at him for a moment before diverting it back to the small pond.

Shaking your head, “It’d be a little weird if he was upset. I can talk to whoever I please.”

Leon didn’t know what else to say. He assumed from that statement you weren’t seeing anyone but who was this man you were looking for.

“See him often?”

“Here and there.” Taking a sip of your drink, you were happy it brought some sort of energy. “Fine, let me stop being vague. He was an addict, I’d get him food whenever I can but I sent him to get help. Told him if he really wanted to change, he would do it no matter how bad the voices got in his head and there were people just like him in a rehab not too far from here. And if he was interested, I might’ve pulled some strings to have a job available at the cafe to keep him off the streets. I knew he was on the right track if I hadn’t seen him around.”

“How long has it been?”

You smiled taking another sip. “Two weeks.”

Leon was surprised, the dedication you had to help others never failed to warm his heart. You truly were an angel. “That’s amazing”

“I always had hope you know? I just wanted to help but he did it all on his own.”

Those word resonated with him. He wanted to desperately hold and tell you, he was proud of you and never expected anything else.

“Does that mean there’s hope, even for me?” His question hung in the air, like a scary thought come to life waiting to be crushed.

“Always Leon.” With a sad smile, you placed your hand on your stomach hoping he would get the hint. “For the three of us too.”

His hand trailed down from your face down to your hand. Don’t twist the knife just yet, he pleaded to himself. Not wanting to misinterpret your actions or assume the worse, something in his chest tightened keeping him from breathing.

“Is it…mine?”

The way your smile dropped, had him feeling sick to his stomach. You nearly hit him. Nearly struck him with all your fury. You even wanted to give him a couple of good whacks with your pastry but you didn’t and settled for a calmer approach.

Kind of.

“You really piss me off sometimes, you know?” Trying to keep your leg from shaking, you took a deep breath. “I’ve never been with anyone else Leon!”

Leon stared at you in disbelief. He knew that truth when you told him a while back. At first he didn’t want to believe it, someone as beautiful and intelligent like you didn’t have a line of suitors waiting outside your door? You made the same face, scrunching up your nose and furrowing your brow before walking away, no longer interested in entertaining him. Of course, he didn’t let you get far and apologized with a soft kiss not intentionally wanting to humiliate you.

“Sorry.”

Rolling your eyes, you crossed your arms. “It’s fine.”

“No I mean for everything.”

A chilly wind blew through the air causing you to unconsciously shiver. Instantly, Leon removed his light coat and hesitantly wrapped it around your shoulders.

“Were you going to tell me?” He asked, looking at the ducks gathering their little ducklings by the pond.

“Yes, I wasn’t going to keep this from you. You deserve to know.”

“When?” He pressed softly. “It’s been two months. How long have you known?”

“I had an odd feeling when I resigned. Then I really knew when I missed my second period and went to the clinic.”

Leon hid his face in his hands before sitting back up. He had no right to question you like this but he needed to know. “I wish I knew sooner. I tried to call everyday, whenever I had free time to hear your voice and-“

You rested your hand on his. “I know. I needed time. You owe me that. I was going to pay you a visit this weekend but you beat me to it. Guessing Claire said something?” He froze, not wanting to give Claire up. “No worries, she told me she would.”

Well that made things easier.

“Yeah…but I’m here if you need anything. I’ll make sure you guys are taken care.”

“You’ve always done that Leon, did you forget?”

Again he struggled to find the right words, “Thank you.”

“That doesn’t mean we’re back together or that you’re staying with me. There’s a hotel two blocks away you could stay at. If I need you, I’ll call you. I go to the clinic every Tuesday you can join me during my appointments if you’d like-by the way if that was your attempt at following me, it was terrible. I recognized your car the moment I stepped outside so I knew it was a matter of time.”

Oh shit.

It wasn’t perfect but this was his second chance. Whoever it was blessing him he couldn’t be grateful enough.

So that’s how it went. Leon showed up at your place every Tuesday to take you to your appointments. You don’t know how he managed considering he had his own life and missions to complete but even if he was running late, he apologized to you. Weeks turned to months and you were starting to show more and more and Leon was getting exceptionally nervous when you were alone.

“I’m capable Leon, don’t worry.” You told him one night as you allowed him to stay for dinner. He had to leave in the morning but he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.

“No doubt about it.” He assured you, stirring a pot. “Just don’t want you stressin’ yourself out.”

“You stress me out!” You joked, setting the table. The thought alone left him in shambles but that smile of yours eased his nerves.

Dinner was delicious and just as you were about to clean up, Leon took you by your hand and led you to your backyard. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? The food wasn’t that bad Leon.”

“No. About Ada.” You looked away from him, the urge to walk away burning you. “I should’ve never done what I did. The mission went terrible wrong. I got what I needed but there were so many lives I couldn’t save and-“

“Let me guess Ada showed up?” Your sarcastically inquired. “Her normal routine.”

Leon let out a bitter scoff thinking back on how it all played out. “Yeah. We shared a drink or two. One thing led to another and-” He closed his eyes already thinking back on that regretful moment. “It wasn’t until…we kissed did I really realize how fucked up it all was. Never slept her, if you were ever wondering that. I just knew I couldn’t face you. Ada has always been there since forever now and I knew how much her presence influenced my idiotic actions and hurt you over and over again.”

Rubbing his thumb over your knuckles, he placed a soft kiss on it. “I know I could never make up for what I’d done but I will die for you. For both of you. Life without you was and has been torture and I didn’t realize how your absence made me want to be better man. Don’t deserve it…I don’t deserve you. But you deserve happiness, and if you’ll allow it. I want and need to be by your side. I want to build new memories with you. I want to grow old and die by your side.”

Holding your hand, he got down on one knee before you. “I know we’re not together right now but this is my promise to you. I promise to be the one by your side through sickness and in health. I can’t stand another moment where I wake up and you and our child aren’t there. You kept me alive and stood by me through the worse and I will be here for you until it’s my time. I know this isn’t ideal…and I wish I brought you somewhere nicer but I…I love you. I still have much to prove but if you even take the time to think about it, it’ll make me the happiest man in the world.”

Pulling out a velvet box in your favorite color, he opened it to reveal a beautiful ring with your birthstone surrounded by smaller diamonds in an intricate design that complemented it.

“Would you forgive me and marry me?”

“Yes!”

You should’ve hesitated but in that moment and time, you knew it was the right decision. And when you finally kissed him, and pulled him into a warm embrace after months with not much physical contact, he knew he won in life. And he was going to make sure he gave you the best life since you never failed to brightened his.

One thing you never told him was after you left, a month had passed and Ada randomly showed one day apologizing to you. You expected her to throw it in your face that she was able to steal Leon away from you but she has no idea about you or Leon. You wanted to call bullshit, but she knew you two worked closely together but you kept your relationship so private that not even she or the DSO knew about it. She explained that Leon deeply regretted his actions, proclaimed he loved you and that he needed to confess his wrongdoings. He didn’t know how he was going to tell you especially since you had your reservations about her since the very beginning and she completely understood why given her line of work.

“He made a stupid mistake-we both did and I know he’ll slowly kill himself over this. I know you’re the only person he’ll really listen to so don’t let him do that. He’s a good man.” She whispered.

You listened to every word she said, offering her something to eat and drink to calm both of your nerves. “I know he is so I’ll think about it Ada. Thanks for stopping by.”

And from then on. The rest was history.

When you finally gave birth, you and Leon moved into your new home. You never knew you’d get to see the day he would be a father carefully holding his child. He did extensive research with you about everything pregnancy related during the prenatal and postpartum stages and everything baby related he could get his hands on. Especially speaking with private specialists who would deal with your condition.

Neither of you were perfect, not in the slightest but you both made it work. Neither of you had family to help take care of the baby but your friends came through like they always did.

And when the day for the wedding came along, it was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of. It wasn’t a big one, but it was for you and Leon and that’s the only thing that mattered. Though you were scared to see her showing up, he eased your worries by announcing you were his wife and nothing was changing that.

Not in this lifetime or the next.

.

.

.

“Okay you got everything?” You looked through his belongings, stuffing additional ammo in there for him just in case.

“Seems like it.”

“It’s going to be a long drive.” You pointed out, handing him some food for the road.

“When isn’t it?” The clipped tone in his voice only made you look into those blues eyes of his and hold his chin. You knew he was upset because he was going to be gone for a long while. The fear of uncertainty clinging to the air about his condition.

“You got this okay? You got Sherry too. Don’t forget to say hi to her for me. And don’t make me end up coming to save your ass.”

He scoffed, exiting the car. For a moment you thought he was angry from the vague expressions on his face but he suddenly pulled you in once more, pressing his lips to yours as if it was his last. He always did this when he went away on missions but you both knew time was running out. He wanted you by his side more than anything. You were always able to figure anything out but he knew he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened to you.

With a hand lingering on your waist, he closed his eyes resting his forehead against yours. It was always you at the end of the day. Grounding him in ways no one could ever do. And you loved each other all the more for it.

“Well, you do have a habit of saving my ass.”

Tears found your eyes again as you fixed the collar of his jacket, his eyes peering into you like no other man could. “You started it, you know?” A moment passed as you struggled to say the one thing that haunted you every day since his symptoms appeared. “I know you’re going back to deal with on your own. So please just…come back to me. Back to us.”

With another kiss, he pulled you into a hug. Affection was something Leon had learned to appreciate and yearn for over the years. It wasn’t easy, you both knew that but you sought each other time and time again.

You were heart bound from the very beginning.

“I promise.” He paused for a moment, feeling the weight of everything. The pain in his body. The memories of it all coming back to him with a raging vengeance. Even if it all went to hell, he knew one thing.

“There’s no other home than you.”

.

.

.

.

“Give them a kiss from me.”

You playfully crossed you arms, “You already did.”

“Give them another one-“

“Wait daddy!” You heard the pitter pattering of feet as your child who was the splitting image of Leon came running.

Leaving the car once more, Leon couldn’t resist to scoop up his five year old. “Hey, I left you sleeping? What happened?”

Wrapping their tiny arms around his neck, he pulled them into a hug. “I-I wanted to say goodbye and that I’ll miss you and tell you I really really love you!”

There was nothing better than watching the people you loved most in the world. Leon’s heart melted, smiling down at his child that had your eyes with so much emotion, love and pride.

“You know, I’ll miss you more than anything. And that I love you way more. Just take care of mommy, can you do that for me?”

Your child offered Leon a sharp salute with a huge grin plastered on their face. “Always!”

At the party a week later, he already knew your name and was drinking more than anyone else. You laughed at his jokes even when they were kind of mean, even when you were nervous. He looked at you a little longer than he looked at everyone else.

Sukuna touched you more than necessary. His hand on your waist felt like a brand. When he leaned in and told you you were pretty, something inside you tightened with happiness.

You ended up in his bedroom.

The door shut.

The music behind the wall turned muffled.

He kissed you like he wasn’t used to asking permission. You were shaking. You didn’t want to look naive. When he pushed inside you and understood you’d never done this before, he froze for a second.

His fingers tightened on your thigh.

You wished you hadn’t let him realize.

You wanted to seem grown, brave.

There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes. Maybe even a little confusion. But he exhaled and kept going, like he’d decided it was just a detail.

Sukuna didn’t stop.

You clenched your teeth, buried your face in his forearm, pressed into the tattooed skin so he wouldn’t notice how much it hurt. He wasn’t cruel. He just didn’t think about the fact that you might be scared. He was too focused on himself.

Later you lay beside him, staring at the ceiling, convincing yourself it had been right. That it had meant something important to him. And in the morning Sukuna lazily said he liked you while you were cleaning up his room.

That you could try being together. He said it like he was talking about a new playlist, not your heart.

You agreed.

You said “yes” so fast he even smirked. Easy. Way too easy.

You remember your friends trying to talk you out of it. “He’s insane, can’t you see that? He’ll dump you in a week.” You didn’t listen. You looked at them and thought: You just don’t know him like I do. Stupid.

The stupidest girl alive.

Sukuna knew they were warning you. You told him. Complained that they didn’t get him, that he was good, just complicated. He half-listened, nodded, thought about something else.

Good? He wasn’t good.

But if that’s what you needed to believe — fine.

What did he care?

Sukuna knew you were foolish. Not dumb — you did great in school. Foolish in the way you looked at him. The way you waited. The way you forgave. He saw it and found it amusing. Sometimes even cute. Sometimes annoying. But overall — convenient.

At first, everything felt almost normal.

Sometimes he was almost gentle.

Sukuna could pull you into his chest out of nowhere and rest his chin on the top of your head. He could text you at night, a short “You asleep?” and when you answered, tell you to come over.

He could lace his fingers through yours like it was natural.

You lived for those moments.

They were rare.

That’s why they felt precious.

But most of the time, he was different.

He knew you loved flowers.

You’d send him pictures of bouquets, text “They’re so pretty,” sigh when you passed flower shops. He saw. Sometimes he even thought, Maybe I should get her some. Then brushed it off. Flowers die. Waste of money. And if he bought them once, you’d start expecting it again. He didn’t want you expecting things.

He didn’t want to owe you.

You wanted to be understanding for him.

He knew you were hurt when he forgot important dates. Your birthday. Valentine’s. Your anniversary. He didn’t remember numbers. Didn’t try to. What was the point? Days pass, everything repeats. Why celebrate?

The truth was he remembered your birthday. He just didn’t think it mattered enough to show up. A friend’s party, lots of booze, girls looking at him with interest. Why go home where you’d be waiting with that look in your eyes? He didn’t want to see it.

The candles had already burned halfway down by midnight.

You had bought a cake he never saw.

He came back three days later. You were sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea, not looking at him. Your eyes were red. You only asked, “Are you hungry?” He was. You cooked. Everything was “fine.”

You tried to smile. Asked if he’d had fun. You didn’t ask why he hadn’t come. And Sukuna pretended not to notice.

Easier that way.

He didn’t get why your friends hissed at him. They looked at him like he’d done something unforgivable.

What had he done?

He was with you.

What more did they want?

He knew you wanted real dates.

The kind you chose. Rom-com movies. Parks. Stupid little fairs. He refused. “Boring.” “Not going.” “Just come over.” You agreed. You always agreed. He didn’t think about how you felt. If you really wanted it, you’d drag him there, right?

So it must not matter that much.

He took advantage of the fact you wanted to be a good girlfriend.

He knew you hated horror movies. You’d say, “They scare me, I can’t sleep after.” But when he turned one on, you sat beside him, pressed close, and stayed quiet. He didn’t turn it off. He liked them. And if you were scared, you’d just cling tighter.

Not so bad.

He knew you were exhausted. Classes. A job. Four hours of sleep...

But when he wanted sex, he just came up to you and started. If you said “I’m not in the mood,” he’d insist. Not harshly. Just, “Come on.” Kissing your neck. Tugging at your clothes. You gave in, because it always felt good with him. Always.

Sukuna didn’t see a problem.

You weren’t really resisting.

So you must’ve wanted it too.

He knew you picked out thoughtful gifts. Hid them. Gave them to him with that hopeful look like you’d brought him a stray cat. He’d say “Thanks” and shove them in a drawer. Not because he didn’t care — he just didn’t know what to do with it. Books he wouldn’t read. Sweaters he wouldn’t wear...

Why? He didn’t ask.

You give, he takes. Fair.

He didn’t need anything.

Sukuna remembered how you hugged him after fights.

He yelled — he knows he yelled.

Sometimes for a reason, sometimes just because he was in a shitty mood. And you’d come up behind him, wrap your arms around his waist, press your cheek to his back. Quiet. He felt your breathing through his shirt. It was strange. Warm.

He didn’t get why you did it, but he let you.

Sometimes even waited for it.

Never asked.

He knew you were hurt when he disappeared for days without answering.

You’d text. Call. Then stop. When he vanished, you barely ate. You checked your phone again and again. Replayed everything you’d said. Convinced yourself you’d ruined it. And when he came back, you’d throw your arms around his neck like he’d returned from war.

Something in his chest tightened.

A weird feeling.

He brushed it off.

You’re just emotional.

You just missed him. Nothing special.

But there was something special about being waited for.

You thought if you loved him hard enough, he’d become better. You saw him as wounded. Broken. You believed you could be a quiet place where he didn’t have to be hard.

You believed that if you were patient enough, understanding enough, one day he’d want to be softer too. You didn’t try to change him. You just hoped he’d notice how much you did.

He never asked you to.

Sukuna knew what you felt when he came to bed smelling like someone else’s perfume.

You never said anything. Just turned to the wall and breathed quietly. He thought, If you’re not asking, good. He was too lazy to explain, too lazy to lie, too lazy to handle your feelings.

They were yours. Not his.

Sometimes he noticed something off.

The way you looked when he joked about you in front of friends. How you dropped your gaze when they said he didn’t deserve you. How you flinched when he yelled. And in those moments something unpleasant stirred deep inside him.

Guilt? No. Just discomfort.

Like he’d done something wrong but couldn’t figure out what.

He’d brush it off.

Drink. Leave. It would pass.

The worst part — he genuinely didn’t understand.

To him, you were just you.

Always there. Always available. Always forgiving.

He didn’t see boundaries because you never set them. He didn’t feel pain because you never showed it. He thought everything was fine. Because if it wasn’t, you’d leave. Or cry. Or scream.

But you didn’t scream. You didn’t cry. You just stayed.

You never cried in front of him.

That matters. You never cried.

He got used to thinking you were strong. That you could handle everything. That you’d always be there, always ready, always forgiving. He thought that’s just how you were. That tears weren’t your thing.

He was wrong.

That night at Gojo’s.

Sukuna was drunk. Really drunk.

He remembers you walking up to him — in that black dress he once called “decent.” You took his hand carefully, timidly. Your fingers were cold. They were shaking.

He thought you were freezing outside.

He didn’t think you were scared.

Didn’t think you were hurting.

“We need to talk,” you said.

He looked at you and noticed your eyes were shining. Something was off, but he couldn’t place it. He was drunk. He was having fun. He didn’t want to talk.

“I don’t have time for this,” he muttered. “Go home.”

Music. Noise. Laughter. He was always busy when you showed up serious. He knew what that meant. Complaints. Questions. Those eyes he never understood.

He pulled his hand away.

Your fingers slipped off. You stood there watching. He had already turned back to the crowd when something made him glance over his shoulder. Your lips were trembling. Just a little.

He decided it wasn’t his problem.

And walked away.

The rest is blurry. Booze. Laughter. Music. The brunette from another class who’d been eyeing him for months. She sat on his lap. He let her. She was warm, smelled sweet, said something playful.

He half-listened.

Then she kissed him.

He remembers the taste of her lipstick — sickly sweet, chemical. Not like yours. Actually, he barely remembered what you tasted like. Did you even wear lipstick? Maybe if he’d once said he liked it.

Did he kiss her back? Maybe. He didn’t push her away. What difference did it make?

Then Sukuna opened his eyes.

And saw you.

You were standing at the other end of the room. In the middle of the crowd. Of the laughter. Of all that shit.

You were standing there, looking at him.

And tears were running down your cheeks.

He didn’t know you could cry like that. No sound. No sobbing. Just tears — big, fast, endless. You were holding your hand to your chest like something hurt there.

And you were looking right at him.

For the first time, his indifference made him sick.

Something in his chest jolted. Hard enough to make him want to grab his ribs. He moved — wanted to stand, shove the girl off, go to you. He even opened his mouth to call you...

But the brunette tugged his hair. Turned him back to her.

And when he looked again, you were gone.

Sukuna doesn’t remember how he pushed through the crowd. The brunette shouted something after him, but he didn’t hear it. He shoved people out of the way and didn’t understand why his heart was pounding so hard.

You just left.

You always left when he told you to.

But you didn’t leave with that face before.

You didn’t cry.

He searched the whole house. He almost slipped on something spilled near the kitchen and didn’t even notice. Checked every room, the kitchen, the bathroom, even the damn storage closet. You were gone.

Someone said, “The girl in black? She left like a minute ago.”

He ran outside.

Cold. Night. Empty street. No one.

He headed toward the bus stop. Didn’t know why. Just instinct. He knew you wouldn’t have enough for a cab.

He remembered that one time after a fight when you’d stormed off, and he’d found you at that same stop. You were sitting there, staring at your phone. When you saw him, you smiled.

God, you smiled, even though he’d been yelling at you thirty minutes earlier.

Like he was the solution, not the problem.

He walked and thought, What am I even going to say? Why am I going?

He didn’t know.

His legs just kept moving.

Maybe it was the right thing to do.

He saw you from a distance.

A small figure on the bench, curled into yourself. You were staring ahead. Not crying. Just sitting there. He came closer. Stopped a couple of meters away. Didn’t know what to do. Shoved his hands into his pockets — he’d come out without a jacket, was freezing, but didn’t feel it.

“Hey,” he called.

You looked up.

And he saw your face. Swollen. Red. Wet. You looked at him like you were seeing a ghost. Like he was the last person you ever wanted to see. And for the first time, he was actually scared.

“What’s wrong…” he started. “You were crying?”

The words sounded wrong the second they left his mouth.

Stupid question. Idiotic. You were covered in tears. But he genuinely didn’t know what to say. He’d never seen you like this. And you just kept staring. And in your eyes there was something that made his insides twist.

“What…”

And then you sobbed.

You broke down.

Loud, shaking, like a child, like something wounded, like someone being killed from the inside out. You covered your face with your hands, your shoulders trembling uncontrollably. The sounds you made were awful.

They cut through the air.

Cut through him.

Dug under his skin and stayed there.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you whispered.

Sukuna froze. He had never — never — seen anyone cry like that. Especially not you.

You, who waited and tolerated all his bullshit.

For the first time in his life, Sukuna didn’t know what to do.

His mind went blank. His mind was blank.

Not a single thought.

Just panic — sticky, cold, unfamiliar.

He stepped closer. Crouched down in front of you. Reached out, hand hovering over your shoulder.

“Hey…” he tried again. “Come on… stop…”

You jerked away. Hard.

Like he’d hit you.

And something twisted violently inside him.

You shrank back against the bench, pressing yourself into the backrest, curling in tighter. And cried louder.

“Don’t touch me,” you breathed out. “Don’t touch me!”

Sukuna went still. His hand hung in the air.

He stared at you, confused.

You always wanted him to touch you.

You reached for him, clung to him, asked for affection even when he was rough.

And now — don’t touch me.

“I just—” he began.

“Just leave,” you cut him off. Your voice kept breaking, choking on tears. “Please. Just go.”

He didn’t go. Something held him there, pinned him to that asphalt, to that bench, to you. He watched you cry and felt something inside his own chest start to hurt.

Not like before. Worse. Deeper.

“I didn’t mean to,” he tried. “I didn’t think you’d—”

“You never think!” you suddenly shouted.

And that scream, wet and shattered, hit him like a slap.

“Have you ever thought about me? Even once? Do you know how many nights I couldn’t sleep? Do you know how I waited for you? Do you know how much it hurts when you do this?”

Sukuna stayed silent.

He didn’t know. He genuinely didn’t.

“You forgot my birthday. You left and didn’t come back. You slept with other girls and didn’t even hide it!”

“I didn’t fuck anyone!” he snapped back, frowning slightly, but you cut him off immediately—

“And I still loved you!” you cried. “I still waited! I thought if I was good enough, patient enough, you would—”

Your breath hitched.

You covered your face again.

Your shoulders shook harder.

And Sukuna felt something tear slowly inside his chest.

With a crack. With pain.

He didn’t understand what it was. He’d never felt it before.

“I…” he started again. Stopped. Swallowed. “I didn’t know it mattered that much to you. You never said it straight.”

You looked up at him.

So full of pain he almost flinched.

“I did,” you hissed quietly. “A hundred times. You just…” another sob, “…you just never listened.”

He wanted to argue.

To say he did listen.

That he remembered. That—

But he didn’t. He truly didn’t.

Your words had always slid past him because they felt small. Petty. Unimportant.

He reached out again. Slowly. Carefully.

Like you were a wild animal he might scare away.

His fingers touched your shoulder. Gently squeezed.

“Come here,” he said quietly. “Just… come here.”

He wanted to hug you.

For the first time in his life, he wanted to hold you not for sex, not out of habit, but because you were crying and he didn’t know how to make it stop. He tried to pull you toward him — careful, almost soft.

You tore yourself away.

You shoved him.

Hard. Both hands. So hard he nearly fell back. You jumped to your feet, stepping away. One step. Two. You stood there, soaked in tears, shaking, broken, screaming:

“Don’t touch me! Don’t you dare! Not after you— not after her—”

Your voice cracked.

You couldn’t finish.

You covered your face and froze.

Sukuna stood up slowly. Took a step toward you — then stopped. His hands dropped. He clenched his fists until his nails dug into his palms.

It hurt. It should.

He turned his head away.

Not because he didn’t want to look. But because seeing you like that — crying, hating him, distant — was unbearable. And because for the first time, he felt ashamed. He stared at the empty road, at the lonely streetlamp. Anywhere but at you.

His throat tightened.

He ruined it.

He didn’t even know when it started going wrong.

He just lived the way he knew how. Took what was given. Didn’t think about consequences. And now you were standing there crying, and he didn’t know how to fix it. Only knew he had to do something.

But what?

“I’m sorry,” he said into the dark. “I… I’m sorry.”

He didn’t turn around. Didn’t look at you. He didn’t have the guts.

The night stayed silent. You stayed silent.

And something inside him was dying.

Slowly. Painfully.

For the first time in his life.

How many times had you smiled when you were breaking?

He’d never said thank you.

Never said you were beautiful.

Never chose you — just let you stay.

He thought about how if you walked away right now, he’d have nothing left. Just an empty apartment. A cold bed. And the memory of how you smelled. Something warm. Familiar. His.

He clenched his jaw and, for one second, hoped you’d say, “It’s okay. I’m just tired.”

Let him hold you.

But you said:

“Get lost, Sukuna. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

You didn’t say you didn’t love him anymore.

But he understood anyway.

Maybe the only right thing he could do now was leave.

Do not repost, copy, plagiarize, translate, or feed my work into AI in any form!) English is not my first language, so yes, my writing might not be perfect.(