Just A Girl

You pace through the crowd and pause at the edge of the chateau. You take in a breath and let out a deep sigh before rounding the corner to see JJ leaning on a tree alone, smoking a J. Just like Pope said, you thought. As you step forward, a branch snaps under your foot and as you cringe, his eyes dart towards you.

He looks you dead in the eye, expressionless, and blows out a gush of smoke before he turns back to look out into the wooded area surrounding you. He knew you were going to approach him either way, so he didn’t intend of watching you whilst you made haste to him.

“Hey.” You hun quietly and bite your lip as you approach him now, leaning on the tree opposite him.

He simply just raises his eyebrow at you and nods his head - taking one more drag before handing it over to you with no words spoken. It stays quiet for a couple of minute whilst you inhale the herbs, ready for the weight to be lifted off your shoulders. That weight being so many things.

Guilt. Pain. Fear.

Fear of what?

You weren’t sure what you feared more; rejection, or maybe even the opposite. Either way, both scared you.

JJ was your best friend and you’d never intended on falling for him, pining for him. It just happened, and once you’d become aware of the jealousy and the sting you felt when he’d leave your side and move to Kiara’s… well you figured that if you had realised, then maybe the others would and that scared you more than your feelings did because you weren’t sure how to act on these feelings.

Love is a complex thing and you realise this now. There are so many ways to love and so many versions of love. You can love every bone in one’s body, and still not be in love with them. You can find someone extremely insufferable, and be in love with them. It almost makes no sense whatsoever, and that was what scared you. You didn’t know how any of this would play out, and that made you feel physically sick.

Until now. You felt fearless, invincible, brave. It was because in front of you stood the latter of the two kinds of love stated above. The one person who knows exactly how to push your buttons. The one person who was, 9 times out of 10, completely insufferable. The one person who you knew you were completely and utterly in love with, despite all the voices in your head telling you not to be. JJ Maybank was the one for you.

“Why Rafe?” JJ pulls you out of your thoughts and as you try to stutter a response, he interrupts you again. “Was it because you knew it would sting more being him than anyone else?” He fired.

You scoffed and stood taller now. Defence mode activated.

Fight or flight, you thought.

“Oh wait, never mind. I’m sure you’re just going to walk away again aren’t you?” He shrugs and send you a bold smile.

You laugh now and JJ’s face retorts. “You really don’t get it, do you?” You rub your forehead with angst.

“Get what?” He asks.

“This J!” You point between the two of you. “Us.” You groan.

“This isn’t about us. It’s about you and Raf-“

“Right.” You laugh. “So enlighten me. Why does me and Rafe bother you anyway then? If it’s not about us, then why?“ you pry.

JJ flares his nostrils and rolls his eyes.

“It bothers me because it’s Rafe.” He states. “You know Rafe Cameron who shoves coke up his nose to deal with his daddy issues.” He says in spite.

“That’s ironic because he tells me you’re no good for me because you inhale herbs like there’s no tomorrow, due to your own daddy issues.” You snap and JJ flinches, which instantly makes your eyes prickle with tears of guilt.

You knew you’d fucked up as soon as you saw the hurt in his eyes at the mention of his dad.

What you hadn’t noticed, is that he knew you were right. The minute he himself had mentioned Rafe’s coping mechanism, he realised the similarities to his own.

“I’m so sorry J. I didn’t mean for that to be so harsh.” You deflate and glance at the boy who’s head hung low.

“It’s fine. You’re not wrong.” He confesses and flashes you a small smile.

“Can we stop arguing now? This isn’t us.” You whisper as your eyes fill even more.

JJ nods and steps closer to wipe your eyes with his thumbs. You lean your head on his chest and stay there for a while.

“I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen okay?” You say and JJ steps away, nodding. Obliging.

“I like you J. As in my feelings for you are deeper than either of us had imagined and planned.” You start and glance up to meet his eyes. He nods for you to continue. “I figured it out a while back and since then, it just got worse and worse because every time you left my side to be by anyone else’s, I felt cold and shitty and empty. That terrifies me.” You sniffle and JJ steps forward to comfort you as you block him.

“No J, please. I don’t want to cry.” You deny him softly and he nods. “It scares me that my whole mood can change based on your actions, or lack there of. And I know it’s not you fault so please don’t think I’m blaming you but I just found it really hard at the last party to be around you, whilst you were pining after Kie-” You cringe at your own words but shake it off.

“Y/n-“

“-Kie. So when I went outside for fresh air and broke down, Rafe found me and he comforted me.” You explained. “Which then led to other things.”

“Yeah okay. Spare me the details.” JJ interrupts, flailing his arms around and you laugh. As you look at him now, you realise he was close to crying too.

“Then he just promised to distract me whenever I felt like shit and he really helped me J.“ you confess and watch JJ frown again.

“Brilliant. So Rafe managed to help you more than you best frien-“

“But you weren’t my best friend anymore J. Why don’t you get that?” You groan. “I couldn’t come to you about something that was about you, could I?!” You let out an exasperated sigh.

“Can I talk?” JJ asks.

You nod.

“Do you seriously think I have real feelings for Kie?” He asks you with a serious expression.

“Well it seems obvious.” You retort.

“But I don’t.” He deadpans. “I don’t have feelings for Kie at all. Kie knows where my feelings lie.”

You frown and shake your head, confused.

“I like you, Y/N. I have liked you since forever.” He laughs and pokes your cheek, making you blush.

“Liar.” You say and try to hide your smile.

“You-“ He lifts your chin up to look at him. “- are the reason the no pogue on pogue macking rule was made.“ he grins cheekily.

You were lost for words which might I add, was a rare occasion. You scoff and push JJ’s chest, sending him back to the tree he was originally leaning on.

“That’s so cheesy J. I think I’d have preferred the rejection after all-“

“Shut up.” He laughs and pulls you into him. You glance up at him with the biggest grin and he almost feels his insides melt.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” He informs you and you nod.

JJ’s lips meet yours and his arm wraps around your waist, pressing you closer to him. You wrap your arms around his neck and deepen the kiss but are soon interrupted by the same noise that drew JJ’s attention to you earlier. You pull apart and turn to follow the noise.

…

@a-j-stuffs @totallynotkaibiased @rafecameronswhore @fangirlfree @clairdemoony @kaelibaby @treacherous-minibars @trinbby13 @notdisneychannel @tarakizz @onlyangel-444 @bjrmaybank @fairyprincesslili @stoptryingtomakefetchathing @tokyoshi @gillybear17 @1-800-imagines @pogu3s-4l @zealouscherryblossumqueen

JJ had made his way back to the crowd about 10 minutes ago and joined in with the social interactions of your friendship group. You had been dying to send a smile in his direction, but he was avoiding your eyes completely. Afraid that if he genuinely looked at you, his walls would come crumbling down. He’d worked hard over the years to keep the walls up for everyone. Well, everyone except you. Usually.

Sarah creeps up beside you, and smiles at you. You smile back at her and glance out to the four figures in front of you and see John B smirking. Your eyes go wide and you frown for a second before you whip your head round to her - realisation sinking in.

“Sarah!” You gasp and instantly cover your mouth with your hands, not meaning to project your voice so much. “You told him?!” You whisper harshly and she stutters.

“Technically they overheard m-“

“They?” You ask and close your eyes in frustration and bite your lip. You open your eyes and glare at her before slowly turn back. Not even ready to begin to imagine the look you were about to be greeted with from JJ.

Long behold, it was the death glare itself from the blonde pogue stood across from you. John B held a proud, surprised look on his face and JJ… well JJ’s face was pure judgement with a sprinkle of anger. You turn to face Sarah and roll your eyes as she begins to defend herself.

Suddenly you start to feel nauseous. The feeling brewing in your stomach and making it’s way upwards. You attempt to push the feeling aside as you turn to face your best friend.

“You said you wouldn’t.” You sneer at her and glance at JJ one more time before rushing off to disperse of the feeling at the pit of your stomach into the toilet.

You make haste through the crowd and inside, heading straight to the bathroom to be sick.

The minute your knees hit the floor and your head leans over, the contents are quick to leave your body heaving and wrenching. Not a feeling you enjoyed much at all. Or literally at all. You hated being sick and you weren’t a sicky kind of person. Not drunk or when you were poorly but recently, when it came to parties - you were. You don’t lien the drama and you hate confrontation. The fact that tonight will now probably bring both of those into the mix, is what’s made you feel sick in the first place.

As you lean over the toilet once more to try your best to get rid of the anxiety bubbling inside you, you close your eyes and let the tears flow. Then you feel a hand touch your wrist. The hands finger goes beneath the hair band on your wrist and uses it to tie your hair up.

You hated being sick and the only way you could describe how it make you feel, was that it hurt. It hurt your throat, it hurt your tummy, it just hurt. Definitely one of the top 5 on your ‘things I hate’ list.

“What do you want JJ?" You ask as you grab some toilet roll to wipe your mouth before leaning back against the wall, bringing your kees up to your chest.

He bit his lip and played with his cap which was off his head and in his hands. He glanced at you and let out a deep breath.

"Why Rafe?" He asks with his eyebrows creased. You scoff and shake your head

"Really? You're asking me this now?" You mock his ridiculous timing.

"Yes y/n. I'm asking you this now before you run away from this again!" He raises his voice making you flinch slightly.

You sigh as you suddenly become very interested in the pattern of the bathroom floor tiles. The built up frustration, anger, tension - it all simmered within you as you tried your hidest to bite your tongue. JJ's gaze on you intesified as each second passed.

"Y/N." He pried.

"Why not Rafe?" you bit as you stood up now.

"Well first off; he's older and legal... you technically are not." JJ explained and you rolled your eyes. "Secondly; he's your best friend's brother." He continues and you roll your eyes as you shove past him to go to the sink. You run the tap and gargle some water in your mouth. "And finally; he's just gonna hurt you." He finishes and you turn around leaning on the sink with a devilish smirk. He frowns at this.

"Okay so firstly; I may not be what society classes as an adult, but I am allowed to decide who I sleep with and when. I suppose it’s okay for an 18 year old woman to sleep with you though right? Because it’s only ever predatory if it’s a man committing the crime? Secondly; I have known Sarah and Rafe both since babies and before I could even talk, so he's not just my best friend's brother - he is one of my best friends." She defends and crosses her arms over her chest. "And finally, he won't hurt me because it was just that once." She says and looks up to JJ who has a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“One time? You mean one time so far.” J scoffs and your anger builds up easily, already fed up of his attitude.

“It doesn’t even effect your life anyway JJ.” You say with a sigh.

“But it does Y/N! You don’t get it. It does effect my life!” He raises his voice steps closer. “So answer the fucking question. Why Rafe?”

“At first is was because I needed a distraction.”

“Oh right. A distraction from what then Y/N?” He shouts and your chest feels heavy. “Because as far as I’m aware. You’ve been distracted enough recently.” He finishes and your body starts shaking with anger.

“A distraction from YOU JJ!” You tell and his body stills. “A fucking distraction from everything. All of this.” Your continue.

“A distraction from watching you, whilst you look at someone else.” You say quieter now, but loud enough for him to still hear you. This time, you feel your tears roll down your face.

He just wanted to hold you and wipe your tears away. He wanted to make you feel better and he wanted you to know that he’s shit at this kind of thing, he always had been. He wanted to apologise. There was so much that he wanted to do and say, but he didn’t know how.

By instinct he steps forward in a attempt to comfort you but you simply just reject it.

“No.” You hold your hand out to keep him at a distance. “Please JJ. Just don’t touch me.” You say as you use your sleeve to dry you eyes. He looks at you intensely, but with tears of his own forming now.

“I don’t understand.” He whispers. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do Y/N.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Just listen. I have been second best to Kiara my whole life. To everyone. Every boy I have liked, has liked her instead. Every time I got good grades, she got better. Every time I got a new outfit, she got an even nicer one.” You start and he opens his eyes to listen.

“Everything JJ. It sounds pathetic I know, but the only person I ever felt like I didn’t have anything to prove to, was you.” You explain and he nods his head and bites his lip.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore. The way I was beginning to feel about myself again, I couldn’t do it. Rafe has really helped me.” You explain.

“So…” JJ urges as he tucks his hands in his pockets and taps his feet.

“Do you have feelings for Kie?” You blurt.

“Do you like Rafe?” JJ turns the question around and you sigh.

“Please, I need you to answer me first JJ.”

“I don’t know.” He responds, chewing on his bottom lip. “She’s with Pope.”

“That’s not a no.” You say and he gives you an apologetic nod and looks at the ground beneath you both.

“That’s fair, but I won’t be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her.” You stand your ground and stare at him, waiting for a reaction.

“You know you’re so important to me right? Like I don’t wanna lose you and it’s felt like I have been for so long now.” He explains and you smile sadly.

What you hadn’t know at the time, due to not being a psychic, was that something clicked in JJ’s head. His gut had told him that whilst he did like you and and was sort of messing with you by flirting with Kie, he also couldn’t deny that he did care for Kie too and have a soft spot for her.

However the biggest thing was the way he felt like you’d developed feelings for the eldest Cameron spawn and as much as he hated that idea, he knew Rafe would look after you deep down because he always had. It all made sense now. JJ couldn’t help but feel as if he had to compete though.

“I know J. You are important to me too. We’ll be alright.” You reply and playful jab his arm.

Then, almost instantly, your body was fighting the urge to go and find Rafe. You wanted to find him and tell him how you don’t want it to be a one time thing and that when you’re with him, it’s different. Like a breath of fresh air. No big expectations and nothing to live up to because he has and always will know you. You had nothing to prove and neither did he. But you did have things to figure out and you knew the endgame would be figuring out where your feeling are lay.

Which is exactly why you text him asking if you could talk…

*********

A/N: okay, so this isn’t the end!! Just wanted to let you guys know I am still working on the separate endgame’s - I’ve just been super busy and had major writers block😩😩 Love and appreciate u all. I have a pretty good idea on how I’m ending both now though…😈 feel free to add your ideas, we’ll see who’s closest! Also might change it and give u MAJOR credit bby’s❤️

ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY @rafecameronswhore 🥳❤️