Ri

I can forgive myself, have a shower, make myself a warm cup of tea, plan the next day and try again.

Why’d I forget ab the med school entrance exam I need to take in Feb/March… and I can’t study for two things at once so after studying for my winter exams I will only have one month to cram for an exam that I should have studied for 3-6 months 😭 lol wtvvv

Actually not calm ab this at all but what can I doooo. Gonna bake cookies and hope for the best.

07/12/2025

28/11/2025

Massive vent

I am incredibly depressed lol idk wth is going on. I couldn’t study and 100% failed my first exam I even submitted it late. I was working full time and going to uni full time so never really had time to think which I’m guessing was good cuz since I quit I’ve had all this time alone and it’s not good for me at all 😭 I need to be busy. Bro and then I tried to journal to see if writing how I felt would make me feel better but I ended up feeling worse and came to the conclusion that I like uncertainty which is why I always self sabotage. Anyways hopefully I can bring my grades up w my next two exams otherwise idk why I’m gonna do w myself.

On a good note I tried ube matcha and it was delish. Reminded my of a dessert that idk the name of. I also got a squishyyy I don’t rlly buy trinkets cuz I hate clutter but I luvvv this one it’s a purple cat.

I’m gonna try get my license cuz not being able to drive slows me down so bad. Like if I had a car I could go to the gym swimming bjj everything I want to do wo worrying ab the horrible bus delays. I’m also going to quit listening to music… I literally wasted an entire day replaying this one song and I forget the real world and that I have stuff to do. I think I lowkey have an addictive personality can’t do nothing in moderation.

Goals before the week ends:

Clean room

Draft lab reports

Week 1, 2 and 3 lectures

Go on a walk daily or at least run on the treadmill

Had mandarin class today even tho it’s meant to be reading week cuz my prof does care lol. Idm either cuz it was over teams. And I have an exam next weekkk. My pronunciation is so bad. Ate a burger whilst in class and it was delish. I was also editing a yt video I wanted to post but it has 103 minutes… and I want to crop it to 12 😭 so I’m js procrastinating that.

I haven’t posted in ages. I’m back at uni now and rlly need to lock in.

Signed up for a mandarin course and it’s rlly fun and kind of easy? Maybe I’ll regret saying that a few more lessons in. I have an essay due in exactly two weeks and I rlly rlly need a 1st/ 70%+.

My prof said as long as I follow the template I’ll likely get it so I’m kind of hopeful.

Rn it’s reading week and I’m js gonna go over the past week of lectures feeling very hopeful idk why like everything will go right this year.

I’m also contemplating signing up for archery lessons 😀

16/08/2025

Heytea was having a 2for1 deal!!! My sister told me ab it and I almost redownloaded tt and insta cuz it’s my fave shop and I was getting fomo…

Didn’t cave in thankfully.

Bought it once for me and my work friend and now I’m going home and bought it for my sisters.

Philosophy is so interesting highkey should’ve took a class in hs but i always though of philosophers or anyone who studied it as super pompous and full of themselves buts its really super interesting and fun when I don’t deep it too much and fall into an existential crisis.

Also, I’ve decided to finally get a small commonplace hook from Muji. I always put my lists, thoughts and quotes on my phone but I think it’d be better to have a physical version too.

Lowkey regret going on holiday at the start of the summer cuz now I have nothing to look forward to

Idk how we r halfway through August. I feel like I haven’t done anything with my time…

I hate going to work but I hate sitting at home with nothing to do but my energy is always low when I go hang out w friends.

Like no motivation when I don’t have an exam deadline looming over my head. Exams make me feel alive

Cried cuz my hs maths teacher died and he was so nice to me even when I was such a bitch. I feel so bad that I never apologised ever and now I’ll never be able to

Watched this yt video yesterday and wow… one of the few videos I’ve ever like on YT it was so good. Her constantly changing scenes was also kind of ironic

It’s been a while since I delete social media and honestly I think ik myself more now. I act stupid as to why I’m so bored but I’m js an adrenaline junkie who needs to learn how to romanticise or at least deal with the mundane and stop searching for issues.

04/08/2025

Work again… I’m lowkey going insane from all my days starting to blur together. Like I need Uni to start again. I’ve been thinking about making a YT channel for like two years now and I think I’m js gonna do it. Even if my editing is still choppy and weird.

Also the world is getting way too expensive I dropped £100 yesterday and don’t even remember doing that much js arcade and food likeee

Anyways if u get easily distracted like me the best thing to do is to do wtv ur thinking ab as soon as u think ab it cuz u will never be ready and it’ll js pile up and make u more stressed.

Today:

Keep reading catching fire

Wash dishes

UCAT/ Mock Exam

Read sewing machine manual

03/08/2025

Visited the Wallace Collection and I felt like a princess js walking in those rooms

Came home and studied. This summer is probably the worst one I’ve had. I’ve literally seen more of repeat customers than my friends 😬

Clean room

Organise desk

Study Mandarin

Get started with python

Buy fabric needed for my dress

Study for UCAT - 2 hours

Read some more of Catching Fire

Missing cherry blossom season

Currently 12am and I have to get up at 4am. I’m in serious sleep debt and on my day off I’m going out so can’t even catch up on all the hours I missed. Planning on rereading the hunger games instead of going on my phone at break tomorrow last time I read it I was like 12 and I feel like it’s gonna be rlly good!

Also my phone froze whilst going to work today and I had to spend 6 hours wo can u imagine… only 6 hours and I was alr starting to bug.

I also need to compile a list of all the articles I need to read for this research project I want to get started w but my mind is in 500 different places. I’m reading like 50 books watching so many shows at least like 4 and have promised so many ppl so many things I need to write everything down.

23/07/2025

Got cold feet and moved my test date to September 3 😭

Day off work and had a blood test appointment and I think my gp is tired of me cuz they tested me for everything even tho I js came in for iron… idk if they’ll ever figure out what is wrong but oh well.

Also was looking thought some old pictures I took on my iPhone 7 and why r they so good!! Low exposurey not too high definition. Misty like a dreamm I love it so much.

I was going to buy fabric to sew a dress but I injured myself yesterday at work trying to lift a shelf- so I signed up to the gym instead.

That’s it really. Haven’t done much today