10/10 would bird again!

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today i would like to present a bold, feminist reimagining of the evidence you've seen presented against my client

And also the indestructibility of that woman's ankles

Everypuppy i have awful news. It turns out if you go to sleep 4 hours before you have to wake up, you will only get 4 hours of sleep

Making sure my Zoom camera is tilted at a Dutch angle to indicate to my coworkers my psychological madness

the other day all my coworkers were talking about the various wack diets they're on and I went "nahhhh I'm on the Seafood Diet" and the lady next to me goes "oh, what's that?" and i was so shocked by actually getting a chance to deliver the punchline on that ancient gag that i barely even remembered to say it

it's really gross how you can be self aware enough to know what's going on in your head but you can't actually stop it from happening. i need to grab it like a pigeon that got stuck in a house and throw it out the window. be free

do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare

if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.