always awkward

Pairing: Sweet Pea x plus size!reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️

Can I just say that I cried writing this. Some of the things the character says are thoughts that I’ve had myself so it explains why I cried. I put Trigger warning because I know how one small thing can Trigger a relapse and cause a person to fall back into the darkness. I want to say that I love you all, even if no one reads this or people do and we’re complete strangers, I love you. You’re all flowers waiting to bloom.❤️

masterlist // requests

For the entirety of my life I’ve been reminded how I was nothing and I didn’t deserve good things, but when I met Sweet Pea, well he made me feel on top of the world and because of him I focused my energy into loving him instead of hating myself.

I trusted Sweet Pea with all of me and I always believed he genuinely loved me, until this very moment. I knew Sweet Pea had a bad day so I decided to grab us food from pops before heading to his house, silly of me thinking this happiness would last.

Finally, his eyes met mine and he froze before pulling away from the girl and heading my way I shook my head dropping the food and drinks I was carrying before starting to head back the way I came. “How could I have been so stupid?” I whispered, tears started falling down my face and I felt so stupid.

“Y/N!” I heard him yell but I just wanted to get away from him. “Wait!!” I heard the crunch of gravel as he ran towards me before he finally caught up to me. “It’s not what it looks like.” He said and I frowned. “Babe, you know me.” He smiled and I shook my head, I pulled away from him tears flowing down my cheeks faster.

“I-I trusted you. I k-knew it. This was too good to be true.” I shook my head. “It’s over. We’re over.” I sobbed before I turned around and ran as far as my legs would take me before I fell to the floor sobbing.

“Why would he want to be with you.” I sobbed loudly. “There’s way prettier girls than you, like that girl.” I whispered shaking as sobs fell out of my mouth.

Being plus sized filled you with these insecurities and finding out that the one person you love deeply betrayed you with someone not even half your size. It hurt more than anyone could imagine.

I eventually stopped crying enough to call Cheryl and she immediately said she’d be here. I was on the side of the rode on my knees sobbing, they were starting to hurt but I didn’t care.

Eventually Cheryl showed up and helped me up and into her car. The drive to her house I spent it sobbing and when we stepped into her room I completely broke down.

“I’m so stupid.” I sobbed wrapping my arms around my stomach. “How could I think he’d want me? I mean look at me!” I yelled. “No one wants this.” I gestured you my body and Cheryl sat beside me tears filling her eyes. “Why anyone likes me is beyond me.” I chuckled bitterly.

“Stop.” Cheryl ordered. “Y/N, you’re so beautiful and you don’t even see it.” She whispered.

The door to her room flew open and in walked in Veronica, Betty and Toni. “Y/N.” Toni said softly running to me and I shook my head trying to pull away. “Stop.” I sobbed shaking and then I felt all their arms wrap around me.

“Why are you guys friends with me? Is it because you feel sorry for me? Maybe because I complete the group? Having an ugly duckling makes it all so much easier.” I said softly and they all pulled away looking at me.

“Shut up.” Veronica said angrily. “You are about the most beautiful human I have ever met, inside and out. You have this heart of gold and you forgive people over and over, until it shatters you. Sweet Pea doesn’t deserve someone like you. You deserve the entire world, Y/N.” She said tears streaming down her face.

“And we won’t stop reminding you until it sticks.” Betty said and I seen tears flowing down her cheeks. “Who you are is beautiful.” Betty smiled and I smiled back.

“I’ll beat his ass for you.” Toni interjected and I laughed bitterly. “There’s no point.” I whispered. “Thank you. All of you, you mean they world to me, thank you.” I said and they all smiled before pulling me into a group chat.

The first month of the break up was hard, the self loathing crept in and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. The second month I started going out more often with friends and focusing on school. The third month was when I knew I was getting better, I saw him in the hall and only felt a small pang before it disappeared. The fourth month was when it all stopped hurting entirely, I even smiled at him in the halls. The fifth month I knew I was going to be okay due to my friends and slowly but surely I was learning how to love myself.

I was on my way to my car and I spotted Sweet Pea leaning against it I smiled as I approached him and he looked like a mess. “You okay?” I asked concerned and he shook his head. “I screwed up with you. I fucked it all up because I’m an idiot. I’m not asking for you to give us a chance again, I just want you to know I love you and I always will. I’m so glad you’re learning to love yourself, I saw it growing everyday over the past few months and I’m so proud of you Y/N.” He said softly and I smiled warmly. “I never deserved you.” He mumbled and I walked up to him wrapping my arms around him.

“I want to thank you.” I whispered into his ear. “I needed to lose you to love me.” I pulled away smiling up at him and he gave me a sad smile before pushing off my car and walking away.

I jumped into my car, I rolled down the windows and blast my favorite song on the radio before pulling out of the parking lot and driving.