avoidant ghost

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and I forgot to worry about it

“you’re allowed to relax, you know” unfortunately i cannot do that. Otherwise they will get me

one thing about avpd is that when you consciously do a thing you would normally want to avoid you will feel like eating rocks regardless of how well it went

Are you normal or do you have hypervigilence problems because you always had to be aware of your family members moods growing up in order to deescalate situations before the arose

terrible day. i need extreme violence to feel better

people think paranoia is tinfoil hats and conspiracy theories. but no. its an island. its being surrounded by loving people with genuine intentions and being so so so painfully lonely because you're TERRIFIED of the idea that everybody either secretly hates you or wants to hurt you. and you're convinced you deserve it anyways because you're the scum of the earth but you're still avoiding it because you're a coward who can't face the truth. it's begging people to just insult you or doxx you or hit you or whatever because you just wanna get it over with instead of sitting there anticipating 'the inevitable'. it's being attracted to people who abuse you because 'they're the only ones telling the truth'.

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

it fucks me up so bad that thinking you're the scum of the earth can lead to you acting like a Bad Friend. my avoidant behaviours can easily come across as arrogantly, or laziness, or uncaring-ness. like god