im Avocado on ao3 and im a dumpster fire in real life // they/them, 30 // 18+ MINORS DNI // Feel free to say hi! 🥑 // requests closed // I block blank blogs & spam likers who don't reblog
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(This is also the first time I've written for MG, so please be kind 🤭 yes, that mixed with piss... I enjoy making myself suffer, okay? 😅)
Something something, a very long-suffering but pining reader helping an extremely drunk Mary piss after a show or night out.
Standing behind him and pressing your hand gently against the bulge of his bladder, cooing softly as whimpers pour from once-cocky lips. Watching as slim thighs press together desperately, a last ditch attempt to relieve the aching pressure.
Hearing his breath catch on a whine of your name as you extricate him from his painted-on jeans, aiming him at the toilet bowl. They've gone quiet, but you can feel the tension radiating off them, limbs quivering with the effort of holding it in.
You laugh mockingly as your hand wraps around his cock, your lips moving to murmur in a now scarlet ear.
'You can't possibly be shy now, I thought you really needed to go? What's the matter, Mare?'
He can't bring himself to admit that the sensation of your hand on him is almost too much for him to bear. But finally, finally they let go, unable to stop themselves groaning long and loud in relief.
Too focused on the sensation of release to notice the gentle squeezes of your hand around them. You praise them softly as they go, enjoying the powerful hiss of their stream, how their head falls back to rest on your shoulder, whimpering their gratitude to the ceiling. Only once their flow is reduced to a slow trickle, do you go to move away.
But his hand stops you, as you realise his cock is now filling out in your hand. Wrapping long fingers gently over yours, he starts jerking himself off languidly, guiding your hand.
'M'gonna pay y'back properly, sötnos, promise,' he slurs softly, his words melting together, 'y'feel so f'king good...'
Despite his drunkenness, he's rock hard, slick and pulsing in your hands. Tangles of pleas and curses mix with your name as they fall from lipstick-smudged lips. Daringly, you press your body hard against his back, your free hand looping over a slim hip.
Your lips rest against the side of his neck, as you dare to press a gentle bite into the sweat-slick skin of his jugular. This becomes his undoing as he swears loudly; coming so hard, he loses his balance.
He crumples, his hand barely catching the wall in time as you work him through a whole different type of release. Moans and curses melt into soft whimpers of overstimulation as you feel his length soften in your hand.
You allow yourself a moment to enjoy the weight of him wrapped lightly in your fist, his pulse fluttering wildly under your fingertips. Dropping a soft kiss over the sting of your bite, you move away to clean up, leaving him to do the same.
Laughing giddily to himself, he shakes his head, mumbling something in a tangle of Swedish and English as he straightens and turns to face you. The atmosphere between you feels heavier with something more, unspoken sentiments to be left until clearer heads prevail.
Or, well, their version of a clearer head, anyway.
'Fuckin' shit, baby,' he huffs breathlessly, jewel-bright emerald eyes looking at you as if it were the first time, 'the fuck have you been all my life?'
okay, but i saw you mention richard armitage and i want to know your favorite characters he's played? (very relatable btw, personally besides thorin i was very into him being a crazy freak pervert in hannibal) 🫶🏼
OH there is not a way they could dress that man where I wouldn’t want to bone him down (my friend and I have an extensive AU document about his characters which we periodically update) but I do love Guy of Gisborne. I started writing a long reader-insert fic for him when I was about 18, came back to it about ten years later to try and rework it because it was BAD 😂 fucking medieval biker looking ass bitch. I want to put a baby in him. 🩷
Hello! What is your take on the geese guys dick sizes/situation?
Lars Lindstrom / Driver / Colt Seavers / Ken / Henry Letham / Holland March / Sierra Six / Ryland Grace / Luke Glanton
∘₊✧ & their dicks!
Anon is out here asking the REAL questions!! Please readers, do not be offended if I've described a Goose dick differently to how youn imagine it, this is just my take on them and I'm open to suggestions because I really do love a fictional dick!!
Content: nsfw, descriptions of dicks, afab!reader, sex, hand jobs, oral (reader and Goose receiving), premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, hyperspermia, glizz, I mean this is literally all about dicks so y'know... it's cock-use adjacent
∘₊✧────────────✧₊∘
∘₊✧ Lars Lindstrom
Lars is big, but he doesn’t know since he has little to no frame of reference, plus no one’s ever seen him naked. He’s seen some racy clips from the porn that Kurt shows him, but the guys in those movies tend to be on the bigger size so Lars just thinks that’s the standard.
He’s long and thick, uncircumcized, with a light trail of dark golden hair leading down over his lower belly to a natural little bush around the base where you’ll find his neatly tucked balls. He’s pretty too; pale and smooth – and flushes pink at the tip when he gets a little excited.
Lars finds blow jobs a little overwhelming sensory-wise, so more often prefers touching, either over clothes and dry humping, or soft, slow handjobs… until he gets needy and whiny and you move a little faster. It can take Lars some time to recover after an orgasm, the intense sensations staying in his body for a while after, so no matter how much he enjoyed himself with you, he can feel a little touched out – but he will eagerly go for another round of pleasuring you when he’s caught his breath. He has been known to cum untouched while eating you out.
∘₊✧ Driver
Driver is a grower. There is a subtle bulge in his jeans, but when he gets hard it’s frankly unavoidable.
He’s a decently neat size, with a very light amount of blonde hair around the base and well proportioned balls. When he gets hard, he’s a good six inches and girthy, but not intimidatingly so – he’d stretch you just right.
He doesn’t usually wear underwear, finding the sensory aspect of wearing under-layers too restricting when he’s driving and the friction of his jeans can sometimes feel really fucking good. Especially when you kiss him, or even just smile in his direction and he feels himself twitch inside the denim. It doesn’t take much to make him come undone, because he’s deliciously sensitive. He doesn’t mind how you pleasure him and he does have a short refractory period, so it doesn’t take long to go again if he spills too early, and when he does go again, he’s so needy and whiny and intense. He just falls apart with you.
∘₊✧ Colt Seavers
Colt is a monster and has been jokingly compared to a roll of three Coke cans. With the biggest dick of all the geese, he sometimes gets a little lightheaded when he gets a boner.
He’s handsomely thick, has pretty veins that are so sensitive to a gentle touch, and thick dirty-blonde hair at the base following on from a tempting trail.
For a blow job you’ll need both hands along with your mouth to take him completely. He has to take his time when he fucks you because the stretch can be… a lot. But once you’re prepared by his fingers and tongue, and he’s buried deep, he breathes out a low growl of, ‘Fuck you’re so tight baby-’ circling his hips painfully slowly to get you comfortable before he pounds into you.
∘₊✧ Ken
Ken is fascinated with his dick. Having recently gained one when permanently returning to the Real World as an ex-doll, he feels very proud of it.
It’s plastic-perfect, like a dildo that was made to look like a realistic cock. His new dick did come with a small amount of bleach-blonde hair, as neat as the rest of him. He’s perfectly proportioned, big enough to fill you, but not to hurt.
Ken has a great time learning how to jerk off. He also learns that his cum is pink and glittery (affectionately known as Glizz)! With you, he is eager to try anything and everything and has so many questions, and wants to learn everything there is to know about pleasure – yours and his. Ken is frankly insatiable, and will hump you at any time you’re left alone together
∘₊✧ Henry Letham
Henry doesn’t think too much about sex, unless he’s with the right person who ignites that little flame of desire inside him just the right way. Then, he will get super invested, and jerking off will become a regular routine until you kiss him one day and take his breath away.
He is on the slightly smaller side, and that’s NOT a bad thing. He’s perfectly in proportion, fills you just right, and is pretty – in a sad way, just like him. He has never trimmed or shaved a day in his life, but he would if he thought you’d like it.
He is intense, and fucks you deep and thorough, never satisfied until you’ve come undone at least once – only then will he let himself really feel the pleasure you give him. Henry can take a while to get hard. Unless there’s a very specific kink at play that really gets him just right, he needs the emotional context behind the act to feel right. But he is an eager lover once he gets going, and will shed a tear or two when the resulting orgasm subsides.
∘₊✧ Holland March
Holland has a love-hate relationship with his schwanz. Sometimes it’s hard when he really could do without it, and other times it won’t cooperate.
He’s an impressive length. with an impressive bush of dark brown-blonde hair, and he knows how to use it. His balls are on the larger side and feel so heavy when he hasn’t cum for a while (he likes you to include them when you’re having fun down there).
Holland prefers handjobs to blow jobs because they feel more personal, and therefore more intense, and he is one for romance. He likes to watch you pleasure him, kiss you while you’re touching, feel the caress of your touch while you feel the throb of his desire. With his narrow hips, he’s incredibly skilled at getting the angle just right for you during sex, and making you feel full. You won’t only be full of his dick, though; Holland has hyperspermia, so when he cums, it goes on and on - it’s messy and sexy – copious amounts of his seed pump from his tip, prolonging his orgasm while you try to take it all. But you can’t ever quite manage to, and it will dribble out down your legs or over your chin. Handjob? Be prepared to both get covered in his release.
∘₊✧ Sierra Six
Six is as large as the rest of his body. He knows he’s big, and he’s quite proud of it, but he doesn’t try to impress you with that fact because he really thinks his dick can speak for itself when he’s hard.
He’s handsome, thick, curves up really beautifully when he’s hard, and when he’s had time he will groom his hair just a little bit, although that will get neglected when he’s busy.
Six likes you to take care of him so he can give up control, so he’s happy with whatever you want to do with him as long as you’re having a good time and taking away the prospect of any decision making. He can only do this, though, if he trusts implicitly, so you’re one of very few to ever see this vulnerable side of him and get free reign of how to pleasure him.
∘₊✧ Ryland Grace
Ryland is another Goose who is bigger than he knows, and he’s very modest about it – and about his abilities. He’s relatively inexperienced, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t an enthusiastic lover.
His dick is thick, veiny in a very pretty way, natural hair at the base, and balls that hand just slightly lower than the other Geese.
Ryland moans LOUD. He’s kind of embarrassed about it, but when you touch him, he just melts into pure pleasure and can’t stop himself. He loves to guide you on his cock, sitting back against the headboard or in a chair while you ride him, with his big hands holding your hips in place as he fucks up into you. It’s a very safe way for him to feel a sense of control without taking it away from you completely. And he’s kind of easy to excite – a naughty text here and there will fluster him so much that you can’t send them while he’s at work. He’s hard and leaking from the lightest touch, and he will cum from a handjob in under a minute. But when he’s buried in you, he likes to draw out the pleasure, keeping you still as he essentially edges himself in your pussy.
∘₊✧ Luke Glanton
Luke takes a lot of pride in his body, and his cock is no exception. He wants to be the whole package for you, and his actual package is just delicious.
He is of average size, pale, and has pretty balls. He keeps his hair closely trimmed and there are tattoos down there that you get to discover when you undress him, like unwrapping a birthday present; your favorites are the little loveheart and the lipstick stain left by amorous lips, calling you to kiss him in that exact spot (you discover he moans when you do. He got the tattoo in that spot for a reason).
Luke is open to anything you want to try, and wherever, too – he will drive you to the middle of nowhere to have you suck him off against his bike in nature, or he will eat you out around the back of his trailer when you looked at him that particular way and he couldn’t wait to get you inside. His favorite sexual activity of all, though, is whatever feels the most intimate. He loves to be able to look into your eyes and cum simultaneously because it feels like such a close and special thing to share. He will lay around with you afterward, inevitably getting hard again pretty quickly while you’re laid in his arms talking and kissing, because it feels kinda romantic and he loves that.
Either the Papas or your favourite Rygos characters: what do you think their bush looks like? Do they shave or trim? Use conditioner? Curlygirl methods it?? 👀
LMAO okay:
Holland March has a full bush. It’s the 70s, baby, and hair is in. He’ll trim it if you ask but prefers it wild (likes it that way on you, his partner, too)
Ryland Grace used to trim neatly back on earth, but it grew wild when they sent him on that suicide mission. No time for pube cutting in space. When he meets you after they send a science crew to Erid though… he finds a pair of scissors he can repurpose.
Lars Lindstrom is a neat man. His hair is always immaculate and his bush is no different. He takes CARE of himself and would probably feel guilty for a week if you got a pube in your mouth after going down.
Ken screams in terror when he develops pubes for the first time. He gets jumpscared by them in the shower one morning. You have to explain that its normal (but none of this is normal to him!!)
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one more sleepover thought: look he's not really my thing but i cannot deny ryan gosling looks real pretty when he's crying. i know you know this but i felt you should be reminded again.
I love a man with the big sad wet eyes of a dog. It really fucking does it for me. And when he cries? Oh. Delicious.
continued sleepover thought: i am also so grateful that the self-inserty fanfic i wrote about blorbo back in 2009 when i was in my early 20s is long gone because i would diiiiie if i had to look at it again.
oh don’t I deffo had an ao3 that I wrote for when I was about 17 which has loooooong since been deleted. We do not speak of the johnlock fanfic on there.
Listen I'm currently being weird about an old comfort character that like 3 people on earth still care about. I have a feeling this current round of obsession is a bit fleeting, but it's so nice to have for a bit, like putting on an old favorite hoodie, and I kinda seem to gravitate back towards him every year or two whenever I really need him. Curious if you have a Comfort Blorbo you return to every now and again?
blorbos come and go, they fall into your orbit and then move on, but yet there he is: your sun blorbo. The one around which you rotate. A keystone in the bridge of your unhingédness. Your mitochondria, the powerhouse of your cell.
It’s gotta be Richard Armitage. I go through RA phases yet I still come back to him as an inevitability. He’s so handsome and sweet. And sexy.
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hi friend!! something i've recently come to love is somnophilia like. the desperation etc............ would love to see your interpretation of it for.... well this is your sleepover. you pick a fella that you're chewing on for this one if it grabs ya 👀👀
Baby, I gotchu. Holland March x afab!reader, somno, 18+
Holland stumbles in that night only mildly drunk, which for him is practically sober. He finds you already fast asleep. It’s too hot to use the blankets, a sticky sort of summer sweat forming at the touch of fabric, so you’re lying on top of the bedding with nothing but PJ shorts on.
He gets hard at the first glimpse of you. An angel in a shared bed. Waiting.
The two of you have given the other permission to do what they like, at any time. A mutual free use agreement. More than once Holland has woken up to an orgasm as you’ve sucked his dick - a hell of a way to start a morning - and he likes to return the favour at night.
It’s so easy to slip in beside you and mould himself to your body. His cock is half-risen just at the nearness of you, just at the heat you give off. You wriggle in your sleep as he presses his erection to the cleft of your ass; a silent invite for him to give you more.
His hand goes under your PJ bottoms. The elastic gives way easily, these are an old, well-worn pair, but his favourites. You keep them around for sentimentality’s sake. Your cunt is already wet and willing and his fingers glisten when he brings them back to inspect them. He sucks all but his middle finger clean, choosing to wipe that final one across your lips… because the idea of you tasting your own pussy when you wake up drives him wild.
The PJs slide down just far enough to let him push inside. You gasp a little in your sleep when he’s fully sheathed but don’t stir more than that. From then it’s just a matter of fucking you in slow, steady rolls of his hips, filling you over and over in the way you love when you’re awake as much as you do when you’re asleep. Fingers return to play with you, circling your clit just right…
Your cunt spasms. He knows what your orgasm feels like, he’s given you enough of them. It’s enough to send him over the edge too, pumping his cum deep inside you until you’re all warm and full and his.
He falls asleep as his cock softens, locked against you like that, leaving you to find his release dripping from between your thighs when your alarm clock rings.
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For my contribution, I have a personal head canon that is extremely self indulgent playing the idea that The Ministry is run on stanic magic and rituals and what not but to a hilarious degree. Like, someone invoking deep dark magicks to conjure a sandwich level stupid shits and giggles.
But I always like to think of it in ways of transfiguration in terms of gender affirming care or sexy times. No need for surgery we can do a ritual that will do that for you! Or, if you want to get freaky, you can do a temporary ritual that will allow you to do all manner of physical change to your body for a time. The possibility and sins abound!
You want a 12 inches for a night? We got you with our patented ministry Extend-A-Dong ritual! Want a flat chest? We can do that permanently if you offer your boobs as a blood sacrifice! Fancy just Having Tentacles? My dear Sibling, Primo has just the tome, but there’s a waiting list…
Need some physical comfort? Summon a Hug Ghoul, they’ll treat you right (but be careful, they tend to get attached…)