Captain Assmerica

Parents be like that’s my emotional support eldest daughter

parents be like that’s the third parent in the family, my eldest daughter

this is all getting BORING i need to fall in love like right now

anyone else live under the assumption that they’re constantly doing something wrong

How about the assumption that everyone’s just being polite and any minute now they’re going to snap and let you know how awful you are

Everyone who reblogs this post, please read about the psychological phenomena of Childhood Emotional Neglect.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

I don’t like that shit, at ALL

I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex me because they’re so completely different behaviourally.

I love dogs too but, I’ve been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities

P.s.: people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs so what you’re doing probably hurts them

Okay not to interrupt, but like…. I grew up literally surrounded by cats 24/7 and I personally understand them just fine, but would anyone be able to do a translation post for dogs?? I like them too but their behavior totally throws me off, they’re so confusing

don’t u hate it when u wake up and ur awake

I just opened up a check in the mail, went to the ATM & found 20$ 😭 I’m not passing these shits up NO more on my mama!

one of the most toxic things i’ve ever done is ignore the bad in someone because i love them

girl culture is turning around every few feet when you’re walking alone to see if someone’s following u

Learn to peep through the corner of your eye so you’re not quite so obvious when you turn.

Putting in your earphones so hopefully no random men try to talk to/harass you but not actually playing music so you can listen for footsteps/other suspicious noises behind you.

feeling like someone is following you and subtly shifting whatever object you’re holding into a better grip so you can use it as a bludgeon if the person behind you tries anything

Being fucking terrified when street lamps give you more than one shadow

just girly things~🌟

my parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying

reblog if you too are scared to drink anything but water when someone takes you out to eat

half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half of me is, well, an asshole

“look at this highlight”

I can’t breathe omfggggghhh

I love her

“this is 24 karat, this is miracle from Alah.”

How to finish that last minute assignment

I can not count the number of times this trick has saved my ass.

And people say Tumblr doesn’t teach you life skills…

this will come in handy one day

ATTENTION GRADUATING CLASS OF 2013: COLLEGE SURVIVAL 101

Reblogging for future reference..