Have Mercy

1. Having plans after work and forgetting a change of clothes…and hoping febreeze will cover the weird smell.

2. Having your scrub bottoms creep down in a room while restraining and hoping it ends soon so that you don’t moon anyone.

3. Trying to decode the hieroglyphs that are doctor’s notes.

4. Getting the damm microscope lens to stay clean.

5. Is that a 1 or a 7? Looks like a 9 to me.

6. The scent of anal glands wafting off your scrubs as you eat lunch.

7. Your feet falling asleep during a prolonged restraint.

8. That one doctor that won’t turn away any appointment even routine ones when we are already overbooked and behind schedule and then like to squeeze in a few extra procedures, because why not?

9. Where the hell is my pen?

10. No seriously who stole my pen?

11. That dog just peed in my shoe didn’t they?

12. Can’t find that one damn hair in your bra that is stabbing you like a knife.

13. Blood under your finger nails that won’t scrub out and you start having a Lady Macbeth moment.

14. The doctor asking you a question just as they express that abscess.

15. Children in exam rooms.

16. Cleaning up vomit from an NPO dog the owner swears they didn’t feed.

17. Parvo precautions.

18. Having to provide your own lunch at the mandatory staff meeting.

19. Mandatory staff meetings scheduled on your day off.

20. Intubating a cat.

1. A new client not informing us that their pet is a known biter.

2. Questioning the diagnosis because Google said something different.

3. Wanting us to help your sick animal but not wanting to run any diagnostics so we can actually figure out what is wrong and treat appropriately.

4. Calling for an appointment in the morning, not showing up, show up late and getting pissed when we can’t accommodate you.

5. Asking to hold….now this is a bit controversial I will admit. But, in most cases owner’s don’t know how to properly restrain and I have seen the owner and the doctor get bit as a result.

6. Letting your children run wild in an exam room.

7. Bringing in a second pet for an exam when you are only scheduled for one.

8. Telling the technician one history and the doctor something completely different. Why yes, I do enjoy looking like a complete idiot. Thank you.

9. Ignoring the technician during discharge then calling us 30 minutes later because the technician didn’t tell you when to give the meds.

10. Wanting free medical advice over the phone…when you aren’t our client.

11. Lying about your recreational drug use when we ask if the pet got into anything. We know…we always know.

12. Complaining about the cost of vaccines.

13. Sending the spouse/SO that knows nothing about the pet to the appointment instead of the one that actually does.

14. Google DVM

15. Medical professionals that treat humans assuming they know veterinary medicine.

16. Telling us that their pets ears/eyes have been infected for months and you guess you should finally do something about it…then complain about the bill because it has gotten so bad.

17. Refuse pain meds for your obviously painful pet because you didn’t need them when you hurt yourself that one time.

18. Asking us to euthanize your healthy pet because you are unable to care for them…and refusing to surrender because no one will ever love them as much as you.

19. Telling my doctor’s they aren’t “real” doctors because you don’t like their diagnosis or the bill.

20. Rudeness.

21. Declining heartworm preventative because your dog doesn’t leave the yard.

“Age is just a number” means middle-aged people can still find love.

“Age is just a number” means 30+ people can still find love.

“Age is just a number” is not an excuse to be a pedophile.

Nothing is an excuse to be a pedophile.

So don’t.

Just don’t.

my mom: give me a list of things you want for christmas/your birthday

when they run across the house at full speed for no reason 

when they sneak up on u and start sniffing u and their whiskers tickle u 

when u close the door to keep them out of ur room and they stick their paws under the door 

the little butt wiggle before they pounce on something 

their tiny sneezes 

when u put a bag or a towel on their head and they start walking backwards 

when their tail gets puffy 

when they do the slow blinking thing 

that thing where they wanna look out the window but the blinds are down so they stick their head past them with their body sticking out

waking up with kitty snoozing on your feet

falling asleep to the mattress gently moving while kitty grooms themselves

that thing where they’re in a stalky mood and you twiddle your fingers at them and they stick exactly half their face out of hiding to look at you.

when they natter at things out the window

solemn joyous paw flexing

that sound they make when they notice you that you’re pretty sure is your name in cat language

When they pause in the middle of grooming between their hind legs and stare at you with one leg up in the air like, ‘wat’

getting scent marked. you are theirs now!