Author Alex Izeri

The lady minotaur said something, but it just sounded like snorting and moo-ing to me. The man responded and she walked away. I reached up and touched the collar, finding a tiny padlock hanging at my throat. The man said something sharp to me and began to walk, his strides quick and urgent. The collar bit into the back of my neck, dragging me forward, and I stumbled after him. My legs felt like lead and I thought my lungs were going to explode as I struggled to keep up. We were about halfway down the aisle when I fell, collapsing against one of the cages. The creature inside shrieked and snarled, lunging at the wires, and I got a glimpse of something that looked like a baboon and a spider had a really ugly baby.

Shouting, the man hauled me to my feet and gave me a rough shake. I spat at him and I swear to God, his eyes turned red. He let go and I staggered back, bracing my hands on my knees as black spots clouded my vision.

“I can’t...fucking...breathe...you asshole...” I panted. I did not want to pass out again.

He said something, his voice soft and musical. I glanced up, drawing a sharp breath and jerking back as he stretched out a glowing hand toward me.

“Don’t touch me, you—” I stopped, drawing a breath that felt almost normal. “What did you do?”

The iridescent glow around his hand vanished as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a loop of cord. He held it up, showing me a stone medallion about the size of a quarter strung upon the cord like a necklace, and then tried to slip it over my head.

I raised my hand, blocking him. “No thanks, man. I’ve got enough shit around my neck already.”

He made an impatient sound and grabbed my wrist, forcing the medallion into my hand.

“Put it on or don’t, I don’t really give a shit, but it might make things easier on you if you can understand me,” he said. “Now come on, I don’t have all day.” He pulled on the leash and I stumbled after him. Breathing might have been easier, but every movement seemed to take all my strength.

“Hang on, you can speak English?” I asked, hoping he’d slow down to answer me. He did, but just barely.

“I speak many languages, but yours is not one of them,” he said. “That charm in your hand contains a translator spell. Keep it against your skin and don’t lose it.”

I looked down at the small piece of carved stone. Up close, I could see strange marks, possibly some kind of writing, etched into the polished gray surface. Then I realized what he’d said.

“Wait, did you say a spell? Like...magic?”

“Of course.” He glanced over his shoulder at me, a frown darkening his eyes. “Do you not have magic where you come from?”

I shook my head. “Vegas has magic shows, but they’re card tricks and sleight of hand stuff, not spells.” I hesitated, then slipped the cord over my head and tucked the medallion inside my shirt, against my skin. This might just be a crazy dream, but I didn’t need to make it harder than it needed to be. We finally reached the main door and the man stopped, turning back to me.

“I have never heard of a planet called Vegas,” he said. “What system is it in?”

I started to laugh, but he was dead serious.

“Vegas isn’t a planet, it’s a city,” I said. “Las Vegas? You’ve never heard of it?”

“No. What planet are you from?”

“Are you shitting me? I’m from Earth.”

“Son-of-a-bitch!” he hissed, and this time I saw it for certain—his pale green eyes turned dark red. “Earth is off-limits for harvesting. Everyone knows that. No wonder you were such a bargain. Now I’m stuck dragging contraband around with me.”

“Hey, if I’m not supposed to be here, maybe you could send me home!” Perfect! All I had to do was wrap up this crazy nightmare and I could wake up.

He snorted. “Right. I’ll just tear open an illegal hole in the fabric of space-time, shall I?”

“Can’t you?” I was confused. “I thought you were magic?”

“I can do magic, yes, but it takes a team of specialized wizards to open portals between worlds. No, I’m stuck with you. I can’t even get my money back because by now, those coins I gave her have reverted to worthless wood chips. So that’s a comfort, at least,” he added with a smirk, his eyes fading back to their normal green. He adjusted his grip on my leash. “Let’s go, and don’t talk. I don’t want to be arrested because someone recognizes your jabbering.”

Across the aisle was another row of cages, and I found myself facing an old man with a long, white beard. He was dressed in rags, his hands and feet covered in dark, crusty scabs, but he at least looked human.

“Hey, old man,” I called, trying to get his attention. He looked up, his gaze distant and unfocused. “What is this? Where are we?”

He stared at me for a moment, then shook his head and said something in a language I can’t even begin to describe. The lizard-man next to me responded with a sibilant growl and the bat-girl on my other side began to screech as she climbed up the wall and hung from the wire ceiling.

“What the fuck is this?” I shouted, my voice echoing. “Doesn’t anyone speak English?” I was answered by a cacophony of shrieks, bellows, snarls, and roars. I couldn’t have heard someone speaking if they were in the same cage as me.

Silence.

The racket died away, replaced by a tense hush. The bat-girl dropped from the ceiling and scuttled to the back corner of her cage, wrapping her wings around herself and curling into a tiny, trembling ball. Across from me, the old man scratched and dug at his scabbed hands and feet until fresh blood ran from the wounds. He smeared it on his face and in his beard, baring his broken, blackened teeth in a hideous, mad grin.

Curious, I leaned against the wire and peered up the aisle. Someone was walking my way. The angle was terrible and all I could make out was a slender figure with long black hair and dark skin. A woman? Maybe she was in charge of this place. Maybe she was coming to let me out. Maybe this was all a terrible misunderstanding. I hooked my fingers through the wires, hanging on as my tired legs began to tremble beneath me. God, what was wrong with me?

The figure strolled along the aisle, looking in each cage as they passed. It wasn’t until they glanced in at the bat-girl that I realized it was guy. His black hair fell in loose waves to his shoulders, shimmering with an iridescent sheen, like a rainbow or an oil-slick, and his dark skin was the most unusual shade of red-brown, almost East Indian or Native American, but not quite. He wore plain gray trousers and a blue tunic under a long, duster-length black coat that reminded me of a steampunk cosplayer I’d seen once.

As he turned away to look at the other side of the aisle, I caught a glimpse of his face, his jaw strong, his lips full, his cheekbones sharp and sculpted, and his eyes were the most unexpected shade of pale green. I felt my breath catch and my cock harden. I wasn’t gay, but fuck, he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.

He stopped and looked sharply at me, his soft, moss green gaze sliding down my body, causing a visceral reaction as effective as any physical touch. His lips quirked, like he knew, and my face grew hot.

“What are you smirking at, you queer fuck?” I said, giving him the finger. That dampened his smile a little, but not enough. He spoke to me, his voice mellow and lyrical, even though I couldn’t understand a damn word he said. I was pretty sure everyone had this dream at some point, where everyone in the dream is speaking a foreign language, but I was ready to wake up.

He said something else and made a motion with his hand, tracing a circle in the air with one finger. It took a moment to realize he was telling me turn around so he could look at me. When I didn’t move, he spoke again, saying something different, I think, and pointed at my shirt. He motioned for me to take it off.

“Oh, hell no,” I said, taking a shaky step back from the wire. “Go fuck yourself, you pervert.” The man regarded me for another moment, then carried on down the aisle, except he didn’t look in the cages this time. He vanished from view and I sagged against the wall, utterly exhausted. The lizard-man on the other side of his cage hissed suddenly, and I glanced up as the man returned, accompanied by a tall, brawny woman wearing stained overalls that barely covered her large breasts. Maybe she figured no one would be looking at her tits since she had the head, tail, and cloven hooves of a cow. I couldn’t help but stare. She looked like that Greek monster in the maze, the Minotaur, only with boobs.

She pulled a ring of keys out of her pocket and quickly unlocked my cage. I thought about making a run for it, but I wasn’t sure I could take three steps without falling down. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t reason with them, I sure as hell couldn’t fight this bovine bruiser. I was out of options.

On the far side of the bar, someone fired up the jukebox and I glanced over, my gaze taking in the long legs and tight ass of a young man with dark tattoos on his arms and neck. I think I was a little taller and had thirty pounds on the guy, but otherwise he looked a lot like me. Except for the tattoos, and my hair was blond, not black. Before I could glance away, the man turned and our eyes met, my blue holding his brown for a heartbeat, then I turned back to my beer.

I wasn’t gay. So what if my cock twitched at the sight of that guy? It was just because I hadn’t gotten laid in a while. My father had raised me right, had taught me to be a man, and there was no way I was going to shame my dad by turning into a sissy. I just needed to get some pussy and I’d be fine.

Someone stepped up to the bar next to me, the musky scent of aftershave giving it away before I even looked. It was the guy from the jukebox. Of course it was. Because a bad day can always get worse.

“Hey, there,” the guy said, a hint of a Hispanic accent lending a musical quality to his deep voice. “I’m Miguel.” He paused, waiting.

“Ian.”

“Hi, Ian. Can I buy you a drink?”

For a brief instant, I considered accepting the offer. I did want another drink, but a drink was never just a drink, and accepting was practically an obligation. After another drink or two, Miguel would want to take it into the restroom, or out into the alley, and I might just be drunk enough to go with him. I pictured him down on his knees in front of me, his lips wrapped around my cock, and I found myself suddenly and painfully hard. But I wasn’t gay.

I dug into my pocket, tucked the last of my cash under the edge of my glass, and stood up. I was right—I was taller.

“You’re barking up the wrong tree, amigo,” I said. “I ain’t no fag.” I headed for the door, half-expecting the guy to come after me. They frequently did, but this time I was disappointed. A fight would have done me good, but I knew better than to throw the first punch. Instead, I stepped outside into the cold, damp night, and staggered toward my car parked at the end of the block.

I wasn’t going to drive anywhere—I wasn’t that stupid—but the back seat was comfortable enough to sleep this off. I’d spent many a night in that back seat, though I’d never gotten much sleep before.

As I fumbled for my keys, a sudden flicker of light caught my eye, like someone changing channels on the TV in a dark room. On down the street was a city park, the large, open grassy area dotted with trees and benches, but not many lights. It should have been pitch-black, but instead, something glowed, dancing and flashing gold and aqua and bright violet. It looked like a fireworks show, but it was utterly silent.

Curious, I shuffled past my car, heading for the park. I could not for the life of me figure out what I was looking at. Was it a drunken hallucination? I doubted it. Four beers in a night had me way past buzzed, but not quite to seeing-things drunk. Unless the bartender had slipped me a mickey or rufied me, or whatever the hell it was called these days. I didn’t know why the guy would, but it seemed more plausible than finding a large, oval glowing thing in the middle of the park.

As I approached the flickering light, I had to squint against the brightness. I expected to feel heat coming off of it, but if anything, it made the air around me feel colder. I could feel a thrumming in my body, like low-frequency vibrations...or maybe it was just the alcohol. I reached out toward the light, which I realize is just about the dumbest thing one can do when confronted by something strange in the night, but I was pretty drunk.

Suddenly, a very hairy, very muscular arm shot out of the center of the glowing oval and grabbed me by the wrist. If it was a hallucination, it was the realest one I’d ever had. Before I could try to pull away, the arm jerked me off my feet and dragged me into the light.

For a few moments, I felt like I was spinning in a dozen different directions, my body trying to turn itself inside out. Then I hit a cold, hard floor, knocking all the breath out of me. I gasped for air, but it felt like someone was sitting on my back. I tried to get up, but my whole body felt heavy, and moving only made it harder to breathe. I sucked air greedily, but it was like my lungs had quit working.

Above me, something made a strange sound, almost like speech, but it wasn’t any language I’d ever heard, just a bunch of grunts, snorts, and snarls. Summoning all my strength, I flipped myself over onto my back and stared up at something that must have crawled out of my nightmares.