Winter & Words

But Christian had rushed off instead, leaving Livia standing in the middle of the sidewalk, holding his bag in front of himself with both hands like a school kid waiting for the bus. 

Livia huffed softly and pulled his coat tighter around himself. He shook his head, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and made his way toward the café.

It was such a cute place, with a wide open seating area and a beautiful bake case. It would have been perfect for a date!

Oh well. There had been other men before, and there would be again.

As he stood in line, Livia’s gaze caught a little jewel of a strawberry tart. Strawberries were his roommate's favorite. Livia snapped a photo and sent it to them, along with hey, look what I found!

Yuki texted back instantly. Just transferred you $150, buy me a dozen!

Livia chuckled and slid his phone away as his turn at the register came. 

When Livia arrived home, Yuki was on the floor, laying on their stomach with their fluffy white cat Sassy as they cooed over her and hand fed her bits of sashimi. Even at home with their cat, Yuki wore a beautifully detailed black and red lace dress, black lipstick and eyeliner perfectly applied, as always. 

They looked up with a grin when Livia entered, putting the plate of fresh fish up on the entertainment center as they did. Sassy meowed indignantly. 

"Oh, I know, baby," Yuki cooed. "But I have strawberries to eat!"

Livia laughed and handed over the paper bag of pastries. He downed the last few sips of his mocha, now cold from the train ride home. As he savored the last few drops, he remembered what he'd said to Christian just before then other man had left.

Bitter or sweet?

How about a little bit of both?

His expression must have changed, because Yuki narrowed their eyes at him and said, "You met someone."

Livia laughed and shrugged a shoulder. "He just works in my building. We were on the elevator together twice today. "

He chose not to regale the story of the elevator buttons.

Absently, Livia scratched at the paper cup with his perfectly manicured nails.

"And?" Yuki pressed.

"And I tried to ask him to go for coffee with me, but I don't think he got it? But maybe I just asked stupid."

Yuki patted Livia’s shoulder and pursed their lips. They nodded wisely. 

"That sounds about right."

Livia snatched the remaining half of the two bite tart away from them and shoved it in his mouth.

"Betrayal!" Yuki cried dramatically. But then a loud clatter came from the other side of the room and Yuki and Livia whirled to see Sassy had knocked the sashimi plate over and was eating the remaining fish off the floor.

"Sassy! No, you'll throw up!" They rushed to gather up the spilled food as Livia went back to his room to change into some more comfortable house clothes.

All evening and into the night, Livia couldn't get Christian out of his head. Tall, dark-haired, broad, with a green and black tendril of a tattoo peeking up from under his collar. And those eyes.

Maybe Livia really had just been unclear. He’d asked Christian where to find coffee and then asked the other man to take him there, but maybe it just seemed like a weird demand instead of asking for a date.

-

A knock came at the front door around 10:00. Yuki’s boyfriend, probably. Yuki’s exuberant “Hi, sweetheart!” confirmed it. Livia smiled softly to himself and went back to the puzzle game on his phone.

“I should have given him my number,” he mumbled. All he knew was that Christian worked in a call center on the fourteenth floor, around the same schedule as Livia.

How many offices were on the fourteenth floor? How many of them were call centers? How many hot, tall guys named Christian worked in them?

Livia sighed, finished the round on his game, and shut off his lamp. The pink fairy lights dangled around the room shimmered softly in the otherwise dark room.

Maybe he’d see Christian again, and maybe not. But losing sleep over it was stupid, so Livia pulled his blanket up to his nose and let himself drift off.

Livia woke up late the next morning. When he saw the time on his phone, he jerked out of bed and ran to the bathroom as he tied his hair back in a messy bun. His usual braid would have to wait until he was on the train. He brushed his teeth, threw on the first work appropriate clothes he could find, and rushed out the door as he called out his goodbyes.

There was no time to stop for coffee, but at least the office had its own coffee maker, even if it did suck. On the train, Livia undid his bun and finger combed his hair out before tying it into a long braid, pointedly ignoring the woman beside him giving him dirty looks.

Christian wasn’t in the elevator.

Of course he wouldn’t be. Livia assumed they’d both been running late yesterday. Christian was probably already at his desk, or wherever they worked from in call centers.

Livia crept into the office as quietly as he could, unknowingly mirroring Christian’s same action from the morning before. He got to his desk, plopped down, and logged into his computer and went to work.

The work was so, so dull, and Livia’s mind was prone to wandering. Maybe he could wait for Christian for a few minutes downstairs after work, see if he went past. Actually properly ask him out for coffee or something. He was chewing on the end of his braid when a heavy hand dropped down on his shoulder from behind.

Livia tried his best not to flinch.

He dropped his braid and said, “Can I help you?”

“Livianna,” his father said. Livia cringed at the use of his full name. “I’ve given a lot to get you here. Eventually this firm will be yours, so the least you could do is show some respect for your coworkers and show up on time.”

“Sorry,” Livia mumbled. “I’ll. I can stay late if I don’t get everything done by the end of the day.” 

“See that you do,” his father said. He squeezed Livia’s shoulder, rough, nails digging into Livia’s wrinkled shirt. A warning.

“Of course.”

And, as his father stepped away, Livia’s excitement about possibly seeing Christian again that afternoon went with it.

Nobody ever stepped in. Nobody would. His father was very careful about how he appeared in public. A strong, capable, no-nonsense man, but one who would never hurt a fly.

He hurt a lot more than flies when he was alone with Livia, though.

Livia had almost escaped when he moved in with Yuki, but his father knew people, even more people than Yuki did, and when he threatened to hurt them if he didn’t come back to his office, Livia had no other choice. Yuki was his best friend. They had been there for him since day one, when the two of them met in high school. And as a person of indeterminate gender who dressed like a porcelain doll, Yuki had to be tough to be able to take care of themself, from monsters in the closet to monsters on the street.

But Livia’s monster was a lot harder to stand up to.

He did, in fact, get all of his work done, with about thirty minutes to spare, even, but he didn’t dare leave early lest he draw attention to himself. Instead, he puttered around on his phone with a half-finished Excel sheet up on the computer screen he could jump to whenever someone walked by. It was just a garbage document, not actual work, not actually important. But at least he left on time, rather than late with his father, and he hung back at the elevator doors to let the first crowd of people down before he attempted his descent.

Livia was the only one on the next elevator, thank god. He pushed himself into the corner, as if he could make himself smaller somehow, and rubbed at his face. Fuck. The power Livia let his father have over him made him sick.

But what was Livia going to do about it? Sue? Yeah, right.

Thankfully he was the lone rider all the way down to the ground level. As the doors closed behind him and he started toward the door, a familiar deep voice said, “You okay? You look like shit.”

Livia started and looked over his shoulder. It was Christian. Of the hundreds, maybe thousands, of people who worked in this building, he’d run into Christian again.

He forced a smile on and stood up straighter, throwing his shoulders back in an attempt to look confident. Christian was also a little rumpled, the collar of his shirt undone again, his tie loose around his neck, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

The tattoo on the side of his neck went all the way down to his wrist, leaves and vines and flowers. He hadn’t seemed the flower type, more a skull and crossbones kind of guy.

“I could say the same for you,” Livia chirped, and before Christian could have time to be offended, he added, “It looks good on you, though.”

Christian hiked an eyebrow, the barest touch of a smirk playing on his mouth. Better than yesterday. Yesterday Christian had looked like he was about to take out a hit on somebody.

He offered a nod and a, “Well, I hope your day gets better,” and as he passed by, Livia reached out and gently touched the other man’s thumb with his knuckle.

“Hey,” he said. Livia hated how quiet his voice was. He was confident, he was sure of himself, he’d asked out dozens of men before and gone way past going on a coffee date. But his father’s grip on his shoulder kept bouncing around his head.

Christian paused and turned back, a slightly startled look on his face. He pulled his hand away and hooked his thumb in the belt loop of his black slacks. “Yeah?”

Livia paused a moment before shaking his head and blowing a raspberry to get his brain moving again. “Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. I’m acting like an idiot.”

Christian’s face shifted from startled to confused. ”What–”

“What I was trying to do yesterday was ask you to go out for coffee with me. I just did it in a stupid way. I think. I hope it’s just because you didn’t understand and not because you were ignoring it.”

It seemed to take Christian a moment to work out what Livia was asking. “Oh. Oh!” He paused, and his eyes changed again, a little nervous suddenly, but it was gone just as quickly as it came. “I mean. Sure. My guess is you’re new to the area, since you were asking?”

Livia straightened up a little more and he grinned. Relief flooded into his bones, and he said, “Yeah. I was hoping you could–”

“What kind of music are you into?” Christian interrupted.

Livia blinked. “What?”

“I’m… not so great at holding a conversation over coffee,” Christian said, but he didn’t seem to be embarrassed about it, simply matter-of-fact. “But there’s a really cool used book and record store just two Blue Line stops off. If you don’t mind traveling.”

Livia pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. 5:12. Maybe not much light left in the day, but plenty of time. He slid it back into his pocket and threw his coat on. It was too cold today to change into a t-shirt, even beneath it, so he stayed in his button-up. Christian’s eyes darted over him, and Livia couldn’t help but preen a little, if only inwardly. But then Christian took a step away and gestured for Livia to follow, and said, “You coming?”

It was almost shut when a dainty hand shoved through the small space in the doors and pushed. The man was a lot stronger than he looked, so small and thin. It would have been impressive if it weren’t going to make Christian even later.

The small man – he was, what, maybe five foot, maybe a hundred pounds?—he glowered at Christian, a glare much too angry for such a cute, round baby face.

The man slammed his hands on the top of the row of buttons and dragged them down, lighting all but three on his way. He went back and pushed each of the remaining buttons one at a time.

“Are you fucking serious?” Christian said.

The man looked up at him and stuck his tongue out. The elevator stopped. The door opened. Nobody got on. It closed again.

“Oh,” the man said.

“Yeah,” Christian glowered. “Oh.”

“You started it. You tried to shut me out when I was rushing to get in.”

“What floor do you work on?”

He didn’t answer right away. Finally, he said, “Twenty-three.”

“I’m at fourteen,” Christian said. “So enjoy your ride, asshole.”

“I have a name.”

“Do you?”

“Livia.”

Christian looked him up and down a few times, trying to gauge him. He wasn’t a threat, at least.

“Christian,” he finally said.

“What do you do?” Livia asked. His voice was pure friendliness and conversation as he bounced on the balls of his feet. His slacks were a little too long, bunched up at the top of his shoes.

“I’m the guy you hang up on when he calls you at dinner,” Christian said.

“Ah, a telemarketer. Scum of the earth.”

“You?” Christian asked.

“Paralegal,” Livia said.

Christian chuckled. “And he calls me scum.”

“I just file shit, man. I don’t do any lawyering.”

The door finally opened at floor fourteen. Christian ran his hand down the now unlit buttons and pressed the down arrow.

Livia shot a scowl at him as the door closed, and Christian waved goodbye, rushing down the hall and into the office space at the end, coffee cup in hand, threatening to spill.

He’d been going to be late anyway, so he may as well get some caffeine, right?

He quietly opened the door and slipped inside, trying to make his huge six foot six frame small enough to be unnoticeable as he slunk to his desk.

He made it, somehow, by some miracle. As he settled in and was about to slip on his headset, his cubicle neighbor, a skinny Latino guy named Dante, popped his head over the wall that separated them and stage whispered, “Hey.”

Christian pointed at his headset and shrugged, as if he couldn’t hear the other man, even though he could hear Dante perfectly fine. He just didn’t have the energy for Dante’s overly sunshine-y thank god it’s Friday am I right office attitude right now. Dante probably didn’t deserve to be brushed off. He was nice enough. But the stressful workday he had to look forward to was now already starting with a stressful morning.

He hated his job. He hated being yelled at, and being called shitty names, and being hung up on. But he’d been hired on after being a temp just before the recession hit, and he knew he was already lucky enough to have any job at all. His father, back in New York City, didn’t have any connections in Chicago, and Christian had kept it that way for a reason.

But the problem wasn’t with his father, it was with Christian, and the fact that he could never seem to do well enough to meet expectations at at the jobs his father’s wife had set him up with. Was it stupid to pack up and move to a city where he had one online friend, said friend’s boyfriend, their roommate and nobody else? Absolutely.

Would he make the same mistake again? In a heartbeat. Chicago meant a soulless job and annoying coworkers and weirdos on the elevator who made him late, but it also meant his father’s wife wasn't breathing down his neck, and he didn’t have to watch her breathing down his father’s either.

The day went on like any other, and by the time he was scheduled off, Christian had mostly forgotten the guy on the elevator.

At least, until it opened on Christian’s floor and the man was standing on the other side.

Livia–that was his name, right?--jolted a little and reached out for the buttons on the side, but Christian barreled in before the doors could shut. But when he turned back, he saw Livia’s dainty finger pressing into the ‘door open’ button. He’d been inviting Christian in.

“Thanks,” Christian grumbled. He unbuttoned the collar of his work shirt and let his shoulder collapse against the elevator wall.

“What floor?” Livia asked. 

“Ground level,” Christian said. Livia pressed the ‘G’ button and the doors closed.

“Me too,” Livia said.

A long, extremely awkward pause.

“Sorry about earlier,” Livia said. Christian craned his neck toward Livia, glad to see he looked at least a little embarrassed.

“It was stupid and childish. I just. I’d been on a shitty phone call and was already pissed off, so. Thanks for not kicking the shit out of me.”

Christian straightened and frowned and Livia took the tiniest step back.

He knew he was tall and broad, and the fact that he rarely smiled could make him look intimidating, but, “Do I really look like that much of an asshole?”

Livia straightened again and leaned his hip on the elevator wall. “You can never tell,” he said.

Where the hell was Livia from that he would even consider that Christian's first choice of action? He didn't let the concern show on his face, but his stupid big brown puppy dog eyes had always been far too expressive. Even now, with Livia, an almost total stranger. 

Livia frowned softly, brow drawing in and lower lip poking out. Christian looked away.

The door opened before they could say anything more. Livia offered a salute and flounced out, confident and self assured, a spring in his step, like they'd just been talking about the weather.

Christian looked after him. The door dinged and began to close. He shook his head and rushed out before it could start moving again.

The swinging glass door leading out into the street almost whacked him in the face. He stumbled back a step and cursed under his breath, nearly mowing Livia down where he stood, looking up something on his phone.

Livia jumped.

"Shit!" He laughed, sliding his phone back in his pocket. His smile was bright and big, if a little embarrassed. "I'm just a mess today, I guess. Sorry."

Christian shrugged a shoulder and offered a nod of acknowledgement. He stepped around Livia as he pulled on his jacket.

He'd barely started for his stop at the Blue Line when Livia called out after him.

"Where can I get a good mocha in this area?"

Christian turned around and asked, "Bitter or sweet?"

Livia’s smile softened and he hiked an eyebrow, and Christian wasn't sure what that meant.

"How about a little bit of both?"

“Coffee and Cream, definitely,” Christian said. “They’re one of the best in the few blocks around here.”

Immediately upon Christian's suggestion, the smaller man dropped his bag, whipped off his work shirt, and changed into a pink Hello Kitty t-shirt, right there on the street corner on the cold November afternoon. He shoved the now wrinkled work shirt in his bag, pulled on a bright purple peacoat, and grinned.

"Well!" he exclaimed. "Lead on!"

"... What?"

"You're taking me there, right?" Livia beamed.

Christian stared at Livia a moment, lips pursed in confusion. "I can give you directions?" Christian finally said.

Livia looked a little put out by that, and for the life of him Christian couldn’t figure out why.

"It's just to the next light, take a left. Down the street a couple storefronts. The one with the big windows."