Not today Justin
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i don't do bad sauce passes

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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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★
hello vonnie
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@audkitty

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if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"
Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!
i was about to say this is at the Toronto airport and then suddenly it definitely. Was. Not.
That’s just the Toronto Bannana Boa
tucson aint got much but it does have a bridge shaped like a rattlesnake
hes my friend
glad people are reblogging my friend the bridge snake
Writing tips:
“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context
“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets
Both options convey that he's horny
How dare you be funnier than me on my own post
If it's the snack chip he might just be corny.

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there’s an agenda at play
from her autobio comics:
#on a darker level #being from Hokkaido means she has reason to be personally invested in the Ishbal annihilation #because Hokkaido is stolen land #like a lot of other places colonized in the last few hundred years #if you’re sensitive to this kind of thing #it gives you a personal stake #in genocide stories #that most Japanese people don’t have #>> #idk i felt the way she handles the genocide #speaks to having been aware of that #from a formative age (via whetstonefire)
Those tags are 100% right and Arakawa has confirmed that it was intentional in an interview as she has family that are part Ainu.
So her family history definitely had a role in how she presented the genocide in FMA.
The Most Common Portrayals of Cinderella's Stepmother
Just like Cinderella herself, her Prince, and the Fairy Godmother, the character of the Stepmother has been portrayed in very different ways in different adaptations of the tale. While each portrayal is unique, and they all have certain aspects in common – e.g. despising Cinderella, wanting her own daughters to marry the Prince, and trying to train them to be charming ladies – I've managed to find six basic archetypes for the character.
The Haughty Harridan
This woman embodies the phrase "commanding presence." She's loud in voice, typically large in body, and emphatically a woman of power. She's usually an aristocrat, of higher status than Cinderella's birth family, and as a result, she exudes arrogance and displays a volcanic temper if she doesn't get her own way. If Cinderella's father is still alive, she rules over him, and if he's dead, she rules the rest of her household with an iron fist. She generally treats Cinderella no worse than any other servant, but any servant in her employ faces constant shouting, excessive demands, and threats of beatings. Meanwhile, she dresses in gaudy, tasteless fashions to show off her "wealth" (even if she's secretly deep in debt), and is determined to see her daughters marry royalty so she can become "the power behind the throne." Few versions of the Stepmother are more imposing... yet few are more ridiculous. Of all versions of the character, this pompous, overbearing lady is the one who's most often a comic figure. On the opera stage, we see her in Madame de la Haltière in Massenet's Cendrillon, and in gender-bent form as the stepfather Don Magnifico in Rossini's La Cenerentola. Onscreen, examples include Faina Ranevskaya in the 1947 Russian film, Hikmet Gül in the 1971 Turkish film Sinderella Külkedisi, and in a slightly more reserved yet still pompous form, Carola Braunbock in the 1973 Czech classic Three Wishes for Cinderella.
The Cold-Blooded Schemer
This is a much quieter, subtler stepmother than the Haughty Harridan, but much more sinister and dangerous. She embodies refinement and ladylike manners, rarely raises her voice or loses her calm demeanor, and dresses with impeccable taste. But her manner is cold and quick to turn forbidding. She deeply loathes Cinderella, not only as a rival to her daughters, but because she personally envies the girl's charm and beauty, and narcissistically resents the fact that Cinderella's late father loved his daughter more than he loved her. Therefore, she takes a quietly sadistic pleasure in emotionally abusing her. Like a cat with a mouse, she toys with her – for example, pretending to agree to bring her to the ball if she can finish her chores in time, only to deliberately overwhelm her with extra work. And with her intelligent, scheming mind, she'll stop at nothing – lying, cheating, or even breaking the law – to realize her goal of making one of her daughters a princess, or at least to prevent Cinderella from becoming one. The most famous Stepmother of this type is obviously Lady Tremaine, as voiced by Eleanor Audley, in Disney's 1950 animated feature. Other examples are Duchess Dalbin in the anime Cinderella Monogatari, and Anjelica Huston's Baroness Rodmilla de Ghent in Ever After: A Cinderella Story. Although the latter has a few more comic moments and a bit more glamor and seductiveness than the others.. which brings us to...
The Glamorous Gold-Digger
This Stepmother is a slightly younger woman than other Stepmothers, and is still very beautiful – and she most definitely knows it. She dresses at the height of fashion too, no less than her daughters do, and she carefully trains her daughters not only in elegant manners, but in the art of flirting and seduction, which she also still practices with certain men. We see how her charms must have captivated Cinderella's father and blinded him to her darker side. We also see how she's driven her own family into genteel poverty and debt with her taste for lavish gowns, jewels, and parties. Nothing matters to her more than wealth, status, and pleasure, and she sneers with disdain at Cinderella's preference for values like love and kindness instead. Meanwhile, she's just as cunning and manipulative as she is glamorous, and like the Cold-Blooded Schemer, she'll gladly resort to dirty tricks to ensure that one of her daughters marries the Prince – or if possible, to marry the handsome young Prince herself. Examples of this characterization are Bernadette Peters in the 1997 version of Rodgers & Hammerstein's musical, Cate Blanchett's Lady Tremaine in Disney's 2015 live-action remake, and Erika Johnson Newell's Pulchitruda in the 1995 musical A Tale of Cinderella, while Anjelica Huston's Rodmilla in Ever After combines it with the Cold-Blooded Schemer.
The Persnickety Pragmatist
This Stepmother is neither a schemer nor a blowhard, but instead, is mainly a fussbudget. She's a strict, stern woman with a vision of the perfect life: one of wealth and comfort, with two charming, ladylike daughters and a quiet, obedient stepdaughter, and preferably with one of those daughters eventually married to the Prince. And she spends her days fussing and taking any practical action necessary to create that life for herself. Her daughters will be taught that they must be perfect in order to fulfill their mother's plans for them, and she spends hours training and instructing them, as well as lacing them into tight corsets and rubbing their skin with rose oil for beauty. Meanwhile, her enslavement of Cinderella is simply a practical solution to a problem – they can't afford to have servants anymore, but she still wants a life of ease – and her harshness toward the girl isn't out of sadism, but always in response to what she sees as real transgressive behavior. For example, when Cinderella gives her good food and drink to those in need, or picks flowers from her garden for her parents' graves. She's almost less of a villain to Cinderella than just an extremely stern, demanding mother: except that she gives her no love or care. Examples include Elsa Lanchester's Widow Sonder in The Glass Slipper, Jo Van Fleet in the 1965 version of Rodgers & Hammerstein's musical, and Margaret Lockwood in The Slipper and the Rose.
The Smiling Snake-in-the-Grass
Here we have a cheerful Stepmother who comically plays the role of a kind, caring woman. We can see just how she tricked Cinderella's father into thinking she would bring warmth and joy into his home. She's affectionate to her daughters (even as she pressures them to marry and tries to train them to be more ladylike), dotes on her husband if he's alive, makes a show of mourning him deeply if he's dead, and even tends to hide her loathing of Cinderella under a friendly facade. Often she'll "reason" with Cinderella and insist that she has a good reason for enslaving her: for example, that the family needs the stepsisters to marry rich, so they can't afford to roughen their pretty hands with work, or that Cinderella's slaving for them is a "good deed" to make up for the unfairness of her superior beauty and charm. She shows Cinderella the occasional "act of kindness" too: for example, giving her a hair ribbon made from leftover scraps of dress fabric. Of course this sweetness is nothing but a disguise for her inner venom. After the Prince finds Cinderella, expect her tone to change dramatically on one way or another: either she'll reveal her inner spite and furiously lash out at everyone, or, more likely, she'll play the adoring royal mother-in-law and suddenly dote on Cinderella far more than on her own daughters. Examples include Ilka Chase in the original 1957 version of Rodgers & Hammerstein's musical, Dana Medřická in the 1969 Czech Popelka, and Eve Arden in the 1984 Faerie Tale Theatre adaptation.
The Bitter Broken Bird
This is a Stepmother who appears in some of the more recent adaptations, by creators who want her to be "nuanced." She's usually a subtype of another characterization, typically the Glamorous Gold-Digger or the Persnickety Pragmatist, but what matters is that this Stepmother is hurting. Inner pain and disappointment are the basis for her cruelty. She was once full of dreams and optimism like Cinderella, but those dreams were shattered long ago. Maybe she really loved at least one, or both of her husbands, and was devastated when she lost them; or maybe she had ambitions that were crushed by society because she was a woman. And though she rules her household, we're made to feel her powerlessness in the outside world – her vulnerability as an aging widow living in genteel poverty with unmarried daughters. As a result, she's become a cold cynic who teaches her girls to value nothing except social climbing. She despises Cinderella because the girl's innocent idealism reminds her too much of her own former self, and she wants to break her spirit the way her own spirit was broken. We can't excuse her actions, but we pity her. Bernadette Peters in the 1997 Rodgers & Hammerstein production and Cate Blanchett's Lady Tremaine in Disney's 2015 live action film both partially give us this portrayal (combined with the Glamorous Gold Digger), but its strongest embodiment (combined with the Persnickety Pragmatist) is Idina Menzel's Vivian in the 2021 Kay Cannon musical.
@ariel-seagull-wings, @thealmightyemprex, @adarkrainbow, @themousefromfantasyland, @angelixgutz, @softlytowardthesun, @amalthea9, @sofiathevenetian, @storytellergirl
sent this message to my coworker today and he sent me this screenshot with microsoft teams's suggested replies... incredible 10/10 no notes.
KICK THE CAN!
Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.
To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.
the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

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Normalize being so happy and excited about shit that you proceed to promptly eat shit.
https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw
ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.
The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.
"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.
Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.
Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.
We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."
I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.
Planning documents for "Scout" say the plan is to "make people addicted" to the tool before adding new features.
Like OpenClaw itself, ClawPilot requires access to important accounts and files in order to function. The document notes that “security and compliance” are important things to figure out moving forward.
Their new AI agent is intentionally designed to become addictive, and after they release it they'll worry about security. They actually said this. Out loud.
Scout is based on OpenClaw, a particularly nasty AI agent that does stupid shit like deleting important files, stealing credentials, and downloading & installing software without asking. And for Scout to work, you're gonna have to give it access to all your accounts + passwords! Yeah! Put this thing in charge of your email, chat, bank account & Amazon! What could possibly go wrong?
By the way, the target audience for Scout is typical Office users. You know: grandma and that guy who doesn't understand how formulas work in Excel.
This is gonna be disastrous.
since it’s pride month, throwback to this beautiful cover and this wholesome interaction between two icons

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good things will happen 🧿
things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿
THIS ONE FUCKING WORKS. REBLOG IT.
this for real fucking works
Apparently this one fuckin works, and who am I to argue with the collective agreement of tumblr. Will report back if good things happen.
happy pride
I've seen this clip many times, but never really appreciated the power of "what was her problem?" Just casually assuming that lesbians come in a wide variety of shapes and being inclusive. As a transbian who is probably still closer to Homer shaped than to my ideal, that's huge!