"Functioning at a PH level of 1000"

I won't ever give up (unless it's on menial things lol). That's why I'll keep praying and hoping for a better day. Watching a relative that raised you to be sick and decline in health is a complicated feeling. Multiple counts of self assurance and gaslighting taught me that the true found 'pat in the back' is walking through it piece by piece no matter how much it hurts. Acknowledging every twist and turns like a simulation, then asking yourself the questions that you kept setting aside due to discomfort. A lot of my relatives suck and they cannot be talked to to help. A lot of people that are blinded by pride and chose to perform to other people instead of accepting the truth and tackling the problems. That's why I have to go through this and assure myself in a different way. I am doing well. I am awesome.

Of course, in the end, you take the path that you wish to take. No amount of motivational speech can change that. In fact, a motivational speech could be beaten by a single fast spun of thoughts. This isn't motivation. Just a word of mouth from someone who is indecisive and insecure, but is making small steps.

Yes....it is easier said than done. It's not instantaneous, because it is a lifestyle and a series of manners that have been embedded deep. It is a process. Even if it's grueling and slow, better late than never at all.

It's okay to not be good at everything. It's not good to beat yourself over something you can't perfect in a short amount of time. Since when has it been your duty to be perfect and completely clean? That cleanliness will just be emptiness.

Are you going to wait for years until it becomes 'cool'? What about the embarrassing moments? As they say, life isn't all about sunshine and rainbows, and anyone who dwelled too much to criticize the 'cringe' things you did, I'm sure they aren't living their lives enough, since they are so adamant on meddling with yours.

That memory was probably my brain in Instagram or Pinterest aesthetic filter mode. Depression can make you not see the value and color of those things you once found interesting and beautiful....a real-life grey filter. Something different from those 'vintage aesthetics'.

This is especially common for older family members. Using terms such as 'When I die.....', 'So I'm a horrible ___?' is just a way to divert diving into the proper communication process, either due to an unhealthy habit, or ego, that was made by their self-esteem to hide insecurities that came from aging, by using whatever advantages that they could. It's pathetic but just human. Even so, it is not and will never be a valid excuse. You can still grow as an adult. Physical changes don't automatically mean mature entirely.