CODENAME: P.E.N.N.Y.

Unfortunately, that familiarity just… wasn’t enough. Not when everything was so different. Everything felt different. Literally. Even feeling felt different. Her body, even now, still felt so wrong. It didn't feel like hers. Sensations and textures and temperature and sounds and light were all so much. All of the time. Clothing was so uncomfortable. People coughing behind their masks in the market place made her feel sick. She couldn’t stand to eat, or to be around others who were, because the sounds of squishing food in mouths caused her physical pain, despite Weiss’ insistence that that wasn’t possible. Sometimes, nothing around her felt real, and sometimes, she didn't feel real, either.

She missed Atlas. She missed her home. And... well, she missed the general, too, of course. Even if everyone around her insisted that she shouldn't, or "didn't owe him that." Or reminded her, over and over and over, and over, of what he had done. But it was... very hard not to miss him, when he was literally written into her code as someone important. It seemed that, even now, despite an organic brain and nerves and veins instead of wires and tubes, her programming remained, in some way: even though she knew why, understood why, she still found herself panicking a little whenever she realized it had been "too long" since a check-in, and when she would check her scroll, she would realize the frequency was out of range. And then, when she remembered why, it... hurt. All over again.

It felt like failure.

Could she have done something different? Was there anything she could have tried, maybe that wouldn't have saved the kingdom, but that would have saved at least one more life? Would it hurt any less if she had tried, and had failed more directly? Could knowing with absolute certainty, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she did everything she could have prevented this pain? Or... at least could it have any chance of one day fading away?

There was the tight feeling in her throat again. She hated it. And the burn in her cheeks and the sting in her eyes before the tears came, not that it felt any better when they finally did. But... there was no stopping them. There never was.

Why was she..?

"Penny!" It didn't matter whether she could or could not hear the shadow of his existence. He couldn't just leave. It didn't matter whether she could or could not feel the light touch on her shoulders. "Penny! Oh, Penny..."

"It's... okay. It's..." Was it okay though? She was in pain. Likely not physical, as this place between the world didn't show things this directly and literally, but it also turned things without form into... Well, something.

Maybe he should try hugging her pain instead. Hope that wrapping it with his gentle love and care would soothe it at least a bit.

"You're doing great, honey. You will be okay. You will be okay..." The gesture didn't shift when her distress moved and blended with her figure, so now he was slowly petting her ginger head along with it. "I'm so proud of you, Penny. I always was."

Would she feel his touch? Would she not? Would she even like it now that she had human skin and receptors? He had no idea, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop and fail her again. Enough that he couldn't recall if she knew how much she meant to him. He didn't have a family, but he had her. Well, no. He had a family because he had her in his life.

How many times he caught himself acting towards her like he would to a child left in his care. It didn't matter that she was a highly advanced technological miracle. It mattered that she was herself.

"What's wrong, dear?" He was so awfully, disgustingly sentimental... Maybe for the best that he didn't show it when he lived. Now it didn't matter anymore. Now he only wanted her to know somehow how much he loved her. She was his greatest achievement that he couldn't take any credit for. "Why are you so sad?"

Her head lifted from her knees, startled, as she would swear she heard someone calling her name. She had never experienced something like that before, heard her name being said in a way that wasn't just her mind replaying a memory (which she would be devastated to report happened very often) but Qrow Branwen often mentioned feeling watched, or hearing things other people didn't, and implied that it was a connection to magic. And given that her human body was created by magic... that made sense.

However... she also had looked up just in time to see her stuffed cow rock slightly to one side, like someone had brushed against it. Despite her room being empty, and the cow being... close, but not close enough to touch. She chose to turn toward the cow, however, but not to directly speak to it. Clearly, whatever this feeling was was not actually attached to the cow: she'd gotten it very early on in their stay in Vacuo, she surely would have noticed something "wrong" with it by now.

Maybe he was still tied to people he loved. Which was strange given how abandoned he was during... well, his last moments. Probably. Sometimes he wasn't entirely sure that he was dead. Then again, he surely was. It was... unclear.

Especially when he saw Penny, just like he always seen her - so bright and strong. A true ray of hope. Took him some time to notice that now she squished when someone was touching her. She wasn't recharging. She seemed... soft. He wasn't sure if her body was transformed or he was perceiving her as such. She was always human after all. At least to him.

"Penny, I'm so proud of you." Something he always wanted to say. Did he ever say it? He couldn't recall. At least he could and would keep telling her now. Despite he had no idea if she could hear him.

Unfortunately, that familiarity just… wasn’t enough. Not when everything was so different. Everything felt different. Literally. Even feeling felt different. Her body, even now, still felt so wrong. It didn't feel like hers. Sensations and textures and temperature and sounds and light were all so much. All of the time. Clothing was so uncomfortable. People coughing behind their masks in the market place made her feel sick. She couldn’t stand to eat, or to be around others who were, because the sounds of squishing food in mouths caused her physical pain, despite Weiss’ insistence that that wasn’t possible. Sometimes, nothing around her felt real, and sometimes, she didn't feel real, either.

She missed Atlas. She missed her home. And... well, she missed the general, too, of course. Even if everyone around her insisted that she shouldn't, or "didn't owe him that." Or reminded her, over and over and over, and over, of what he had done. But it was... very hard not to miss him, when he was literally written into her code as someone important. It seemed that, even now, despite an organic brain and nerves and veins instead of wires and tubes, her programming remained, in some way: even though she knew why, understood why, she still found herself panicking a little whenever she realized it had been "too long" since a check-in, and when she would check her scroll, she would realize the frequency was out of range. And then, when she remembered why, it... hurt. All over again.

It felt like failure.

Could she have done something different? Was there anything she could have tried, maybe that wouldn't have saved the kingdom, but that would have saved at least one more life? Would it hurt any less if she had tried, and had failed more directly? Could knowing with absolute certainty, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she did everything she could have prevented this pain? Or... at least could it have any chance of one day fading away?

There was the tight feeling in her throat again. She hated it. And the burn in her cheeks and the sting in her eyes before the tears came, not that it felt any better when they finally did. But... there was no stopping them. There never was.

"So, Penny... you and Winter seem to get along... well." If you asked her, Weiss would insist she wasn't jealous. She just... wasn't used to seeing Winter actually getting along with people.

James blinked at the plate, needing a moment to pull his thoughts away from the budgeting for the new project and direct them to what he was looking at. Oh. That’s so sweet of her.

“Thank you, Penny.” He smiled, for once really relieved to be given a snack. Especially something that won’t make him recall absolutely disgusting discussion with Qrow about food. He might have skipped a few meals because of it. Well, he’s suddenly feeling hungry enough to try one of these right away.