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Just thinking about Ilya making the playoffs for the first time with the Cens and getting texts from Yuna and David about it.
Yuna's one is like, "HOLY SHIT THE CENTAURS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! I never thought I'd be so excited to say that. π This is such a huge achievement and I couldn't be more proud of you! This means I'm finally going to have to cave and by an Ottawa jersey. Don't tell David I told you, but he's still drying his eyes about it. Bubbly when you and Shane come over on Saturday for SURE, okay? Love you lots. SO proud."
And David's is like, "You did it, Cap! I know how hard you worked for this and it's paid off. We'll be cheering you on for every game. I am so unbelievably proud of you, kiddo. Love you lots - can't wait to see you and Shane on Saturday."
And Ilya just sits there unable to breathe because he's never had a text like this after making the playoffs except maybe from Svetlana. He replies to the messages, eyes blurry with tears, and spends the rest of the night opening them at random times, just overwhelmed by how loved he truly is.
I love to read the Boston Tuna hookup from Shane's perspective, it's one of the best scenes of the book, but damn I need to have the Ilya version because WHAT THE FUCK was going through that man's mind?
Let's recap, he:
Doesn't talk to Shane when he first arrives until they're both in the bedroom, still no hi
Asks him to be on top because he wants to "look at him"
Calls him "Sweetheart" as he comes
Initiates uncharacteristic cuddles complete with "adoring" face kisses (words by shane, who is getting freaked out, understandably)
Asks him to stay the night
Asks him to stay the night?
Stocks his drink of choice (that hasn't been mentioned in the whole book and shane thinks its fucking weird he knows what his beer replacement is? Understandably again)
Cooks for him (shane is thinking delivery, Ilya says no I'll make sandwiches)
Gets weird about Shane drinking the ginger ale
Starts to prod shane about him liking women
Actually just starts a really weird convo with him? Like guys, it's even weirder in the book
(I'm skipping the whole call from Grigory thing bc that's not something that Ilya did)
They keep watching hockey in silence and Ilya basically puts Shane in a spooning position in the couch for a cuddle and playing with his hair before initiating more sex
Blurts out his name as he comes
After shane backtracks he does this weird little "no this is nothing hollander but also you forgetting a team meet give me a more convincing lie" while basically asking daring him to stay with his eyes
I just can't picture what the plan was, what he was thinking he would achieve with this, I need to read Ilyas pov from this.
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thinking about βno, i get that, but actually, i love him.β mind you this is like less than 24 hours after heβs even said it aloud to ilya. less than 24 hours before he puts to words what heβs felt since ilya kissed him goodbye on the stairwell. i get that, given the last decade of the two of us connecting over our shared distaste for the man standing next to me. i get that, given how reporters and magazines and podcasts all pick apart at our relationship like vultures, insisting thereβs venom between us. i get that, since iβve gone quiet whenever youβve mentioned him in the last nine years. you mustβve taken my silence for hatred. and i get that, i do, but no. in those moments, i was wondering what it would be like for you to meet him, to shake his hand, look into his eyes and see the man iβve held so close to my heart for years. and now iβm being honest, finally. i love him. i think maybe i always have.
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Marlow having to be around Hollanov all the time because of some foundation reasons or something.
Marlow realizing that he was probably crushing on Roz most of their friendship.
Marlow starting to crush on Hollzy. (He loves an intense man who is good at hockey apparently).
Marlow wallowing in self depreciating angst because he is such a shitty friend on multiple levels. (Crushing on his bro, crushing on his bro's husband, not pulling away, not telling anyone about it, taking every opertunity to be in a room with them...)
Marlow respecting the relationship and every time Hollanov invite him to stay over or to come hang out privately, he declines.
Marlow flying back to boston and realizing that his crush got so much worse now and it had actually doubled. He spends the season trying to fuck it out and nothing works. He even fucks a few men!
Hollzy confronts Marlow the next summer - something about how Roz is still the same guy who was his captain and that the wedding did not change that fact.
Marlow on the verge of a breakdown because he has been pulling away for good reasons and he is NOT homophobic in the least. He has no way to explain any of this to Holzy and has to make peace with the fact that Shane thinks he does not like him much.
Marlow does not tell Hollanov about the new bisexuality thing - it feels presumptive and dirty to him to even think to share that. Spending more time with Roz (post Shane's intervention) is torture. Seeing Shane's satisfied smile when he looks at him and Roz hang out is like a knife to the back. Shane's new detached approach to Marlow feels like his limb has been cut off.
Marlow's (very catholic coded) self flagulation is slowly eating him alive but he is too smitten to protect himself. He has always been a very passionate man and his heart cannot take it.
Marlow dismissing Roz's concerns that he stopped dating (two years post Hollanov reveal). Marlow trying hard to win back Shane's favor but being dismissed. "Marlow, it's fine, you don't need to worry about me."
Marlow not even being sure what the point is because it's not like Hollanov are anything other than super monogamous. There is no hope for him and yet here he is, pining away.
---
How do they get together?
Marlow starts therapy because of how obsessed he has become and how debilitating his attraction is. He needs to fix it so that he can be a good friend to Roz and Hollzy. He doesn't want to be a creep but obviously pulling away is not an option (see intervention above).
The therapist asks him to write down the thoughts that cause him distress/showcase how he feels so that they can discuss during the session.
Its the summer. Marlow is crashing at a hotel near the camp. Roz is waiting for him to be done with his shower so that they can go out. He sees a fancy book and in very obvious Roz fashion, he reads it.
At first it seems like Marlow wants to work through his problem with Hollanov being an item but the more notes Roz reads the more clear it becomes that Marlow is attracted to them...
There is some blatant stuff that spells it out in the pages. The last page has a note on it - "have to go out with Roz - gona try to hit on a few white girls like the old days, is that self harm if i take them home to show I'm normal? Ask"
And
"Should i confess to Holzy? Holzy tells me to fuck off and keep me from seeing Roz and will tell Roz? Good idea? Band-Aid"
And
"Polyamory real? Is it unstable childhood or am i just horn"
And
"Would a threesome help fix mt feelings or fuck me up?"
And
"Shane does not like me and I dont feel any less crazy about him. Will this ever go away"
And
"Am I a bad friend? Am i even a friend anymore?"
Marlow finding Roz reading through his Journal and tries to laugh it off. He hopes that Roz only had a chance to read a few things and not pages (like what actually happened).
Roz tells him that they should talk about the Journal after they go out to party the conclusion of the camps. Marlow drinks more than he wanted to because Roz is just too convincing.
Marlow wakes up in a Hollanov guest bedroom. And Marlow is not naive, Roz likely wanted to ambush him with a talk - that is reason enough as to why he is not in his hotel room that was a mare 10 minutes from the bar (the Hollanov house is more like 40 minutes from the bar). Marlow immediately knows that Ilya had read multiple pages. No Marlow is not going to put himself through the humiliation ritual of getting rejected when he knows there is no chance anyways. He quickly gets all of his stuff manages to get to the airport within the hour. His luggage is a mess but it zips up and that is all that matters. He moves up his flight back to Boston and sends a text to Ilya apologizing for booking it.
"Hey, I wanted to apologize for making you uncomfortable and lying to you and Hollander. I was selfish continuing our friendship and I think it would be best if I no longer contact you and work on myself. I hope that one day you can forgive me, maybe we can even be friends without all of this complicated stuff. I'm sorry but I am blocking you and Hollander."
Cliff does not hear from Hollanov for 2 months. He works on himself as promised but the sticky feelings have permanently stained his heart. With each day, the possibility of being friends with at least Ilya again seems impossible.
Marlow is struck down dumb one day by Shane Hollander being at his front door. He looks pissed and Marlow want's to crawl in a hole and die at the sight - but mama did not raise no bitch and he lets the man in. He expects to be lectured on being a shit friend or a lecture on staying away better now that the season is about to start.
Instead Shane is indignant at Marlow's cowardice. He rants about understanding that Ilya has a big heart and how loved Marlow is by Roz. Shane say things about how, if it's Marlow, then he would be happy to share. Marlow is tearing Ilya apart by keeping himself away and Ilya does not think he has earned this much love in his life. Ilya was going to silently choose Shane if Shane hasn't been so in tune with what Ilya needs. Shane had figured it out all on his own and forced Ilya to confess.
Holzy, it turns out, will stop at nothing to make sure Ilya has everything he wants.
Marlow has to stop the man ans explain that it's not only Roz that he has a crush on. Marlow explains that he is down bad for Shane as well and so Marlow should not take Shane's willingness to share as a legitimate offer.
Marlow is taken aback by the heat in Shane's eyes. When he thinks he is about to get punched, Shane kisses him instead. Its violent, aggressive, claiming. Heat licks up his core and Marlow is consumed by need as his hands find purchase on Holzy's hips.
Holzy pants right into his mouth - hot and wet. Marlow's brain is not connecting anything in the background. All he can focus on is Shane Shane Shane...up until Shane's phone buzzes.
Shane breaks the spell between them - instead of coming to his sense, Shane smirks.
"Looks like Ilya figured out I'm with you - he is mad I kissed you first"
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