Things from the inner workings of the mind

twisted around and strung in the air. what can i say i don't really care. taking in the sun from the imperfect day. leaves me tired with nothing to say.

things i have seen and places i've been. brings me here to the beginning again. wondering motionless is a field of grass. exploring the idea of burning and crash.

my mouth is dry from what i took tonight. sailing around like a bird at flight. what i did to myself i know all to well. took to many steps forward stumbled and fell.

feel so foolish now i'm such at a loss. saying what i think without though of cost.

it's an open blank page filled with so much to read. floating in the abstract today, i feel like a planted seed. there she is again in front of my eyes, she's all i see. is what i say lost forever, don't think she will ever believe.

from across a crowded room my eyes search for her face. she looks back at me sending us both out into outer space. i just want to get out of here with her to some far off land. nothing to worry about just put our feet in the sand.

i stay far enough behind to be sure i am not in the way. it's the fire in my eyes that i have for her is why i stay. i want her to always feel with me like she did that night. can't stop looking at her, such a beautiful sight.

i must be making it all up, i don't know what i'm saying. i must be dreaming i am here at all, i must be insane. it's all out of my mouth and into her ear, she can't listen at all. turn around and walk the other way before you stumble, and fall.

never been this way for me before, i have no words to say. everything i am is here and now, it's just me, no games. if she could only see me for what i am instead of her past. i could show her a way and a life with me that would always last.

what's so difficult about me that just doesn't work, i don't understand. maybe it's that i just don't make sense to her, i hold out my hand. i don't see anyone else in the room when she's there. she excites my mind with how she smiles, her sexiness, her stare.

waking up to the slim line of sun in my eyes and noise outside. it's another day i feel like someone is taking their time with a jackhammer in my head, chipping away my brain. i don't want to get up. one of them days to just lay here and take a deep breath contemplating my existence once again. the bed feels to good, to warm to give up. i lie here longer than i should just reflecting, not wanting to move. what brought me here, what's next. if i lay here long enough i guess i don't have to worry about it today. staring blankly at the ceiling with vivid images of everything that was, and everything that could be. turning my head to the side to visit a new set of life, blasting it's way though me. gives me chills to know the unknown is out there.

i sit up so quick my stomach feels like it's ready to release the nothing that is in there. look around and smell the stale air of the night mixed with the fresh air from the slightly cracked window. i hear the city out there waiting for me to join in with whatever it is i'm supposed to care about today. i don't want to get up. finding myself slamming my head back down into the pillow i visit the same place i just was, just thinking, just reflecting.

i have no choice in it today i have to get up and be one with everything else, a drone. throw open the window today like i have so many times before in the short time i have been here. looking down i see the same things as before, as i always will if i stay here. the noise, the people. the sun reflecting it's face off the buildings across the way. the air is just how i remembered it, almost perfect. breathe deep, smell her.

my hairs a mess. for some reason i slept in pieces of clothing i can't quite remember. pour some juice and slap my face hard enough to make sure the day sets in. i look for the same things in the wrong places every time, everyday. why do i do that. what was i thinking. staying in bed would have solved that today as well. peal open my eyes as i step in the shower to wash off the night, and wake me up for whatever is next. having something to wake up to would be better than this same way all the time. i force myself to think a new way, to not get so deep. the shower feels like it should, calming, relaxing. makes me focus like i should, or should i.

i would like for her to be the last person i have to convince that i'm real and not like everybody else. i don't want to stop telling her how much she means to me just because she asks me to over and over again. if this is the only way i can be anything anymore, i guess i have no choice. so fearful of one day how i am, will just vanish, she stays away. i hope how i was, who i am am, would convince her otherwise. only she knows.

she felt so right with me, we came together. everything about her of how i thought it would be was. i just can't get enough of her. the kiss started it all, our way was perfect for each other. put my hand on her face, behind her head, up into her hair. slid my hands down over her thighs, feeling how perfect her body is, driving me crazy. she calls me crazy. pulls her head back just enough for me to know she feels it too. our faces, just close enough to feel the heat from our breath on each other. the sweat from her back on my hands. the sweat from her body on my lips. she feels so good i can almost stand it. i take her breasts into my mouth. i take the rest of her with my tongue. her body lashes, tasting her. i can't stop feeling her all over with my body, with my hands, my tongue. she can't stop smiling. i wasn't there to take her like most people do. i wanted her to enjoy how i always am, how it should be. she felt so, so flawless. i knew this would be the last time i would ever be able to do this. i had to feel her as much as i could to remember. i can still feel her like she never left, still taste her like i never stopped. my hands fill her body all over, i don't think i missed any part of her. i asked her to touch me back to know i was real. her nails biting into my arms as i take her giving me that pleasurable pain. her hands on my head pushing me in for more. on my body letting me know how i am feels so right to her, the way she likes. she felt dizzy.

it's all right there right in front of me. i would do this all over again exactly the same if given the chance, even though i know how it would all turn out. it's my passion for her that brings me back here all the time, my missing her. the wanting to know her all the way start to finish. the not caring about anything else around me, just her in my arms making her feel right.

sometimes i just don't know what to do or say. her interest seems to be full on, and then just fades. trapped in quicksand i bring her to the top. doesn't want to get out of it, she'd rather sink, rather stop.

feels like what i do makes a difference, i make her matter. she can't come with me though, she thinks her life will just shatter. want her with me right now so badly it burns. staying away form me forever, when will i learn.

i've completly fallen for her, she is so unaware. thinks i am like everyone else that just stops and stares. what can i do feels like i am not really heard. she thinks what i feel is impractical, even absurd.