All love was to be taken seriously

Jeongguk smiled to himself, you were not making this easy for him. True, he didn’t have anything to say to you and you were nothing more than friends. But you had to know, there was no way you didn’t know. He started feeling nervous again, his eyes quickly looking at all the people hoping from bar to bar, some stumbling, some laughing or singing loudly. I need a cigarrete. The silence continued. Maybe it was him who was not making this easy for you. Maybe you were each other’s personal hell sent from the sky.

“I’m not drunk,” before you could say something else, he continued, “or high, or anything. I just wanted to talk to you,” his throat had gone suddenly dry. He cleared it before continuing. “That’s why I called”.

Oh

That was the only word your brain could come up with for your emotions. You looked at the plushies you had thrown at the foot of your bed before cosing up with your book as if looking for answers. C’mon guys, don’t leave me alone now. What could you say? That’s good? He should be able to do whatever he wanted though, it wasn’t good or bad if he drank or not. Why? A big part of you hoped he didn’t do it for you, because even if he knows how you feel about these things, that’s selfish, he doesn’t have to change for you. He’s responsible, he’s young, he’s out with his friends… you also weren’t sure about being able to stomach the dissappointment if you weren’t the reason why. He probably was on driving duty today, that had to be the reason.

“Well, I’m reading.”

Jeongguk smiled, there she is.

“I’m glad at least one of us is having fun, then,” a chuckle left your lips. Then a nervous flutter started spreading across your belly. Was this how it felt to be known?

Another part of you couldn’t help but to dissect his words. At least one of us. It was a strech, a big one and you knew it. At least one of us. Us. Him and you. This us did not include any of the friends you somehow had in common, or the other people you sometimes found on campus and were on your exact same situation: sleep deprived and overworked. “Look at us, no one wants to be here.”

“You’re not having fun?” You held your phone between your ear and shoulder in order to put the bookmark inside your book and close it for good.

“Nah, not really. Guess I’m not really in the mood today.”

“I see… And is there something else you would rather be doing?”

You. Not the most romantic answer, but probably the most honest he could give you. Also the one he couldn’t actually give you.

“Honestly?-” But whatever he was trying to say got lost on the way from one end of the line to the other, the street still too noisy to hold a proper conversation.

“What? I couldn’t catch what you just said.”

“Do you wanna do something together?”

“What? As in right now?” Your fingers were playing with the hem of your pajamas t-shirt, the “no” was about to roll out of your tongue. Not because you didn’t want to spend time with Jeongguk, although you feared you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself, but because it was late, your book was good, you had homework to do tomorrow…and quite frankly, you just weren’t the kind of person who spontaneously leaves their dorm on the middle of the night to go god knows where. But before you could say any of this, you heard Jeongguk’s soft voice again.

“Yeah, only if you’re up to it, though. I know it’s late already.”

~

“I would never ever drive around Seoul.” You marvelled at the buildings rushing across the passenger window of Jeongguk’s car. The city lights lighting and darkening your face as the car moved through the streets. Pretty, thought Jeongguk quickly glancing at you.

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not that bad,” he argued. At least it wasn’t right now, in the middle of the night.

“What do you mean!? The traffic here is crazy. And everyone drives soo badly,they speed so much and cars never yield to pedestrians.” You listed animatedly, your voice echoing in the otherwise silent car.

“I guess I’m just used to it since I don’t know anything else. I learned to drive here and just went with the flow.” He stops the car on a red light and starts softly drumming his fingers to an imaginary beat. There’s a comfortable silence inside the car and you try to sneakily steal glances at his side profile. He looks so handsome while driving, there’s this seriousness about him, but also a certain ease. It’s not a given to feel safe inside the car of a collage guy who comes from a party in the middle of the night, but of course, here's Jeongguk, defying all odds.

“Wait! Does that mean that I am a bad driver?” He suddenly exclaimed, distracting you from your thoughts. “Do you think I’m a bad driver?” His eyes are locked on yours, a frown depening between his eyebrows. You try with all your might but you just can’t help the smile that escapes your lips.

“I mean…I didn’t say you were, but if the shoe fits, what can you do?” You teased him shrugging your shoulders.

“What the f- I am not a bad driver! Have you ever, and I mean ever seen me-”

A loud honk made you both come back to reality, preventing him from defending himself and any further teasing on your behalf.

“Yah! Jeon Jeongguk, the light's green already,” you scold him, “what were you saying about being a good driver?”

He shakes his head while stepping on the gas with decision.

“Tsk, whatever. I would like to see you driving.”

“I’m a great driver, mind you.” You infused your voice with fake hurt, despite having just dubted his own skills. The discussion didn’t escalate, instead the comfortable silence returned. Your head turned to the window again, this time there were no more city lights, only buildings somewhat close to the highway and the moon. Jeongguk noticed the shift, you’re ruminating on something, this silence is not so lighthearted anymore.

“This summer, when I go back I should drive everyday to make sure I don’t forget how to do it, though.”

This summer, when you go back home for three months. He doesn’t even want to think what he’ll do then. He cleared his throat.

“Is it really different?” He didn’t even know if he was just asking about traffic anymore.

“Yeah, it is, you should come and see for yourself,” you turned around to look at him, a soft smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes on your face, “you know, if you ever feel like travelling to the other side of the world.”

~

“Okay, watch me!” You started running ahead of him then turn around and started running straight up to him again.

“How was it?” You panted slightly with a hopeful look in your eyes, slightly crouching down with your hands resting on your knees. Jeongguk took you in, his round eyes slowly scanned everything about you in that moment for his heart to safely store. He didn’t even remember how you both had started talking about your pet-pevees and possible icks from a partner. (From a partner!). Then, you said that these days it was a trending topic on tiktok and before he could prepare himself for the cuteness agression you were about to give him, you started showing him how you run, to test if you would give him the ick.

“Eeh, not bad, I guess,” he tilted his head to the side and shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay, okay, one more time,” you held up your finger to him while running already away from him. He looked down at his trainers, hiding his smile so you wouldn’t be able to tell his final veredict.

“Ready?”

He lifted his head, nodding.

“Wait, this one was kinda good. Definetly your best one.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you looked cute.”

You giggled and started walking by his side again and Jungkook didn’t know if it was his mind playing tricks on him or if you’re actually standing closer to him. Are you as aware as him that your hands are nearly touching each other?

“Should I try it now?” He proposed, trying to sneakily dry his hand on his padded jacket.

“No need to, I’ve already seen you running plenty of times. No ick whatsoever.” Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows, completely forgetting for a moment that by now you usually come to his football matches. Then he’s hit with the same warmth steeming inside his chest everytime he cathes a glimpse of you from the sidelines of the pitch.

“It’s so dark you can barely see the water.” You weren’t looking at him but to your right, where the calming sounds of the waves were coming from. Like this he had the perfect view of your scrunchie and how it dangerously slided down your low pony-tail, barely holding it together. You stopped walking once you felt his hands on your hair, the strands inmediately flying all over due to the breeze of the night. Neither of you seemed to remember that it was the middle of winter. It was a good thing you’re not facing him and couldn't see your scrunchie prettily adorning his right wrist while he gathered again all of your hair or you would probably start running straight for a late-dive. Neither of you said anything while his fingers gently threaded across any knots the wind might have caused. Despite the wind and the cold you could feel your cheeks heating up.

“Actually it’s better to braid it. To keep it from tangling, I mean.”

“You want me to braid it for you?” It’s a good thing Jungkook couldn’t see the way you’re blushing right now or he would probably keep on teasing you until you pushed him over the bridge onto the water (also because he would die at your cuteness).

“Oh, wait, I don’t really know how to do that,” he laughed awkwardly at himself.

“I can teach you. It’s not that difficult.”

“O-okay, sure.”

“Good, yes. Ehem. So, first you want to separate my hair in three big portions. And then start, for exemple with the one that’s most to the right,” you feel his hands manouvering your hair, “yes, bring it over the strand in the middle.”

“Okay, done. It’s not perfect but I think it will-,” the air got taken out of his chest as you turned your head and looked at him.

“No you did great, thank you,” you said while feeling the braid with your fingers.

You both continue to stand by the handrail of the walk. Jeongguk’s half body behind you, allowing you to feel his warmth through both your jackets. Was it a thing to make wishes looking at the sea? Would you waste too much luck asking for a shooting star that would grant you your actual wish?

You hugged yourself as you started shivering, making Jeongguk look down at you.

“The sound’s still nice, though,” you tried to keep it together, hoping to hide how actually cold you were. It wasn’t usual for Jeongguk and you to have time alone and although you were freezing and your heart was running laps inside your chest you wanted to strech this time with him as long as possible.

“What?” He asked absentmindly, not really following your train of thought. He was much too focused on the way you shivered under your thick padded jacket. Shit, maybe he should have suggested something else. Now you probably would ask him to get you home and he would hate himself for waisting yet another opportunity, for not daring to speak the words yet another day.

“Before I said that you can’t see the water, but you can still hear the waves crushing. It’s kind of nice, knowing something is there even if you can’t see it.”

You were right, there was something soothing about knowing the sea was there despite not being able to see it. Jeongguk looked at the sky and thought how the stars and the moon were there too, even if he couldn’t see them, behind the greyish clouds. He looked down at you again and you quickly looked back in the water’s direction. He closed his eyes and smiled to himself. It was as if he were preparing himself to jump headfirst into the sea.

“Y/N, actually I wanted to tell you something,” you turned around and looked at him through your lashes. You were so close to each other. Gosh, was he being selfish? He should take you home, not letting you get colder and colder. However, there was something in your eyes, in your half-parted lips, in your hands that seemed to try and get closer to him. Maybe you were waiting for him to speak up too?