🌌don't want to die without bite🌌

stockholm syndrome doesn't exist, except for when you start liking some of the songs that play on your work radio that you would never put in your casual playlists

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

maid engineered in a lab to sweep without a broom

Oh wow so me saying "no government documentation should ever include a gender marker for any reason" has been right all along. For exactly the reason I stated when people were giving me shit for not supporting x markers on documents.

I wish people were as scared of getting into a car accident as they are of being true crime'd. Maybe then they wouldn't be on their phones while driving.

True crime girlies will be like "wtf I would never go for a walk at night, what if the hash slinging slasher gets me" and then use their knees to merge with no turn signal in front of a semi while applying makeup with both hands

i lose the round of strip mahjong and the other players watch with bated breath as i blush furiously with embarrassment and hesitantly remove my outermost piece of clothing, anticipation immediately giving way to fury as my 83rd consecutive loss reveals yet another fucking layer of petticoat frills and turns the rest of the table into sore winners. why are you mad!!! you're winning!!!!