-

clarissa nodded as she was too distracted by the bar's atmosphere to notice the tension from the other. "yeah, well it feels like a fucking age, ill give you that." the language did slide from her after she'd had something to drink, something that wasn't usual for other members of her family but she'd always been the 'explosive one'; clarissa really didn;t think that saying a few swear words at family gatherings should have garnered her that name but she accepted it and moved on swiftly. she did feel out of sorts after her leave and she wasn't expecting it - it was more time off than she'd ever had in the history of her career but she hadn't returned feeling fresh. "well..." she let out a sigh, her arms crossed but fingertips running down her arm slowly as she relaxed a little. don't say it. "it's a lot-" she said it. "i might get another drink - do you want one?"

"Coming back can be just as difficult as making the decision to take a break. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how crucial it is that you maintain the habits we started."

"to make you more like a friend, or what? if one of my patients called me clarissa, i'd-" she raised her eyebrows knowing that whatever was going to come out of her mouth would be inappropriate , even if said in jest, she wasn't someone who would risk it. "perhaps i have it the wrong way around. i'd much rather call you annie in an out of work sese, for the both of us." this was never something she particularly wanted to do but marcus had seen her in that state - he was concerned - and this helped ease his mind. "well, that's already gone down the drain as i've started smoking again." she admitted, knowing that it was probably best to lead with honesty before she retracted into herself again to reveal very little.

even   if   she   did   try   to   hide   her   thoughts,   her   face   would   never   let   her   do   it   ⸺   arms   crossed   on   her   chest,   glossed   lips   pressed   together   and   it’d   be   easy   to   assume   she’s   the   one   who   is   watching   intruders   move   in   to   her   place,   not   the   other   way   around.   “   it’s   like   someone   dropped   a   bunch   of   tourists   in   the   louvre   and   told   them   to   start   redecorating,   ”   brown   hues   focused   on   the   workers   changing   the   old   lexington   sign   replaced.   her   jaw   tightens,   clearly   pissed   but   zoela   will   die   before   she   says   it   outright.   she   knows   every   corner   of   this   hospital,   didn’t   even   step   her   foot   back   in   after   leaving   despite   her   mother   being   the   chief   of   surgery,   until   now.   “   i   spent   years   getting   out   of   that   place.   i   don’t   even   hate   them,   i   just   don’t   trust   them   ⸺   they’d   rather   sell   each   other   for   a   vip   surgery   than   actually   help   anyone,   ”   her   voice   full   of   bitterness,   if   eyes   could   throw   fire   bolts,   her   certainly   would.   she   always   had   a   razor   sharp   tongue   and   it   was   hard   to   contain   ;   she   doesn’t   even   know   who   she’s   speaking   to,   she   doesn’t   know   if   they’re   from   lexington   or   kingsley   because   she   never   cared   to   remember   anyone’s   faces   but   frankly,   she   doesn’t   care.   “   i   swear,   if   a   lex   attending   walks   into   my   OR   with   that   patronizing   ‘we’re   all   a   team   now’   face,   i   will   scalp   them   with   a   ten   blade,   ”

perhaps if this had happened two years ago, clarissa would have had a better response but since the confirmation had practically been broadcasted to all, the head of trauma at kingsley had been absolutely beside herself. no focus, the tears (for someone that never cried in public) - it would have been somewhat unnerving to those who knew her. the merge had uneased her with her surroundings, made her feel like she didn't have a place but most of all, she felt like she had failed. trauma was supposed to be their speciality, the deciding factor and she had helped keep up that reputation but now that didn't even exist anymore. yes, it had hurt her ego (it was big) but coming at a time when she'd been at her 'weakest' emotionally was making it harder - performance review? clarissa knew that there was no way she was going to be about to ace it whilst she was in this headspace and it got her thinking if she should be doing it at all. she was great, she had a dedicated wing but still, the uncertainty and upheaval were winning. there were tears in her eyes and she hated it because it meant the little respect people probably had for her at this point was disintegrating. "might join you on that one." she was never a woman of many words when it came down to these things but she was having very serious doubts. had her ego become fragile at the most important time?

dorian  was  at  the  bookstore,  aimlessly  wandering  about.  or  at  least  to  anybody  looking  at  him  that  would  be  what  it  appeared  like.  he  had  his  airbuds  in  one  ear,  keeping  his  attention  focused  on  the  music  coming  through  but  his  eyes  were  peeled  on  the  shelves  around  him,  as  if  they  were  telling  him  a  story  all  on  their  own.  which,  to  be  fair,  they  were.  the  story  just  wasn't  exactly  what  he  wanted  it  to  be,  or  what  he  had  expected  it  to  be  either.  dorian  had  a  medical  journal  in  his  hand,  on  top  of  one  of  the  novels  he  had  been  looking  through  earlier.  he  was  doing  his  best  to  balance  everything  out.  as  if  he  was  worried  people  would  really  care  or  judge  him  for  anything  that  he  was  looking  through  in  a  bookstore  of  all  places.  his  shoulders  shrugged  as  he  glanced  through  the  shelves  and  he  sighed,  talking  out  loud  but  really  more  thinking  to  himself,  “you't  think  this  place  would  sell  more  books,  but  i've  seen  so  many  other  things  it's  crazy  to  call  it  a  bookstore.”  he  shook  his  head.  he  didn't  even  know  what  it  was  these  days  with  half  of  everything  dealing  with  so  many  other  things  instead  of  books.  calendars,  puzzles,  games,  those  little  pop  figurines.  it  felt  like  everything  was  in  the  bookshop. 

the head of department needed more hobbies and reading seemed like a good one amongst the exercise, drinking and the smoking she'd recently picked back up after her wife had left her. clarissa had been browsing interrupted, loving the smell of the printed pages, the coffee smell drifting in as her shoes dragged across the carpet until someone interrupted her train of thought. "wait, so are you criticising a place that actually has physical media? they have to compete with audiobooks and kindle or whatever fucking thing mimics a book nowadays and as for the figurines... swear i've seen one that looks like me and-" she turned to the other. "-also, one that looks like you, i think. so relatable of marketing." she sighed out aggressively and shook her head. it was a shame physical media was dying out but when you could get everything digitally and for free, the businesses had the change tactics. "i mean, what are you looking for exactly or do you only buy books from authors you've heard about?"

her eyebrows raised slightly at the other's statement. "well, no one has said i'm a 'pleasant surprise' before but there's a first time for everything." had she become too approachable when she'd been so drunk beforehand? "as you can imagine, i've been very busy." she sighed, knowing that the staff shortages was far from a rumour and even she had contributed to that three months ago. "i'll be damned, this is a double and by god, i'll be getting another. do you want anything?"

they  don't  come  here  very  often  —  a  homebody  to  his  core,  enzo  knows  that  maybe,  just  maybe,  it's  becoming  a  little  concerning  how  vampire-istic  they're  becoming.  spending  all  night  awake,  their  days  pretty  much  spend  lounging  and  the  occasional  nap  that's  never  truly  restful.  it's  kind  of  pitiful  when  he  thinks  about  it  too  long.  but,  of  course,  his  apartment  building  is  doing  maintenance  and  the  wifi  had  been  out  since,  like,  at  least  8  am.  so  here  they  sit:  in  one  of  the  only  tables  with  spots  open  at  code  latte,  because  apparently,  everyone  else's  wifi  was  out  too.  or  maybe  they're  just  ten  times  more  social  than  enzo.  both  would  work.  the  edge  of  his  tablet  is  resting  on  the  table,  a  singular  airpod  in  despite  nothing  actually  playing,  fingers  tapping  against  the  screen  when  he  notices  them  out  of  the  corner  of  his  eye.  “uh  —  ”  swallows,  nervously,  shyly.  “you  can  sit  here,  if  you  want?”  a  question  more  than  a  suggestion  or  ..  offer,  they  suppose.  “or  not  —  your  call.  this  is  the  busiest  it's  been  all  morning.  lunch  rush  or  something,  maybe.” 

it had already felt like a long morning for clarissa. she'd slept well, started the day with a coffee and a cigarette (a filthy habit she had quit but had recently fallen back on) but she still felt like she needed to extra boost. of course, dizzy had a few things to say about her stoic face presenting in her coffee shop but she'd simply zone out and ignore it. as the older woman made her flat white and then put it in a mug, clarissa let out a sigh of frustration. "can i have it to go, please?" she'd gotten a stare back from the woman as she pointed to the coffee and then a seat, then telling her to sit. it was too busy for her liking but wasn't about to start arguing with the woman. "thanks." there was a bitterness to her sign of gratitude as she did see it as an inconvenience. "sorry?" her eyebrows raised at the person who had directed their speech towards her. "were you talking to me?" their face was somewhat familiar but she couldn't place them - there were lots of staff in her place of work and she could barely remember the names of the interns in her department (she was egotistical and it showed). "i wanted it to go but she insisted." clarissa sighed, pulling out the chair and taking a seat opposite the other.