―ᴘʀᴇᴀᴄʜ

I have 15 days left of having a four year old and I don’t even know how to swallow that pill. My ever growing baby is going to be five and there’s nothing I can do about it because apparently cranking If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher doesn’t actually turn back time. If anyone has a time pauser or a time machine, please tell me how much it is to rent it.

Wow, the feelings you must be having right now. I don’t know how you’re able to hold it together, to be honest. We haven’t even begun trying for kids yet but I’m already ready to tear up at the thought of all the firsts and then birthdays. If I had one of those kinds of devices, I’d gladly lend it to you so you could hold on to these precious moments a little longer. But only if you promise to return it when Jackie and I aren’t ready for our own children to grow up.

I want to apologize to those who were probably slightly thrown off by how extremely secretive I’ve been lately, but as you see, I’ve had a good reason. But now that it’s all out in the open, I can’t tell you how relieved I am. And happy. Very, very happy. And to top it all off, I have officially bought a new house on the Northside, which is currently in the decoration and furnishing stage. Once everything is ready, I would love to host a dinner for a select few to attend and get to know the most amazing little girl this town has seen.

I can’t even begin to imagine the major changes going on in your life nor do I believe I’d be able to understand what you’re going through. But we’re wishing you the best, Ms. Wilde.

YAY! One of my favorite power couples! Yeah, a subject that I don’t want to touch, I love you guys, Im glad that you have a healthy other subject, honestly. Good! I need all the help and muscle that I can get.

I don’t know if I should feel respected or offended that after all these months you still swerve and curve when the subject gets remotely near our private life. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it because you understand how private we are but also you’re basically family by now. And at least we make sure the house is empty before we go near that subject. Anyway, I’ll bring Jackson with me as well, it would be the hardest work he’s done in a long time, other than having me kick his butt at basketball because it’s gotta be hard losing like that all the time. Either, we’ll put his muscles to good use as well.

Its a New Year what better time to indulge yourself in your desires instead of trying to check of the useless resolutions to better yourself? I’ll be working all weekend and I wouldn’t be against seeing new and old faces. 

That doesn’t sound practical at all. If everyone just gave in to their desires and indulged, then it would be a town of selfish chaos. Basically anarchy in the streets without any law or order. I think better advice would be to suggest people set realistic goals as their resolutions.

What up Riverdale, I am back! Boy fucking howdy did I miss you all! If y’all don’t know me, I’m Franco Del Rio.

And here comes trouble, great now I’ll never make it home before midnight. Just joking with you, Mr. Del Rio. Welcome back to town, glad to hear you’re still alive, despite the rumors. Hopefully, you’re committed to staying that way and staying out of trouble now that you’re back. How was your time away from Riverdale? Did you find what you were looking for?

My 2020 has been great so far, got a new comic that I read in a day, had more slow days at the Drive In which led to more snacks for me to eat, figured out my New Years resolution and my backup resolution, here’s hoping the rest of the year goes as well as the first couple of days.

Slow days aren’t always fun but it’s good that you managed to find the silver lining in it. I didn’t make any resolutions this year personally but I’d be interested in knowing what you kind you made for yourself. Hope that the whole year treats you well.

We enter the last weekend of the decade. How crazy is that?? I hope everyone is having a good time, and with the people you care about. Let’s prepare to bring the New Year in!

Happy New Year, Alejandro. I hope this new year brings you nothing but good things for you, your family and your shop. How did you spend the end of the last decade? Anything exciting?

I hope everyone is enjoying the Holidays, regardless of what you celebrate! But I’d like to take a moment to announce that starting at the beginning of the year, I’ll be working alongside my dads on the very first Musical of the decade! The chosen play as well as audition schedules will be announced in due time, but know we are still open to suggestions if you have any.

I can’t speak for everyone else but I know myself, personally, I’m looking forward to whatever magic you pull out and I can’t wait to be there to witness it. It will also be really good for community moral, really you’re doing an incredible thing, Ms. Berry.

Sorry I dipped there over Christmas but you know… Was busy getting myself some gifts and fun and a boyfriend so… Yeah you read that… A freaking boyfriend.

That sounds like the best way to spend any holiday. I know I can never get enough of being preoccupied with my wife. She’s allowed to take up all my time that I don’t spend working.

“Ya know. A little jail time and some community service during the holidays really puts things in perspective or whatever. Scooping dog shit and cleaning kitty toilets sucks ass. But I guess I gotta thank @astonjones​ for not spending Christmas Day behind bars. I promise never to get drunk in public and steal a fake baby again. Not unless I’m getting paid for it.”

You have given me three new grey hairs, Karma. Three. I was hoping to end the year and start a new one with only the greys Aaron gave me in 2019. But I’m glad that we were able to get you off lightly and you were able to spend the holidays with the people you care about. Here’s to making better choices and giving me hope to get home to my future wife at a decent hour in 2020.

I’ve been told asked to um make sure everyone knows that the uh, comic book store Excelsior! is going to close tonight. For the night, I mean. Not, you know, forever. That would be.. literally the worst thing ever. I meant for the night. For New Year’s Eve. Um, at eight o’clock. We also have the End of Year sale going so.. 25% off select comics. So. We uh, hope to see you. You know. Here. Before we close.. at eight. 

…Happy New Year. 

I’m not much of a comic buff myself, at least not anymore, though I did really enjoy Luke Cage on Netflix and the few episodes I’ve seen of Black Lightning but I do hope the sale was successful for you. It’s always nice when our local businesses are able to have promotions and end the year thriving. I also hope that the new year has been treating you well.

Hello, Riverdale! Hope your first day of the decade has gone well so far. I just got in from Chicago earlier this morning so I’m excited to see if I can even remember anything from when I was younger.

Side note, if anyone knows where I can find a Noah Puckerman and/or a job opening, I’d love to know!

Hello, someone who’s name I haven’t gotten yet, I’m Aston Jones. As the son of the Mayor let me start by saying, I hope your New Year has been going well. Welcome to Riverdale, hopefully, you find it as agreeable as you did Chicago, beautiful city by the way. How was your flight in and how have the first few days in town been treating you?

So, Im finally making changes to The Secret Garden and Im excited for them! The shop itself will be closed until we’re done making changes, but I will be located down a block from the shop itself and right before you hit Bethany’s cafe. I was luckily enough to rent out another place. If anyone wants to help me get the flowers out of the delivery trucks, that would be fantastic and I will buy you food, any place your heart desires. 

You can sign me and Jackie up to help in whatever ways you might need. It’s been a while since anyone has put my muscles to good use, except for my gorgeous fiancee but that’s a whole other subject, so you might as well extort them to their fullest potential by giving me all the manual labor.