Derek the Magnificent

It goes like this, “It’s Britney, bitch.” The minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah.

I don't think I'm better off for having a computer in my pocket at all times. I was better off when the computer was a thing I booted up to play Zoo Tycoon.

I'm one of two people of color at a dinner w coworkers right now and I'm debating 1) saying something outlandish to make everyone laugh uncomfortably or 2) pretend to get really offended and storm out before it's time to split the bill

Multiple people went "oooh" at the lazy Susan I'd go home if it weren't for the Beijing duck

This sounds like a joke but it isn't. I'm the only Asian person here and everyone waited for me to start eating and started copying me. I should start spitting the skin out on the floor and see who'll follow along

Coworker said itadakimasu

Coworker: I can tell this is high quality Chinese food because I don't feel sick afterward

There's one other nonwhite here and I'm trying so hard to give him the LOC (look of color) but he is not looking at me

skyrim demastered argonian is the nicest looking videogame character of all time

THIRTY YEARS OF PRION DISEASE

its not a greentext but can we all agree the capra demon post is the best 4chan post

which post?

Most difficult set of choices ever to face humanity

this is husband material right here

"I fucked ur mom this" "I have sex with your dad that" well I have a weird homoerotic relationship with your hot older brother and he got lost in my eyes over our jumbo pizza slices and forgot to pick you up after soccer practice. it's raining and you're devestated btw

WHAT THE FUCK IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE WHY DID SOMEONE REBLOG THIS